Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Due to all the reports about Speidi bitchin’ up in the jungle (filming “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”), I couldn’t resist tryna polish off The Hills episodes.  In case you’re not following @imacelebritynbc on Twitter, click here to see a photo of the alleged Mrs. Pratt in Costa Rica!  I hope the link works cuz girlfriend looks a hot AND humid mess! 

Now, back to The Hills…Heidi’s real dad is coming to town.  Based on how she described him to Spencer, he’s a gun totin’ hillbilly!  Now the transformation makes sense; she wants to erase that kuntry side of her!

Audrina is at work and has the hots for someone in the cheesy ass band shooting a video!  Not only is she loose between the legs, but she’s professional, too! 

Speidi is over at Shutter’s on the Beach in Santa Monica!  I LOVE the hotel and the cafe on the beach where they’re eating!  OMG Heidi’s dad has on a cowboy hat INSIDE while they’re about to eat!  Aha, I see where she gets her class.  Just watchin’ all four of them (his poor new wife was w/him) at the table left a bad taste in my mouth! 

Brody and LC are at dinner.  I know I’m a broken record, but look at those two!  Will they please get together?  He told her ass not to try and help Stephanie out, but she didn’t listen. 

Steph and Audrina are out with two ugly dudes from “the band”.  This asshole had the nerve to flirt and take Steph out, but has a live-in girlfriend at home?  He betta be glad anyone talked to his ugly, Edward Scissorhands lookin ass…this piece of shit had the nerve to make a play for another broad.  I’d whoop his ass!  Steph let that fool know and she and Audrina bounced!

Spencer and Mr. Montag are walkin’ around the beach.  Her dad looks a complete fool out there in Santa Monica with yellow jeans on and that damn cowboy hat!  The whole scene looked like an episode of Bonanza, straight up!

LC dropped an f-bomb on Stephanie…as in “you’re FIRED”!  Why is Stephanie’s ass cryin?  Bitch didn’t lift a pinky to even pretend like she was doing work while she lived there, but now she wants to shed tears!  What did I tell ya’ll about that passive aggressive shit? 

Just saw a commercial for LC’s last episodes (I’m behind) and they showed Heidi from before she started fucking up her body and face!  She wore her natural hair, less make-up, and only had the boobs and lips done at that point.  Even THAT looked better than she does now.  Dayum!  I just can’t stand to see people fuck with themselves like that…all that damn plastic surgery is fucking unnecessary for someone who looked like Heidi did.  Now if she looked like that girl starring in Dance Flick, that would be different!  I kid, I kid!

Spencer and Heidi are on a ferris wheel enjoying a “romantic” evening together.  Speidi is about as romantic as a date with your sibling!  He pulled out a canary yellow diamond ring in the middle of her “honey do” list.  You woulda thought he put his dick in her mouth the way she got all quiet.  She said yes, of course, because the script told her to do so at that moment!

As hard as this is to watch, it’s not as bad as the New Jersey Housewives…

…Vine…in a minute

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