Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Better late than never bitches!!!  Here we are.

Tacky Tamra took her mama and her mama’s new face out for a spin.  They probably shoulda stayed in the house!  She decided to sign Old Mother Hubbard up for an online dating site (because that shit works like a charm).  H&V feel like a shower after listening to this bitch talk to her mother about what turns her on.  Fucking TMI.

Vicki and Brianna went shopping at a store that sells scrubs and other nursing wear…i.e. shit that cover Brianna’s fat.  WHAT has this broad been eating?  She looks like she’s pregnant with triplets.  Then they go straight into showin Jeana’s daughter Kara in a skin tight blue mini dress and knee boots!  Kick Brianna’s fat ass while she’s down why don’t you, Bravo! 

We get to meet Jeana’s parents and her baby sister, Janis.  She and Colton went to visit them in Milwaukee.  Seems like Jeana’s family is pretty normal, just like her.  We ain’t surprised!

Lynne sips martinis with her mom.  She told her mama a bold face ass lie!  She said that she “found out” Raquel had been drinking at the party!  Shit, the bitch was walkin all around the party with a fucking cosmo in her hand.  Now Lynne wants to play like she was sneakin.  She knows her ass is fucking wrong for lettin her underage kid drink out in the open.  THAT is why she lied to her damn mama.  Mama told her straight up, take away her shit.  They have too much.  Ya’ll muthafuckas done enabled this little snotty bitch!  Wake up.

Jeff is home from the hospital.  All his kids flew in to be there with him, partly to see him and the other part because Greedy Gretchen had “already committed to a girls’ weekend” in Vegas.  Lord have mercy on his soul.  He looked so frail.  We are juuuuust about ready to turn on Greedy Gretchen, but we’re trying to stay nice.  Trying!

Vicki and Donn showed us their lack of love and affection.  That’s something we all should shoot for…a loveless marriage.  We don’t even watch in HD and Vicki looks bad.  Damnit Brianna might as well inhale those fucking tacos all at once.  No wonder she looks like two tons of fun!

The broads hit Vegas and stayed at the Red Rock!  Why the fuck are they staying so far off the damn strip!  That was a wasted trip to fucking Vegas if you ask us!

Lynne toasted to a truce.  Then Vicki co-signed talkin about she’s all for puttin the past behind her.  She’s a damn lie!  Vicki is one of the main ones keepin shit going.  We hollered when Greedy Gretchen gave the “hottie whistle” to Tamra.  Gretchen knows good and fuck well that she looks better than Tamra.  That’s why she rubs the shit in every chance she gets. 

Jeana told Lynne that the two of them were pass the hottie whistle age and Jeana wasn’t lyin.  Lynne talkin about speak for yourself, Jeana.  Shit, Jeana was right in spite of what your ass thinks.  It’s time to wrap up the MILF shit that white women aspire to be and fucking live in reality.  You’re old.  Be thankful because the alternative is worse!

Did anyone else notice that Lynne could fit two decks of cards between her rack?  God her boob job looks like hell. 

Vicki actually believes that Greedy Gretchen stole her favorite cocktail.  Give us a fucking break bitch!  It’s a drink.  It’s not like the bitch stole your money or your husband.  Who gives a fuck that she likes the same damn drink?  Dumb asses.  These broads need some shit to bitch about.

All these bitches think Greedy Gretchen is a dumb ass blond, but she’s one of the smartest bitches in the group next to Jeana.  Lynne is the remedial one!  Vicki had the nerve to say her ass is calm all the time.  Like fuck she is.  Vicki’s ass needs a sedative she’s so wound the hell up all the damn time.

So the housewives went to a club.  First of all, you know a muthafucka is old when they say “night club”!  So Lynne, you are, in fact, old and have zero rhythm to top the shit off.  What the hell song was she wigglin to?  She even messed up the damn saying.  This old bitch said “What stays in Vegas stays in Vegas”???  UH, she doesn’t even deserve to be corrected. 

It looks like next week Lynne and Frank on going to be freaky at sea.  Tamra goes to visit her daddy to see if he still loves her.  Just a tip Tacky Tamra…when you go visit your estranged father, don’t wear a top that older people think is slutty.  Who goes to visit their dad with their titties all out like that?  Oh, Tacky Tamra does.  Jeana and Kara take a road trip.

In a minute…

Comments on: "Real Housewives of OC: 2.3.09" (3)

  1. Your blog cracks me up! Lynne is seriously slow. Gretchen was kinda being a bitch for picking on her about it in front of everyone…but that shit was funny. The fact that Lynne doesn’t know if there’s A/C in her house just adds to the theory I’ve read that Lynne and Frank’s house is rented by the producers for them.

    Also I think it’s painfully obvious that Gretchen does not love Jeff at all. My step dad died of lung cancer last year, and every time I see Jeff on screen it reminds me of exactly how he looked and sounded. If you really love someone, and they’re seriously ill, you spend every waking moment with them because you know time is short. You don’t go off on vay-cays every week. Laurie dropped out of the show to focus on her sick son–Gretchen should have had the same class.

  2. @Jen – Thanks for the info. H&V hadn’t heard that Lynne and Frank’s house is rented. We’ll have to put our noses all up in that! Yeah, Greedy Gretchen is starting to look like, well….Greedy! Damn sure not head over heels for this man. We’re sorry to hear about your step dad! God bless.

  3. Vicki is a total TOOL

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