Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Posts tagged ‘Kim Zolciak’

Kim Claims That NeNe’s Cheating…

First of all, I don’t believe this shit.  At this point, I’m convinced that NeNe and Kim are causing all of this drama because Bravo encourages them to constantly play their roles to keep the viewers rolling in….along with the money!  If NeNe were doing dirt, do you think she’d tell loose-lipped ass Kizzie?  Come on now!

The two of them JUST had dinner together in L.A. last night.  You can’t tell me NeNe would break bread with a bitch who claimed that she’s cheating on Gregg unless it were part of their schtick!  Fake, but click here to watch the tale unfold anyway.

…Vine…in a minute

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Finale

Does Dwight have a wave nouveau?  I mean for real.  Sheree is forever talking about the who’s who of Atlanta.  We heard you the first season, damn.  “Her imagination is not connecting”!  Dwight is hilarious. 

Lisa, you’re “allowing” your husband to take charge?  Allowing?  With that attitude we’ll be seeing her 3rd husband by season 3!  Ed is trying to tell her what’s right and she’s too busy wantin’ to floss!  Bitch, you can’t afford to floss.  Move into a smaller house that Ed already owns and call it a fucking day.  Tryna go broke to keep up appearances.  Dumb ass.

NeNe sat her family down and told them about Allen, her biological father.  Gregg does not seem pleased.  He is such a good man.  “My job is to protect you.  I don’t take my job lightly”.  What is not to love about that man?  We don’t totally feel NeNe because we both know who our fathers are, but we can empathize with her wanting to know her dad.  On the other hand, Gregg is right, too!  That is his wife.  He’s been there for her when this jive muthafucka Allen knew good and hell well he was her father but didn’t step up to the plate until now!  Fuck that – he doesn’t wanna see her shed tears, yet again, behind this situation.

Over at NeNe’s, she’s filling Lisa in on the Gregg/Allen issue.  Lisa actually gave her good advice.  Don’t go sneaking behind that man’s back because of that greazzzzy ass Allen. 

Kandi and AJ with all those damn kids look like they’re at the last supper.  Kandi’s mama wasn’t slick.  She laid off AJ because that wasn’t working!  She put in enough work at deterring Kandi that she knew eventually Kandi would see the light…which she did.

Does anyone else realize that Kizzie has a drinking problem?  I’m not judging her…just sayin.  How does she figure that she no longer needs sexy clothing because she’s “engaged”?  Girl please!  That man doesn’t want you walkin around lookin like an old maid.  if that were the case, he’d be faithful to his wife!  That broads shoes are killin’ em though!  What Kim fails to understand is that NeNe doesn’t give a fuck about that damn song.  It’s the way she went behind her back about it.  Guess that would be hard to see if you’re hella narcissistic!

OMG Dwight has two thrones in his home LOL!  Aight, Kim’s giving her version of the fight to Kandi while NeNe is giving Dwight her version.  Needless to say, we believe NeNe all day EVERYday!  Kim is a muthafuckin liar!  She knows good and hell well that if NeNe had choked her without being touched first, she would’ve filed charges!  NeNe ain’t in jail cuz she didn’t do shit wrong.  I wish that bitch would put hands on me!  I’d choke her ass too!

She by Dwight Sheree is preparing for the fashion show.  If this nigga ain’t clean, I don’t know who is!  Dwight is doing IT!  Here comes Sheree looking like a hostess at PF Changs.  This fool is tryna pull a make up artist off of a model to do her…WAIT, NOW SHE WANTS TO LEAVE TO GET HER HAIR DONE???  What the fuck is wrong with Sheree?  Seriously, she is not playing with a full deck.  Why wouldn’t you get your fucking hair done before three hours BEFORE your “baby”?  She’s a joke.  Bravo TV, please fire this broad!

Over at Kim’s whore house, NeNe is once again tryna be the bigger person with this crazy bitch…to no avail.  Kim LOOKS like she’s lying.  NeNe might be a lot of things, but she didn’t put her hands on Kizzie out the clear blue sky.  Is your wig squeezin’ your brain too tight HEFFA?  Did NeNe just levitate out her seat?  She’s out!  Bitch please LOL!  How can ya’ll not love her?

Kandi is so bootsy.  Who the hell still uses chair covers in the 21st century?

Thank you, Dwight.  Hook up Sheree’s mane and call it a night.  Lisa looks good in that dress, but her accessories look like snakes around her neck.  NeNe never half steps.  Kandi’s BAMA and has some nerve talkin’ about good thang NeNe don’t get paid to think.  Kim is steadily sayin something about NeNe and her negative energy yet she won’t get her name out her mouth!  Make up your mind.  Kandi is about as fake as they come.  She has no history with Kim.  Why is she so tight with her?  What’s in it for her ass?  She is not hardly as innocent as all of her newfound bandwagon jumpers think she is!

Here’s what I want to know about She by Sheree.  How did her line shown at the W in Atlanta look better thn the bullshit she showed at damn New York Fashion Week?  Just sayin…

And now for the so called updates:

Sheree is now working on a line of exercise videos LOL!  Really?!  Really Sheree?  Not a single update bout She by Sheree being carried in department stores, boutiques or online.  Is her website even up yet?  Weak.

Lisa nd Ed are co-authoring a parenting book?  SMH.  Listen, nobody wants to buy a book allegedly written by a former NFL player and his wife unless you’re going to tell groupies how to get pregnant by a ball player.  Just keepin’ it real.  Oh yeah, Lisa’s still not pregnant because she’s going through the change.

Kuntry Kandi – we know her story

Kizzie – we know her story, too…OH, she and Big Papa are no longer together.

DAMNIT, tivo didn’t record NeNe’s update.  What did it say ya’ll?

Another season has come to an end.  I know, I know, but we’ll always have the reunions shows AND Orange County starting soon.  Tell us your thoughts on Season 2.

…Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 12

Okay, ya’ll have been hypin us up on Twitter all night.  It’s finally on.  Here we go!

WHAT?  Sheree is meeting Kim for drinks?  Is she for real?  So the two of them are planning Kandi’s engagement party!  Kizzie’s new wig looks great…well great for her.  Lisa is Kandi’s actual friend, but they didn’t involve her in the planning?  This ain’t nothing but them kissing Kandi’s ass.  Sheree and that weave lookin like B Scott!

We love NeNe!  She is the only TRUE housewife on this show.  She’s with her Uncle Mel heading to Athens to meet with her ghost writer.  He’s an old school playa…always lookin’ like he’s going to church!  NeNe’s mama’s house is nice.  Ain’t no tellin’ what she was doing back in the day!  She mighta been running numbers and shit!

Here goes Sheree and her bald headed friend.  Thank gawd she cut that shag off in the back!  Sheree looks like He-Man in that dress.  She better hope her dresses look better on her models, as good as ugly clothes can look on a  model!  That Tanya might be gay.  Just sayin…

WAIT, did Sheree say that she and Dwight brainstormed and put their ideas together?  Sheree ain’t brainstormed nair idea!  Why are they actin like they don’t know what the fuck Dwight is capable of doing?  Ugh, that broad is a shit disturber.

Kandi obviously don’t spend money on clothes!  Her mother looks disgusted to be breathing the same air as AJ!  Kandi, what is agreeance?  You mean agreement, don’t you?  Her mama said out the gate “AJ has six children!”  “AJ, you got FO DIFFERENT BABY MAMAS!”  She is fucking hilarious.  I KNOW her money is her money…translation – nigga it ain’t fixin to be YOUR muthafuckin’ money!  We don’t give a damn.  Kandi is her child, period!  She’s always gonna look out for her.  She don’t give a damn about AJ, God rest his soul, and she didn’t have to.  He was not her responsibility!  Oh my God…CHILD SUPPORT GNR!!!  Wooo Lord have mercy that woman is a cold piece of work…and we love it.

Derek J just arrived at Kizzie’s house, took one look at her and said “what the hell are you wearing”?  She LOOKS like a mistress in that house coat!  That looks like the same fucking wig she just had on a minute ago!  Kim is a damn liar.  She is not spending that kind of money on hair each month.  Clothes, jewelry and shit, maybe, but not no damn synthetic hair!

Lisa and Ed look good together!  OMG her geos Kandi’s mother again!  “I’ve never seen so many children in my life!”  She hated that nigga, straight up and down!  Couldn’t stand him.  And Dwight ain’t making it better co-signing.  Poor Kandi can’t dress to save her life, looking like a southern Cleopatra.  Okay Kim, NeNe’s not even there.  WHY are you talking about her?  If her energy is so bad, then why even bring her up at this “positive” engagement party? 

Did ya’ll see her mama lookin like Kandi’s gonna have to pay for that fucking honeymoon!  She couldn’t even wish AJ well.  She hopes it works out for Kandi!  This episode is giving us everything tonight!

NeNe did not say Curtis bought her first bomber jacket!  She was for real, too.  Loves it.

Dwight Eubanks is too many things!  He said Sheree is about a year behind and “obviously needs help”!  Did ya’ll hear him inspect her clothing?  “Hmmm!  Hmmm?  Hmmm@@”  We love him!

Aww shit, NeNe is not thrilled that she might be getting ready to meet her dad like this.  OMG did ya’ll see this man with sweats on and a headband looking like a Harlem Globetrotter?  Wow, what do you even say to about this?  We really feel for NeNe.  Hopefully she’ll get all of the answers that she’s long since deserved! 

Next week is the finale.  What did everyone think about tonight’s episode?

…H & V…in  minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 11

It’s not as fun watching alone without Hollywood, but fuck it.  The show must go own!

Okay, am I the only one who has a moment every time Kandi does the prep in the intro?  Moving on…

Batting lead off is Kim shopping with Kandi.  I hope bitch apologizes for missing her performance.  She ain’t right.  Oh shit, she wants to put off her absence on her kid being sick!  That nappy headed nanny is the one raising those kids, not Kizzie.  Let’s be honest.  Kizzie, how do you “decide” that you love someone?  Is she crazy?  

Over to Lisa and NeNe’s asses.  What abuse did Lisa endure?  She plays the perfect, flawless life role.  Who abused her?  Not being funny; just asking.  NeNe is back to wondering who her biological father is.  Lord, can ya’ll imagine who her daddy is based on seeing her ass in motion?  He must be a COLD PIECE!

Lisa making the rounds tryna stay relevant.  Now she’s at Kandi’s house.  Her clothing line is doing well supposedly and Ed wants to get back on the field.  Well nigga shit, you done, sorry!  Let that shit go.  Find another way to be in the NFL mix.  He can’t be any worse than Rodney Harrison talking about the “PITCHBIRD” Steelers! 

Oh gawd, over to Sheree and her promo video shoot!  She needs to lay this clothing line to rest already.  NOBODY wants to wear her clothes.  I’d rather walk around with Apple Bottom Jeans on than some Sheree shit.  How is she gonna clown Lisa and say she’s not average when EVERYTHING about her ass is average and has been since she met Bob in that fucking bucket?  Keep it all the way real Sheree?  You ain’t fly.  You came up; leave it at that!

Ed needs to give up his hoop (field) dreams and try to find a job commentating.  Nigga you done.  I’m sorry to say, but you are.  Stop letting your dick ego run you and find another way to fool with pro football.  On the field ain’t gone happen.  He still wanna play in the league.  You and everyone else.  You better find some pick up flag football games to get into!  Why are we even discussing this in season 2 of this show?  Ed was done last season.  He confirmed it this season when he was driving around in that SUV on stock!  It’s been time to hang up the cleats.  Nobody has picked you up in 2 seasons.  He acting like it’s his damn choice! 

She by Sheree is NOT classy nor elegant!  What is this bitch smoking?  She needs to listen to Dwight and let that bootleg shit be what it is!  And what it is is NOT elegant or classy!  She feels like Dwight is overbearing because she’s hella janky!  If it were up to her, she’d have yet another fashion show without fashion!  Her diva attitude is going to give her a jacked up clothing line like Eve…keep own.

Kandi is yappin about her new album.  NEXT…

OMG NeNe’s race is on the way.  Dwight looks like a hungry Ethiopian trying on clothes at Forever 21 during their first visit to the United States.  Lord have mercy, I need to go to church on Sundee.  NeNe’s gay friend from L.A. makes a better woman than he does a man!  Do ya’ll see this shit?  For real, I am not joking.  I can’t believe I’m watching this GNR!  You see that Ed did NOT partake in this bullshit!

How did a MAN win a race running in high heels!

Aight, so Lisa’s about to take a pregnancy test while Ed waits.  Damn, she’s not pregnant.  Poor Ed looked hella depressed.

What did everyone think of this episode?

…Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 10

Is that nappy headed girl with Kim her assistant?  The party planner’s wig is jacked up, too!  The only one at that table looking right AND looking at Kizzie like she’s a damn fool was the one with the bob.  All the salons in the A and ya’ll look like that bad.

Lisa just got to NeNe’s talking about the fight at the party with Kizzie nd Kandi.  Frankly, both of us think that Kandi is the jealous one, not NeNe.  Kandi plays that perfect role, but she also gives off the vibe that she thought she was Kandi Burress and was gonna run shit when she got on the show.  No ma’am, that is NeNe’s show!

OH MY GAWD….THAT KIIIIIM mmph mmph “>mmph mmph, SHE’S A DIRTY LOW DOWN MONKEY WIT A WIG OWN!  I LOVE NeNe’s ass!

Dwight and Sheree together…hot mess!  Of course Sheree came to him for help!  She’s such a trendsetter and socialite, but she can’t pull shit off on her own!  What runway show have you seen with props and shit all over the place?  Dwight is tryna help this broad, but she just won’t listen!  Why ask someone for fucking help if you don’t wanna listen!  Models with ponytails.  Dwight said “Please not!”  This man is a reality show waiting to happen.  Another fashion show without fashion!

Kandi and AJ…so sad and hard to watch!  She’s talking with food in her mouth, like we don’t already have a hard enough time understanding the words coming out her mouth!

Was that Papa dropping Kizzie off?  He is a cold piece.  Kim can’t sing a single note!  Not a one.  Don Vito said “FIND YOU A KEY!”  GNR!  Not THE key, A key…ANYkey!  That shit is hilarious.  I am not leaving till I see daylight…at this rate, she’ll never see daylight tryna finish this damn song! 

Kizzie sittin there talking to Kandi the same way her ass did last season with Sheree.  That is why NeNe calls her ass out.

Lord, Sheree and her messy friend flew to New York…probably with a buddy pass.  Sheree has been wearing that same DVF leather jacket for 2 years now!  I don’t know what happened between her meeting with the seamstress and Fashion Week, but the clothes she put on the runway did not look half as good as the shit Casey made for her!

Kizzie’s make-up artist told her she looks how one should…blond with white teeth and shiny lips.  Kizzie added “and big cojones”…ya’ll KNOW she thinks that means tits, right?  You know she did!

Aight, tonight’s the party!  Kizzie, her bad rug, shiny lips and big cajones are in the Rolls heading out.  Sheree is so fucking phony!  Why are you there?  Wasn’t she just tellin’ Kandi three episodes ago that she’d learn sooner than later about Kim?  Now she’s chilin’ t her party?

Question, how does one get engaged when they are already married?  Just askin…

Kim isn’t serious.  She doesn’t think that she can sing now?  All she did was lend her voice to Don Vito and Kandi.  They did the rest with the help of Jesus and electronics.

Notice how Lisa always has to knock Ed down a peg?  She said since he hasn’t been playing ball for a minute, he helps run “her” businesses!  But when he was still in the league, they were co-owners of shit?  Ed would make a good commentator with just a little work. 

Over at Tongue and Groove, Kandi’s getting ready to perform.  Shit, I’m nervous for her.  Wait a minute, Kim couldn’t show her damn face?  But that’s her “friend”.  She loves her.  And Kandi handed her a top 10 single on a silver platter.  Yo ass couldn’t make an appearance?  Dirty!

…H & V…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 9

Before we get started, for those of you who don’t know, Don Vito’s lawsuit against Kizzie for “Tardy for the Party” never happened.  She paid him before he had to take it that far.  Thank you Kandi for clearing that up on Wendy Williams earlier this week.

Aight, Kizzie’s batting lead off with some fat girl who had the nerve to put a bikini on.  Kizzie ain’t right for allowing her “friend” to get on camera lookin’ like Sponge Bob Square Pants!  She said Papa treated her and the girls to a Bahamas trip so that she could relax after she got drunk and fell slipped and hurt herself at the alter ego party.  Then he flew in and surprised her.  That must be when they got that photo of the two of them together.  “I wouldn’t stay with him for the money, but…”  Who is she fooling and why is she allowing that man to spend time with her children?  Adults can do what the fuck they want, but to show your kids that bullshit?  Hell naw!  And that fat ass friend of hers telling her whatever she wants to hear is disgusting!  No that man is not the love of her life!  OMG, was that ice in her wine?  NEXT…

Sheree and her wanna be the 7th housewife (Dwight is the 6th) girlfriend are checking out the dump where her independence party is gonna be held.  This party is not hardly about women being free.  It’s about Sheree bringing attention to herself, like everything else she does in life!

Lisa and Kandi are at rehearsal for the Pocketbook Monologues…AKA the Vagina Monologues for sistas.  Lisa better not ever get into acting cuz she was horrible!  Kandi, on the other hand, was prepared and she was great!  Gotta give it to her.  But the Vagina Monologues is the coochie telling its story, not a woman telling about her kitty’s history!  Just sayin…  Leave it to Lisa to want what she can’t have.  Even if they gave you Kandi’s monologue, you woulda blown that one too sweetie.

Ms. NeNe met with the person who wrote co-authored her book.  Have any of you read it?  Is it worth the money?

Sheree is meeting with a man who’s gonna create a portrait of her that will be displayed in life size at her party, natch.  The woman is a textbook narcissist!  Bitch, if you didn’t want to wear the purple top, them why the fuck did you bring it with you?  This broad creates friction where there doesn’t have to be any!

Now that Kizzie and PAA-PAAAA are back together, she promptly headed to a jeweler to spend an obscene amount of his money on some bullshit jewelry that she said she’ll wear to the grocery store.  Wasn’t she just talking about needing to put her girls through college?  That $19,000 donkey rope is a year’s tuition boo!

Sheree brought her mother to the studio to get some free wine see what she’s working on for her party portrait.  She looked at it and said it’s “so real”.  Not surreal, but so real!  Yet she still thinks people are jealous of her…

Time for the kitty monologues.  Lisa and Kandi are both nervous as hell!  She slowed it down like the Director told her and she did well.  Up next, Kandi.  She was really wonderful!  She did it!!  I’ll give Kandi credit; she doesn’t put her name on shit unless she truly brings it!  Lord have mercy, Dwight talkin’ about he’s gonna do a “tool box” monologue!  If Dwight’s tool box could talk, I might plug my ears.

Did Kizzie just call her chunky daughter “piglet”?  Um….

It’s time for the Independence Party.  Lord, Lawrence didn’t even blend her tracks with her real hair. Oh my God in heaven, did ya’ll see what the hell Lawrence had on?  What the hell was that?  And why is Sheree driving herself to her own party?  Bitch couldn’t afford a driver for a few hours?  She is so bootleg.  No matter how hard she tries, she just ain’t fly!

Oh SHIT!  NeNe told Kim that she can’t sell the song without her.  Tell her NeNe!  I told ya’ll that shit was tacky.  She sang SIX WORDS and thought she didn’t need NeNe anymore..she now has Kandi.  NeNe was right for telling her ass off.  And Kandi’s simple simon ass is a fool.  NeNe is not pissed about the song.  It’s about how Kizzie went behind her back without saying shit to her!  That was foul and if Kandi’s perfect ass can’t see that, then she’s dumber than I thought when I found out she was marrying a nigga with 6 kids and 4 baby mamas!

Aight, the unveiling of Sheree’s portrait.  NeNe and Lisa wanted to laugh, but held it together. 

O M G, WHAT was that thang on stage naked dancing for Sheree?  And this is supposed to be a party for women.  Why is Lawrence is there?  He can dress like a woman all he wants, but yo ass still has a dick, PERIOD! 

NeNe let Kandi know!  I gotta give this one to NeNe!  Kandi is just not that smart.  How can she not see what NeNe was saying?  And Sheree, the party was not fabulous.  The best thing to happen to that boring ass party Kizzie, NeNe and Kandi fighting.  Hell, I was bored recapping this bullshit ass episode!

Next week Kizzie further sinks her claws into Kandi by throwing a joint birthday party with her!  When Kizzie burns that ass, Kandi betta not say shit to NeNe cuz she was forewarned.

…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 8

Aight, we’re blogging tonight’s episode in real time.  Shereeis working out talking about she has the body of a “hot 25 year old”!  She’s so modest, with those broad shoulders!  For training with the celebrity training so and so, it sure looks like she’s at 24 Hour Fitness…SPORT.  Sheree said she knows her self worth.  It must be less than 7 figures!

NeNe and Lisain that tired ass Hummer on the way to pick up the alter ego photos!  Derek Blanks told them that his reveal event is a cocktail party AND black tie!  Which fucking one is it?  These people are so simple.

Oh gawd, Sheree and her bald headed ass friend are backstage with a bunch of meat heads!  HER TRAINER looks like a gay, Chippendales dancer named Rodeo!  Why can’t Sheree dress herself, yet she’s a designer?  Sheree ain’t hardly over “jocks”!  Only cuz they are over her gold digging ass!  And what was that damn show about?  Them niggas looked like they were auditioning to be Diddy’s next “assistant”.

What is Kizzie wearing?  She looks like she just pulled up to Amish country with a cup of spiked coffee in a Bentley!  She looks like Scarlet O’Whore-A!  Kandi is singing “Tardy to the Party” for Kim and the other producers.  Why?  Now we see why Kandi and Tiny used to not sing leadwrite for Xscape while the others sang!  

Poor Kandi is in the studio with Kim and she’s crying and shit cuz she KNOWS she can’t sing!  OMG is she about to actually sing?  Is she going to do it?  We are really on the edge of our seats right now!  This is gonna be a disaster.

She FINALLY sang, IF you wanna call it that!  Well shit, it was bad, but better than “it’s a tight rooope”!  And why was she “singing” with her lip turned up like she was Elvis?  That was a damn mess!

See, SEE how these broads do?  Kizzie done sang 6 words and already sees dolla signs!  Bitch tryna cut NeNe out the equation and they ain’t even done auto tuning the 6 words her ass JUST sang!

Tonight Derek is revealing the alter ego photos tonight!  Poor NeNe is gettin ready singing that damn song.  Little does she know Kim’s ass is movin’ own and up without her black ass!  

GOOD LORD IN THE MORNING!  Kim was FUCKED UP after that fall!  Oh my gawwd.  Did you see that shit?  Where were the damn cameras?  How did they miss something THAT good?  Kim looks like a battered woman!  Now they done moved the big reveal outside cuz Kizzie can’t walk.  As NeNe said “This is some tacky shit!!”  She ain’t never lied.  We really cannot stop laughing!  Kizzie’s picture was horrible!  She just had no personality shine through.  Not an ounce, but that was clear when Derek was shooting the shit!

Poor Ed looks like he has on a suit from Banana Republic!  Lisa and this fake ass good girl role!  STOP IT!  Her picture was clean as hell though. 

So was Kandi’s.  Did ya’ll see AJ behind her massaging her shoulders with those black and mild fingertips?  Just sayin…

OMG Sheree’s is the BEST one so far!  That shit was fly!  NeNe’s was cool, but Sheree stole the show with that photo! 

What did ya’ll think of the show?  Finally, some excitement out this bitch!

…Hollywood & Vine (yes, both of us on this recap)…in a minute

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