Kelly better not start any shit tonight. I’m still mad about that Miley Cyrus/Jamie Foxx shit!
Jill Zarin and Bobby Vegas started off with a cocktail party at the store. She invited all the housewives, including Mario and Simon. Let me eat my words. Jill Zarin has no attraction to that man, BUT he damn sure wants a piece of Jill Zarin. He’s now sunk to the level of insulting Simon’s tennis match attire to get camera time. He’s an asshole. Next!
If Bethenny could sit for an hour and deliver one liners, especially about Ramona, I’d be so damn happy!
Oh GAWD…that troll Kelly just walked in with her gay boyfriend in a Forever 21 dress lookin’ like an extra on The Grind…Alaska! What does this bitch have on? She has on a dress short enough to show her birth canal with boots AND a coat made of poodle hair! Is it hot or is it cold?
Aight, two things I noticed. One, when Brad started going all ape shit over Max Max and talked to Alex about it, did ya’ll peep how quick Simon turned around at a mention of a tall, hot ma? Well…he did. Two, Brad would not be going on and on like that about a good looking straight man. Gay men don’t have time for shit like that. Max Max is as gay as I’m tellin’ ya’ll…in my opinion, of course. Even Jill Zarin said “I THINK he’s straight”. THINK??
Over to Ramona and the skin care line that she pulled outta her ass! She’s checkin’ out labels for her products. She coulda hired me and Hollywood to do THAT. All they did was put a little color behind some Times New Roman letters. She’s so bootleg. And will she PLEASE suck in that fucking gut. Bitch talking about how good her skin looks (in her mind) but won’t do crunch the first to get rid of that damn stomach.
Meanwhile, Bethenny is in hell Connecticut doing an in-store appearance. Bitch couldn’t give away one of them sugar free cupcakes. Poor baby.
Lord help, ex-Countess Lu is discussing the book with her co-writer. She’s so full of shit talking about she kisses on both cheeks cuz that’s what she’s use to. I know Native Americans and they don’t kiss on both cheeks as a matter of habit. She be makin’ shit up as she goes along. What I wanna know is if she’ll put tips on how to properly handle your husband dumping you via email…or how to make out with a youngster in a hotel elevator with class! Ya’ll think that will be a chapter?
Kelly’s in L.A. talking about her “jewelry line” with an ACTUAL jeweler. Someone please stick a needle in her head and deflate her damn ego. She acted like she created something. The shit was already fucking done when she walked through the door.
Um, Jill Zarin, babe, can you not be chasin’ your unruly ass dog through the store while customers are waiting. They loved her, but fuck.
Hold the phone, was Kelly just running in the middle of Manhattan traffic for no fucking reason? Please tell me it was a commercial of some sort.
Jill Zarin is going to pick out a new custom made bag for her birthday (courtesy of Bobby Vegas, natch) and she invited Kelly the Troll to help her. Traitor! She brought her two daughters. One of her kids is named Sea! Really? Sea? Jill Zarin dropped 16 grand on a handbag. Of course the Troll is gonna be nice to you. The bitch is a climber. She’ll do whatever she can to whoever she can if she thinks it will advance her social status. You gotta see through that shit Jill!!
Ex-Countess Lu was choosing the cover for her book “Class with the Countess” and mentioned that her relationship with the Count has been like a dream. So now, is it like a dream that she woke up from when she read the email about him and the African hottie? Again, just askin’…
Jill Zarin’s apartment is being photographed for a magazine. WHY does she look like June Cleaver? What was up with the Stepford Wife look? Hated it!!
So Jill asked the people from the magazine if they had a PP…a private plane. I wonder if she asked Bethenny if A-Rod has a big PP or a little PP. I bet he has a decent sized PP that he can’t work too well. He’s a baller and bitches think he’s fine…he doesn’t have to know how to work it! Sorry, I’m no longer talkin’ about a damn jet!
Over to Ramona’s scatter brained ass and Bethenny. B is tryna help Ramona understand that the name of her skin care line has to match all the labels and shit. Ramona is such a fucking idiot. How do they have any money in the first place? This is elementary shit. Bethenny offering her good advice, but she’s too stubborn to listen.
Aight, Ramona just dropped the obligatory dig at Jill. Glad Bethenny checked her ass. But then Ramona insulted Bethenny saying how Jill only likes her cuz she’s the underdog and she’s struggling! Huh? That ain’t true, but let’s say it is. WHY would you announce some shit like that in a room full of muthafuckas that don’t know Bethenny? Damn this bitcdh is rude as fuck!
Later, Bethenny hit a photo shoot for the cover of her book “Naturally Thin”. She looked great. Can’t wait to see the real thing.
Bobby Vegas surprised Jill Zarin with a Mercedes SUV for her birthday! He’s so good to her. Jill is pissed that her iPhone won’t work in the car. So Bobby Vegas said he’ll get her a new car! Please excuse me while I pour myself a glass of wine.
Alex is on her way to meet Simon for her birthday surprise. Jill Zarin just got a new Benz and he’s meeting Alex on a street corner with some ugly roses wrapped in plastic!
They went into a jewelry designer’s suite to pick out some custom earrings. They left and Simon started acting like a crack baby screaming about the surprise being ruined when the driver took a wrong exit. Calm the fuck down. Nobody’s gonna die because a birthday surprise was ruined!! After Simon simmered down, they made it home to have a mini party with their bad ass kids.
Next week: Kelly’s hosting a Halloween Party and doesn’t even
show up. Bitch!
Did ya’ll watch? Thoughts?
…Vine…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)