This week Vicki starts off the show by taking Jeana to her hometown…Chicago. She was all chummy with Tamra, but you see Jeana is still her real BFF. Hollywood & Vine are shocked that Vicki has 4 friends in the first place.
Back in Orange County, Tamra took her haggard ass mama to get a face lift. Why won’t these women just take care of themselves and age gracefully? And what the fuck is Tamra wearing? She has looked a mess all damn season, with those obvious tracks! But back to saggy face Sandy. Tamra was crying before mama Sandra went into surgery. Why? Because she knew good and fuck well that surgery is dangerous! She had the nerve to call it “minor” surgery. Is she insane? Bitch, they’re about to cut your mother’s face open and shit. If that ain’t major surgery, then nothing is!
Oh Lord, Lynne! She is so damn annoying. Why does she continue to pamper these bitches? They are as undeserving as it comes, especially Raquel. So, Alexa and Lynne head to someone’s backyard to act like they know how to play tennis. During their mother/daughter bonding, Alexa used the word “dykes”! Now, H&V aren’t against name calling, obviously, but we ain’t 15 standin in front of our mamas either. How did Lynne let her child say some offensive shit like dyke and not check her ass? Again, wouldn’t happen with a black mama. You can’t even say shut up in a black household without catchin hell. This was the same piece of trash a few weeks ago whining because her little boyfriend told her she looked like a stripper in her mom’s too short/too tight ass dress! Guess it only took a minute for her to forget how she felt when someone called her a name.
Greedy Gretchen is in San Diego checking out Lava Sport & Fitness as a possible investment for her and Jeff. We had to laugh for a second when she said that, as if her ass is putting in any of the investment money. At least she’s somewhat taking Vicki’s advice about covering her own financial ass in the event that Jeff passes away, which unfortunately he did.
Kimberly Bryant, one of the original OC Housewives, now lives in Chicago. She joined Jeana, Vicki and Vicki’s people for dinner. Did this gathering not have some crazy shit going on? Vicki keeps kissing her homegirls from the Chi calling them her people. Kimberly said that she wouldn’t have a problem letting her kids fuck under her roof. She said sex is a wonderful thing, then asked Vicki why she would want to keep her kids from experiencing that. Vicki let her know that basically, them muthafuckas ain’t married so they ain’t fuckin in her house, period! Well, Vicki accidentally let the cat out of the bag that Jeana let her kids fuck in the house at 16 and when we say accidentally, we mean purposely! Ya’ll know Vicki is somewhat jealous of Jeana. She takes any opportunity she gets to belittle Jeana to make herself seem better! Bitch! It was clear that Jeana asked that they not discuss this topic on camera prior to filming, but Vicki went there anyway. That’s real fucked up. Whether we agree with parents letting their kids fuck in the house at 16 ain’t the point. The point is that Jeana is her girl. Why would she put her business in the street like that when she asked you not to? Vicki is a cunt! Yeah, we said it…cunt!
What’s with Vicki kissing her friends husband on the fucking lips? That shit isn’t cool. H&V are tight, but ain’t neither of us rubbin on the others husband or kissing him on the lips or any fucking where else. Fucking disgusting. Jeana was right, that shit was inappropriate. Again, props to Jeana for remaining the loyal, good friend for telling Vicki ON SITE that she shit was raggedy!
Back to Tacky Tamra. Her brother brought over old family photos and she reminisced about her childhood. She decided to go to Iowa to visit her dad. Hopefully it’s coming this episode so we can see this shit [it didn’t]. Maybe mending her relationship with her dad will make her less of a classless bitch??!
Jeana and Vicki hit the road for Shane’s game. This bitch ass piece of shit text Jeana telling her to stay the fuck away from the field. Once they got to the field, he walked passed her as she called out to him and told him the same thing! This is why you don’t fucking put your kids in the position to see another muthafucka treatin you any kind of way. Because your kids will turn around and treat you that way or treat another person that way. Jeana is prime example. She done let that head injury, alcoholic, overcooked asshole talk down to her so long that now both of her boys do the same. These two little dick punks really pissed H&V off! Shane threatened to never speak to Jeana again. Cool. See how hard life is without your mom’s millions taking care of your volatile ass. This fool plays minor league baseball and he ain’t hardly near the top of the list of minor league talent. You ain’t making enough money to sustain the lifestyle you’re living. You need mommy and her wallet bitch! Don’t ever get it twisted. UGH, these ungrateful fucking kids work our last nerves!
Back at Lynne’s, she announces to the camera that she’s invited all the “houseWIFES” over for a cocktail party. Damn this broad is dumb as shit. H&V are sick and fucking tired of seeing this woman’s GUT! Either this bitch needs to put on a baby doll top or she needs to stop wearing fucking skin tight ass clothes. LYNNE, YOU ARE 100 YEARS OLD! YOU ARE NO LONGER YOUNG!
In walks Raquel and her fat friends to get some cocktails. For some reason, Lynne thinks that all teenagers drink. No, all teenagers don’t drink. It’s just your fucked up lush of a teenager. She should have been embarrassed to host that cocktail party and have her teenage daughter and her teenage friends mingling with grown folks sipping on cosmopolitans. On top of that, she knew the shit would be aired on national tv. Did they not think about the muthafuckas who work with Frank and what they might think? Why did Tamra and Simon stay there? He’s an investor in a tequila company. Didn’t he stop to think how bad he might look once this shit aired? People don’t damn think! What the fuck is wrong with them? Raquel will be in rehab by 21. H&V said it first.
Furthermore, how do you have a kid who has been out of high school almost two years who has no job, yet you buy her a brand fucking new BMW? THEN you send her ass to Vegas with friends? We could really scream at Lynne and Frank. They are fucking fools!
Now on another note, did ya’ll notice that Raquel’s black girlfriend was the only one in the group without a drink? Yeah, because she knew her mama would whoop her ass when this shit aired. She knows whoopins don’t expire!
Did anyone see Brian (we think that’s his name), the personal chef who was on Top Chef a few seasons ago? Nice to see him still getting paid!
Next week the bitches are hittin Vegas. Looks like Lynne will give us plenty of off beat dancing and jumping around on the dance floor while Tamra won’t disappoint by constantly talking shit about Greedy Gretchen. All we wanna know is why they stayed at the Red Rock? The shit is like a $40.00 cab right OFF the strip!
In a minute…