Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Posts tagged ‘Kelly Killoren Bensimon’

Bravo’s 2009 A-List Awards

Okay, Kathy and the Gays were hilarious in the opening number, but let’s cut the shit.  Did ya’ll see Greedy Gretchen and Slade in the audience together?  Hmmm.  Maybe there’s something to the rumors. 

Then during Neil Patrick Harris‘ win for A-List Actor, did you not LOVE that Bethenny had a better seat than Kelly AND NeNe had a better seat than Sheree??  YES!  I LOVE THIS SHIT!

Aight now back to the actual show.  Kathy looks fucking fantastic!  She FINALLY got the hair right.  Her body is ridiculous these days and even her gown was a hit! 

Miss Millionaire Matchmaker was there.  She looked like she got her bangs freshly trimmed for the show.  That boyfriend of hers must blow her shit out because he is not attractive…and damn sure ain’t worth dating for four years, at least on the outside and isn’t that what matters?  Come on, we’ve seen Patty’s open casting!  She sends people home for having thin hair!

I love Kelly Rowland, but I didn’t like that curly weave.  She let her souuuuul glow with that one!  Way too Eric LaSalle in Coming to America for her pretty face and my taste.

Um, who invited Sanjaya and his receding hairline?  They were tryna be funny!  And what about Padma and that Lil Wayne look alike with her?  I hope she’s not tryna out a Heidi Klum fetish.  Yuck, not a good look…or a good looking man for that matter.

Tim Gunn just presented an award for A-List designer to Marchesa, but they didn’t give a fuck enough to show up!  So Rachel Zoe accepted on their behalf.

I gotta say that Shanna Moakler’s intro to Greedy Gretchen for the Reality Award was funny as hell!  And I love that Greedy Gretchen openly agreed with Shanna’s shit talking about Tacky Tamra and Vicki’s old ass!  I’m sorry, but Slade has a thing for her.  He was staring at her like he use to stare at Jo.  Gretchen ain’t thinkin’ about his ass, even if they are together!

The A-List Reality Guilty Pleasure Award went to NeNe.  She has been eating WELL since the show wrapped!  DAYUM GIRL!  Is she pregnant?  Talk about pink elephant in the room.  Aight, that’s my girl so let me move on.  She and Sheree are clearly friends again.  Can’t say as much about her and Kim.  Bitch ain’t bust one smile when everyone was screamin’ for NeNe.  Jealousy is an even worse look for her than that bag wig!

A-List Male Style nominees are Daniel Craig, Justin Timberlake, David Beckham (THANK YOU JESUS) and Anderson Cooper!  The award goes to Justin Timberlake.  Well I know his ass ain’t show up at this shit!

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney came out to introduce Raphael Saddiq and even though Kourtney said his name wrong, they did aight.  While they’re doing their thing, two quick tidbits about Raphael.  We think he’s fucking his backup singer…the female in the white jacket.  However, has has fucked a man.  The guy lives in either Oakland or Emeryville.  Ummm, who are the three off beat broads that he pulled on stage?  Especially the one in the pink dress.  BOOOOO!

Paris and Tyson Beckford are up to present for Sexiest TV Moment.  The L Word elevator scene got the award, even though Paris pronounced it the “L WORLD”. 

Did anyone she the toothless dude in the audience?  Oh GAWD that was hard to watch.

Back to the lesbians.  Kathy decided to call up Aubrey O’Day, the former singer turned high class stripper who’s apparently to fat to even do that now, so they could make out in honor of Kathy coming out tonight!  I know a lot of people are wondering what Aubrey has been doing since Diddy kicked her ass out of Danity Kane and now we know……she’s been eating!

Padma Sashimi came out walkin’ like she was drunk to intro the people reading from celebrity autobiographies.  Tori Spelling won!  Her speech was funny, but she talked too damn long!

A-List Humanitarian went to Natasha Richardson.  Too sad to watch.

Here we go…Real Housewives Fashion Show is up next.  This is bout to be a hot ghetto mess!!  Oh Lord, Paris is the celebrity fashion critic for the night.  Who is she to judge when she has a wig on that looks like a wig?

So far all bad, especially Tacky Tamra.  Shit, to me Jeana in that red dress looked better than the skinny bitches.  LISA WU, YOU BETTA WORK BITCH!!  Lynne looked like she was going to the beach.  BOO!!!  Kelly supposedly was a model, but why did she look like an amateur on the catwalk?  NeNe might be big, but bitch ain’t lost a step.  She worked the shit outta that runway!  Gretchen looked cute.  But Bethenny looked GREAT!  This bitch had on BOOTY SHORTS!  I love her!

Sorry, got sidetracked/bored.  Had to take a Twitter break.

A-List Funny went to Chelsea Handler.  We love her! 

Whole lotta shit happened tonight.  I’m only one bitch…and this bitch is tired!  Oops, the repeat just came on.  Rachel Zoe has on a wedding ring, so she must still be married to that gay dude.

Aight, let me stop.  I haven’t even gotten to Kathy’s She’ll Cut A Bitch yet.  I’ll leave you with these 3 words…EASY CHRIS BROWN!!!

…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)


Real Housewives of NY: Episode 9 Recap

Kelly better not start any shit tonight.  I’m still mad about that Miley Cyrus/Jamie Foxx shit!

Jill Zarin and Bobby Vegas started off with a cocktail party at the store.  She invited all the housewives, including Mario and Simon.  Let me eat my words.  Jill Zarin has no attraction to that man, BUT  he damn sure wants a piece of Jill Zarin.  He’s now sunk to the level of insulting Simon’s tennis match attire to get camera time.  He’s an asshole.  Next!

If Bethenny could sit for an hour and deliver one liners, especially about Ramona, I’d be so damn happy!

Oh GAWD…that troll Kelly just walked in with her gay boyfriend in a Forever 21 dress lookin’ like an extra on The Grind…Alaska!  What does this bitch have on?  She has on a dress short enough to show her birth canal with boots AND a coat made of poodle hair!  Is it hot or is it cold?

Aight, two things I noticed.  One, when Brad started going all ape shit over Max Max and talked to Alex about it, did ya’ll peep how quick Simon turned around at a mention of a tall, hot ma?  Well…he did.  Two, Brad would not be going on and on like that about a good looking straight man.  Gay men don’t have time for shit like that.  Max Max is as gay as I’m tellin’ ya’ll…in my opinion, of course.  Even Jill Zarin said “I THINK he’s straight”.  THINK??

Did those two tacky ass fools just have a pillow fight in Jill Zarin’s store?  What the fuck is wront with them?  Did Kelly and Max not remember that Bobby Vegas has to sell the shit in the future?  Triflin’! 

Over to Ramona and the skin care line that she pulled outta her ass!  She’s checkin’ out labels for her products.  She coulda hired me and Hollywood to do THAT.  All they did was put a little color behind some Times New Roman letters.  She’s so bootleg.  And will she PLEASE suck in that fucking gut.  Bitch talking about how good her skin looks (in her mind) but won’t do crunch the first to get rid of that damn stomach. 



Meanwhile, Bethenny is in hell Connecticut doing an in-store appearance.  Bitch couldn’t give away  one of them sugar free cupcakes.  Poor baby.  






Lord help, ex-Countess Lu is discussing the book with her co-writer.  She’s so full of shit talking about she kisses on both cheeks cuz that’s what she’s use to.  I know Native Americans and they don’t kiss on both cheeks as a matter of habit.  She be makin’ shit up as she goes along.  What I wanna know is if she’ll put tips on how to properly handle your husband dumping you via email…or how to make out with a youngster in a hotel elevator with class!  Ya’ll think that will be a chapter?


Kelly’s in L.A. talking about her “jewelry line” with an ACTUAL jeweler.  Someone please stick a needle in her head and deflate her damn ego.  She acted like she created something.  The shit was already fucking done when she walked through the door. 


Um, Jill Zarin, babe, can you not be chasin’ your unruly ass dog through the store while customers are waiting.  They loved her, but fuck. 


Hold the phone, was Kelly just running in the middle of Manhattan traffic for no fucking reason?  Please tell me it was a commercial of some sort.


Jill Zarin is going to pick out a new custom made bag for her birthday (courtesy of Bobby Vegas, natch) and she invited Kelly the Troll to help her.  Traitor!  She brought her two daughters.  One of her kids is named Sea!  Really?  Sea?  Jill Zarin dropped 16 grand on a handbag.  Of course the Troll is gonna be nice to you.  The bitch is a climber.  She’ll do whatever she can to whoever she can if she thinks it will advance her social status.  You gotta see through that shit Jill!!


Ex-Countess Lu was choosing the cover for her book “Class with the Countess” and mentioned that her relationship with the Count has been like a dream.  So now, is it like a dream that she woke up from when she read the email about him and the African hottie?  Again, just askin’…


Jill Zarin’s apartment is being photographed for a magazine.  WHY does she look like June Cleaver?  What was up with the Stepford Wife look?  Hated it!!


So Jill asked the people from the magazine if they had a PP…a private plane.  I wonder if she asked Bethenny if A-Rod has a big PP or a little PP.  I bet he has a decent sized PP that he can’t work too well.  He’s a baller and bitches think he’s fine…he doesn’t have to know how to work it!  Sorry, I’m no longer talkin’ about a damn jet!


Over to Ramona’s scatter brained ass and Bethenny.  B is tryna help Ramona understand that the name of her skin care line has to match all the labels and shit.  Ramona is such a fucking idiot.  How do they have any money in the first place?  This is elementary shit.  Bethenny offering her good advice, but she’s too stubborn to listen.


Aight, Ramona just dropped the obligatory dig at Jill.  Glad Bethenny checked her ass.  But then Ramona insulted Bethenny saying how Jill only likes her cuz she’s the underdog and she’s struggling!  Huh?  That ain’t true, but let’s say it is.  WHY would you announce some shit like that in a room full of muthafuckas that don’t know Bethenny?  Damn this bitcdh is rude as fuck!


Later, Bethenny hit a photo shoot for the cover of her book “Naturally Thin”.  She looked great.  Can’t wait to see the real thing.


Bobby Vegas surprised Jill Zarin with a Mercedes SUV for her birthday!  He’s so good to her.  Jill is pissed that her iPhone won’t work in the car.  So Bobby Vegas said he’ll get her a new car!  Please excuse me while I pour myself a glass of wine.


Alex is on her way to meet Simon for her birthday surprise.  Jill Zarin just got a new Benz and he’s meeting Alex on a street corner with some ugly roses wrapped in plastic!  


They went into a jewelry designer’s suite to pick out some custom earrings.  They left and Simon started acting like a crack baby screaming about the surprise being ruined when the driver took a wrong exit.  Calm the fuck down.  Nobody’s gonna die because a birthday surprise was ruined!!  After Simon simmered down, they made it home to have a mini party with their bad ass kids.


Next week: Kelly’s hosting a Halloween Party and doesn’t even

show up.  Bitch!


Did ya’ll watch?  Thoughts?


…Vine…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)

Real Housewives of New York Recap: 4/7/09

Starting off with Jill Zarin is always good.  She’s finalizing plans for her charity event.  Kelly’s ass is there.  Bitch felt like a fool after actin’ like the Queen of England at the last meeting.  So she donated a shit load of high end gifts.  Good for fucking her.  Hurricane Ramona burst through the door talkin’ about how fabulous she is.  She is so obnoxious!  Of course, she brought up the tennis match. 

Bethenny asked Alex to meet for drinks to discuss revamping her Skinny Girls Cocktail logo.  Very nice of her to lend a hand to my girl!

You know, for a Countess, she sure does wear out those damn brown Gucci boots don’t she?  The Count didn’t buy you any other boots before he broke out?  Ex-Countess Lu went to the boys and girls club and talked about herself and how her husband became a count.  I wonder if she’ll go back now and tell them that she’s ex-Countess Lu?!  OH MY GOD!  Did she just call that poor 10 year old little girl FAT?  What the fuck is wrong with this woman?  You do not tell a 10 year old who wants to be a model that she’ll grow in time and losing weight is easy!  For someone who’s writing a book on manners, this bitch is void of them her damn self!  That was some rude shit I’d expect from Ramona.  She acts like taking time out of her day to so something is like Oprah or the fucking President taking time out of their day to drop in and visit some unsuspecting children.  I know I shouldn’t say this, but I hope her divorce deflates her ego!  She’d be cool if she weren’t so full of herself. 

I love that Brad looks like he’s now sleeping at Jill Zarin’s apartment while remodeling.  It’s fabulous and Jill Zarin loves it! 

Bethenny made her way over to the remodeled Casa de Zarin and she is about to have a stroke!  She said it’s Liberace Versace Le Cucarace!  Funny!  It does look like a total Queen decorated it, but I still liked it. 

Uh oh!  Jill Zarin’s tennis pro just called to cancel their tennis match against Super Mario and Ramona.  Fuck, she better find a ringer cuz I’d hate for Mario to whoop her ass.  Bethenny has an idea.  Of course she does.  She suggested Simon!  Oh Lord, this shit is gonna be hilarious.  Ramario is going to shit when Simon walks onto the court, probably in yellow shorts and matching bandana! 

Can they please stop showing the hipless heffa, Kelly?  Does this bitch have on house shoes for her date?  I’m all for being fashion forward, but the bitch had on house shoes!  I wonder if Max Max is the boyfriend she beat up a few weeks ago cuz he looks like he’d let a bitch punch him.  Uh, I hate to break it to you boo, but Max Max is no catch.  So stop braggin’ about how he wants you so badly.

Simon and Jill Zarin are gettin in some practice before the Ramario beat down.  He’s not good and he looks hella awkward, but I still think between Ramona actually giving birth to a cow on the tennis court when she sees Simon and Mario tryna tuck his hard dick once he sees Jill Zarin, she and Simon might win this thing.

Aight.  Here we go.  This is more exciting than Wimbledon!  Kelly showed up wearing a mini dress with a white flower on the front and I think some fishnets and knee boots!  WHERE ARE YOU GOING?  A bunch of others are there for the match, too.  I wonder if Ramona’s gut will deflate once she shits bricks upon seeing Simon on the court with Jill Zarin.  Speaking of, Bobby Vegas just walked in.  Of course he’s there.  He’s the best husband ever!  He even shook Mario “the snake’s” hand!

This is such a great build up!  Ramona is doing squats in the foyer so Simon can’t get from the elevator to the court to shock Ramario.  One of her friends told her it was Simon and she didn’t believe her ROFLMAO! 

Finally Simon walks out and Ramona looked appalled!  Bethenny, don’t be fooled honey…Ramona is freaking OUT on the inside, trust! 

Uh, did ya’ll see Brad looking like a gay pimp! 

Back to the match, this had to be the worst tennis match in history!  Simon is just a horrible tennis player!  Oh shit!  The tide might be turning!  Jill Zarin done turned up the heat on they ass.  Uh nope, false alarm! 

Next week Ramona insults Bethenny!  She better watch herself!

Did ya’ll think Jill Zarin was “disrespectful” by asking Simon to be her partner?

…Vine…in a minute


Real Housewives of NYC: Bethenny vs. Kelly

I know it’s late, but this is a live blog for me!  Let’s get to it.

They start off with Ramona offering Kelly a ticket to the Badgley Mischka fashion show during Fashion Week.  My question is, why doesn’t this bitch already have tickets if she’s so fucking fly?  Kelly is the first one to toot her own damn horn about how important she is, but she gets tickets from Ramona to a fashion show?  Why?  Cuz she’s frontin’, that’s why! 

NO SHE DIDN’T!  No Kelly didn’t say that bad manners are disgusting to her.  Okay, then what the fuck does she call beating up her own boyfriend?  Is that shit good manners?  This bitch is out of her mind! 

Now Kelly is talkin’ shit about Bethenny!  I know that we have some white girls who read our blog and I don’t mean to offend, but ya’ll know good and fuck well that some of your counterparts play this passive aggressive ass game and it’s irritating!  Kelly is one of those bitches.  This whole passive aggressive I don’t know why Bethenny doesn’t like me act is bogus!  That’s why dealin’ with sistas is a lot easier…but I digress!

Over at Casa de Zarin…Jill and Bobby Vegas are liking everything Jill’s gay husband is doing at this point!  Brad has even gone over budget and Bobby Vegas doesn’t give a shit.  How can you not love this man?

Oh Lawd, over to Simex and their weird science ass kids!  Simon told the cameras that he can keep a lot of info in his brain.  Shit, he should be able to considering the only other thing in life he does is manage a hotel!

Aww shit!  They just advertised the Real Housewives of New Jersey FINALLY!  I know these 5 bitches are going to be over the top, ghetto and entertaining!  I’m talkin’ ATL housewives level…WATCH!

Back to Kelly and Bethenny!  Why does this bitch always look like a low budget piece of trash?  Ya’ll know I’m talkin’ about Kelly.  Bitch sat down and had a fucked up ass foul attitude from jump!  THIS is why they didn’t have these types of confrontations during the Atlanta season…cuz a bitch (Kelly) would’ve gotten her ass beat or at LEAST slapped, talkin’ to somebody like that.  Why the fuck would you invite someone to cocktails to tell them ya’ll ain’t friends when you were never friends in the first fuckin’ place?  I hope Bethenny throws her drink on this opportunistic bitch before the scene is over…for real!

This Kelly bitch met up with a man named Max Max!  Bitch had rolls at her knee caps!  Instead of talkin’ about Bethenny while on a date, she shoulda paid more attention to her gay date!  She said she was unsettled by the get together, but SHE is the one who asked Bethenny for the meeting!  Um, am I the only one who sees how fuckin’ nuts this hip-less bitch is?

Meanwhile, Ramona has bullied Bethenny into hangin’ with her and watchin’ Mario play golf.  Fucking snoozeville!  While there, they discuss the whole HipLESS Heffa fiasco!  Ramona knows Bethenny is being truthful, but she refuses to take sides cuz she thinks Kelly MIGHT help her progress in society somehow.  These bitches are transparent as a damn windshield!

At dinner, Mario and Ramona decided it was talk shit about Jill Zarin day!  Mario was bitchin’ about how Jill Zarin doesn’t do shit but shop, travel and eat.  So the fuck what!  If Bobby Vegas can afford for HIS wife to look good while chillin’ or sittin’ at home, then who gives a shit?  Mario, don’t hate cuz you have to send your wife to work every morning with that gut.

Anyway, Ramona is mad that Kelly wrote an article on the BM Fashion Show cuz she invited her and she used to be the fashion writer…in her own mind!  Get over it honey!

Back over to the Kelly and the soon to be ex-Countess Lu on their way to a Page Six Party, she’s STILL talkin’ about Bethenny.  Funny that she’s up HERE and Bethenny is down THERE, yet she’s still thinking about her.  Get over yourself, jealous bitch!  Even Countess Lu told her she was out of line.

Oh Lord, the gangs all there back in effect…even down to Simex lyin’ asses!  Aight, I’m gonna say it.  Jill Zarin and Mario have a sick and twisted sexual chemistry!  For real ya’ll!  Sure, some of it is jealousy on his part, but not all.  He WISHES Jill Zarin were his wife for just one day and as sexy as Bobby Vegas is, she wants Mario for about an hour!  Did ya’ll peep this shit between them?  Sexual frustration bitches!  Mario is worse than Kelly talkin’ bout he ain’t thinkin’ about Jill Zarin, yet he’s still runnin’ his mouth to SIMON of all people!  The Singers are two fake as muthafuckas!

It wouldn’t be Simex and Ramona unless an argument started.  Ramona explained that she basically hates them cuz she invited their social climbing wannabe asses to a celeb packed NY event and they didn’t show them the courtesy of informing that Alex had nude photos coming out two days later.  Ramona felt like that tarnished her rep.  Um, I feel her, but ain’t nobody thinkin’ that much about you Ramona.  Sorry babe!

Ya’ll won’t believe this, but I gotta go with Simex on this one…especially Simon!  The Van Kempens were right, PERIOD!  Ramona is a fucking hypocrite drama queen who needs to get a damn grip.

Excuse me for a minute, but that muthafucka Bobby Vegas is sexy as shit! 

In closing I have four words for ya’ll…KICK HIS ASSSS WAYNE! 

What did ya’ll think of last night’s episode?  And Jizzle, can I get some credit for being ON TIME with this week’s recap since you’re always hazing me LOL!!

…Vine…in a minute


Real Housewives of NY: 3/17/09

Yes, I realize I’m a week late.  Some people (Jizzle) made sure to remind me.  Like I say, better late than never.

Ramona, pull yourself together!  Yeah, we know Countess Lu LOOKS half her husbands age (which ain’t hard to do), but do we need to say it aloud?  Moving on…

Ramona and her gut invited Bethenny to spend the weekend at her Hamptons home.  Did ya’ll notice that these two bitches are walking their dogs with no doggy doo bags with them?  Just askin’…Never mind, Ramona had a doggie doo bag.  Maybe she had it hidden in her bikini top since she didn’t have tits in there!

Over to Simex!  Simon, his tight white linen pants and his bad ass kids returned to the train wreck better known as his house!  How do they even have the nerve to talk about being photographed for the style section while living in that shit hole?  Give me a fucking break!  It’s like a death trap for young kids.  Maybe you two dumbasses shoulda dealt with your home before flying off to St. Barts for your off season vacation.  Priorities anyone?

Finally Jill Zarin is back!  Bitch looks damn good.  A summer in the Hamptons did her ass good.  All she needs is a butt and she’d be set.  Her gay husband  has turned her home upside down

Aha.  Simon allegedly owns the Hotel Chandler.  So who’s lying?  Bravo said that Simon is a boutique hotel manager.  Now Alex says that he owns the hotel.  Hmmm. 

Kelly is ranting about how independent she is cuz she’s a midwestern broad.  She said that New York is a city of co-dependent MoFos.  If it’s so bad, then go back.  I’m sure Russell Simmons throws a lot of plush parties for you to attend in Idaho bitch!

Did Kelly really need to have an “executive chef” come to her condo to cook fuckin’ lettuce wraps with chicken?  These people are bullshit.  I think she paid him with pussy.  Sorry, but I do.  She knows good and hell well that older daughter does not eat healthy shit.  Yeah, I talked about the kid!!

Ramona is delusional.  She thinks that she and Avery have a very special relationship.  Avery canNOT stand her ass!  And why are you allowing your barely teenaged daughter to try on some 4 inch stilettos?  When she ends up with her crotch being blurred out in pictures like Paris and Britney, don’t say shit!

Bethenny and Countess Lu went out for a bite to eat and honey, Bethenny is killin’ every bitch in Manhattan with that fuckin’ body!  Damn!  I’m strictly dickly, but bitch’s body is off the hook!  Countess Lu is giving her advice on how to snag a muthafucka with one foot in the grave.  Kidding!  Countess Lu is boring me.  She needs to end this segment so that I can refill my wine glass.

So Bethenny is on a date with another chef named Todd.  He’s kinda cute in his own short, tummy and man boob having, not really cute way.  I realize I don’t know her, but I love seeing a man tryin’ to take care of her.  Lord knows that pasty, dry ass Jason wasn’t worth a shit! 

Over at the healthy sun expo?? Bethenny and Alex are there workin’ a booth with Bethenny’s healthy cupcakes, etc.  I will say this.  I like the friendship between the two of them.  Bethenny has the ability to see the best in everyone and many people can’t do that shit. 

Alex is admitting that she and Simon met online lookin’ for a one night stand.  Call me crazy, but I think Simon thought Alex was a man!  Just sayin…

Jill Zarin is over at the Van Kempen’s cuz they’re Zarin’s newest clients.  WHY aren’t these muthafuckas not embarrassed to have people (and the world) see how they’re living?  I don’t give a damn that they’re renovating.  This is bullshit!  You do not spend the summer in the Hamptons and in St. Barts, off season or not, and don’t spend the extra money to move out for a few weeks while your home is under renovation.  For the love of Peter, Paul and Mary, get a suite at the fuckin’ hotel that Simon’s tight pants wearin’ ass owns!  Not hard. 

Now, I done rushed to get this shit up before tonight’s episode airs.  Ya’ll (Jizzle) better comment on this post!

…Vine…in a minute…

Real Housewives of NY: Episode 4

Jill Zarin and her “gay husband” are starting off the show tryna give her apartment a face lift.  They sounded like two women having a cat fight while searchin’ through the store for fabric.  That must be how Tom and Katie sound while they’re shopping.  Just sayin’…

Really wish Bravo would save Simex for about 15 minutes into the show so a bitch can get warmed up!  Naw, they damn near put these freaks on right away.  They are so fucking pretentious!  That architect don’t give two shits about your sons with the fucked up names reading Shakespeare.  Get over yourselves. 

Bethenny was asked to pose in Social Life Magazine.  The EIC’s name is Devorah!  Give me a fucking break.  Bitch knows her name was Deborah until she got enough money to ball in Manhattan.  Then she changed it!  Bethenny looks good.  Glad she’s gettin’ her shine on.

Ramona and Mario are at their home in the Hamptons.  Her schizo ass walkin’ round in that bikini lookin’ like she’s with child is disgusting.  For real, she needs to cover that shit up! 

Um, wait a minute, did Simex just go into their backyard to lounge in a blow up kiddie pool?  Let’s get this straight.  These crazy, Siamese twins muthafuckas buy $10,000 gowns to wear to the Met, but won’t get a fucking pool put in their backyard?  Ain’t that like drivin’ a Porsche and living in an apartment (outside of Manhattan)? 

Countess Lu took Bethenny out to lunch to brag about herself.  What else is new.

Ass kickin’ Kelly the Bore invited Ramona and her gut to some museum.  Wonder if Ramona is still kickin’ it with ole Kell now that she has a record.  Oooh Lawd, did ya’ll see that close up of Kell’s face?  No wonder she wasn’t a “super”model. 

DeBorah from Social Life Magazine decided to put our girl on the cover! 

Ramona and her husband together…how did that shit happen?  Mario looks like an extra on the Sopranos with that shirt unbuttoned and that chest hair peekin’ out the top. 

Why the fuck would Countess Lu ask Bethenny if they’d be retouching her pics?  Bethenny?  Bethenny with the six pack and the rock hard body?  You’re asking her some bullshit like that?  Hater!

Now Countess Lu is tryna act like she didn’t run around dating every rich dude she could until she hooked the Count’s old, geriatric ass!  Ramona ACTUALLY gave Bethenny good advice that she should go out and date men or hang with men who are just platonic friends!  But Countess Luthinks she knows everything.  What’s hilarious is that she had the nerve to say Ramona has no manners when her ass was rude, too, askin’ Bethenny if they were going to retouch her fucking photos!  What is wrong with this woman?  Sorry, but I gotta side with Ramona on this one.  They’re supposedly homies.  So why can’t she talk about her husband looking old as dirt mature?  Hollywood and Imake remarks to each other all the time about each others boyfriends and shit!  Who cares that much.  Lu was pissed cuz she knows why she married Father Time!

Lu asked for a damn apology, but after she got it, the bitch kept fucking complaining!  Someone please stick a heart rate monitor in her mouth!

Back to the freak show, Simex and kids are packing for St. Barts…in the off season!  Simon made sure to pack his pink jeans for the trip – Alex suggested he bring his pink shoes, too!  He is such a homometrosexual!

How can Lu even fix her damn mouth to say that Bethenny jumped on her!  Bethenny handled the shit like an adult.  On top of that, Lu wouldn’t let the Ramona shit go even after big mouth ass Ramona apologized to her and her kid.  She ain’t capable of pointin’ that finger at herself, is she? 

Finally, the Social Life Magazine party.  Bethenny looked so pretty on the cover!  Thankfully Jill Zarin was there to be a supportive friend!  Why does Ramona always look like she’s tryin’ to avoid gunshots when she dances?  Just sayin’…

Countess Lu said a “proper” toast to Bethenny, did a few air kisses and bounced!  I must say, Countess Lu wears envy very well!  It fits her.

– Vine

In a minute…

The Real ‘Violent’ Housewives of New York

It seems that boring ass Kelly Bensimon is saving all her entertainment for when the cameras ain’t rollin’.  According to People.com, Kelly was arrested on March 5 at 9:10am for beating up her fiance!  Damn, this bitch woke up mad.  Maybe he didn’t give her any the night before?!

This is exactly what H&V were talkin’ about with Chris Brown and Rihanna.  The shit ain’t right on either end.  Women shouldn’t put their hands on men, either.  Now this fool Nick Stefanov allegedly has a black eye and a scratch under his eye.  She doesn’t even seem strong enough to punch someone that hard.  Maybe she beat him with that nappy ass hair?

Now if she could just do shit like this on camera, we might like her a little more.  Just sayin…

In a minute…

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