Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Nobody has even danced yet, but Gilles almost hit the floor coming down the stairs.  Denise Richards can’t even clap on beat, so I know she’s in trouble.

Denise and Maks are supposed to Samba.  Let’s see what she really does when the music comes on.  Hopefully this week she’ll count in her head instead of out loud for God and everybody to read her lips.  She just cannot dance to save her life!  All the black they wore was appropriate cuz that routine was dead!  Total 16.

Chuck and Julianne are about to Fox Trot.  First we had to listen to them whine about why Chuck’s scores last week were shitty.  Suck it up!  Um, I guess that was better but he looked hella feminine to me with all that hand and hip swayin’.  Judges like it enough for 23.  Bullshit.

Holly and Dmitry are supposed to Samba.  She said in rehearsal that it was hard for her “that day”.  JUST that day?  At least she looks good tonight.  You know, I never understood what men meant by women being a bad fuck.  But after watching Holly NOT move her hips or ass, I know what they mean.  These scores ain’t gonna be good.

Steve-O and Lacey are up next!  He was so focused on hurtin’ his back last week that the fool pretty much messed up the entire routine AND almost hurtin’ his back again at the end.  I didn’t like that at all and I like them.

LTand Edyta are gonna Samba.  He looks like he’s doin’ the hustle and shit. 

Shawn Johnson and Mark are going to Fox Trot in a minute.  They were very good, but they just don’t excite me.  Total 27!

Gilles and Cheryl’s Samba is up.  This should be hot!  I knew it.  They got more ass shakin’ than BET After Dark!  Now THAT was fabulous!  That has to be at least a 27, too!  Yessir!  27!

Oh there’s Naomi from the Bachelor in the audience.  I guess she’s there to cheer on Melissa!

David and Kim have only one way to go after last week. I didn’t know he was “married”.  Um, that intro was one step from CATS, if you know what I mean.  Kim did him dirty.  All in all it was very Broadway.  Oh, see Bruno said the same thing.  Carrie Ann said he looked like a Rockette!  Yes she did.  I couldn’t make this shit up.  Total – 24!

And why is Three 6 Mafia in the audience?

The Woz and Kryptonite Karina are about to Samba.  I love a good train wreck.  Damnit he is disgusting me and makin’ me laugh all at once.  Oh Lord have mercy on poor Kryptonite Karina.  That was beyond a disaster.  Was that the worm?  It looked more like the dead worm once rigor set in.  He managed to look more feminine than David Alan Grier.   Total – 10!

Melissa and Tony are up!  Fox Trot your ass off baby girl.  YES!  She better AT LEAST match the 27’s that the others got!  She is just a beautiful dancer, period!  Total – 27!!!  That’s right!

Derek, Lil Kim and her bleached skin are up next!  She’s doing a good job, but she smiled more when she was turnin’ herself in for jail!  Aww shit, LisaRaye was in the audience cheerin’ for her!  Total 25!

Last and not exactly least are Ty and Chelsie.  They’re gonna Fox Trot so he SHOULD be aight.  Okay, I know ya’ll are expecting me to make fun of Chelsie for falling, but I’m not!  I’m gonna give Ty props for keeping focused and not fuckin’ up the rest of the routine after that!  I’ll say it…good job!  Total 23!

…Vine…in a minute…

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Comments on: "Dancing w/the Stars 8: Week 3" (2)

  1. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a season with so many HORRIBLE ass dancers! I mean there are 5 right off the bat that have got to go! Steve-O sober is just a dud! Woz has one of the worst cases of white man’s disease that I have seen! Holly should be ashamed of those hips, I mean your a Bunny and cannot move your hips? Her and Hef, probably had some stiff ass sex, no hip action there! Denise, terriable!

    Now, Gilles…OMG that man can move! He had me blushing on the couch!

    PS: I have been waiting for your entry on last weeks RHNYC…WTF!

  2. @Jizzle – I was waitin’ on one of you to call me out on NY Housewives. Damn, Hollywood and I were sick as shit last week. Cut us some slack. I’ll put my late ass review up before tonight’s episode. – Vine

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