Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Posts tagged ‘David Hasselhoff’

Dancing w/the Stars S11: Week 1

Sorry that I’m late for the live west coast blog, but I’m here now.

Kyle Massey and Lacey are up 3rd with a cha cha.  Alright now, get it little chubb rock!  He’s doing his thing!  He moves well for a tela tubby.  Lacey might be in it to win it.  Of course he won’t win, but if he keeps dancing like that, he’ll go far!  My goodness he was good!  The judges loved him!

Okay, while we’re on commercial, Audrina Patridge was first to hit the floor.  She can be good and Tony is the right pro to get her there, but she’s gonna need to shake that monkey!  No wonder Justin Bobby never wanted to commit to her!  Just sayin…Kurt Warner was after her.  Anna is his partner.  I thought he looked promising.  Len hated him, natch, but the other two thought he was good.

Alright, we’re back for Kyle’s score.  23!  Up next, Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke!  Oh gawd, she’s like the Kim Kardashian of the damn ballroom.  She never lets a black athlete get by her hot ass!  “Wow, you’re tall!”  No shit Cheryl.  Damnit he is fine as hell!  He is gliding across the dance floor like he’s done this a million times!  You go boy.  This is so good!  Then they ruined it by showing his girlfriend in the audience at the end.  Oh well.  Anyway, Len is ready to have sex with him.  Bruno will be tryna hump him after he does a samba.  Carrie Ann is ready to propose!  So his scores should be great.  22 for them.  Not bad.

Margaret Cho’s ass almost fell walking down the stairs in the beginning, so this is gonna be a train wreck I’m sure.  All of those tats on her look a fucking mess!  Ewww.  Why is she looking like she’s doing a tango?  She looks hella mad.  DWTS couldn’t buy her a girdle?  Okay, I’m gonna stop.  Her dancing was horrible and throwing some alleged comedy into the routine did not help!  Len is gonna eat her ass up.  Wait a minute, Bruno said WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?  LOL!  5s across the board.  15!  Yikes.

Brandy!  HERE WE GO…She might be okay if she’d stop thinking about how gorgeous he is.  Let’s see what she got.  YES, YOU GO BRANDY!  That’s what I’m talking about!  Top THAT!  Top THAT!  She’s so genuinely excited…like a child.  I thought her reaction to the judges praise was refreshing!  The judges gave her 23!  She’s got my vote.

Up next, and it pains me to even type her name, Bristol Palin.  Poor Mark!  She’s in the studio acting like she don’t know how to pop it.  Bitch you have a kid.  Stop frontin!  She has a size does matter t-shirt on for the love of Pete!  OMG LMFAO!  At the end Mark had to actually lift her leg for her LOL!  I mean, she was bad, but she was decent for someone who has never danced or performed in their life.  I’ll give her that!  I missed her score because she bores me.

Florence Henderson is up next!  If she’s anything like Cloris Leachman, I hope they send her ass home sooner than later.  She’s dancing with Corky Ballas.  I don’t get why throw the humor into the routines.  Just get out there and show you can or can’t dance!  That’s an 18 for the 76-year-old Mrs. Brady.

Michael Bolton’s sexy ass is up with his PYT Chelsie Hightower.  She better learn to speak Cat Daddy lol.  Again, let me stop.  Uh oh, this ain’t lookin too promising.  Well, umm err uh…it was his first night.  Damn 16!  Well, he did deserve it, but damn!

The Situation and his abs only had 5 days to train with Karina.  I hope this shit doesn’t make me laugh so hard that my neighbors get mad at me!  GTL in the ballroom!  He is such a clown, I love it LOL!  I don’t even know what to say after that!  I am going to vote for him as much as possible JUST to be sure he sticks around long enough!  That shit was hella funny.  I tried to watch my language, but I couldn’t help it.  Hilarious.  Aight, his score is 15!  A senior citizen did better than him!

Up next, Jennifer Grey aka Baby!  She’s dancing with Derek.  Shocker…NOT!  Poor baby.  She was taken back to being with Patrick Swayze and broke down:(  Very sad.  I hope she does this one for him.  WHAT!!  You betta dance girl!  She has it still.  Ain’t missed a step!  I am really enjoying her!  Awesome!!!  That was so good!  I’m predicting Brandy and Jennifer in the final two!  I love her even more for not giving Brooke Burke much in the interview lol.  She’s as annoying as Samantha.  24 for Baby!

Last up, The Hoff.  I know this is going to be some mess, but maybe Kym can pull this off.  He’s just too cheesetastic for words!  Lord help, he can’t even remember the steps let alone do them.  He needs a drink…or maybe he had some before rehearsal.  Here we go with a cha cha cha.  If ya’ll could see the look on my face right now as this man thrusts his hips dancing to “Sex bomb sex bomb, baby you can turn me on” with fire going off in the background…I don’t even know what the judges are going to say about this.  This was such a hot ass mess!  PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR THIS MAN!  He ain’t been sexy in 25 years.  WHY does he think that he’s still sexy?  WHY?  They gave him a 15.  If you ask me, that was generous!

Time for voting.  Who got your votes tonight?  I won’t be blogging live tomorrow for the first results show, but I will post before the night’s over.  Make sure to subscribe to the blog to get the live blogs for the entire season.

…in a minute

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