Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Starting off with Jill Zarin is always good.  She’s finalizing plans for her charity event.  Kelly’s ass is there.  Bitch felt like a fool after actin’ like the Queen of England at the last meeting.  So she donated a shit load of high end gifts.  Good for fucking her.  Hurricane Ramona burst through the door talkin’ about how fabulous she is.  She is so obnoxious!  Of course, she brought up the tennis match. 

Bethenny asked Alex to meet for drinks to discuss revamping her Skinny Girls Cocktail logo.  Very nice of her to lend a hand to my girl!

You know, for a Countess, she sure does wear out those damn brown Gucci boots don’t she?  The Count didn’t buy you any other boots before he broke out?  Ex-Countess Lu went to the boys and girls club and talked about herself and how her husband became a count.  I wonder if she’ll go back now and tell them that she’s ex-Countess Lu?!  OH MY GOD!  Did she just call that poor 10 year old little girl FAT?  What the fuck is wrong with this woman?  You do not tell a 10 year old who wants to be a model that she’ll grow in time and losing weight is easy!  For someone who’s writing a book on manners, this bitch is void of them her damn self!  That was some rude shit I’d expect from Ramona.  She acts like taking time out of her day to so something is like Oprah or the fucking President taking time out of their day to drop in and visit some unsuspecting children.  I know I shouldn’t say this, but I hope her divorce deflates her ego!  She’d be cool if she weren’t so full of herself. 

I love that Brad looks like he’s now sleeping at Jill Zarin’s apartment while remodeling.  It’s fabulous and Jill Zarin loves it! 

Bethenny made her way over to the remodeled Casa de Zarin and she is about to have a stroke!  She said it’s Liberace Versace Le Cucarace!  Funny!  It does look like a total Queen decorated it, but I still liked it. 

Uh oh!  Jill Zarin’s tennis pro just called to cancel their tennis match against Super Mario and Ramona.  Fuck, she better find a ringer cuz I’d hate for Mario to whoop her ass.  Bethenny has an idea.  Of course she does.  She suggested Simon!  Oh Lord, this shit is gonna be hilarious.  Ramario is going to shit when Simon walks onto the court, probably in yellow shorts and matching bandana! 

Can they please stop showing the hipless heffa, Kelly?  Does this bitch have on house shoes for her date?  I’m all for being fashion forward, but the bitch had on house shoes!  I wonder if Max Max is the boyfriend she beat up a few weeks ago cuz he looks like he’d let a bitch punch him.  Uh, I hate to break it to you boo, but Max Max is no catch.  So stop braggin’ about how he wants you so badly.

Simon and Jill Zarin are gettin in some practice before the Ramario beat down.  He’s not good and he looks hella awkward, but I still think between Ramona actually giving birth to a cow on the tennis court when she sees Simon and Mario tryna tuck his hard dick once he sees Jill Zarin, she and Simon might win this thing.

Aight.  Here we go.  This is more exciting than Wimbledon!  Kelly showed up wearing a mini dress with a white flower on the front and I think some fishnets and knee boots!  WHERE ARE YOU GOING?  A bunch of others are there for the match, too.  I wonder if Ramona’s gut will deflate once she shits bricks upon seeing Simon on the court with Jill Zarin.  Speaking of, Bobby Vegas just walked in.  Of course he’s there.  He’s the best husband ever!  He even shook Mario “the snake’s” hand!

This is such a great build up!  Ramona is doing squats in the foyer so Simon can’t get from the elevator to the court to shock Ramario.  One of her friends told her it was Simon and she didn’t believe her ROFLMAO! 

Finally Simon walks out and Ramona looked appalled!  Bethenny, don’t be fooled honey…Ramona is freaking OUT on the inside, trust! 

Uh, did ya’ll see Brad looking like a gay pimp! 

Back to the match, this had to be the worst tennis match in history!  Simon is just a horrible tennis player!  Oh shit!  The tide might be turning!  Jill Zarin done turned up the heat on they ass.  Uh nope, false alarm! 

Next week Ramona insults Bethenny!  She better watch herself!

Did ya’ll think Jill Zarin was “disrespectful” by asking Simon to be her partner?

…Vine…in a minute



Comments on: "Real Housewives of New York Recap: 4/7/09" (21)

  1. I loved Bethenny’s idea to invite Simon, I mean he was terriable but the idea to sike out Ramario was funny! I couldn’t believe how many people seriously showed up to watch the ‘for fun’ tennis match! I mean maybe I’m a shitty friend but there would have to be something in it for me to sit and watch two friends play tennis for a couple hours.

    I loved that Bethenny asked Alex for help with her logo, Alex seems like she is really good at what she does and Alex seems like someone who could be a cool friend if she wasn’t attached to Simon’s gay self 24-7.

    OMG! Don’t even get me started on Discountess Lu and the Boys and Girls Club, I just about died when she told that girl to lose weight. I mean how shallow can you be to tell a 10 year old something like that. It honestly seemed like they could have cared less what her status was…I mean did she really think elementary school girls knew what the Ruiz and Panama Canel are and that they give a fuck that your cheating husband built them?!?!

    I too, loved Jill’s house….and Bethenny had it all right with her Liberace, Versace la cucharache. There were a few things I wasn’t in love with, but overall Brad did his thing!

    Kelly and Max-Max aren’t worth time writing about. I was glad she pulled through for Jill’s charity after looking like an ass last week. How about Jill’s ‘baby’ wedding ring…wonder what the Mama in her vault looks like?!? Gotta love Bobby!

  2. @Jizzle – I STILL cannot believe ex-Countess Lu told that little girl to lose weight! What kind of asshole says some shit like that to a kid? For real though?!

    I wouldn’t have sat through that dry ass tennis match either! Maybe if the 31 year old tennis pro had shown up, but that’s it.

    Love Bobby Vegas! Love Jill Zarin! And most importantly, I love saying Jill Zarin!

    Speaking of the Panama Canel, I bet ex-Countess Lu wanted to drown herself in it when she found out the Count left her ass for a SUSTA!
    – Vine

  3. JrzShoreLady said:

    Love this blog! So glad I stumbled upon it. LMAO when I found out that Kelly was full of shit & none of her donations actually happened & that Bethenny’s ex-boyfriend ended up doing the photos.

  4. Michele said:

    Great recap, live blog. What am I going to do when this show ends?

    Ramario is just reeking all over the place. First, Jill can’t take the match seriously since it’s “an honor” for anyone to play Mario by bringing in a pro and then she can’t put Simon in there as a lark either. He actually wrote a blog attacking Jill over at Bravo and can’t let it go. Jill apparently fucked the whole thing up from the getgo but he’s the one that makes it into some kind of a USTA official game when it’s supposed to be a friendly grudge match between “ladies who lunch.” Right?

    Bethenny is fly and sly. I think she must be Sicilian and a Scorpio so don’t mess with her, period. The definition of stupid is thinking you can ever get the better of that girl.

    On the Countess, what the fuck? I liked her a lot last year and I’ve been hesitant to go all CoUNTess on her this season, but what the fuck? Calling a young girl fat? At a meeting for a group that is all about boosting the self-esteem of young girls? Why not just say “you have a pretty face and you’re tall, you’re halfway there.” The kid isn’t stupid she knows models have to be thin. Bummer Countess.

  5. Michele said:

    Oh yeah couple more things.

    Did you see what Kelly was wearing at the tennis match? The goth “fashion forward” Playboy bunny costume? I got news for you, Kell-amity, the bunny tail goes on the ass, not the belly.

    @Jizzle. I agree on Kellamity and MaxMax. But. It was just tragic. “If you could be anyone, who would that be?” Mary, mother of God is all I’m saying. I haven’t been asked a question like that since I was in grammar school, the first year that is when we still used to get time for a nap during the day. And how much do you want to bet that Max is only on there because he thought he might get some good press out of agreeing to be on the show. Wow, that really backfired.

    And he is not the twink she assaulted. I saw a picture and it’s a different guy.

    Yeah I love the palette in Jill’s new place. Like you I totally loved Bethenny’s comments and tend to agree with her, but that’s what Jill wanted and that’s what she got. But I really loved the blues and dark wood tones with the silvers. And those cabinets are to die for.

  6. @JrzShoreLady – Shut the fuck up! After all that grand standin’, the bitch did not come through with the “high end” donations besides that damn Coach bag? She’s useless AND tacky!

    Welcome and make yourself at home here!

    – Vine

  7. @Michele – I really think Ramario is jealous of all the attention Simex gets. So they’ve intentionally thrown Mario into the mix this season to give him some plug, too. For real cuz why else is he now all over the show and blogging on Bravo’s website?

    You’re right about Countess Lu. She didn’t have to say all that. Hollywood watched Season 1 and loved her. I’m watching this season and can’t stand her pretentious, repeat boot wearin’ ass!

    When this season is over, watch the Jersey housewives with the rest of us!

  8. Michele said:

    @H & V. I’m all over it now on NJ. I’m really feeling Caroline.

    Back on NY, I know you’re a Jill lover like me and the first scene where they show off the rock “as big as her eyeball” SHe said, “This is the baby. The Mama is in a vault. Bobby’s the best.” OMG. What does she need a sling around her arm to wear the thing. Ya know just to keep her falling over when she wears it. Love me some Jill.

    And I agree here about Mario. He totally inserts himself into this whole thing because of Simon. There’s something up with them and Simon that I don’t really get yet. I think this reunion show will beat Atlanta and that was one for the history books.

    And I thought it was weird that Mario had to blog under ramona’s picture and Simon gets his own gig. Simon really was a good sport helping out Jill and even though he sucked ass and Jill must have been pissed I noticed that the first damn thing she did was walk over to Alex and say, “Simon was sick, he was tired, it was last minute and he didn’t have his glasses ….” That was cool.

  9. The POP tables were the only thing I really did not like about Jill’s apartment. The color and the other furniture is pretty though!

    I think this season Alex and Simon have taken conscious steps to come off more likable. They’re more relaxed and they don’t put their kids on camera as much and tout their holier than thou parenting skills…which is why I wasn’t a fan last year. As much trash is talked about their house in Brooklyn, we all know that property is worth a lot of money, it might be a mess but you have to start somewhere, kudos to them for being real about it. However, if they spend a little less on designer gowns they might have actual closet to put them in!

    What’s up with Ramona making her pre-teen daughter parade around in hooker heels? Paging all perverts?

    I didn’t catch the part with Countess and the kids, but I’m hardly surprised. I’m just glad she has a camera following her around so this footage can haunt her for the rest of her life. I hope she’s back next season just so I can see her introduce herself to people as her old self, LuAnn McHillbilly. No more tiara for you!

  10. katester said:

    Lots to say about this week!
    LuAnn: Maybe you could dress down for the boys and girls club. Like how you dressed for the tennis match! You looked cool at the match!
    The only part I liked about the kids club scene was you playing basketball with the kids. Shooting hoops was more real than that forced bonding around the table.

    Jill: You rock. You are good at tennis. Your new place is fab. I love the POP tables, and perhaps you will grow to love them as well.
    Your taste is wonderful. Especially in husbands. Bobby Vegas is deboniare and would never embarass you!

    Speaking of embarassing husbands, MARIO, you are loud and rude.

    Kelly: You are so confusing, or confused. You kinda of appear at the Housewives events in costume, not in regular clothes. Sorta like Johnny Depp at awards shows a few years back

    Hollywood and Vine: You rock. You two are better than a cupcake when it comes shaking off a crazy day at work…Thank you!

  11. @Jen – Gotta agree on the POP tables. What the fuck was he thinking with that? Guess he had to make one mistake.

    I also agree about Simex tryna be more likable this season. Talkin’ about how fabulous they are and how badly they wanna climb the Manhattan social ladder didn’t help them climb the Manhattan social ladder LOL!

    Ramona is the worst kinda stage mom. The kind that thinks she knows more than the pros in the business! If her daughter is as smart as she seems, she’ll stop takin’ her mama’s advice like yesterday!

    LuAnn McHillbilly LMAO! You are too many things! – Vine

  12. @katester – I’m with you on it all except the POP tables. Gotta roll wit Jen on this one!

    Question, will stem cell research help if we wanna clone Bobby Vegas? Just askin’… – Vine

  13. @Jen. No shit on Avery. The girl looked totally hot, but she’s like 13-14. That’s not cool. I read in the tabloids that Avery’s school, a conservative Catholic girls’ school in NY, wants Avery off the show entirely, but Ramona knows what’s best for her daughter. Like pulling her out of school every other day so she can sell zit cream and Hot Pockets.

    And everybody has commented on the Countess LuAnn thing. I mean right from the get-go I thought, she’s not from money, LuAnn? Total hillbilly name. Unfortunately for the Countess hillbillies don’t read books on class and etiquette or anything. They also don’t blog because they can’t figure out how to get on either one of the “internets.”

  14. @Michele – I thought the same thing about ex-Countess Lu. She talks about money and being a Countess too much to be from actual money! She was a young, hot model who lucked up on a rich old muthafucka and he married her! Keep it real Lu!!

  15. I gotta go with Katester on the POP tables, I loved em. Maybe not in Jill’s apartment but I did like them…maybe she should have spelled out DIVA with the tables?!

    LMAO on the cloning of Bobby Vegas, can I have one too?!? I wonder what he was like 25 years ago! Mmm Mmm Good

  16. lol! this is a a great blog…love bethany and jill…seem the most grounded and “real” as if these broads live a real life style! bobby is the best and i wish he would introduce me to a friend just like him! mario is turning into one of the girls, ramona still lacks class and luanne is a douchebag. how dare she insult a little girl. anyone who has to constantly refer to herself as an expert on class has none. it’s like telling someone you can trust them….if you have to say it…you can’t! kelly… omg! what a loser. i love the way bethanny reacted to her at the meeting kelly called to dress her down. she is clearly borderline and needs meds. i was thinking the same thing-max max must have been the chump who she beat up. what an asshole kelly is…i mean, who says that everyone wants their boyfriend and he chose me! what an ego!!!!! i hate her!!!!

    my fave is rosie!

  17. I woulda liked DIVA tables better. Then depending on her mood she could rearrange the letters and spell differet words!!

    I bet 25 years ago Bobby Vegas wasn’t as hot. He has the kind of confidence and sex appeal that comes with age!

  18. Yes! I agree about the tables too. I had no problem with the style, just the fact that it spelled out POP. Jill is all things fabulous, but she is not pop. Maybe if she had some pop art on the walls it would make sense but no. Maybe a J, B, and Z for their initials…but POP? I don’t get it.

    If ya’ll really want to find a Bobby V type, look no further than Persian or Turkish men. My mother-in-law’s first name is actually Zarin, and my hubby is like a Bobby in training–sweetie on the outside, hustler on the inside. Do you know what Zarin means in Persian? Gold.

  19. Jen, you betta work bitch! You done married a Bobby Vegas in the making. I ain’t mad atcha. Only problem is we don’t know any Persian or Turkish men interested in two loud, foul mouthed sistas from Cali!

  20. Oh, of course Zarin means Gold! Damn figures…

  21. @juice. I always loved Rosie too. You could tell that the kids love her and the lady is no pushover. She’s on first season telling the girl she can’t go out at night hanging around coffee shops because “it looks cheap.” Getting kids to like and respect you when you’re not all about Yes says a lot for the woman. And the makeover was just unbelievable. I’m glad she took care of business and came back from her vacay looking like a hot babe with the longer hair and the red and white outfit. Of course she was immediately taken to the laundry dungeon by LuAnn, but you can tell that LuLu loves her some Rosie too.

    @H & V Ditto on Zarin meaning gold. Had no idea.

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