Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Kelly better not start any shit tonight.  I’m still mad about that Miley Cyrus/Jamie Foxx shit!

Jill Zarin and Bobby Vegas started off with a cocktail party at the store.  She invited all the housewives, including Mario and Simon.  Let me eat my words.  Jill Zarin has no attraction to that man, BUT  he damn sure wants a piece of Jill Zarin.  He’s now sunk to the level of insulting Simon’s tennis match attire to get camera time.  He’s an asshole.  Next!

If Bethenny could sit for an hour and deliver one liners, especially about Ramona, I’d be so damn happy!

Oh GAWD…that troll Kelly just walked in with her gay boyfriend in a Forever 21 dress lookin’ like an extra on The Grind…Alaska!  What does this bitch have on?  She has on a dress short enough to show her birth canal with boots AND a coat made of poodle hair!  Is it hot or is it cold?

Aight, two things I noticed.  One, when Brad started going all ape shit over Max Max and talked to Alex about it, did ya’ll peep how quick Simon turned around at a mention of a tall, hot ma?  Well…he did.  Two, Brad would not be going on and on like that about a good looking straight man.  Gay men don’t have time for shit like that.  Max Max is as gay as I’m tellin’ ya’ll…in my opinion, of course.  Even Jill Zarin said “I THINK he’s straight”.  THINK??

Did those two tacky ass fools just have a pillow fight in Jill Zarin’s store?  What the fuck is wront with them?  Did Kelly and Max not remember that Bobby Vegas has to sell the shit in the future?  Triflin’! 

Over to Ramona and the skin care line that she pulled outta her ass!  She’s checkin’ out labels for her products.  She coulda hired me and Hollywood to do THAT.  All they did was put a little color behind some Times New Roman letters.  She’s so bootleg.  And will she PLEASE suck in that fucking gut.  Bitch talking about how good her skin looks (in her mind) but won’t do crunch the first to get rid of that damn stomach. 

 

 

Meanwhile, Bethenny is in hell Connecticut doing an in-store appearance.  Bitch couldn’t give away  one of them sugar free cupcakes.  Poor baby.  

 

 

 

 

 

Lord help, ex-Countess Lu is discussing the book with her co-writer.  She’s so full of shit talking about she kisses on both cheeks cuz that’s what she’s use to.  I know Native Americans and they don’t kiss on both cheeks as a matter of habit.  She be makin’ shit up as she goes along.  What I wanna know is if she’ll put tips on how to properly handle your husband dumping you via email…or how to make out with a youngster in a hotel elevator with class!  Ya’ll think that will be a chapter?

 

Kelly’s in L.A. talking about her “jewelry line” with an ACTUAL jeweler.  Someone please stick a needle in her head and deflate her damn ego.  She acted like she created something.  The shit was already fucking done when she walked through the door. 

 

Um, Jill Zarin, babe, can you not be chasin’ your unruly ass dog through the store while customers are waiting.  They loved her, but fuck. 

 

Hold the phone, was Kelly just running in the middle of Manhattan traffic for no fucking reason?  Please tell me it was a commercial of some sort.

 

Jill Zarin is going to pick out a new custom made bag for her birthday (courtesy of Bobby Vegas, natch) and she invited Kelly the Troll to help her.  Traitor!  She brought her two daughters.  One of her kids is named Sea!  Really?  Sea?  Jill Zarin dropped 16 grand on a handbag.  Of course the Troll is gonna be nice to you.  The bitch is a climber.  She’ll do whatever she can to whoever she can if she thinks it will advance her social status.  You gotta see through that shit Jill!!

 

Ex-Countess Lu was choosing the cover for her book “Class with the Countess” and mentioned that her relationship with the Count has been like a dream.  So now, is it like a dream that she woke up from when she read the email about him and the African hottie?  Again, just askin’…

 

Jill Zarin’s apartment is being photographed for a magazine.  WHY does she look like June Cleaver?  What was up with the Stepford Wife look?  Hated it!!

 

So Jill asked the people from the magazine if they had a PP…a private plane.  I wonder if she asked Bethenny if A-Rod has a big PP or a little PP.  I bet he has a decent sized PP that he can’t work too well.  He’s a baller and bitches think he’s fine…he doesn’t have to know how to work it!  Sorry, I’m no longer talkin’ about a damn jet!

 

Over to Ramona’s scatter brained ass and Bethenny.  B is tryna help Ramona understand that the name of her skin care line has to match all the labels and shit.  Ramona is such a fucking idiot.  How do they have any money in the first place?  This is elementary shit.  Bethenny offering her good advice, but she’s too stubborn to listen.

 

Aight, Ramona just dropped the obligatory dig at Jill.  Glad Bethenny checked her ass.  But then Ramona insulted Bethenny saying how Jill only likes her cuz she’s the underdog and she’s struggling!  Huh?  That ain’t true, but let’s say it is.  WHY would you announce some shit like that in a room full of muthafuckas that don’t know Bethenny?  Damn this bitcdh is rude as fuck!

 

Later, Bethenny hit a photo shoot for the cover of her book “Naturally Thin”.  She looked great.  Can’t wait to see the real thing.

 

Bobby Vegas surprised Jill Zarin with a Mercedes SUV for her birthday!  He’s so good to her.  Jill is pissed that her iPhone won’t work in the car.  So Bobby Vegas said he’ll get her a new car!  Please excuse me while I pour myself a glass of wine.

 

Alex is on her way to meet Simon for her birthday surprise.  Jill Zarin just got a new Benz and he’s meeting Alex on a street corner with some ugly roses wrapped in plastic!  

 

They went into a jewelry designer’s suite to pick out some custom earrings.  They left and Simon started acting like a crack baby screaming about the surprise being ruined when the driver took a wrong exit.  Calm the fuck down.  Nobody’s gonna die because a birthday surprise was ruined!!  After Simon simmered down, they made it home to have a mini party with their bad ass kids.

 

Next week: Kelly’s hosting a Halloween Party and doesn’t even

show up.  Bitch!

 

Did ya’ll watch?  Thoughts?

 

…Vine…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)

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Comments on: "Real Housewives of NY: Episode 9 Recap" (23)

  1. FYI I had the worst fucking time putting this damn post up! Sorry for the weird spaces and shit. It was that or nothing LOL. – Vine

  2. I was wondering what the hell was going on with the fonts and stuff on this post …lol

    OMG, where to start!

    Kelly, hate the bitch more every episode. She had nothing to do with the jewelry, runs in the middle of the god damn street in Manhatten (acting like she’s in a ‘sporty tampon’ commercial), fuckin pillow fights with Bobby Vegas’s $400 throw pillows…come on woman!

    Jill, still loving her and her man! I couldn’t believe she was dropping $16K on a handbag only to be suprised by a new Benz. Did anyone catch her comment about Bobby still owing her the handbag…like a new Benz was suffiecient for her birthday. I’m not mad at her! I did think it was wierd she let’s that shitty little dog run around the store, I mean what if it pissed or took a poop in there? Is that what customers want to see??

    Poor Bethenny, how did she get suckered into that Conn. grocery store? Then Ramona takes cheap shots in front of guests. She did look smokin for her photo shoot though. After her escape to Miami with A-Rod I suggest she heads to her OBG for a full STD examination of her Vageegee!

    Ramona needs a Marketing 101 class, Bethenny was totally right. You can’t just through shit on the market with no story or brand image behind it. And anyone with Microsoft Word could have designed the facial care labels. Where is that shit going to be sold? Can Ramona answer me that?

    Countess Lu and her book are killing me. I mean I read every so often but can’t say I would buy a book on manners. I mean who is going to purchase this? And the fact that it’s only been you for the last 16 years BECAUSE you married the Count doesn’t really make it crediable. And let’s rewind one week when you called a 10 year old little girl FAT…is that a chapter?

    ROFLMAO at the recap of Simex…he was acting like a little crack baby in the car! The suprise wasn’t even a suprise? I mean to go HOME and see your kids is a suprise? Like do you not spend enough time with them, that when the time comes to spend time it’s a suprise?? The scene with the boys was cute though…but, were they using a cardboard moving box as a dinner table??

    Can’t wait for next week…Kelly no shows her own party, who does that?!?

  3. WHY was Kelly’s ass running in the middle of the street? I still don’t get that. Do people do shit like that in Manhattan? It definitely looked like a tampon commercial LMAO! I’m surprised that Jill didn’t call her ass out! I think had there not been a party going on, she would’ve.

    Yeah, Bethenny best to have a doctor all up in her piece after this fling with A-Rod runs its course. Ewwww!

    If the homemade labels and Ramona’s inability to even know the name of her own fucking skin care line, I predict a disaster! She can act too good to listen to Bethenny if she wants to, but B already has a tight brand!

    Ex-Countess Lu grates on my last nerve at this point. I can’t even stomach watching her. It’s to the point where I’d rather see Alex than Lu. She’s just so full of fucking shit. Can’t stand people like her.

    Poor Simex, what can you say about them? Simon acted all emotional and crazy….sorta like a woman. Still waitin’ on him to prove my theory wrong!

  4. The whole Kelly thing was her loving to jog. I mean she got all suited up in spandex shorts, talking about loving to flaunt her legs! She went on to saw that going for a jog in Manhatten is one of the most exhilirating experiences…ummmm pretty sure I can think of quite a few things more exhilirating than a damn jog. Although, if your dogging cabs and running down the middle of a street in spandex maybe it is that exciting. Like the running of the bulls, NYC style!

  5. I can’t stand yo @ss! you literally make me laugh out loud. Bethany is the realest of them all….I just don’t get why she don’t stand up for herself as its happening. Kelly out to be in a contest on the streets of Manhattan to see who can slap her the hardest! oh hell here come my boss…..what come on tonight? whatever it is I will read anything new here in the a.m.

  6. Great recap, thanks.

    Bethenny in Conn. That’s why we love her. She can play it for laughs even at her own expense. That’s awesome. “You could hear a muffin drop.” And she took a shot at where the chicken might be in the store. Hysterical.

    Jill, yeah that look didn’t work for me either. And Bobby and the car, classic. “I’ll handle it babe, no problem.” On the party at Zarin, I totally missed Simon checking out Max, I’ll be sure to watch for it the second time. But I think you’re totally spot on with Mario wanting Jill. You first mentioned it about the page six party and I remained skeptical but the Zarin party convinced me. He wants her, no question.

    Kelly, running in traffic. Whatever, bitch. Apparently her route is 5th avenue but if you’re running around on the Upper east Side why not try the damn park? That’s why people move up there. Plus she lives downtown so she has to drive her ass up there in the first damn place. Completely incoherent. And yes, all the jewelry was done when she got there. She didn’t “design” anything.

    @Jizzle, “running of the bulls.” Oh man, put that one in the books for all time.

  7. The Countess is so over for me. I really liked her but this lady is totally tragic. I hope she makes a few bucks off the book, but she has a ghost writer and she called that girl fat and her daughter eats with her mouth open and she tells the pizza guy she’s a Countess. And she isn’t even a Countess anymore. And… And… Sorry LuLu, I hope you get a few bucks out of the divorce, but you’re kinda done for me.

  8. I too am very intrigued about Kelly’s Halloween party next week. Loved Jill in the Marie Antoinette get up. I read somewhere that a few years ago when Kelly was pushing The Bikini Book that the bitch showed up to Heidi Klum’s Halloween party in a fur bikini. I’m not kidding. I read this in a couple places.

    Does Seal really need to see a “wandering” and available tummy? I don’t think so. The man learned German to sing lullabies to the first kid that isn’t even his. That brother is locked down so please have an ounce of respect for his family. Just an ounce.

    Maybe she couldn’t attend her own party because she had to go a super-fabulous event dressed as a half naked owl this year.

  9. @Brittany – I don’t get that about Bethenny either. I don’t think she likes confrontation. So she let’s it go and uses sarcasm to vent in the confessional after the fact. I hope a cab driver slaps her ass runnin in the middle of the damn street. Nothing comes on tonight, but we’ll probably have something up anyway. Celebrities are always doing some bullshit LOL!

  10. Oh yeah, Ramona. The Jill dig at the party had her own BFF, the striking one with the long dark hair, sticking up for Jill. Okay when you’re best girl doesn’t have you back, put a cork in it.

  11. @Brittany. I know, I love this blog too. I just can’t stand it sometimes. And it’s perfect that these ladies are blogging about these topics the way they do. It just fits perfectly.

    Bravo A-List awards are on tonight. And Kathy Griffin does an hour routine before the show starts. Should be good TV.

  12. Hollywod and Vine: I love this blog! Thanks again for making a bad day better.
    Kelly: I can’t bear her. The chirpy voice is the worst. Her costumes are ridiculous. The pillow fight was not a good idea–hello, this is the family business. You are an invited guest.
    As for the tampon commercial–hubby says, “Why is she running down the middle of the street? The cab is going mow her down!”
    The owl jewelry–reminds me of my second grade teacher who had an owl thing. Nice lady, but she did not get out much!
    Jill: Love Jill. Liked the June Cleaver dress, but not the crazy dog.
    Can I suggest an adapter for the car that allows for the ipod?
    Ramona: Did anyone else notice that skincare called TruReNewal by Ramona may lead people to wonder who the heck Ramona is.
    And she is so rude–Bethenny is not an undedog. Even her pal Joni tried to explain that “Jill and B have a connection.”
    No wonder rude Ramona is married to a guy like Mario.
    Simon’s behavior explains his kids behavior.
    A surprise might be taking Alex to meet the kids somewhere other than home. Just a thought…

  13. @Michele – Yeah, gotta love Bethenny! That shit was hilarious.

    Told ya, Mario acts like a 5th grader on the playground when he’s around Jill Zarin. His trash talk is flirting!

    You mean to tell me that Kelly drives to a nicer area to jog on the street (vs. the park)?? Attention whore for one dolla! Do I hear two? Anyone?

  14. @Michele – No she did NOT show up at a Klum party dressed like a trashy hooka (in my best NeNe voice)? That picture is worth searching for.

  15. @Michele – Shit, I just set the DVR for Bravo all night. Forgot that quickly. Yeah, I love Kathy Griffin, natch. Hollywood doesn’t find her funny. So I’ll be recapping that shit, I’m sure! A List Awards, too!

    Glad ya’ll can deal w/our vulgarity. Hollywood & I always watch tv together hollerin’ and cussin’ at the tv. We thought shit, other people must do the same thing. Let’s start a blog!

  16. @katester – “A surprise might be taking Alex to meet the kids somewhere other than home. Just a thought…” Honey, you should never have a bad day with classic lines like that! Love it.

  17. Thanks for the reminder on the A List awards. I LOVE Kathy Griffen, she is fab!

    Did you see the A-List previews showed a Real Housewives runway contest?? I’m interested to see who shows up for that one.

  18. You guys are cracking me up as usual with your RH blogs!

    First, I totally agree that Kelly’s pillow fight was totally childish, I mean come on. On a side note, this was the first time I noticed that Zarin Fabrics is completely carpeted in cheetah print. Can they get more fabulous!?

    Ramona and Mario were just being plain rude and vindictive by making fun of Simon’s tennis outfit. YALL WON THE MATCH, don’t be sore “winners” and get all nasty to the losers in public.

    Yes, I also noticed Simon’s reaction to Brad’s convulsions about Max…that made me giggle when I saw it. Did you guys notice that Jill called Brad an “old gay” when she was a little embarrassed by his overreaction? Damn, I know my gay friends would cut me if I said anything like that on camera about them. Jill better buy him something extra pretty to make it up to him for that comment. Maybe he can have her 16,000 dollar bag.

    Speaking of that bag, I would be to embarrassed to invite my “friend” over to watch me spend so much money on myself. Seems a little weird to me. And you guys are right, Jill’s a bit of a traitor for hanging out with Kelly after she was so rude to her BFF, B. Enemies of my friends are enemies of mine…but maybe this was filmed out of order…who knows? I love Jill, so I’ll give her a pass on this one.

    I think Bethenny was hilarious at the grocery store, and I admire the fact that she could keep her sense of humor while the whole thing was going down the toilet, and that’s why she’s my favorite. She talked about it on her bravotv.com blog (which is a must read if you haven’t checked it out, she doesn’t hold anything back!) and said that the store had not advertised the event and most people were scared off by all the cameras hanging around, but she was positive about it and said it was a learning experience. I’m seriously addicted to her blog, she talks so much trash about the other housewives/husbands, it’s awesome. BTW, she also mentioned that Jill, Bobby V and Zarin Fabrics redid her apartment too and it just never got aired. How nice are they!

    I laughed my ass off when I saw Kelly “running with the cabs” WTF is her crazy ass thinking?!! I’m not a New Yorker, but I’ve been there a dozen times and I have never seen anyone jog in the street. They got sidewalks, honey! I think it was all a misguided ploy to advertise her jewelry line, did ya’ll notice the fugly-ass owl on her shirt? I think she thought “I’ll get lots of camera time by jogging in the streets with nothing but this t-shirt and my ass hanging out!”

    I can’t wait for next week, the costume party looks hilarious!

  19. Kelly Bensimon in a fur bikini

    Gilligan’s Island necklace to boot. I’d have to say the owls are a vast improvement.

  20. @ H & V. “You mean to tell me that Kelly drives to a nicer area to jog on the street (vs. the park)??” Yes she lives downtown in SOHO. And she usually runs uptown. That’s a major hike in NYC. The video is of her on the Upper East side, Park Avenue I think. Some bloggers over at Bravo posted that they saw her running on 5th avenue too. It’s totally insane that she would get her ass up there to jog in the damn street during the day when she has the park across the street or one block away.

  21. Kelly looks downright offensive in that bikini! She looks like she didn’t wash or comb her hair. And she needs to borrow some of those Lil Kim hip implants. Nasty!

    Going out of her way to “jog” on the Upper East Side when she has a park across the street from her own shit further solidifies my belief that this bitch ain’t nothin’ more than a social climber. Bitch even wants to be “seen” when she’s exercising!?

  22. I love your site! I can’t get enough of the HWNYC, I’m hooked. Bethenny is my girl, my favorite, amazing beauty, HILARIOUS, successful because of her hard work and charming personality. Is there any way to block Kelly’s sunburned head? Or mute only her voice, the…weird, irritating pitch and phony sounding everything…who does she think she is? I love Jill and Bobby, but hope that Jill stays loyal to her real friend Bethenny, and not this new wannabe and party hopper. BTW, where are K’s kids when she is out every night apparently? Can’t wait for the Halloween scene to come 🙂

  23. Thanks Vera. Kelly’s forehead is hella red all the time ain’t it?! Maybe her baby daddy is with them while she’s out on the town climbing all those social ladders, apparently in swimwear. If she had a nanny, she’d tell the world.

    Team Bethenny! Is there any other team…besides Jill Zarin, of course.

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