Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Dina and Lexi start off visiting Terrible T’s new house.  Why does she have on a Jersey Girl t-shirt?  Like people can’t figure the shit out by lookin’ at her and listenin’ to her tawwwwlk!  Dina ain’t much better with that sleeveless top on and a damn scarf!  Of course she likes how Teresa dresses…look at her non dressin’ ass!  Only God knows how bad is smelled in that meth lab wine cellar.

Hmmph, we’ll see how much of a not rude person Teresa is when she starts flippin’ over tables like she’s The Nature Boy Rick Flair during a wrestling match.  Yes, I went straight up 80’s…like her damn hair!

Over at Dirty D’s house, she breaks out her modeling portfolio for her kids.  She clearly did that to butter the kids up, makin’ them think she’s cool right before she dropped the hammer on they ass!  Why would you show your kids pictures that you described as hedonistic? 

Aight she said that there were only 3 things true in the book – she was a stripper, she was arrested and she changed her name!  WHOA WHOA, did she just say her FIRST ex-husband?  Hold up, didn’t she say that she was married once?  Now all of a sudden it was twice.

The Beverly Hillbillies are in town to visit.  Jacque’s father told her if she keeps on, she’s gone look like Goldie Hawn in The First Wives Club!  Dayum, nobody on this show has a fucking censor.  That shit was hilarious.  But while grandpa is keepin’ it real with Jacqueline, I gotta keep it real with him.  That little swooped piece of hair he got goin’ on needs to go!  He looks like the Mayor of Whoville!

Dina pretending to be a mother is boring! 

Caroline’s husband is worried about her being home at night by herself.  So he got her a “protection dog”!  I’ll let ya’ll finish my thought.

Did ya’ll see all those cars in the driveway at Jacque’s?  If running an event facility pays THAT kind of money, then let me start soliciting investors now! 

How the fuck are they SOOO proud of Ashleyand her accomplishments when she ain’t accomplished shit?  Bitch ain’t even finish a damn grade in HIGH SCHOOL!  It’s not like we’re talking college with a full load.  English, Math, History and fucking PE!  How hard is that?  To top it off, she got a fucking attitude when Chris called for them to come outside.  This is why she’s obnoxious…they give her ass too much when she really doesn’t deserve it.

Here goes Dina’s ass complaining about having a thriving career again, but not wanting it.  Then quit!  Problem solved.  Stop bitching about it.  Take care of your kid, your man and those freaky looking cats.  Done.

Back at Casa de Con Artist, Danielle and her BFFs, AKA her damn kids, are gettin ready for the dinner party.  Why does this broad have on the same dress as her fucking teenager?  Put some clothes on!  We got it…you’re 45 and fit.

At the dinner party, Jacque looks like she put on one of her old cocktail waitress uniforms at Caesars Palace from her Vegas days.  Teresa is walking around with a Contempo Casuals dress on braggin about her new tits…classy.  Someone’s kid looks like a fruity cocktail with a yellow umbrella to garnish.

Here we go…in walks Danielle.  Everyone is clearly UNhappy to see her!  Joe and Teresa are so damn Jersey.  Sitting at the head of the table actin like they ain’t nevaseen seafood before.  Did ya’ll peep them makin’ fun of Danielle on the low talkin’ about swallowin’ and blow jobs and shit!  Danielle ain’t no fool.  She knew what was up.  That’s why she just sat back sippin’ that expensive ass champagne till she was ready for the gotcha gotcha!

OHMIGOD!  Now Teresa’s talkin about how much her husband likes to fuck her…in front of children.  How inappropriate can you be?  I didn’t laugh once…not quite sure why they were crackin’ up.  That shit was hella rudeand raunchy.  You’re at a nice dinner for the love of Pete.  Act like you weren’t raised by monkeys!

Aww shit, Danielle pulls out the book and put it on the dinner table ROFLMAO!  Bitch pulled it out like CHECK MATE MOTHERFUCKERS!  I think Danielle is full of fucking shit, BUT she manned UP tonight baby.  The old broad came wit it!

Dina is frontin’.  She knows she popped off at the mouth about Danielle and that book!  WAIT, Mama Caroline is taking the fall for her sister?  Come on now Caroline…keep it real!  Dina is a big girl.  And if she’s bad enough to run around town talkin’ shit, then she’s bad enough to own up to the shit to Danielle’s face.

Side bar, I know what thick as thieves means, but I still don’t find it to be a good way to describe a close relationship.  Shit, thieves turn on each at the drop of a hat.  Just sayin…

Did anyone notice that Dina ain’t shit without someone to back her up?  First the drama started with Danielle and Dina, but Teresa jumped in.  So Dina got up and sat next to Teresa.  Then Caroline jumped in.  So Dina went and sat next to Caroline.  Dina’s a straight up coward, period!  On top of that, bringing Jacque into and assuming she’d lie for her ass cuz Mama Caroline did was wrong!  Chris and Jacque were sittin there minding their own business.  I’m glad Jacque told the truth.  She had no dog in that fight.  Chris knew his sister’s were lying, too!  That’s why the man was rubbin off the skin on his forehead.  What did attack dog Caroline do?  Told them ENOUGH when Jacque was lettin’ all the truth fly. 

Ummmm, am I the only one that noticed that according to Danielle, the only truths in the book went from 3 to 2 LMAO???  I’m tellin’ ya’ll, this bitch is covering HARD core!

Unfortunately, Caroline in the City was right.  Jacqueline’s gonna have to choose between “The Family” and Danielle.  Either one of two things will happen when she does.  Chris will choose her or he’ll choose his family.  So she better choose wisely!

Teresa, her sci-fi forehead and that bad wig were out of control tonight.  Was it really that serious for the bitch to be flippin’ over tables and shit at her “favorite” restaurant?  And how is she gonna be all parental about her kids being in the room when Danielle’s discussing the book, but had zero problem talking about getting fucked after surgery and her sore pussy in front of her kids?  These bitches think they’re slick tryna belittle Danielle cuz they think they’re better than her.  Personally, I think Danielle (and Jacque) came off looking better than the rest tonight…even the Godfather!  Teresa could dish out the turned up nose, but didn’t like how it felt when Danielle turned hers up right back at her ass.  Well, she can’t really move her face cuz of all the botox, but ya’ll know what I mean!

Teresa acted like a clown!  She fed into every stereotype that people have of Italians.  She should fucking be embarrassed!  Yeah, Danielle mighta ruined dinner, but that’s the thing about fucking with muthafuckas.  You canNOT dictate how they’ll come back at your ass…or when.  You heard Danielle say that if she hears any more shit, she’ll be at their door and she won’t be alone.  I believe her!  You know why?  Because I believe everything in that book was true! 

You could tell that Teresa has been called dumb and stupid her whole dumb and stupid ass life!  That’s why she went off like that.  Well, that and because the cameras were there!

Danielle’s first ex-husband said that Danielle is smart and will come out on top..that she’ll make this bullshit work for her.  He’s right if you ask me! 

And what was that kinky shit going on between Joe and Teresa?  First he’s tryna restrain her, then they’re making out…

Until next season…in a minute

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Comments on: "Real Housewives of New Jersey Finale" (4)

  1. The reason this show was a little harder to follow was because you know on the other Real Housewives, those babes don’t interact with each other unless Bravo producers pay them show up at a designated restaurant. In this one, they keep talking about how other stuff was said “around town” like this was EastJesus, Kansas in 1956. Plus, half of them are famiglia and talk all the time at the salon (so does my 94 year old grandmother, btw) and now Danielle has a horse’s head in her bed, and her kids have singed My Little Ponies all over their rooms.

    In other news, I’m really going to miss the worm-cat.

  2. @Kate – Can’t stop LOL. You are a fool for that lol! Wasn’t that some shit? I think the biggest mistake for NJ was having more than half the cast related to each other. Snoozeville!

  3. I have to screech some breaks on you Danielle! I think she’s a little mixed up about who wrote the book. You guys shared that NY Post article last week, didn’t the author who was interviewed say he’s never even met her? As far as anyone is sure she was only married to that guy she got busted with. I totally think that bitch could kidnap someone, she’s got the crazy eyes. She has such a knack for making things go from 3 to 2, she does it twice!

    I really liked the scene with Caroline and the dog, did you see the sheer glee on her face when that dog wanted to rip that guy in half? That dog “trainer” didn’t know what the hell he was doing though. Just yanking the dog of someone’s arm isn’t going to work and isn’t going to teach the dog to release. What if he bites the wrong person?

    I couldn’t agree more with what you said about what they were wearing, Jacque’s dress was horrible and I have lingerie that is more conservative that what Danielle was wearing!

    Teresa was so out of line with all the sex talk. I just hope the little princesses where on a potty break with the nanny. Her kids annoy me the most. I have step daughters their age and they’re well mannered angels because we’re strict. I was clawing my eyes out watching them at the clothing store.

  4. Who ever cast for these shows does such a good job!

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