Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Archive for April, 2009

Making the Band 4: Season Finale Pt. 2

Here we go ya’ll.  Sway and the audience are live for the finale and I’m tipsy.  Should be fun.

Day 26 is having a sit down with Diddy.  Que seems like he’s been a few days sober and Donnie is there with his 2 pack, too!  Diddy is talkin’ about how they need to learn about Danity Kane and how you gotta make sure you really want it.  Yeah, that and make sure that none of the members fuck the head of the label (allegedly).  That could help!

Back to Sway at the Hudson Theatre.  Day 26 is about to perform live.  I’m sorry, does Robert have capri pants on?  Wait, are they pleather?   Okay, just askin’…Lord help, here comes Diddy in a Gucci jacket!  Why didn’t I expect him to come out during this shit?  I love when Diddy dances and I love him!  He can’t really dance allll that well, but nobody really gives a shit cuz he’s Diddy!  Is this nigga really tryna sing LMAO?  You gotta love Diddy! He’s like fuck it, I’m almost a billionaire.  If I wanna sang with these real singers, I’m gone sang!  Loves it!

Back from commercial, Day 26 and Dr. Love aka Donnie Klang are sittin’ down talkin’ to Sway!  The played back all of Que’s bullshit during the season.  Yeah, he owned up to going through a lot, but didn’t say he was a dope fiend.  He said the cameras didn’t catch his drama.  Yep, camera wasn’t there when he was gettin’ high as the sky!  Oh Lawd, Dr. Love bout to take the stage.  I hope he don’t take off that damn shirt!  Donnie ain’t had a six pack since season 1.

Thankfully he’s singing a ballad and don’t have to dance or strip!  Uh oh, here he goes, takin’ off his jacket.  Do NOT take off a shirt!  Fool, you KNOW you ain’t fit like you used to be!  Did he just have the nerve to pull up his shirt LMAO?  Donnie’s stomach looks like Bruh Man from the Fifth Flo!  He betta stop!

Danity Kane is back on the stage, minus Drea.  Um, didn’t I tell ya’ll last week that D Woods would look as bootleg as ever!  She looks a fucking mess!  Shannon looks good, Dawn has a new short cut and Aubrey is fat!  Ya’ll see Aubrey waving at the fans…yeah, cuz she knows she ain’t never gonna be in front of fans screaming like that any damn more after tonight!  D Woods…there are no words.  Why is she so fucking bootsy? 

Sway asked her what happened to the group.  She gave a bullshit answer, but she was quick to not mention how her girl Aubrey single handedly fucked up the group!  Aubrey went on and on about how she’s all about forgiveness and shit.  She’s a damn liar.  Bitch is living in Newport Beach now with her “wife”.  Sooo, she went from fucking men, including Diddy (allegedly), to being a lesbian?  Um, aight Aubrey.  If you say so.

Again, back from commercial.  Diddy should be out soon!  Sway called these bitches out.  He said that nobody seems to be taking accountability and he’s right!  Aww shit, Diddy walked out while Aubrey was tryna front!  I KNOW he’s going to almost set this shit straight.  He hugged Shannon, but didn’t acknowledge D Woods and Aubrey’s tramp ass. 

You can tell behind the sunglasses that Diddy is sick of these bitches!  For real, he’s tired of it.  What I want to know is how Shannon has been living in someone’s garage and she came back looking better than ALL these hoes!  How did that shit happen?  I mean dayum! 

Sway asked if there’s a chance that Danity Kane can get back together.  Before Diddy can answer, Day 26 is going to plug their new album sing another song.  They sound a mess if you ask me. 

Aubrey said if everything could work itself out she’d like DK to get back together.  D Woods said the season of DK was wonderful, but right now it’s a new chapter!  D Woods wouldn’t shut the fuck up, so Diddy cut her ass off when Sway couldn’t!  Shannon said, no not yet!

WHOA, Diddy said he’s gonna let everyone outta their contracts so they can pursue other shit.  Ya’ll will have to forgive me, but I just don’t believe that shit.  Diddy ain’t let nobody outta their contract EVER unless he got paid and nobody with any real money is tryna pick up D Woods, Aubrey and nem! 

Donnie is up on stage with his loverboss, Diddy!  D Woods is working on a solo project.  Shannon is working with www.iamfrenzy.com. Aubrey is working on Broadway and has a new reality tv show in the fall.  Diddy said he wants to get in on that.  Trust, he will be gettin’ a piece of the pie. 

THIS is why Aubrey ain’t cool with him.  She talks to fucking much..all up in front of Diddy talkin’ about Twitter her.  Bitch, don’t nobody cut Diddy off like that which is why he played you last season!  She’s so chunky and bootleg!

Diddy is looking for a new girl group now.  When details are made available by MTV, we’ll let ya’ll singers/dancers know.

Until next season…Vine…in a minute

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Real Housewives of NYC: Episode 10 Recap

Oh Lordy, we’re startin’ off with ex-Countess Lu.  Victoria is home for a visit after being gone 2 months.  Damn, they couldn’t even go pick the child up and bring her home!  OH MY GAWD!  How does Victoria not know what the fuck Goodwill is?  I mean, I know she’s the daughter of a Count and all, but who doesn’t teach their kids about Goodwill?  This is ridiculous!  Was it just me or was Victoria over her mom’s superficial ways?  She seemed to be a lot more grounded!

Over at Jill Zarin’s apartment, the BBC came through to do an interview. He talked about a little bit of everything.  I thought it was a good interview 100%  because of Jill Zarin!  She did a fabulous job and really carried that boring ass British dude! 

Kell is taking her new head shot, but then she asked the photographer to take some “from behind because they’re spicy”!??  Huh…come again!?  Is it a head shot or an ass shot?  Oh yeah, Mr. Photographer, will you throw in a few bikini shots for me so I can be the “A” in hAlloween for a Halloween party invitation I’m sending out soon!  Is this not the most random bitch out!!

Victoria and Mommy Dearest are out shopping or as ex-Countess calls it “spending quality time”.  And JUST LIKE THAT, ex-Countess let the clothes take over her thoughts and poor Victoria was sittin’ bored as shit waiting on her!  She said price doesn’t matter.  Hmmph, I bet it matters a bit more now that her ass is gonna be on a monthly budget!  I like to call it….alimony!

Jill Zarin is getting her Halloween costume made for herself and her damn dog.  They’re gonna be Elle Woods and Brewster from Legally Blond.  Aight, Jill Zarin is tryna dress up her dog in pink froo froo clothes.  THIS is why animals attack their owners.  It’s a dog…stop dressing them like people.

Jill Zarin and Aunt Cookie are on the air with Jill’s sister!  What is with the 20 second time outs that Bravo does after barely showing one segment?  That’s the shit they did last week with Kelly running in the middle of the damn street.

I thought I’d get through the whole episode without Simex, but I’m not that damn lucky!  She’s picking out some brown paper bag lookin’ top that I think uses the proceeds to feed kids?  I don’t know.  Some sorta gimmick.  Luckily, Alex can wear a brown paper bag and make it look good.  She and Simon work my nerves, but I gotta give credit where credit is due.  Simon is right…the bitch can wear anything well!

Over at Ramona’s condo, unfortunately.  Ramona’s talking about how judgmental Avery is.  Um, I wonder where she gets that shit from!  Oh here she goes…why does Ramona gyrate when she’s really tryna make a point?  If she doesn’t want the child’s judgment, then send her ass out of the damn room!  Simple.  She and Mario make everything so damn hard! 

It’s pumpkin carving time at Casa de Simex!  Simon is such a freak asking his kids if they remember 1967! 

Jill Zarin aka Elle Woods and Brewster made her arrival at Kell’s Halloween Party.  She looked a mess.  It was all in good fun.  Ramona came as Robin Hood.  Bethenny was Roller Girl and her dog was Roller Bitch!  I LOVE HER!  She knows how to have a good time and laugh, especially at herself!  Jill Zarin and Bobby Vegas are wrong, making Brad think that he was eating dog food!  That was hilarious, but what I really want to know is “did Ramona take a bite of the food that her dog had been licking on”?

Jill Zarin and Bethenny are at Hudson Terrace where her charity event will be held.  Is there anything funnier than Bethenny imitating Jill?  I don’t believe there is…not on this show! 

Alex and Bethenny met for brunch to discuss the progress of her Skinny Girls Cocktail logo!  Miss B loves it.

Tonight’s Kelly’s Halloween party.  Bethenny said fuck it, it’s a recession…I’m gonna be roller girl twice.  Bitch is funny!  Okay, hold up, this bitch Kelly has a CASH BAR at her party?  What the fuck?  That is the tackiest shit, period!  You don’t ask your guests to buy their fucking drinks at your party.  I’m with Bethenny – how the hell is she gonna put her name on this bullshit ass party, but not on Jill Zarin’s charity event? 

Jill Zarin aka Marie Antoinette and Bobby Vegas showed up!  She looked great, natch.  However, her smile turned upside down when she found out that A) Kell wasn’t there and B) she had to pay for a soda. 

Lu talks so much about being a former model, but the damn photographers had to tell her how to pose on the “red carpet”.  She’s so full of it.

Simex went to the party as Sarah Palin and “Moose”!  Guess they’re not Republican! 

Bethenny is a one woman show!  Her rant before she shook the spot was priceless.  Roller Girl doesn’t care LOL!  Not only did she skate off, but bitch turned around and was skatin’ backwards down the streets of Manhattan!  I might be laughing about this all morning!

Ooooooh, Ms. Playboy Bunny decides to show up after all!  She’s a bitch!  A low budget, raggedy, fake bitch!  Wait, did this broad just have the NERVE to say that she’s a mom so she didn’t want to be over the top even though she has on a black, satin leotard, fishnets and pink pumps?  Um, whatever Kelly!  WHAT?  She did not say that she was upset that the girls weren’t there when she got there?  Bitch get a clue!

I have five words to describe next week:  BETHENNY VS. KELLY PART TWO!

Vine…in a minute

Out & About…

Houston Rockets stars Aaron Brooks and Ron Artest were kickin’ it at Tear Drop in Portland last night/this morning.  Artest was seen giving his number to an unknown white woman. 

THIS is how these niggas don’t progress in the playoffs.  Out chillin’ hollerin’ at broads instead of resting and focusing on the damn series!  They’ll never learn!

Oh my, Clyde ‘the Glide’ Drexler and Jerome Kersey were there, too!  They know good and hell well they are too old to be in the club and shit LOL!

…in a minute

The Hills: 4/20/09 Recap

LC and Audrina are at some dive bar having drinks.  LC told her to get back out there on the man hunt.  Uh, I don’t think LC meant with Brody sweetie!  But that’s later in the show.

Over at People’s Revolution, Stephanie is workin’ Kelly’s last nerve leaving shit all over the place and preparing sloppy packages for clients.  Real gem you found there LC.  I give it two more episodes before Kelly makes LC fire her ass.

Spencer is outside of Boathouse tryna act out a scene win Heidi back! 

LC, Lo, Audrina and some girl with big teeth hit a club and ran into Brody!  Oh wait a minute, Justin Bobby is there, too!  There ain’t but one club in Hollywood?  Audrina didn’t peep him, but LC made sure she was prepared.  As she put her left hand on the side of her face, I guess to keep Justin from reading her lips, she told Audrina to read her lips and screamed “JUSTIN IS HERE!  JUSTIN IS HERE!”  I see LC never learned to use her indoor voice.

Anyway, Brody to the rescue tellin’ Audrina that she’s so beautiful and should be having fun…not sittin’ looking all sad behind that fool Justin Bobby!  Not shockingly, the trashy girl with the L.A. pout (with collagen assistance) who was making out with Brody asked who the fuck Audrina was.  Showing her insecurities, she leaned over another person to make out with Brody!  Class act!?  If Brody would just get back with LC, we wouldn’t have to watch these other trashy broads!

Over at Audrina’s place, Stephanie’s nosey ass is there to get the dirt! 

OH, sorry, the trashy girl is Brody’s girlfriend Jayde. 

Who the fuck is Sleazy T and why is he letting people call him that? 

Ewww, Justin looks homeless.  How did Audrina date this clown, let alone have sex with him?  He is disgusting!  For real, I’m finding it hard to even swallow my diet soda.  Why are they fighting in the club?  And can Brody stare at her any harder?  Well shit, if I were a dude with that Jayde piece of work, I’d be staring at Audrina, too!

Back at People’s Revolution, Stephanie’s now hangin’ up on muthafuckas only after letting the phone ring 4 or 5 times!  I can’t believe that she is THIS damn clueless.  LC didn’t know how dumb this girl was before she referred her for this internship?

Speidi hits the therapists office in Beverly Hills.  I wonder how much MTV paid this woman to sink this low.  As Heidi explained to this her what the fuck happened, she looked more and more disgusted.  Like ‘if MTV weren’t paying my ass, I wouldn’t be fucking with these two teeny boppers’.  Even the therapist asked Heidi what she’s doing with Spencer.

LC, Lo and Audrina are at lunch talking about Brody.  It became clear to LC real quick that Audrina has a hot crotch for.  She didn’t look thrilled.  Now how did I know these three would end up in Hawaii during the boys trip?  That’s next week.

Am I the only one who thinks the script is getting worse by the week?  They shoulda had Stephanie be a shining star at PR totally showing up LC.  Then Kelly could’ve turned on LC, sending her deeper into her passion for her own clothing line vs. working on for someone else…thus, giving her a reason to plug her line on the show, as well as in reality.  I mean, that woulda been a good start. 

Vine…in a minute

Dancing w/the Stars 8: 4/20/09 Live Blog & Results

Ya know, Hollywood and I need to move to the east coast so we can get this shit earlier!  But since we’re in hot ass Cali, we’re about to go live…3 hours late!

Before we get started, anyone who reads my DWTS recaps knows how much shit I’ve talked about David Alan Grier.  It appears that he read my trash talk cuz now he’s following us on Twitter…probably to keep an eye on how much David Alan Grier knows he’s gay talk comes outta my mouth!  Just a guess…

Aight, it’s 8pm bitches!  This week they have one dance and a group dance!  Ya’ll know I love a good train wreck!  I can’t believe this, but the Disney Remix is growin’ on my ass!  I must be bored. 

WHY is Samantha wearing some drapes?

Up first, the bitch to beat, in my opinion of course, Missy Rycroft.  Yes, Missy.  Like she’s my friend.  Tony is tryna toughen her ass up this week.  She can dance her ass off, but she’s too nice wit it.  So he took her to Wisteria Lane???  I like Terri Hatcher, but isn’t she better suited to give advice on which plastic surgeon in L.A. is best?

Here we go with the Argentine Tango.  WORK BITCH!  If she does not get a 30 for that shit,  then David Alan Grier shoulda slapped the judges!  The bitch is bad, I don’t give a damn why she got on the show.  29!  Len screwed them with a 9!  Fucking geriatrics!

LT and Edyta are up next.  He needs to go.  I wanna pull for the brotha, but he just ain’t doin’ good enough!  They have the Waltz.  He might actually pull this shit off.  I know Edyta besta come out that cloak before they finish this dance.  There it goes…OH GAWD.  This is a disaster!  Total 21!  How did that happen?  Charity?!

Derek, Lil Kim and her Mickey Mousenose are up with the Rumba.  Derek said that he has to tone down her sexiness.  What he needs to do is buy her a Lady Daisy so she can hit them underarms before they rehearse.  Just sayin…That shit was HOT!  Genius with the wardrobe, too.  For once I paid more attention to her dancing than her hip implants.  I disagree with Carrie Ann.  I thought it was fantastic!  Not as great as Missy, but great!  Does anyone get the impression that Lil Kim ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed?  Total – 26!

Oh Gawd, Chuck and Julie Andrews are up next!  They bore me in rehearsal.  Let’s get to it.  I don’t see him having enough rhythm to pull this off.   Aight, I’ll eat those words.  Two weeks in a row now…I liked that a lot actually!  So did all the judges.  Let’s see how it translate in his scores.  Total – 27!

Ty and Chelsie are about to try the Waltz.  He’s havin’ a hard time cuz he’s acting like he doesn’t find Chelsie attractive.  Ummm, okay Ty.  She looks country in that ugly ass dress!  So far so good.  He’s doing a decent job.  It’s enjoyable enough to watch.  Total – 24!  That’s like a 30 for them!

Shawn and Mark “The Boner” Ballas are about to try their hand at the Cha Cha Cha.  Shawn’s lookin’ like Kelly Monaco in rehearsal.  What’s up with that?  She’ll be aight when she hits the floor.  I thought that was FABULOUUUUS!  It suited her youth well!  Work it little girl, work that SHIT!  I loved it!  She wasn’t as great as Missy, but I think she has a 28-ish comin’ her way.  Did your girl Vine call that shit or what?  28 yall!

Bringin’ up the rear, Gilles and Cheryl!  They’re doin’ the Viennese Waltz and if I’m not mistaken….Gilles’ wife designed that ugly ass dress for Cheryl.  If this MoFo can’t dance damnit I don’t know who can!  That shit was fucking great!  I don’t give a damn.  Len can kiss my ass.  Cheryl has that twinkle in her eye again.  Gilles better keep it PG.  Come on now, don’t act like ya’ll don’t know Cheryl’s a man eater!  The judges don’t think it’s perfect.  I think he’ll tie Melissa!  Total – 27!  YES, that means my girl took the top spot this week!  Bitch earned it, too!

Group dance is on the way.  I know this is going to be a nightmare.  I just know it.  There are no words for how ridiculous this rehearsal is.  LT is pissed as shit about this bullshit!  I don’t blame him cuz he’s about to be out there lookin’ like a fucking clown LOL!

Ummm, what do you say about something that chaotic?  I wasn’t feeling the 60’s routine, but I thought some stand outs were Shawn and Melissa!  Lil Kim lookin’ like she smells dog shit while she dances is so distracting. 

What did ya’ll think of tonight’s show?

Update:  LT and Edyta were booted this week!

Vine…in a minute

Candy Girls Recap: 4/19/09

Let me start off by saying that Terricka and Brooke are my BITCHES.  They can do this show by themselves!  HA!  Olivia why are you sooooo upset that Terricka has a pro ball player and you don’t?  Could it be that you are just a little bit envious of Terricka’s fabulous life???  What Olivia needs to stop doing is playing the “good girl” role.  Keep it real!  When the right ball player, rapper, R&B singer (I guess J. Holiday wasn’t interested after all?!?) comes along, then you will have your time to shine sweetie!  Until then take a page out of Brooke’s book and be happy for Terricka and Antonio!  Besides I know of all the groupies especially on the West Coast from Sacramento to San Diego and Terricka’s name has never been mentioned.  Just because you only date professional athletes doesn’t make you a groupie…Just selective!

Brooke is the ultimate video vixen right now!  She has too much for her own good… too much hair, too much tits and too much ass…and she uses every bit to make that money!  You have to love it!! 

Danielle needs to lay off all the alcohol.  She don’t do a damn thang ALL DAY.  WHY is her stomach hanging over her sweats like that?  Eww tacky!

…Hollywood…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)

Miss USA: Pageant or Politically Correct Contest?

Of course we had to way in on this nonsense, but ya’ll might not like what we have to say!

In case you’ve been under a rock, Perez Hilton was in Vegas over the weekend to “act” as a judge for the Miss USA pageant.  During the Q&A section, this dumb ass fool asked Miss California Carrie Prejean:

“Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage … do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”

She replied “We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.  And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.  No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.”

Some applauded her and some booed, but that’s not important.  What we want to know is how the fuck Perez Hilton was allowed to ask such a question knowing damn well he was biased?  Then he turned around and gave Miss USA 0 points for her answer!!!!  What kinda bullshit is that? 

It was beyond unprofessional and inappropriate to throw that question at her knowing good and hell well that he wouldn’t give her any points UNLESS she answered the way he thought was right.  Mark her down for saying “opposite marriage”, but not because she otherwise gave a good, honest answer to the question.  To a large degree, Q&A in a pageant is about content, not the actual answer.

That girl has every right to feel like marriage is between men and women.  Doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be a great representation of the United States.  Whether people like it or not, everyone does not believe in gay marriage. 

The question and spirit behind it was fucked up if you ask Hollywood & Vine.  Miss California should cuss his ass out for that bitch move that kept her from getting the crown!  Whoever decided to bring Perez on board as a judge should be fired for selling out the pageant by bringing on some pop culture muthafucka [for publicity’s sake] who knows jack about the pageant world.

We know you wanna weigh in!

…H&V…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)

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