Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Yes, I realize I’m a week late.  Some people (Jizzle) made sure to remind me.  Like I say, better late than never.

Ramona, pull yourself together!  Yeah, we know Countess Lu LOOKS half her husbands age (which ain’t hard to do), but do we need to say it aloud?  Moving on…

Ramona and her gut invited Bethenny to spend the weekend at her Hamptons home.  Did ya’ll notice that these two bitches are walking their dogs with no doggy doo bags with them?  Just askin’…Never mind, Ramona had a doggie doo bag.  Maybe she had it hidden in her bikini top since she didn’t have tits in there!

Over to Simex!  Simon, his tight white linen pants and his bad ass kids returned to the train wreck better known as his house!  How do they even have the nerve to talk about being photographed for the style section while living in that shit hole?  Give me a fucking break!  It’s like a death trap for young kids.  Maybe you two dumbasses shoulda dealt with your home before flying off to St. Barts for your off season vacation.  Priorities anyone?

Finally Jill Zarin is back!  Bitch looks damn good.  A summer in the Hamptons did her ass good.  All she needs is a butt and she’d be set.  Her gay husband  has turned her home upside down

Aha.  Simon allegedly owns the Hotel Chandler.  So who’s lying?  Bravo said that Simon is a boutique hotel manager.  Now Alex says that he owns the hotel.  Hmmm. 

Kelly is ranting about how independent she is cuz she’s a midwestern broad.  She said that New York is a city of co-dependent MoFos.  If it’s so bad, then go back.  I’m sure Russell Simmons throws a lot of plush parties for you to attend in Idaho bitch!

Did Kelly really need to have an “executive chef” come to her condo to cook fuckin’ lettuce wraps with chicken?  These people are bullshit.  I think she paid him with pussy.  Sorry, but I do.  She knows good and hell well that older daughter does not eat healthy shit.  Yeah, I talked about the kid!!

Ramona is delusional.  She thinks that she and Avery have a very special relationship.  Avery canNOT stand her ass!  And why are you allowing your barely teenaged daughter to try on some 4 inch stilettos?  When she ends up with her crotch being blurred out in pictures like Paris and Britney, don’t say shit!

Bethenny and Countess Lu went out for a bite to eat and honey, Bethenny is killin’ every bitch in Manhattan with that fuckin’ body!  Damn!  I’m strictly dickly, but bitch’s body is off the hook!  Countess Lu is giving her advice on how to snag a muthafucka with one foot in the grave.  Kidding!  Countess Lu is boring me.  She needs to end this segment so that I can refill my wine glass.

So Bethenny is on a date with another chef named Todd.  He’s kinda cute in his own short, tummy and man boob having, not really cute way.  I realize I don’t know her, but I love seeing a man tryin’ to take care of her.  Lord knows that pasty, dry ass Jason wasn’t worth a shit! 

Over at the healthy sun expo?? Bethenny and Alex are there workin’ a booth with Bethenny’s healthy cupcakes, etc.  I will say this.  I like the friendship between the two of them.  Bethenny has the ability to see the best in everyone and many people can’t do that shit. 

Alex is admitting that she and Simon met online lookin’ for a one night stand.  Call me crazy, but I think Simon thought Alex was a man!  Just sayin…

Jill Zarin is over at the Van Kempen’s cuz they’re Zarin’s newest clients.  WHY aren’t these muthafuckas not embarrassed to have people (and the world) see how they’re living?  I don’t give a damn that they’re renovating.  This is bullshit!  You do not spend the summer in the Hamptons and in St. Barts, off season or not, and don’t spend the extra money to move out for a few weeks while your home is under renovation.  For the love of Peter, Paul and Mary, get a suite at the fuckin’ hotel that Simon’s tight pants wearin’ ass owns!  Not hard. 

Now, I done rushed to get this shit up before tonight’s episode airs.  Ya’ll (Jizzle) better comment on this post!

…Vine…in a minute…

Comments on: "Real Housewives of NY: 3/17/09" (6)

  1. HAHA first thing I did this morning was check the blog..wait, shouldn’t I be working?!?! Anyways…can we add how god damn AWFUL LuAnn’s dating advice was for Bethenny? No one does that lean it, soft sexual voice shit in real life! You could tell Bethenny was like ‘this bitch is crazy if she thinks I am really taking that advice!’. I am starting to hate LuAnn, she just straight up thinks her shit don’t stink. Sure Ramona shouldn’t have said what she said but Lu blew that shit WAY out of proportion!

    I loved that Alex admitted she was looking for a one night stand! Yea her and Simon are a little strange and their kids need a whoopin’ but I don’t think they are quite as bad as Ramona makes them out to be.

    Waiting for this weeks!

  2. PS: Google search of Simon reveals he is the …………General Manager. I mean owner of a hotel and general manager same thing, right? Did Alex not think that comment was going to be noticed. And damn, if you can travel to the Hamptons, St. Bart’s, have a nanny, spend $200,000 to renovate your home and shop til you drop being the General Manager of a hotel..sign me up!

  3. @Jizzle Reading our blog is always more fun than working. Didn’t you know? Yeah, Countess Lu did blow the shit way outta proportion, but that was three episodes ago. Why is Ramona’s ass STILL talkin’ about it?

    I couldn’t believe Countess Lu’s Totally 80’s dating advice for Bethenny. WTF was that all about?

    I don’t think Alex is all that bad. It’s Simon who makes my skin crawl. I’m with Ramona pretty much. I bet w/o Simon around all the time Ramona would give Alex a chance. It’s a trip that the only time she’s w/o Simon is when she’s with Bethenny. Strange.

  4. Something is way off about Simon’s career. You don’t make that kind of money as the General Manager of a hotel. What kinda shit are they into?

  5. They keep making references this year that Alex is some sort of graphic designer. (She was going to rework Bethenny’s logo, and also do the invitations for Jill’s benefit) I don’t remember that from last year, maybe I wasn’t paying attention. My guess is that they both make around 40k a year each, quite average but certainly not rich, especially not for NY standards. My other guess is that these people live off their credit cards.

    I’ve also heard that the “dating site” that Alex and Simon met on was actually just the casual encounters page on craigslist. Classy!

  6. @Jen – I remember the graphic designer bullshit from last season. The thing is, it came out last week that Alex was “laid off” of her “visual merchandising job” at Victoria’s Secret! Now what the fuck is up? Simex ain’t told two stories the same way about how they earn money! She tried to say her income was for “discretionary” shit, like the full time nanny. She also claimed to have gotten a nice severance out of the deal! I think she’s a damn liar! – Vine

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