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Posts tagged ‘Donn Gunvalson’

Real Housewives of OC: S5 Episode 1

Yes, actually, I do realize that I’m about 5 weeks behind.  You’ve been here long enough to know what I always say…better late than never.  Shit, I’ve been going through Atlanta Housewives withdrawal and anger since the last season ended.  I believe I’m ready to move on and give the OC bitches my undivided attention.

If I have to hear Vicky talkin’ about her vagina love tank again this season, I’m not going to get far.

It’s funny that Lynne said it’s not about how much money you have…Of course she said that cuz she ain’t got no damn money!

Breanna, Michael and Vicky are on their way to sky diving!  White folk, why are ya’ll always tryna cheat death?  Michael can’t stand her ass.  I hate to say it, but he looks like he’s secretly hoping her parachute malfunctions!!  You notice Michael’s ass was on the ground watching?  He was not gonna fuck up his possible payday by jumping, too. 

Over to Jeana and Colton.  How in the hell did Jeana burn out a clutch in one flippin outing?  Broke people need to drive better!  I’m not being funny; she’s even saying herself that her income has decreased by 2/3!  That is a whole lotta damn money!  She better stop eating $200 lunches at the St. Regis and learn to fucking cook like everybody else on a budget!

Tacky Tamra is such a piece of trash!  Why are you allowing your homeboy to say tea bag in the middle of a child’s party?  Simon can’t stand that broad.  I don’t know what happened, but I KNOW he ain’t fillin up her love tank these days with his pump!

Greedy Gretchen still looks good in spite of everyone talking shit about her over the past year!  I really don’t like Slade and Gretchen together, but I also don’t think she truly cares about that man!  Gretchen is still grieving Jeff’s loss.  She just wants someone there to comfort her, snuggle with her and spend time with her.  When she gets out of that place, she won’t give a damn about Slade’s non-child support paying, broke ass!  Watch! 

Over to Lynne in her rented by Bravo home.  How are you trying to have your accessories carried in a store that you can’t even pronounce?  That is a pet peeve of mine.  It’s Fred Segal, not SegalS.  It’s Nordstom, not NordstromS.  It’s Tiffany & Co., not TiffanyS!  Learn it…use it, Lynne.

Here goes Vicky bitching at Donn as if he’s the hired help!  You know why Vicky is so mad at bitches like Gretchen and the new girl?  Cuz she resents being the breadwinner in her home.  Well guess what honey?  YOU were part of the decision made that Donn would be in the home doing his thing while you were building an empire.  Don’t complain now.  And speaking of Bravo paying for shit for the housewives, can they PLEASE buy Vicky’s ass a face lift?  I’m not tryna be mean, I’m serious.  She has a decent figure for an almost 50-year-old woman, her business is on point, but that sun damage combined with aging is catching up to her!  She needs some work done.  At least some Patricia Wexler products.

Vicky and Tacky Tam are together having drinks, natch!  Damn right Simon is controlling.  He’s probably looking at Tacky Tam like she’s the one who caused all this shit!  If she weren’t tryna keep up with the Joneses, they’d still have some money. 

Vicky said that Jeana asked her for some money and she said no.  I’m on the fence about that.  I feel Vicky; money and friendship, especially that kind of money, don’t typically mix.  On the other hand, Vicky and Jeana have been bffs for quite some time.  How could she turn her back on Jeana in her time of need?  Maybe not all the money, but damn, at least some.  I would never turn my back on Hollywood like that and she wouldn’t do that to me either, period!!

Maybe if Tacky Tamra would spend more time worrying about her own on the rocks marriage instead of Gretchen’s love affairs, then her husband wouldn’t hate the sight of her ass!  She is a bitch!!  Now she done latched onto Lynne cuz Lynne is doing something with herself.  Tamra should fuck with Slade; they are both opportunistic wannabes!

This is why we love Gretchen!  She stood tall and owned up to her bullshit that came out during the off-season.  Yeah, she was in a fucked up place.  Who wouldn’t be after they lost their fiance?  I’m sure she was fucked up day in and day out, hanging around with a bunch of party all the time losers!  But she dusted herself off and she’s still standing tall, just as blond and cute as she was last season!  Team Gretchen!

Why is Lynne so pressed to be accepted by this broad?  Fuck Tamra and her broke, jealous ass!  I wouldn’t be friends with anyone who talked about me like a dog the way that she did about Lynne and Gretchen.  I’m glad Gretchen told Lynne about herself!  Still, the million dolla question is how did Gretchen’s alleged boyfriend get Tamra’s number?  Hmmmm.

Lynne’s is doing all she can to ensure that her daughter, Alexa, ends up on a pole!  Why is your 17-year-old parading down a random street with a bikini on?  That shit ain’t cute.  Lynne better worry about raising them daughters better before she tries to launch an international accessory line.

It is 2009.  Why does Lynne always look like the lead in some bad 80s porn? 

You see Simon told Tam to show some class!  Call me crazy, but I sincerely believe that he thinks her acting a fool last season had something to do with his business taking a nosedive!

Vicki is so ridiculous.  Lynne is supposed to be your acquaintance, at the least.  You couldn’t put on her jewelry for one damn night?  She’s just rude.  Gretchen has on a plum-colored slip and still puts these heffas to shame.  THAT is why they hate her ass.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Poor Jeana, all she wants to do is eat her way through the tension.  Tamra, if you’re tired of Gretchen looking like the good girl, then stop acting like you grew up in East St. Louis where she’s concerned!  Leave that woman alone.  You keep talking shit about her and she ignores you.  That’s why she looks good to the public. 

Tamra is a bold faced liar!  Straight up.  I can’t even deal with this little confrontation anymore.  I’m over this bitch talking down to Gretchen as if she’s so much better!  Vicki has some nerve saying that Gretchen was mean after all the bullshit that just came out of Tam’s mouth!  Tamra, if Gretchen preyed on old men, they why is she with Slade right now?  Bitches like that don’t give a damn…they stick to what works for them and their bank account!  JEALOUSY!

If ya’ll can remember back this far, what did you think of the season premiere?  It’s gonna be a good season, I knowz it.

…Vine…in a minute

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Real Housewivees of OC Confess: Reunion Special

Let us start off by sayin we plan to eat Tamra Barney’s ass UP throughout this post.  So, if you like this bitch, this ain’t for you!

Can they please stop letting Andy “Boring as Fuck” Cohen host this shit?  Damn.  Ya’ll don’t know how much this fucking show pissed us off.

Aight, Jeana looks like she had something done on her face.  We’re guessing botox because the neck is still a bit wrinkled.  She looks good!  It worked for her. 

Um, was it just Hollywood & Vine or could you cut the tension between Jeana and Tamra/Vicki with a fuckin knife?  They ain’t tight no more, you can tell!  We hope not cuz Jeana is far too good of a person to be hangin with those fucking bitches!

Ya’ll been coming to H&V askin if Kara got her boobs done.  Now you know that she did and you can stop askin us.   

We don’t give a damn what anyone says.  Tamra Barney got work done.  The bitch had cheek implants.  Re-watch the shit!!  The funny thing is, the bitch looks worse than before.  She made herself look older!  With that nappy weave! 

Greedy Gretchen was fierce, period!  Bitch was bad!  Not only that, but she handled that messy, jealous bitch Tamra like the diva she is!  Where does Tacky Tamra get her fucking nerve!  God, this woman needs some serious, serious help.  We ain’t playin!  She has severe issues in her life if she’s spending this much goddamn time worried about Greedy Gretchen and who she might be fuckin!  What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?  She has two little kids, a gay older son and a husband who wants to fuck Jeana’s young daughter.  You would THINK this heffa has more shit to do than worry about Gretchen’s life THIS MUCH! 

Vicki is officially a lost cause!  You know why Vicki is so tight with Tacky Tamra’s ass?  Because she likes to be around a muthafucka who SHE THINKS is beneath her…doing worse than her.  Jeana finally put that overcooked muthafucka out and is moving on dating and shit.  Vicki preferred Jeana when she was taking bullshit and sittin at home depressed and miserable.  Transparent as hell!

We like Lynne just a little bit more after how she fucked up Tamra and Vicki.  That shit was fucking hilarious, tellin them bitches that they ain’t rocket scientists or the brightest bulbs!  Good for her.  You know, that shit got really old, them trashin Lynne like that as if their shit don’t stink!  Vicki needs to worry about her failing marriage instead of whether or not Lynne is a pot head.  Again we ask, what the fuck is wrong with these bitches.   Vicki needs to be more concerned with her empty fucking “love tank”! 

Wait a minute, did Vicki have the nerve to say that she has a nice figure?  Okay, just checkin.  So not only is she a bitch, jealous, messy and miserable, but she’s delusional, too! 

Ultimately, H&V were totally disgusted by Vicki and Tamra, especially!  Their behavior was some of the most evil shit we’ve seen, for real!  Straight up devils!  We were watching in shock that these hoes had the nerve to go out of the way to make Gretchen look bad and ruin her reputation.  They got off on the shit.  Tamra made herself look like the nasty bitch we always knew she was.  Gretchen keeping her cool just magnified Tacky Tamra’s fucked up ass attitude.  She’s better than H&V cuz we woulda had Jeana, Lynne and Andy holdin us back off that bitch!

What we wanna know is how Tamra’s life was effected by Gretchen allegedly being paid to take care of Jeff vs. being his fiancee?  How did that hurt her?  For real, someone tell us how that shit was any of her business? 

Also, Vicki and her self-righteous fat ass!  She acted like her kids were angels.  News flash crazy bitch, Michael and that trash stayin with ya’ll for the summer most definitely fucked in your house!  Michael definitely drank in your house before he was 21 years old!  Michael and Brianna have talked more shit about you on camera than Shane ever has (on camera) about Jeana!  So, take your fucking nose out the air and stop acting like you are this perfect, holier than thou person cuz you’re far from it!

We mighta missed some shit, but we know our readers will mention what we forgot!

What did ya’ll think of this shit?

Don’t forget to follow H&V on Twitter (hollywoodNvine).

In a minute…

Real Housewives of OC: Season 4 Finale

Aight, this shit better be good because this is almost the last time Hollywood & Vine get to see our girls this year!

So Jeana is prepping for her birthday date with Allen, a red-faced hillbilly from Texas.  Jeana said “as you get older, you realize there’s more to life than physical attraction” just in case ya’ll though H&V were being harsh.  We were nice compared to that.  He took her to the St. Regis for dinner.  So he must have some of that Texas hillbilly money!  Dude is just hella unattractive.  Damn we can’t wait for Jeana to decide to lose that fuckin weight because she’s such a nice lookin broad.  Movin on cuz these two muthafuckas is boring as shit!

On to Wooooo Hoooooo VickiBrianna’s big ass came by to visit her at work (nice plug for Coto Insurance).  Evidently, the big ole big ole is thinking about entering the Army’s nursing program.  Vicki is mad as fuck about this shit!  What gets H&V is that muthafuckas like Vicki are so pro-war, yet she don’t want her own child over there in the middle of that bullshit!  Hypocrite…but we digress!  AHA!!!  Now we know why Brianna has gotten big as a house.  Colby left her.  Damn, this fuckin asshole was wrong for that shit.  While packin up the car for a road trip he said I can’t go anymore; I don’t love you!!?  What the fuck?  She should whooped Colby’s fuckin ass for that shit!  We almost feel bad for callin her fat.  ALMOST!

Over to Lynne’s two loose daughters in the making.  Raquel is pissed that mommy wants her lazy ass to get a job.  This little bitch works our last nerve!  She has been outta high school for almost two years and still ain’t done shit with herself?  That, ladies and gentleman, is what H&V call a loser!  Lynne had the nerve to say raising teenage girls is so difficult.  Um, correct us if we’re wrong, but she ain’t raised them.  That’s why these bitches are fuckin and drinkin, but don’t have gas money!

The ladies decided to have their end of the summer bash somewhere in Laguna.  Greedy Gretchen said that Jeff is back in the hospital and the doc wouldn’t let him out for the party!  Uhhhh, no shit!  Jeana brought Allen and her implants to the party!  She looked great, minus the back fat!  Even Jo and Slade’s asses were there.  Recipe for disaster.

Simon surprised Tacky Tamra with an expensive diamond tennis bracelet that he probably got for free in exchange for sayin the company’s name on tv.  We still ain’t figured out how this bitch’s wrists are so damn wrinkled!  She’s not that fuckin old.

Ya’ll remember Tammy Knickerbocker?  Well she showed up with her two daughters and her man.  It was nice to see her.  Vicki announced to Tammy and Michael that she bought herself a new Rolex, but in the next breath said she didn’t want to tell everyone.  She’d rather be “classy”and under the radar until people noticed her shit on their own!  First of all, why does this bitch go out of her way to belittle her husband?  Donn’s gonna fuck around and leave her ass one day, bet!  Secondly, it never fails that a muthafucka is in trouble when they say the word “classy”.  H&V been tryna tell ya.

Meanwhile, Greedy Gretchen calls all the housewives, even Lauri, over for a huddle.  She presented them with a gift, if you wanna call it that.  She gave the other OC bitches Coach coin purses!  COACH?  These hoes are walkin round with Rolexes and 30-40k wedding rings and Greedy Gretchen fuckin gives them COACH?  Who over the age of 18 still carries a Coach bag?  Now, Vicki had to be a bitch about that, too!  We ain’t bring no gift.  We ain’t get the gift memo.  Bitch, just say thank you and re-gift that shit to your fat daughter!  It’s not a big deal.  Vicki always has some shit to say.  Tacky Tamra, too.  Steady thinkin someone is tryna kiss her ass!  Bitch, nobody gives a fuck about you that much!  We wish Greedy Gretchen would cuss her ass out!  We’ll likely get our wish on the reunion special.

Speakin of Gretchen, her dad read a letter to her from Jeff.  It basically thanked her for standing by his side and that he got her something to put a smile on her face.  The whole Greedy clan walked outside of the party and what was waitin for her ass….a brand new $23,000 Harley Davidson!  Tacky Tamra is so fuckin full of herself.  She thinks that Gretchen copied her!  She is so jealous of Gretchen!  Vicki ain’t much better.  She said to her seemingly gay friend who would want a Harley at our age?  Dude said ya’ll ain’t the same age; she’s 20 years younger.  Vicki was like 10 years younger, she is NOT 20 years younger than me!  Vicki, get a grip.  You ain’t been 40 in damn near a decade.  Boyfriend got it right the first time!  If these bitches spent more time on their heartbroken fat and gay kids or their husbands instead of on Greedy Gretchen, we bet their lives would improve 100%!

Jo makes an entrance with a new hair cut.  Hollywood is feelin’ it, but Vine ain’t.  Tacky Tamra has the balls to say Slade looks like a homo… with her gay ass son runnin round the party still frontin like he likes bitches! 

At the end of the show they gave us updates on everyone.  Everything was fairly predictable, but it still got us when Jeana told about Jeff’s passing.  Even though we already knew, it’s just really sad. 

The reunion will be on next week.  We don’t know too much yet, but H&V think that Tacky Tamra had some work done on her face! 

Overall, we thought it was a great season.  What did ya’ll think?

Stick with Hollywood & Vine for a season full of the New York bitches! 

In a minute…

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