Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

This is a first!  Hollywood and I are watching at the same time under the same roof!  I’ll apologize in advance for not having a regular recap.  There’s too much going on with the two of us here that I can’t think to really give you a blow by blow through my eyes…welcome to our chaos!

Oh gawd, Ramona is batting lead off.  WHO is that big haired, Georgia peach lookin’ woman?  I think someone needs to buy Ramona a pair of spanx for a wedding gift!  She’s checking out the Pierre, where she’s going to have her “renewal” ceremony, blah blah blah!

Over to Jill Zarin and Roller Girl!  Lunch at Cirque.  I am so upset that the two of them have gotten to this point, BUT I absolutely think that Jill is doing this for personal gain.  Hollywood loves all she does, but not me.  C’mon Jill, all ya’ll gossip about each other!  Keep it real.  Ya’ll see Jill’s attitude slightly changing while Bethenny is letting her have it?  EVERYONE is a villain but Jill!  She’s the victim all the damn time.  Please honey!  I hope that Bethenny leaves this friendship in the past.  It’s run its course, leave it in the past!

LOOK AT BOBBY VEGAS!  I don’t give a damn.  That is one sexy ass man!  Do you see this gay producer with all those women tryna prove that he’s masculine?  Poor Kelly can’t dress to save her life. Sonja got on stockings GNR!  Who is Jacque?  Another one of Countess Lu’s boyfriends that she picked up while she was still married?  Just askin.  Um, we know what that something is that makes them click…he’s penis!  Hollywood said she’s shocked Ramona didn’t show up…her off beat ass never misses a chance to dance.  Countess, he’s your favorite producer b/c he’s your ONLY producer!  White people, I’m sorry, but nobody there could find the beat if you put it in a Louis Vuitton bag!  Lu didn’t even have the mic near her mouth while she was lip syncing!  Good Lord!

I love that Sonja keeps it real.  She gets so damn drunk she can’t help it!  Yes, Jill showed up unannounced! 

Over to Bethenny’s, she and Jason are packing up her shit.  Snooze, but I am looking forward to new show:)

Back to Ramona, she and Avery are over at Oscar Blondi.  Avery canNOT stand that woman.  Look at her.  She barely wants them to give her a trim!  When she gets old enough to go to college, she might go to another country just to get away from her crazy ass mama!  Ooooh Avery has some Chelsea Clinton hair!

We see exactly why Ramona has that gut!  Every single time this woman is on screen, she has a fucking glass of Pinot Grigio in her damn hand!  How are you gonna be an old ass woman gettin’ drunk before you renew your wedding vows?  She’s drunk as a skunk!  Jill Zarin just surprised her in her suite.  Ramona gave her that drunk person’s side to side sway hug!  And Jill looks like one of the B-52s! 

Now for guests’ arrivals.  Sonja might be loose and bothered by that pesky Memorial Day Weekend DUI, but that bitch is FIERCE!  You betta work!  Simon is lookin’ like one of the Village People (shockingly), Bethenny looks like she’s going to nurse African children like Salma Hayek, and Kelly with those toes hanging over her stripper shoes is a mess!  She is so UGH!  Countess Lu looks boring and I actually think that Alex looks better than EVER!  I gotta give it up to her even though Hollywood think she looks like the Wicked Witch of the East.  Back in the suite, Ramona is stressing over her “notes”, but Mario isn’t trippin.  As long as he can lay pipe in that suite 2 hours after the ceremony, he don’t care!!  OMG, Jennifer said “would you ever pay that person to plan your event”?  I TOLD YOU!!  She is as old and dusty as the event planning profession.

Do ya’ll see Coco in that blue dress matching Avery?  THAT is why animals attack humans.

Look at the jive turkey playing the clarinet!  He looks like one of the Five Heartbeats! 

Awww, Ramona’s vows were actually very sweet and kind!  Mario’s too!  That was very endearing!  Truly. 

I’d like to know what 16 year old Kelly knows with a gut like Ramona’s!

Well, a fairly uneventful finale.  Hopefully LuAnn won’t make any more music and Bethenny’s show will be a good time.  We’ll be watching.

…H & V…in a minute

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