I can barely get excited about this bullshit. First thing out this nigga’s mouth is how long his day was and he was stressed. Ray J’s ass don’t know from stress! He’s surrounded by a bunch of bitches who want a piece of him, cameras filmin him which he ain’t had in ages, and the muthafucka is gettin paid to do this shit! He needs to shut the fuck up with that shit. Vine has had a fucked up day and I ain’t in the mood for rich celebrities whinin!
Now back to the show…Ray hits the jacuzzi with all these bitches in their clothes. Are they that desperate to be in some water with dude that they couldn’t take 5 minutes to put on bikinis. You got ole tattoo face gigglin in her garanimals hoodie, Lil Hood jumpin in about to shrink her Forever 21 dress and Feisty squattin down showin her pussy to everybody! Caviar wouldn’t take off her shit, of course, because she has a dick!
Ray shows us all the extent of his intellect by comparing his stable to the three bears?? Caviar is too cold! Lil Hood is too hot! But Go-Go Gadget Dancer was juuuust right! Fuckin idiot!
Onto the challenge. They show Feisty talkin about she had to win the challenge cuz she’s one of the only broads there who “haven’t” gone out with Ray yet. Ummmm, haven’t?
Anyway, Ray is workin on a fake Motown inspired track with his daddy and wants the ladies to put together a full stage show along with their own words to the second verse. Sounds like a fuckin disaster waiting to happen….YES!
The perfect group would have been Unique, Chardonnay and Stacks. But that woulda been too much like right. Anyway, Stacks, Danger and RuPaul were in a group together. Caviar can’t dance to save her damn life! Yet and still Danger thinks that her group is the shit!
Oh Lord, Ray J and more of his D-Listed friends. Big Boooooooooooooy from Power 106 is the host…even though he looks more like little boy now! First up – Caviar, Stacks and Danger. Stacks is the only one who looks right! Danger looks fat and Caviar looks like a foreign, white man tryna keep up! Where’s the Sand Man on they ass?? NEXT…
Lil Hood, Cocktail and Cashmere…Dear Lord, Cashmere sounded horrible, but Go-Go get down wasn’t that bad! Lil Hood was a hot mess! Ray J’s dad looked like he was wondering what people from the church were gonna think of this shit!
Next up, Chardonnay, Unique and Feisty…Unique is singin lead. Please don’t blow it! YEP, she blew it. At this point ya’ll, I’m watchin on mute cuz Unique done forgot the words AND hollered SHIT into the mic in front of God and errrrbody! Why can’t this bitch ever remember the damn lyrics? THIS is why she ain’t an artist with that voice…she’s too damn scared! Painful to watch!
The second group was the best! Ray J talkin about his ex girlfriend did better on Dancing With the Stars. Granted, that’s an insult, but WHY is he still jockin this bitch? Get the fuck over it nigga cuz she sho ain’t thinkin bout yo ass!
Movin on, Big BOOOOOOOOOOOOY done kicked Caviar, Danger and nem off the stage. Pops Norwood made the final decision….Lil Hood, Cashmere and Cocktail. YIKES! Solo date goes to……go-go get it girl!
Lil B brings Cocktail into the restaurant like she’s a damn madam introducing one of her hoes to a trick! Ray is at the piano singin to this broad and she starts fuckin cryin! He felt a connection?? This is some bullshit if I done ever seen it. For real. And why didn’t she take that damn wig off for her date?
Ru is back at the house and on the phone with “Larry”. Why does this nigga talk like he’s rappin’? He sounds old as fuck don’t he? NO, you know what Larry sounds like? Like he’s jackin off while he’s talkin’ to her! Don’t he????? Jerk yo shit Larry, jerk jerk jerk it…you nasty muthafucka!
Danger and that mustache. IF the rumors are true and she is knocked up with Ray’s baby, I hope she waxed before she fucked him. Just sayin’…
Meanwhile, Ray took Lil Hood and Cashmere on a helicopter ride to a vineyard in Santa Barbara. Poor Cashmere was so scared that she cried. Lil Hood announced upon arrival that seeing the beautiful winery brought the ghetto out in her! Can this bitch please shut the fuck up? OH NO, she ain’t done. She brought a CD with a song on it that she recorded for Ray J. She’s fucking bootleg…talkin bout watchin him on Moesha and shit! You know what, that’s what the fuck he gets because he shoulda been gotten rid of her crazy, ugly fuckin ass!
First one on one time went to Cashmere. She’s pretty! He seems to like her. She’s the type of bitch he needs, not one of these loose, pole dancin, tattoo faced hoes!
Excuse me for a minute, I have to mute Lil Hood’s dumb groupie ass! This ho is delusional talkin bout Ray had to stop himself from kissin her while the nigga was in the confessional talkin bout he gave her a sympathy peck! I ain’t laughed this hard all day!
Caviar decides to give Ray a lap dance prior to eliminations. She even started lickin his lips with his tongue. Let me say right now, if baby girl turns out to be baby boy, Ray J is gonna need therapy! He’s feelin’ real suspicious about this bitch. So he pulled her into his bedroom before elimination. He asked her straight up if she had a man. She said no!
Well, this nigga done called Larry back and realizes he knows this fool. Chicago Larry is what they call em! Evidently, this muthafucka is a big photographer and manager! He even supplied some video hoes for some of Ray J’s videos. Now, I know all of H&V’s readers got the same question….when did Ray J do a video? I’m playin’…
At the end of it all, Ray ends up tellin Caviar to pack her shit and get the fuck out…NOW! He shoulda wrapped it up with TRICK on the end, but whatever.
Next week he got these bitches fightin each other. He ain’t right.
Thoughts ya’ll? In a minute…