Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Posts tagged ‘Alexa Curtin’

Real Housewives of OC: S5 Episode 4

Oh no, Vicki is tryna play matchmaker with Breanna and one of her colleague’s son!  This has disaster written all over it.  Dayum, did ya’ll see that big ass gumbo pot full of Top Ramen that Breanna was making?  Hmmm, so far so good, but I’m sure the thought of Vicki being his mother-in-law will scare him off!

Gretchen hopped a plane out to Michigan to see Jeff’s kids and bury his ashes with them.  I’m glad that his kids have stuck by Gretchen and not let assholes like Tamra shake their belief in what was real to them and their father!

Over at Vicki’s for the BBQ she put together to welcome Chris, Tacky Tam and her tacky ass family showed up.  Who is she to say that it’s weird that Chris flew out to Cali to meet Breanna?  She is so damn NEGATIVE.  I know that is funny coming from us, but shit, at least we find the good in some shit.  She can’t find the good in pay day!  Her gay, ill-mannered son, Ryan, showed up acting like a lil bitch!  How are you technically going to steal someone’s car and not apologize to them for it?  Team Simon on this one!  Ryan needs to get his license back along with a job and stop taking shit that don’t belong to him!

Alexis and Jim are enjoying lunch together, looks like the Ritz-Carlton, Marina del Rey.  He just gave her a sweet piece of jewelry.  I can’t hate.  So far so good.  I like those two.  There is nothing wrong with putting your husband and kids on a pedestal.  Frankly, it’s supposed to be like that, especially when he does the same to you.

Over to the pot house, the Curtins have called in some chick named Vanessa who’s supposed to know kids better than adults.  I can’t with Raquel, Alexis and this sham of a woman.  Uh oh, wait a minute.  Alexa is being honest.  You see, she is desperate to talk to someone!  She’s starved for attention.  She just said it…finally someone to listen to her, not talk over her!  She’s a very smart girl.  I hope she keeps her head on straight and stop walking around looking like Paris Hilton.  That’s not cute in spite of what teenage white girls think!

Oh no, Breanna and old boy don’t seem to be feelin each other any more.  Why not get the man out the house and do something?  Nobody wants to sit up in your mama’s house for a weekend.  That was uncomfortable to watch!

Lord, Breanna took this poor guy to a damn yogurt place.  He did not come out to Cali for this.  She’s boring as hell!  I wouldn’t have had much to say to her either.

Jeff’s kids took Gretchen to the cemetery where they plan to bury his ashes!  I will not let myself cry!  I will not!  I’m just thankful that they all are still connected.  I think that would’ve warmed Jeff’s heart.

Over at Tacky Tam’s wig party, Lynne just walked in looking like Nancy Drew’s mama!  Like she was hiding behind a bush spying on Alexa on a date!  Maybe if Tam would save some of that vodka money and stop having parties, they’d have a bit of extra cash.  Why don’t think drink tequila…that is the family business now, right?

Tamra and Ryan are grabbing a bite together.  Evidently, Ryan got drunk, jumped off a tour bus and broke his foot in 4 places…..cuz that was a good fucking idea!  Now he’s gettin ready to go to jail for 5 days.  Ryan ain’t slick.  He didn’t do that community service cuz he doesn’t have the money to pay for it.  I got your number!

Looks like next week Donn and Vicki are gonna have to put Simon and Tamra in their place.  I’ve been waiting for these two to fall out.  I hope it doesn’t disappoint.

…Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of OC: S5 Episode 1

Yes, actually, I do realize that I’m about 5 weeks behind.  You’ve been here long enough to know what I always say…better late than never.  Shit, I’ve been going through Atlanta Housewives withdrawal and anger since the last season ended.  I believe I’m ready to move on and give the OC bitches my undivided attention.

If I have to hear Vicky talkin’ about her vagina love tank again this season, I’m not going to get far.

It’s funny that Lynne said it’s not about how much money you have…Of course she said that cuz she ain’t got no damn money!

Breanna, Michael and Vicky are on their way to sky diving!  White folk, why are ya’ll always tryna cheat death?  Michael can’t stand her ass.  I hate to say it, but he looks like he’s secretly hoping her parachute malfunctions!!  You notice Michael’s ass was on the ground watching?  He was not gonna fuck up his possible payday by jumping, too. 

Over to Jeana and Colton.  How in the hell did Jeana burn out a clutch in one flippin outing?  Broke people need to drive better!  I’m not being funny; she’s even saying herself that her income has decreased by 2/3!  That is a whole lotta damn money!  She better stop eating $200 lunches at the St. Regis and learn to fucking cook like everybody else on a budget!

Tacky Tamra is such a piece of trash!  Why are you allowing your homeboy to say tea bag in the middle of a child’s party?  Simon can’t stand that broad.  I don’t know what happened, but I KNOW he ain’t fillin up her love tank these days with his pump!

Greedy Gretchen still looks good in spite of everyone talking shit about her over the past year!  I really don’t like Slade and Gretchen together, but I also don’t think she truly cares about that man!  Gretchen is still grieving Jeff’s loss.  She just wants someone there to comfort her, snuggle with her and spend time with her.  When she gets out of that place, she won’t give a damn about Slade’s non-child support paying, broke ass!  Watch! 

Over to Lynne in her rented by Bravo home.  How are you trying to have your accessories carried in a store that you can’t even pronounce?  That is a pet peeve of mine.  It’s Fred Segal, not SegalS.  It’s Nordstom, not NordstromS.  It’s Tiffany & Co., not TiffanyS!  Learn it…use it, Lynne.

Here goes Vicky bitching at Donn as if he’s the hired help!  You know why Vicky is so mad at bitches like Gretchen and the new girl?  Cuz she resents being the breadwinner in her home.  Well guess what honey?  YOU were part of the decision made that Donn would be in the home doing his thing while you were building an empire.  Don’t complain now.  And speaking of Bravo paying for shit for the housewives, can they PLEASE buy Vicky’s ass a face lift?  I’m not tryna be mean, I’m serious.  She has a decent figure for an almost 50-year-old woman, her business is on point, but that sun damage combined with aging is catching up to her!  She needs some work done.  At least some Patricia Wexler products.

Vicky and Tacky Tam are together having drinks, natch!  Damn right Simon is controlling.  He’s probably looking at Tacky Tam like she’s the one who caused all this shit!  If she weren’t tryna keep up with the Joneses, they’d still have some money. 

Vicky said that Jeana asked her for some money and she said no.  I’m on the fence about that.  I feel Vicky; money and friendship, especially that kind of money, don’t typically mix.  On the other hand, Vicky and Jeana have been bffs for quite some time.  How could she turn her back on Jeana in her time of need?  Maybe not all the money, but damn, at least some.  I would never turn my back on Hollywood like that and she wouldn’t do that to me either, period!!

Maybe if Tacky Tamra would spend more time worrying about her own on the rocks marriage instead of Gretchen’s love affairs, then her husband wouldn’t hate the sight of her ass!  She is a bitch!!  Now she done latched onto Lynne cuz Lynne is doing something with herself.  Tamra should fuck with Slade; they are both opportunistic wannabes!

This is why we love Gretchen!  She stood tall and owned up to her bullshit that came out during the off-season.  Yeah, she was in a fucked up place.  Who wouldn’t be after they lost their fiance?  I’m sure she was fucked up day in and day out, hanging around with a bunch of party all the time losers!  But she dusted herself off and she’s still standing tall, just as blond and cute as she was last season!  Team Gretchen!

Why is Lynne so pressed to be accepted by this broad?  Fuck Tamra and her broke, jealous ass!  I wouldn’t be friends with anyone who talked about me like a dog the way that she did about Lynne and Gretchen.  I’m glad Gretchen told Lynne about herself!  Still, the million dolla question is how did Gretchen’s alleged boyfriend get Tamra’s number?  Hmmmm.

Lynne’s is doing all she can to ensure that her daughter, Alexa, ends up on a pole!  Why is your 17-year-old parading down a random street with a bikini on?  That shit ain’t cute.  Lynne better worry about raising them daughters better before she tries to launch an international accessory line.

It is 2009.  Why does Lynne always look like the lead in some bad 80s porn? 

You see Simon told Tam to show some class!  Call me crazy, but I sincerely believe that he thinks her acting a fool last season had something to do with his business taking a nosedive!

Vicki is so ridiculous.  Lynne is supposed to be your acquaintance, at the least.  You couldn’t put on her jewelry for one damn night?  She’s just rude.  Gretchen has on a plum-colored slip and still puts these heffas to shame.  THAT is why they hate her ass.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Poor Jeana, all she wants to do is eat her way through the tension.  Tamra, if you’re tired of Gretchen looking like the good girl, then stop acting like you grew up in East St. Louis where she’s concerned!  Leave that woman alone.  You keep talking shit about her and she ignores you.  That’s why she looks good to the public. 

Tamra is a bold faced liar!  Straight up.  I can’t even deal with this little confrontation anymore.  I’m over this bitch talking down to Gretchen as if she’s so much better!  Vicki has some nerve saying that Gretchen was mean after all the bullshit that just came out of Tam’s mouth!  Tamra, if Gretchen preyed on old men, they why is she with Slade right now?  Bitches like that don’t give a damn…they stick to what works for them and their bank account!  JEALOUSY!

If ya’ll can remember back this far, what did you think of the season premiere?  It’s gonna be a good season, I knowz it.

…Vine…in a minute

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