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Posts tagged ‘Lo Bosworth’

The Hills: 5/26/09 Recap

It’s so hard to watch this bullshit after seeing Speidi on I’m A Celebrity actin like assholes, but I’ll do my best!

Heidi and her hair told Steph about the engagement.  She asked Steph to ask LC to come!  First of all, don’t you usually invite people with invitations?  Secondly, this bitch is about to allegedly say I do, but doesn’t have the balls to invite who she wants?  Is she in high school?  If you can’t handle that conversation, then you damn sure can’t handle a sham of a marriage!

DAYUM!  I didn’t know Audrina had a big ass prison tattoo on the back of her neck! 

Over to lunch with LC and Stephanie, LC gets the news.  LC ain’t feelin’ the invitation, but we know in the end she went@@ 

Charlie, Spencer’s friend, has on jeans so fucking tight that I am CERTAIN he won’t be able to produce usable sperm for his wife one day!  Men, it is not cute in any way, shape or form to have on jeans tighter than bitches wear.  Charlie encouraged Spencer to make up with LC, but that went over like a lead balloon!

Heidi, Steph and some strange faced girl went to try on gowns at Monique Lhullier.  She knows that LC isn’t planning to come to the wedding so she’s sad.  How does one stand in a $20,000 gown that she surely got for free and not have a smile on their face?  That’s why I don’t like her and Spencer.  They are obnoxious and ungrateful!

All the girls are together, minus Heidi, sippin champagne and talkin about Heidi’s wedding.  I’m sorry, but I don’t get it.  I have fallen out with friends over the years.  Hollywood has fallen out with friends over the years…I’ve never heard of broads being this upset that a particular friend isn’t in their life anymore.  This is borderline obsessive! 

Awkward moment between Jayde, Brody and Audrina.  Now Jayde is just showing herself to be a drama queen.  If you’re so pissed at Audrina, why would you walk into a spot and sit down at her table?  Bullshit! 

Heidi’s now begging Spencer’s evil ass to apologize to LC, but he gave her a firm NO!  She gave him an ultimatum. 

Over at Audrina’s rented Hollywood house, she and Steph are dissecting the Brody/Jayde situation!  They think Brody should tell Jayde to get over it.  Here’s what they don’t understand.  Jayde is his woman, period.  He really doesn’t give a fuck about Audrina being uncomfortable.  He hit it and quit it…she should move on, too!  That’s what happens when you fuck other people’s boyfriends!

Over at People’s Revolution, Heidi stopped by to handle deliver a wedding invitation to LC.  I love how LC is so honest.  Ummm, I don’t really get why you want me there LOL!  I love it.  Ewwww look at Heidi’s FACE!  Age is not being good to her.  I think there was some truth to this “scene”.  Heidi has changed who she is to be with Spencer cuz she and Spencer are a money making machine together.  Bitch basically sold her soul for the almighty DOLLA!  I think those were real tears she was trying not to shed.  At the core of her is a person who knows good and fuck well they lost their soul!

Now to add salt on the wound, Spencer just called LC to apologize.  I think she really doesn’t want to attend this bogus ass wedding, but hey, she signed a contract!

Speaking of busted relationships, Lo said the other day on her Twitter that she’s now single!  Who the hell was she dating?  How can they film a show and we never see Lo with a boyfriend?  Further proof that this shit is fake!

…Vine…in a minute

The Hills: 5/11/09 Recap

WHY does Audrina have that Debbie Gibson hat on again?  Lauren and Lo are wrong for not tellin’ her that she looks like a fucking fool.  Evidently, Justin Bobby heard about Hawaii.  I wonder who told him? producers

Lauren’s tryna talk to Stephanie about work and Steph’s talkin’ about a dude.

Heidi and her pump wearin’ co-worker are talkin’ about “Stacie the Bartender” again.  Co-worker said that Stacie needs to “step off already” LOL!  I ain’t heard step off since Big Daddy Kane and New Jack City!  Go white girl.

Stephanie looked like she had boxers on at work!  Her ass was almost hangin’ out.  This bitch is bout to get fired in this episode ya’ll, ain’t she?  She’s talkin’ on that phone like she’s in her living room.  LC told her not to forget to do some shit and Steph said “I’ll try”, then went BACK to the dude on the phone and said “no, it’s not a bad time” LOL!  At least she’s funny.

Audrina is at a work function with some terrible band called “Script” performing.  Does anyone else notice the irony in that? 

Over at Smashbox Studios Lo and LC realize that Steph did not pack up all the right clothes for some shoot!  Duh, LC shoulda checked that shit before she left the office in the first damn place.  Yeah, Steph fucked up, but LC shoulda double checked.  She knows her friend ain’t about shit.  To top it off, this bitch was like call someone else because I’m on lunch!  Her whole day at work is a lunch break. 

Heidi went down to the bar to talk to Stacie the Bartender.  Does Heidi realize how fucking lame she looked sittin’ at a bar ranting about her own fucked up alleged husband boyfriend.

Audrina and her implants went to meet Justin Bobby to tell him that it’s totally over this time!  If it’s over, then why even meet up with this fool?  These muthafuckas love the drama!  HOLD UP…does Justin Bobby have on some Milli Vanilli boots, striped clown socks and capri pants?  Okay, that alone shoulda been why she left his ass!

Does Audrina own a comb?  I mean for real, this flower child “natural” look is a bit over the top.  Comb your damn hair!

Over at Speidi’s, they’re STILL arguing about Stacie the bartender.  Heidi is ranting about how she felt like she was in “satan’s dungeon” while at the bar…then bitch, why did you go down there?  Just because the broad asked you to didn’t mean you had to!  Fucking idiots!

Back at LC and Steph’s job, Kelly just walked in and I KNOW she’s bout to wreck shop!  Yep, just called LC into her office.  Steph’s ass is about to be out of a fake job!  LMAO @ Kelly talkin’ about she hasn’t had a lunch break in 5 years!  I told ya’ll that lunch break shit was bull!  Now she got-ta go by the end of the week!  THIS is why you don’t refer friends to jobs AND let your boss know that you know they ass!

Boring episode if you ask me.

…Vine…in a minute

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The Hills Season 5: 4/27/09 Recap

Why do ya’ll request more of the shows that I watch?  Bombard Hollywood with requests.  Oh speaking of, she’ll be glued to Gotti’s Way and New York Goes to Work for anyone looking forward to that shit.

I know I’m late with the Hills, but it’s so hard to watch this bullshit.  Aight, here we go.

LC, Lo, Audrina and Steph went on vacation to Hawaii to crash the boys’ trip.  Wow, they seem SO fucking shocked.  Come on now.  Stephanie ain’t been there 20 seconds and bitch already has a drank in hand.  If you saw it, you know I ain’t lying.  20 seconds MAX LOL!

Natasha Bettingfield or whatever, is still getting paid for this old ass song.  I ain’t mad at her.

Back to Hawaii, Audrina is drooling over Brody, but obsessing about Justin Bobby!  How could anyone think of someone so ugly while sitting in a beautiful place like Hawaii?

Back in L.A., the newly married (in “real” life) Speidi are at Barnes & Noble talkin’ about how Heidi’s ex Colby is coming to town.  Didn’t see that one coming. 

Colby and his girl are at XIV to meet Speidi for dinner.  This shit is lame.  Colby’s girl, I think Ashley, looks like a down home school marm.  She played the shit outta Heidi though tellin’ her how she’s seen pictures and she looks like a totally different person now.  One for the virgin!  She might not be gettin’ laid, but she could tell the new hair, lips and boobs a mile away! 

Over in Hawaii, Stephanie is pretty much pimpin’ Audrina out to Brody and he bit.  Audrina wears way too much make-up.  She doesn’t need all that shit.  Ease up boo!  Stephanie done encouraged her to whore herself out to Brody to make Justin Bobby jealous.  Uhhh, why not just hook up with Brody cuz he’s fine as hell?  What does that homeless lookin’ dude have to do with anything?

Spencer being the creep that he is, took poor, backed up Colby to box figuring he had plenty of aggression to get out since he can’t let it out on Ashley or the maternity dress she had on at dinner.  Dude couldn’t even jab right.  So let me get this straight.  He doesn’t drink, smoke, cuss or fuck AND to top it off he can’t protect my ass if somethin’ goes down?  I’d rather fuck with Spencer!

Speidi has the Virgins over for Bible study.  They ought to be shamed playin’ with the Lord like this.  Anyway, Ashley said that in the Bible, sex before marriage is called “fornification”!  FORNIFICATION?!  Really!?  Between her and Colby they ain’t the smartest couple.  They are lackin’ in all kinds of areas!  Spencer is looking at them like they’re from Bedrock and they drove to his apartment in a car that was powered by their feet!  This fool started texting during Bible study.  He’s a cold piece of work.

Back on the big island, Brody’s friends are tellin’ him how Audrina dangled her cherry in his face and he ain’t pop it.  I mean, no that’s not what they said exactly, but it’s what they meant.  Fine ass Brody makes it clear that he is only attracted to his girlfriend – remember the trashy broad from last week?  Her.  Oh wait, he amended that.  If it’s late night and nobody is around, THEN he would hit that.  Audrina just smiled and agreed like a damn hooker.

LC and Lo’s nosey asses wanna know what the fuck went down with Audrina and Brody last night; she spent the night with him.  Now Steph wants to play coy like she wasn’t pimpin’ Audrina out the night before. 

Brody admits to the boys that he fucked Audrina.  Audrina basically admits to the girls the same.  Steph told her that Brody’s girlfriend would be starting WWIII wit her when she finds out.  Audrina was like I don’t care, start a war.  Whatever.  I love white girls.  She fucked that woman’s boyfriend, but then had a chip on her shoulder about the girlfriend getting mad…like she didn’t do shit wrong!  Only in America.


Vine…in a minute

The Hills: 4/20/09 Recap

LC and Audrina are at some dive bar having drinks.  LC told her to get back out there on the man hunt.  Uh, I don’t think LC meant with Brody sweetie!  But that’s later in the show.

Over at People’s Revolution, Stephanie is workin’ Kelly’s last nerve leaving shit all over the place and preparing sloppy packages for clients.  Real gem you found there LC.  I give it two more episodes before Kelly makes LC fire her ass.

Spencer is outside of Boathouse tryna act out a scene win Heidi back! 

LC, Lo, Audrina and some girl with big teeth hit a club and ran into Brody!  Oh wait a minute, Justin Bobby is there, too!  There ain’t but one club in Hollywood?  Audrina didn’t peep him, but LC made sure she was prepared.  As she put her left hand on the side of her face, I guess to keep Justin from reading her lips, she told Audrina to read her lips and screamed “JUSTIN IS HERE!  JUSTIN IS HERE!”  I see LC never learned to use her indoor voice.

Anyway, Brody to the rescue tellin’ Audrina that she’s so beautiful and should be having fun…not sittin’ looking all sad behind that fool Justin Bobby!  Not shockingly, the trashy girl with the L.A. pout (with collagen assistance) who was making out with Brody asked who the fuck Audrina was.  Showing her insecurities, she leaned over another person to make out with Brody!  Class act!?  If Brody would just get back with LC, we wouldn’t have to watch these other trashy broads!

Over at Audrina’s place, Stephanie’s nosey ass is there to get the dirt! 

OH, sorry, the trashy girl is Brody’s girlfriend Jayde. 

Who the fuck is Sleazy T and why is he letting people call him that? 

Ewww, Justin looks homeless.  How did Audrina date this clown, let alone have sex with him?  He is disgusting!  For real, I’m finding it hard to even swallow my diet soda.  Why are they fighting in the club?  And can Brody stare at her any harder?  Well shit, if I were a dude with that Jayde piece of work, I’d be staring at Audrina, too!

Back at People’s Revolution, Stephanie’s now hangin’ up on muthafuckas only after letting the phone ring 4 or 5 times!  I can’t believe that she is THIS damn clueless.  LC didn’t know how dumb this girl was before she referred her for this internship?

Speidi hits the therapists office in Beverly Hills.  I wonder how much MTV paid this woman to sink this low.  As Heidi explained to this her what the fuck happened, she looked more and more disgusted.  Like ‘if MTV weren’t paying my ass, I wouldn’t be fucking with these two teeny boppers’.  Even the therapist asked Heidi what she’s doing with Spencer.

LC, Lo and Audrina are at lunch talking about Brody.  It became clear to LC real quick that Audrina has a hot crotch for.  She didn’t look thrilled.  Now how did I know these three would end up in Hawaii during the boys trip?  That’s next week.

Am I the only one who thinks the script is getting worse by the week?  They shoulda had Stephanie be a shining star at PR totally showing up LC.  Then Kelly could’ve turned on LC, sending her deeper into her passion for her own clothing line vs. working on for someone else…thus, giving her a reason to plug her line on the show, as well as in reality.  I mean, that woulda been a good start. 

Vine…in a minute

The Hills Season 5 Episodes 1&2 Recap

I know, ya’ll are shocked that we’re reviewing the Hills.  But H&V used to watch this shit way back when.  We fell off, but since one of our readers made a request, why not!

Oh Gawd, Heidi, her fake lips, fake boobs, honk if you love Jesus self is up with some bad weave wearin’ girl.  I think that’s Spencer’s sister.  WHY do white bitches in L.A. just get their tracks put in and don’t get the shit cut or styled?  I don’t get that.

Audrina and Lo are together.  Hollywood & I love Lo!  I guess she said fuck it to UC Santa Barbara.  Just as well…that’s where she picked up that nasty coke habit, allegedly of course!  Sorry, I’m makin’ up for lost time.

So I take it someone is having a birthday.  Probably LC

Heidi and Stephanie are tryna come up with a lie to tell Spencer about where they’re going.  He would freak out if he knew she were going to hang LC.  He’s such a hater.  If it wasn’t for LC, yo ass wouldn’t be on tv asshole!  Eww, Spencer looks like he has a lip fungus, don’t he?  He’s creepy!

Over to the Marina, I’m lettin’ ya’ll know right now if one of them bitches ends up in the water, I’m done!  Oh my God, Brody is there.  Lord, please let those two get married one day!  How the fuck is Heidi gonna A) come LATE to a surprise party and B) come uninvited?  What’s wrong with this broad?  This shit is about to be like the Titanic.  Luckily all that weave in Heidi’s head doubles as a flotation device.  Just sayin’…

Back at sea, LC wants Heidi to leave, but is too nice to ask.  That and they in the middle of the damn water!  I’ve never seen a grown ass woman beg so hard to be someone’s friend. 

Over at The Dime, Spencer and Charlie spot Stephanie’s ex-boyfriend.  Being the attention whore he is, Spencer approached the guy for absolutely no reason.  The bartender, like Stacy, is like totally flirting with like Spencer and if I like have to hear this bitch say like one more time, I might like vomit.  She ain’t a regular is she?

Heidi called Spencer about the text Stephanie got from her ex! 

Spencer, you’re busted.  Now he’s gonna act like he’s innocent.  WHO is this fool gonna hurt?  And why does this muthafucka need to “touch you first dawg”?  If you’re gonna fight, then fight bitch!

What is it that Heidi doesn’t know about  what Spencer did at the bar?  Dude was clear.  She’s so naive!

You know what, I’m really fuckin’ pissed that Heidi got LC crying at her own damn birthday party!  This bitch is such a shine stealin’ drama queen!  It ain’t very Christian-like to steal someone’s thunder Heidi!  Seriously!  Do ya’ll follow Spencer and Heidi on Twitter?  They are constantly talking about how good God is, but he fightin’ folks at a dive bar?!  Granted, Hollywood & I know how good God is, too, but we don’t talk about it on the blog.  Why?  So that when we start cussin’ and actin’ a fool, nobody can shake their finger at us! 

How is it that she got all this plastic surgery, LC ain’t had none and STILL looks better than her?!

LC might not have wanted Heidi there, but she sure as hell took that Chanel shopping bag home with her!  Get it bitch!

Wait a minute, there’s another episode…Let me refill my wine glass!

Aight, Spencer goes off on Steph for tellin’ Heidi about flirting with the bartender.  Blah blah blah, brother-sister dramz! 

Lawd have mercy!  Heidi done walked into The Dime to confront the bartender, Stacy.  Why do bitches do that?  Never show another bitch your insecurities, period!  This is how broads get their man took. 

Back at the apartment, Speidi is fightin’ about his flirting.  She feels disrespected.  Here’s the deal Heidil..Spencer, as ugly and slimy as he is, is still a man.  Just cuz ya’ll allegedly engaged don’t mean he ain’t gonna flirt with other bitches!  He’s committed, not gay!  Chill the fuck out and stop being a damn nag!  Now she mad, so she done flown to Colorado!

LC checked Steph about bringing Heidi to her party! 

Over at Cafe Muse, Spencer and Brody met up.  Brody is giving him bad advice, but what do you expect?  Spencer is scramblin’ to make up with Brody cuz he knows he ain’t shit without Heidi.  For some reason, people like her music and her.  Nobody likes Spencer.  He’s the sidekick muthafuckas tolerate cuz of the main attraction!

Uh oh, Heidi just ran into her ex-boyfriend Colby.  He’s not cute.  Heidi don’t want him. 

Brody and LC got together to trash talk Speidi.  I wish they’d just get it right.

Okay, wait a minute, Spencer and Charlie are back at The Dime…the spot that got his ass into this mess in the first place.  And why are you lettin’ this bitch call her fiancee crazy?  He’s such a piece of shit.  What does Heidi see in this fool?  I know his dick is little, so that can’t be it!

I can’t believe all that shit just happened in 1 hour!  Did ya’ll watch?  Thoughts?

…Vine…in a minute…

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