Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Why do ya’ll request more of the shows that I watch?  Bombard Hollywood with requests.  Oh speaking of, she’ll be glued to Gotti’s Way and New York Goes to Work for anyone looking forward to that shit.

I know I’m late with the Hills, but it’s so hard to watch this bullshit.  Aight, here we go.

LC, Lo, Audrina and Steph went on vacation to Hawaii to crash the boys’ trip.  Wow, they seem SO fucking shocked.  Come on now.  Stephanie ain’t been there 20 seconds and bitch already has a drank in hand.  If you saw it, you know I ain’t lying.  20 seconds MAX LOL!

Natasha Bettingfield or whatever, is still getting paid for this old ass song.  I ain’t mad at her.

Back to Hawaii, Audrina is drooling over Brody, but obsessing about Justin Bobby!  How could anyone think of someone so ugly while sitting in a beautiful place like Hawaii?

Back in L.A., the newly married (in “real” life) Speidi are at Barnes & Noble talkin’ about how Heidi’s ex Colby is coming to town.  Didn’t see that one coming. 

Colby and his girl are at XIV to meet Speidi for dinner.  This shit is lame.  Colby’s girl, I think Ashley, looks like a down home school marm.  She played the shit outta Heidi though tellin’ her how she’s seen pictures and she looks like a totally different person now.  One for the virgin!  She might not be gettin’ laid, but she could tell the new hair, lips and boobs a mile away! 

Over in Hawaii, Stephanie is pretty much pimpin’ Audrina out to Brody and he bit.  Audrina wears way too much make-up.  She doesn’t need all that shit.  Ease up boo!  Stephanie done encouraged her to whore herself out to Brody to make Justin Bobby jealous.  Uhhh, why not just hook up with Brody cuz he’s fine as hell?  What does that homeless lookin’ dude have to do with anything?

Spencer being the creep that he is, took poor, backed up Colby to box figuring he had plenty of aggression to get out since he can’t let it out on Ashley or the maternity dress she had on at dinner.  Dude couldn’t even jab right.  So let me get this straight.  He doesn’t drink, smoke, cuss or fuck AND to top it off he can’t protect my ass if somethin’ goes down?  I’d rather fuck with Spencer!

Speidi has the Virgins over for Bible study.  They ought to be shamed playin’ with the Lord like this.  Anyway, Ashley said that in the Bible, sex before marriage is called “fornification”!  FORNIFICATION?!  Really!?  Between her and Colby they ain’t the smartest couple.  They are lackin’ in all kinds of areas!  Spencer is looking at them like they’re from Bedrock and they drove to his apartment in a car that was powered by their feet!  This fool started texting during Bible study.  He’s a cold piece of work.

Back on the big island, Brody’s friends are tellin’ him how Audrina dangled her cherry in his face and he ain’t pop it.  I mean, no that’s not what they said exactly, but it’s what they meant.  Fine ass Brody makes it clear that he is only attracted to his girlfriend – remember the trashy broad from last week?  Her.  Oh wait, he amended that.  If it’s late night and nobody is around, THEN he would hit that.  Audrina just smiled and agreed like a damn hooker.

LC and Lo’s nosey asses wanna know what the fuck went down with Audrina and Brody last night; she spent the night with him.  Now Steph wants to play coy like she wasn’t pimpin’ Audrina out the night before. 

Brody admits to the boys that he fucked Audrina.  Audrina basically admits to the girls the same.  Steph told her that Brody’s girlfriend would be starting WWIII wit her when she finds out.  Audrina was like I don’t care, start a war.  Whatever.  I love white girls.  She fucked that woman’s boyfriend, but then had a chip on her shoulder about the girlfriend getting mad…like she didn’t do shit wrong!  Only in America.

Thoughts?

Vine…in a minute

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Comments on: "The Hills Season 5: 4/27/09 Recap" (4)

  1. […] Original post by hollywoodandvine […]

  2. You’re so right. I’m white, but white girls ARE some self-righteous bitches. She acts like all she did was pee in a public toilet and now it’s not her fault she’s dirty.

    Oh BTW, I started a blog, and I put you guys on my blogroll. There’s not much up yet, but stop by if you get a chance http://jen512.wordpress.com/

  3. @Jen – you are too sweet to be one of our readers LOL. How sweet of you and yes, Hollywood and I will check out your blog! We won’t cuss either LOL.

    Can you believe Audrina acted like she didn’t do a damn thang wrong? Um, you fucked Jayde’s man bitch. Can you spell humility?

    – Vine

  4. Please cuss, I do!

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