I am so fucking excited to press play on this shit you guys! Probably a bit nervous, too. I hope my girls Bethenny and Jill Zarin are back on Hamptons terms at this point. We’ll see in a minute. Let me refill my wine glass one-mo-gen before I start.
SHIT! The snippets are enough to make me grab the whole damn bottle. How did my bitches all fall out like this? Aight, let me just watch what happens.
So it seems like they put the nice looking women on the right and the ducks on the left. Yes, ducks! Andy’s boring ass is starting with the off camera drama. Jill Zarin evidently took herself from a 32G to a something DD. She had the girls reduced and lifted. Good for her. If you can spend 16 racks on a handbag, then you should make sure your tits look good for a sexy muthafucka like Bobby Vegas, period dot!
People are talking about Bethenny’s boobs. Andy talked over her so much it sounded like Elisabeth on the fucking View. The gist is that she has had a breast lift before. WHO took the time to notice Bethenny’s boobs in a bikini when the rest of her body was so fucking off the hook. Clearly, a black person didn’t ask that question. Just keepin’ it real. So, Ms. B’s book Naturally Thin is a NY Times Best Seller and did you see the look on Kelly’s face? That, my dear readers, was the unmistakable look of jealousy and envy! Bitch was PISSED that B has a best seller and all she got was bad press and a gay love interest out of this season! That’s what she gets for being such an asshole! B did NOT deny dating A-Rod; she only said that she has been playing the field
Here we go on ex-Countess Lu. She confirmed that she got an email from the Count. She was shocked apparently. I still think part of the shock was that he left for an African, but what do I know? I’m gonna show my sensitive side for a hot second, so don’t get used to it…that is fucked up that this muthafucka sent her an email calling off their marriage after 16 years. I don’t give a damn if he were married to me for 16 minutes, he woulda owed me more than that! I hope she takes his ass to the cleaners. Maybe she’ll own a piece of the Suez Canal after the divorce is final. I want ex-Countess Lu to change her hair just a bit. Awww shit, she gets to keep her title. Now I guess I can’t call her ex-Countess. Lu spoke of the rumors about Alex and the Ethiopian Princess. She said she’s not sure whether or not she’s a Princess, but thinks his people leaked that tidbit in order to make it seem like he wasn’t just fucking an African bitch (my interpretation). Here’s my question. Who the fuck wants to be a Princess in Ethiopia?
On to girl Alex. She talked of being laid off, but never mentioned her career. However, she’s working as a consultant now and couldn’t resist name dropping and bragging about herself, natch!
Kelly “Kellamity” Bensimon and her legal issues are up next. Let’s see how the bitch spins this. She starts this long winded song and dance about how horrible this younger guy was that she dated. Bethenny interrupted asking why he wasn’t on the show ROFLMAO! I love her. Kelly claims that the guy lied about her abusing him…that he walked to the police precinct and called the Post and flat out lied. Now she’s shedding those fake white girl tears about how she has worked so hard since she was a kid to build her name and now he’s tarnished it! Bethenny is CLEARLY not buying it and I ain’t either. Oh sorry, neither is Ramona. I don’t believe this fucking shit! Something ain’t right about this broad, I’m sorry. After how she behaved on the show, it’s difficult to believe her now! Andy ain’t holdin’ back. He asked Kell about the allegations that she stole designs for her “jewelry line”. She said the accuser worked for Elle Magazine while she was there, but obviously the new “recession vocation” is to use or harm someone who’s doing well. Cry me a river bitch! Bethenny and Jill Zarin said they didn’t get the memo. Those two are like Lucy and Ethel! I’m telling you, they don’t need the dead weight. Ditch these back up singers like Beyonce did and get your own show! I LOVE that Kelly acts like she’s so above everyone else…braggin’ about how she’s the daughter of a “lawyer”, yet she said “according to who”. It’s according to WHOM you dumb ass fool! I love when idiots show their true ignorance. Hollywood and I might cuss like sailors and act out on our blog, but we ain’t dummies. Yes, ain’t! Ramona is so disgusted with Kelly’s bragadocious ways that she rolled her eyes. I don’t halfway like her shit startin’ ass either, but that was hilarious!
Does Ramona realize how little rhythm she has watching back all those clips? I am SO GLAD another viewer thinks her ass has not rhythm. Uh oh, hold up, Jill Zarin called her on this “I’ve been working on my skin care line for a year and a half”! Jill flat out said she thinks she’s lying. Ramona back peddled sayin’ she MIGHT have gotten the dates wrong. Uh huh, sure!
Aight, Ramona goes on about how she grew up in an abusive household where her mother was abused by her father. She said she learned to let shit roll off her back but every now and then will throw out a comment when she’s fed up. Basically, she blamed her tackiness on her childhood. I can feel what she’s saying, but shit Ramona, you’re a grown ass woman now. Own up to your fucked up ways and keep it movin. What’s so hard about that?
Some dumb ass viewer wrote in tellin’ Lu that a 15 year age difference IS quite a bit. Honey, grow up! 15 years ain’t shit. Where are these people….Utah?
Ramona and Lu are at each other’s throats over Ramona calling the Count an “old man”. Well shit, if the shoe fits. But I do see Lu’s side (God I’m gettin’ soft) about feeling the shit was out of line with Victoria in the room. That’s true any way you slice it.
I’m with the personwho wrote in nominating LuLu for the who gives a shit about your title award. Lu is a damn lie sayin’ that she uses the title for charity work, etc. Sooooo was it charity work when she called Ms. B on the carpet for introducing her stuck up ass as LuAnn to the driver? Keep it real LuAnn…Keep it real. A lot of people would have a lot more respect for you if you did! She actually had the nerve to come out her mouth and said she doesn’t take herself too seriously! LuAnn really makes it tough to like her.
Bravo thinks they’re funny showing this clip of Simex and their soft core porn this season. By the way, I do realize that everyone on Earth besides me calls them “Silex”, but I like Simex better. It reminds me of Timex, which is bootleg, sort of like them. Alex clarifies that their parenting book is about their experience as parents. Okay, I can live with that better than them tryna teach other people how to parent cuz Yogi and Frank are two bad ass heathens!
Hold up, did Ramona just have the fucking balls to ask Alex if Simon abuses her emotionally or physically? What the fuck is wrong with this broad? I think that she left some pieces outta that story about her childhood. I think that she used to catch some of that abuse, too, cuz her ass is cray-zee! Leave it to Bethenny to lighten the mood. God love her!
They showed clips of B’s finest moments this season. Natch, Kell looks like she wants to spit on her! Alex starts going off on Bethenny cuz she feels like B is a coward and talks behind her back! Alex, shut UP please!
Ramona made some bullshit remark about Bethenny in her blog. The shit hurt B’s feeling. I am glad to see that Jill Zarin is there for our girl Bethenny! That confirms for me that the bullshit at the charity event is way in the past! You know, Ramona is such a cold piece of work that I can’t even say more about her. I know ya’ll will have plenty to say. I’m not lettin her ass wear me out before I watch the Jersey bitches tonight!