Sorry I couldn’t blog live last night. H &V were out all night! But I’m still hittin’ you with a recap.
I bet David Alan Grier cracks a Vietnamese Waltz joke before the night is over!
First up, Chuck & Julianne. It’s not that he can’t do the steps, but he has zero charisma. He’s boring as shit! I don’t know what the hell Len and Bruno are talkin’ about. I KNEW Carrie Ann would disagree cuz she feels me! She’s right. Chuck needs to sit under the red light one night to kick his ass into gear! Furthermore, I’m sick of them paintin’ Julianne and Chuck as this fantasy, all-american couple! Irritating! Total – 23!
Next up LTand Edyta. He has the Paso Doble and it ain’t lookin’ pretty. What’s with him needing words in a song to connect to the dance? Old people! This is worse than Chuck and Julianne. He just is not good, period. He has O-ficially confirmed that the all black people have rhythm notion is nothing more than a myth!
Oh Lord have mercy, Etta James’ old, senile ass is gonna be on the results show! FINALLY someone is gonna let her sing instead of Beyonce!
Back to LT. He got a 20.
Shawn and Mark are up with the Viennese Waltz. You’d think she’d lose a pound or two with all this dancing. That was GREAT! I liked that shit. She really is graceful and beautiful when she dances. Loved it! 26!
My girl is about to hit the floor. I can see her Paso being great, but no smiling this week boo! Here we go with this damn Poker Face song. Lord help. Melissa came out doing her thing, but she gave away her error by smiling. So much for her damn poker face. Overall it was good. She got a 25! I gotta agree with Carrie Ann…Tony is killin’ the choreography this season! He ain’t had shit to play with since Staci Keibler until now!
Moving on, David & Kim. I was wrong, he didn’t say Vietnamese. Even though he’s an actor, he just can’t seem to act attracted to a woman get into character. Total – 22!
Up next, Gilles and Cheryl! Wait a minute! IS THIS FOOL SHIRTLESS? Cheryl Burke…BITCH, YOU BESTA WORK! Did ya’ll see this shit? YES! If they didn’t dance the shit outta that damn paso doble, I don’t know what the judges want! That was HOT! It should be another 30….Aww, Len fucked it up with a 9! Hater.
Steve-O and Lacey are up and if his costume is any indication of how he’s gonna dance this week, it ain’t gonna be good! Um, are we supposed to give sympathy votes to him cuz he’s a recovering addict? Just askin’…He is so terrible. That hunched over back and shit. Please put him outta his misery and stop voting for him. Total – 18.
Ty and Chelsie. I hope he is as good this week as last week! Okay, Jewel better watch her man giving piggy back rides to bitches half her age who look better! I’m just sayin’…they were already on shaky ground a few years ago. Don’t be a fool, but I digress. Uh no! That was not good. He didn’t hardly fuckin’ dance. They are gonna eat him up! Yeah, did ya’ll see Jewel lookin’ disgusted in the audience. Watch what I’m tellin’ ya’ll! Total – 21!
Last but not least, Derek, Lil Kim and her bleached skin are up! Okay, why is Kim still tryna make music? She kinda looked like Michael Jackson from the side. Oh Lord, I hate this song, but Kim was good! That was pleasant to watch. Total 26!
I’m about to watch tonight’s results show, but what did ya’ll think of last night?
…Vine…in a minute