Aight, this shit better be good because this is almost the last time Hollywood & Vine get to see our girls this year!
So Jeana is prepping for her birthday date with Allen, a red-faced hillbilly from Texas. Jeana said “as you get older, you realize there’s more to life than physical attraction” just in case ya’ll though H&V were being harsh. We were nice compared to that. He took her to the St. Regis for dinner. So he must have some of that Texas hillbilly money! Dude is just hella unattractive. Damn we can’t wait for Jeana to decide to lose that fuckin weight because she’s such a nice lookin broad. Movin on cuz these two muthafuckas is boring as shit!
On to Wooooo Hoooooo Vicki. Brianna’s big ass came by to visit her at work (nice plug for Coto Insurance). Evidently, the big ole big ole is thinking about entering the Army’s nursing program. Vicki is mad as fuck about this shit! What gets H&V is that muthafuckas like Vicki are so pro-war, yet she don’t want her own child over there in the middle of that bullshit! Hypocrite…but we digress! AHA!!! Now we know why Brianna has gotten big as a house. Colby left her. Damn, this fuckin asshole was wrong for that shit. While packin up the car for a road trip he said I can’t go anymore; I don’t love you!!? What the fuck? She should whooped Colby’s fuckin ass for that shit! We almost feel bad for callin her fat. ALMOST!
Over to Lynne’s two loose daughters in the making. Raquel is pissed that mommy wants her lazy ass to get a job. This little bitch works our last nerve! She has been outta high school for almost two years and still ain’t done shit with herself? That, ladies and gentleman, is what H&V call a loser! Lynne had the nerve to say raising teenage girls is so difficult. Um, correct us if we’re wrong, but she ain’t raised them. That’s why these bitches are fuckin and drinkin, but don’t have gas money!
The ladies decided to have their end of the summer bash somewhere in Laguna. Greedy Gretchen said that Jeff is back in the hospital and the doc wouldn’t let him out for the party! Uhhhh, no shit! Jeana brought Allen and her implants to the party! She looked great, minus the back fat! Even Jo and Slade’s asses were there. Recipe for disaster.
Simon surprised Tacky Tamra with an expensive diamond tennis bracelet that he probably got for free in exchange for sayin the company’s name on tv. We still ain’t figured out how this bitch’s wrists are so damn wrinkled! She’s not that fuckin old.
Ya’ll remember Tammy Knickerbocker? Well she showed up with her two daughters and her man. It was nice to see her. Vicki announced to Tammy and Michael that she bought herself a new Rolex, but in the next breath said she didn’t want to tell everyone. She’d rather be “classy”and under the radar until people noticed her shit on their own! First of all, why does this bitch go out of her way to belittle her husband? Donn’s gonna fuck around and leave her ass one day, bet! Secondly, it never fails that a muthafucka is in trouble when they say the word “classy”. H&V been tryna tell ya.
Meanwhile, Greedy Gretchen calls all the housewives, even Lauri, over for a huddle. She presented them with a gift, if you wanna call it that. She gave the other OC bitches Coach coin purses! COACH? These hoes are walkin round with Rolexes and 30-40k wedding rings and Greedy Gretchen fuckin gives them COACH? Who over the age of 18 still carries a Coach bag? Now, Vicki had to be a bitch about that, too! We ain’t bring no gift. We ain’t get the gift memo. Bitch, just say thank you and re-gift that shit to your fat daughter! It’s not a big deal. Vicki always has some shit to say. Tacky Tamra, too. Steady thinkin someone is tryna kiss her ass! Bitch, nobody gives a fuck about you that much! We wish Greedy Gretchen would cuss her ass out! We’ll likely get our wish on the reunion special.
Speakin of Gretchen, her dad read a letter to her from Jeff. It basically thanked her for standing by his side and that he got her something to put a smile on her face. The whole Greedy clan walked outside of the party and what was waitin for her ass….a brand new $23,000 Harley Davidson! Tacky Tamra is so fuckin full of herself. She thinks that Gretchen copied her! She is so jealous of Gretchen! Vicki ain’t much better. She said to her seemingly gay friend who would want a Harley at our age? Dude said ya’ll ain’t the same age; she’s 20 years younger. Vicki was like 10 years younger, she is NOT 20 years younger than me! Vicki, get a grip. You ain’t been 40 in damn near a decade. Boyfriend got it right the first time! If these bitches spent more time on their heartbroken fat and gay kids or their husbands instead of on Greedy Gretchen, we bet their lives would improve 100%!
Jo makes an entrance with a new hair cut. Hollywood is feelin’ it, but Vine ain’t. Tacky Tamra has the balls to say Slade looks like a homo… with her gay ass son runnin round the party still frontin like he likes bitches!
At the end of the show they gave us updates on everyone. Everything was fairly predictable, but it still got us when Jeana told about Jeff’s passing. Even though we already knew, it’s just really sad.
The reunion will be on next week. We don’t know too much yet, but H&V think that Tacky Tamra had some work done on her face!
Overall, we thought it was a great season. What did ya’ll think?
Stick with Hollywood & Vine for a season full of the New York bitches!
In a minute…