Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Ya know, Hollywood and I need to move to the east coast so we can get this shit earlier!  But since we’re in hot ass Cali, we’re about to go live…3 hours late!

Before we get started, anyone who reads my DWTS recaps knows how much shit I’ve talked about David Alan Grier.  It appears that he read my trash talk cuz now he’s following us on Twitter…probably to keep an eye on how much David Alan Grier knows he’s gay talk comes outta my mouth!  Just a guess…

Aight, it’s 8pm bitches!  This week they have one dance and a group dance!  Ya’ll know I love a good train wreck!  I can’t believe this, but the Disney Remix is growin’ on my ass!  I must be bored. 

WHY is Samantha wearing some drapes?

Up first, the bitch to beat, in my opinion of course, Missy Rycroft.  Yes, Missy.  Like she’s my friend.  Tony is tryna toughen her ass up this week.  She can dance her ass off, but she’s too nice wit it.  So he took her to Wisteria Lane???  I like Terri Hatcher, but isn’t she better suited to give advice on which plastic surgeon in L.A. is best?

Here we go with the Argentine Tango.  WORK BITCH!  If she does not get a 30 for that shit,  then David Alan Grier shoulda slapped the judges!  The bitch is bad, I don’t give a damn why she got on the show.  29!  Len screwed them with a 9!  Fucking geriatrics!

LT and Edyta are up next.  He needs to go.  I wanna pull for the brotha, but he just ain’t doin’ good enough!  They have the Waltz.  He might actually pull this shit off.  I know Edyta besta come out that cloak before they finish this dance.  There it goes…OH GAWD.  This is a disaster!  Total 21!  How did that happen?  Charity?!

Derek, Lil Kim and her Mickey Mousenose are up with the Rumba.  Derek said that he has to tone down her sexiness.  What he needs to do is buy her a Lady Daisy so she can hit them underarms before they rehearse.  Just sayin…That shit was HOT!  Genius with the wardrobe, too.  For once I paid more attention to her dancing than her hip implants.  I disagree with Carrie Ann.  I thought it was fantastic!  Not as great as Missy, but great!  Does anyone get the impression that Lil Kim ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed?  Total – 26!

Oh Gawd, Chuck and Julie Andrews are up next!  They bore me in rehearsal.  Let’s get to it.  I don’t see him having enough rhythm to pull this off.   Aight, I’ll eat those words.  Two weeks in a row now…I liked that a lot actually!  So did all the judges.  Let’s see how it translate in his scores.  Total – 27!

Ty and Chelsie are about to try the Waltz.  He’s havin’ a hard time cuz he’s acting like he doesn’t find Chelsie attractive.  Ummm, okay Ty.  She looks country in that ugly ass dress!  So far so good.  He’s doing a decent job.  It’s enjoyable enough to watch.  Total – 24!  That’s like a 30 for them!

Shawn and Mark “The Boner” Ballas are about to try their hand at the Cha Cha Cha.  Shawn’s lookin’ like Kelly Monaco in rehearsal.  What’s up with that?  She’ll be aight when she hits the floor.  I thought that was FABULOUUUUS!  It suited her youth well!  Work it little girl, work that SHIT!  I loved it!  She wasn’t as great as Missy, but I think she has a 28-ish comin’ her way.  Did your girl Vine call that shit or what?  28 yall!

Bringin’ up the rear, Gilles and Cheryl!  They’re doin’ the Viennese Waltz and if I’m not mistaken….Gilles’ wife designed that ugly ass dress for Cheryl.  If this MoFo can’t dance damnit I don’t know who can!  That shit was fucking great!  I don’t give a damn.  Len can kiss my ass.  Cheryl has that twinkle in her eye again.  Gilles better keep it PG.  Come on now, don’t act like ya’ll don’t know Cheryl’s a man eater!  The judges don’t think it’s perfect.  I think he’ll tie Melissa!  Total – 27!  YES, that means my girl took the top spot this week!  Bitch earned it, too!

Group dance is on the way.  I know this is going to be a nightmare.  I just know it.  There are no words for how ridiculous this rehearsal is.  LT is pissed as shit about this bullshit!  I don’t blame him cuz he’s about to be out there lookin’ like a fucking clown LOL!

Ummm, what do you say about something that chaotic?  I wasn’t feeling the 60’s routine, but I thought some stand outs were Shawn and Melissa!  Lil Kim lookin’ like she smells dog shit while she dances is so distracting. 

What did ya’ll think of tonight’s show?

Update:  LT and Edyta were booted this week!

Vine…in a minute

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