Shit, I almost missed Gilles and Cheryl kickin’ off the show. Looks like Mr. Good(Big)Bar has a problem with his shoulder. He got a cortizone shot so now he feels no pain, trust! Lindy Hop for them. He’s a little off tonight, like a step ahead of Cheryl here and there! This has to be worse than his Jive. I can’t believe this, but they actually made a sexy ass man look like shit with that jacked up ass hair and high water pants! HATED IT! The judges can like that bullshit if they want, but that was horrible to me. Total 27! They’re playin’ already!
Derek, Lil Kim and her I smelled dog shit grin are up next with the Paso. You know, if her ass would show up to rehearsal on time, maybe Derek could work on those facial expressions and not just her dancing. Side note, Derek tweeted the other day that bitch was 3 hours late. WHAT else does she think she has to do? Here we go…Kim is working this shit OUT! Those dog shit faces suit her in this dance AND her back fat has all but disappeared! You betta work! That shit was HOT!!!! Total 29! Fabulous, but that shit was 30 worthy!
Julianne and 2 buck Chuck are up next. Cha Cha Cha for them. Julianne is in some panties with fringe hangin’ from them. I’m not enjoying this! Julianne is dancing around him. Why is that fun for us? That was bullshit. I hope the judges call this one right! Yes…right! WHAT ARE THEY WATCHING? They loved it. I think at this point they’re trying to give decent to good dancers positive feedback so they can focus their negativity on Ty’s ass. Watch. I missed their scores, but who cares?!
Shawn and Mark are up with the Samba. She looks cute tonight, not like a teenager as usual. Mark looks fucking great! I thought that was good. Not great, but good. She wasn’t energetic enough for me! Total 27!
Missy and Tony’s week in training is up. She has a hairline fracture in her ribs. Poor baby! She and Tony performed in rehearsal and here it goes. Shit, it looked like a fucking rehearsal mark through. She woulda danced the shit outta that tonight. Ya’ll already know she’s gettin’ my votes. Nobody can deny my girl can dance her ass off! Total 21! Not bad for what we saw.
Ty and Chelsie are gonna salsa after the commercial! Here we go. Chelsie ain’t foolin’ me. I know good and hell well she knew what Len meant by “had more rise and fall than a bride’s nightie”! Lord have mercy – she done took Ty to get a spray tan for this shit! He better bring it after all that. They’re in trouble. He’s already walkin’ stiff and they just started. Umm, how do I say this gingerly? That was ACTUALLY cool! I’m shocked as shit. Chelsie’s choreography is off the charts! Total 24! Not bad for them.
Team dances are up next. Hopefully there won’t be a train wreck like Susan Lucci’s Cha Cha group last season. Ya’ll remember that shit?
Aight Team Mambo is first dancing to Single Ladies. I feel a nightmare coming on! Melissa (Lacey is taking her place), Shawn and Chuck! Group section was tight! Lacey and Tony were HOT! Shawn and Mark are out doing their solo now. He’s just outdancing her. She needs some 5 hour energy or something. Now Chuck and Julianne. Really, they should ended with Tony and Lacey/Melissa. Hold up, these fools just stripped into leotards and tights like Beyonce’s video! That shit was absolutely hilarious.
Bruno has turned the judging into a Chippendales show! He has the men standing all up in front of his with their tights on talkin’ about he loves a man who shops in the women’s department LOL! Total 25, thanks to Bruno’s 9 and love of men in tights!
Team Tango is up next – Kim, Ty and Gilles’ sexy ass. I’d like to Tango with him. Aight, sorry. You know by now I get easily distracted! I bet this will be good! OMG, Gilles shirtless. HOT already. First up Derek and Kim. WORK BITCH WORK! Shit, she just messed up and it showed all over her face. Damn! Ty and Chelsie are next. I know he’s tryna look serious, but it looks more like he’s holdin’ in a shit. Gilles and Cheryl bringing up the rear. No, I won’t make another nasty joke LOL! They were great and the whole group at the end was great! I gotta give it up to Lil Kim. She held her own on the floor with the two pro women! FABULOUS! Total – 29!
Update – Chuck and Julie Andrews went home!
…Vine…in a minute