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Real Housewives of NY: Season 2 Finale Recap

All good things must come to an end!  This season is no different.  Enjoy the episode and recap now, cuz in an hour (for me) there will be no more Jill Zarin, Bobby Vegas, Bethenny, Roller Girl OR Kelly and her non hip havin’ ass to talk about each week till next season!

Just watchin’ the recap of how Kell talked to Bethenny riled me up for tonight.  She better be on her best behavior or else! 

Over to Jill Zarin’s Upper East Side condo, the girls are meeting to discuss final preparations for Jill’s fundraiser.  Guess whose ass is late?  Ramona and her bad hair cut.  Aww shit, she and Jill are having it out over whether or not Jill should put her company’s name on the SuppleLeftTitty…you know, the signage behind people as they walk the red carpet!  I saw TruRamona’s point, but I gotta disagree.  Besides, ex-Countess Lu didn’t object and we all know that etiquette starts and stops with her ass!

Over at NASDAQ, the Count and ex-Countess are taking a tour since they helped to raise money for somebody in Brooklyn.  She just talks so damn much that it all bleeds together.  I’m shocked that she introduced lil Yawny to her husband as Alex and not the Count.  She’s just into herself enough to have told a 5 year old call him that.

Oh shit, just saw a preview for the reunion.  ex-Countess Lu MIGHT…MIGHT win me over if she goes off on Kelly.  Can’t wait…back to the show.

Jill Zarin is about to have either the sex tawwlk or the drug tawwlk with Ally.  How humiliating to get “the talk” on national tv.  I’m sure they cut the good shit out, but it was nice to see her be there for her kid.

Over at Lu’s broken home, Bethenny is giving Rosie a cooking lesson cuz Lu is too cheap and lazy to send her to cooking school.  Rosie be gettin’ her rocks off by the sound of things. 

Jill Zarin took a trip to some crazy jeweler’s spot (Jeri Cohen) to pick up an auction item for the fundraiser.  Her sitting in the back of her own damn SUV being driven around by some black dude was a bit Miss Daisy-like, but only Jill could pull that shit off.  She took Kelly with her for some dumbass reason.  WHAT does she have on?  She has on like a mini dress with tights and some UGG-ish boots.  Is…it…hot…or…is…it…cold…bitch?  Make up your fucking mind!

Miss Bethenny was asked to model in a Moroccan fashion show.  So who else but Lu would give her runway advice?  How funny to see Bethenny not doing something well.  Was I the only one in this moment who had a flashback to Carrie Bradshaw in the fashion show with real people & models?  As long as B doesn’t end up laying on the runway as fashion roadkill like Carrie, she’ll be fine.

Sooo, right before show time, Bethenny is told that she’s also the MC for the evening.  Being the good sport that she is, she’s prepping her one liners in hair and make-up.  All of the girls are coming…and when I say the girls I mean Jill, Lu, Ramona, Alex and, of course, Simon!  Kelly’s ass was too tacky to RSVP either way.  B’s publicist is funny, too, calling Kell “charming”.  Jill Zarin walked the red carpet with her gay husband by her side and her real husband bringing up the rear…no pun intended!

Bethenny came out on stage looking like a million fucking bucks…and bitch was funny on top of that.  How dare ex-Countess Lu say that she was “trying to be funny”?  Sayin’ she wants a Moroccan Prince but must be the only wife in a room full of Moroccan muthafuckas IS funny! 

Can someone tell Ramona that she should A) comb her hair when attending a fashion show and B) not dance when music is playing.  The music is for the models, boo, not for your ass to wiggle in your seat!

Now the big day of Jill Zarin’s fundraiser.  Shit, let the fight begin.  Ramona started all the shit.  She noticed that there was a lot of signage behind the bar while her ass was lookin’ to score a glass of wine…fucking alkie.  Anyway, Bethenny had her Skinny Girls Cocktail logo up there, as well as some other alcohol companies.  I’ll assume they gave free booze for the event.  Ramona makes a big stink about how B never mentioned her logo and the others would be up behind the bar.  Then Jill Zarin gets all riled up sayin’ how that was valuable ad space and B shoulda said somethin’ beforehand.  She left her a message and was hollerin’ around the venue about how Bethenny is supposed to be her friend. 

Aight, I know this shit is gonna divide some of us, but at this point, although I see Jill’s point, I’m sidin’ with Miss B.  Part of her duty as a committee member was to get free drank for the event.  Is it really THAT big of a deal that the companies/brands (that gave $20,000 worth of alcohol for free) put their names up at the bar?  In the grand scheme or life, to me, it’s not!

Everyone’s showing up for the event.  Simon looks like a gay dominatrix.  There is no tellin’ what kinda kinky shit he and Alex do behind closed doors.  Yuck!  Kelly showed up lookin’ like she got her dress from the Macys Junior’s department.  Just an FYI Kell, being able to see someone’s spinal chord ain’t a good look!  She talked about how Jill Zarin is such a doer and not just a talker like many people in New York – you know….like her ass!

Oh gawd, Ramona is still talkin’ about the SuppleLeftTitty signage.  Get over it already.  She loves to stir the fucking pot.  That’s why she and Kelly get along so well.

Bethenny was with Alex the first time she saw her new logo and loved it.  Bethenny wanted to clear the air with Jill, but Jill wasn’t havin’ it.  B wouldn’t let it go.  I can’t say I blame her.  As shitty as Ramona has been to Jill for two seasons of this show and probably longer, she’s gonna talk shit to her about Bethenny.  They went back and forth and finally Jill told her to leave!  Blew my mind!  Was it that serious Jill that you wanted her to leave after getting a free bar for your fucking event?  Come on now, let’s be rational.

Afterward, Bethenny made a B-line to Ramona’s shit disturbing ass.  Ramona tried to play the high falutin’ manners having bitch role.  Give us a fucking break Ramona.  You ain’t had manners or acted like a lady SINCE this fucking show first aired!  I am so sick of her and that damn GUT talkin’ about how much she works.

Bethenny always being the bigger bitch that she is, went up to Jill Zarin to squash the beef before it got any more outta control.  I WISH I had a friend who’s as good to me as Bethenny!  That’s no bullshit.  She’s such a mature person.  Hard to find bitches, hard to find!

On to the auction, nobody was bidding at first.  Mario was in the audience giving this sick stare to Jill Zarin.  Like he was somewhat glad the auction wasn’t going well, but he woulda been aroused to see her make it work somehow.  I’m tellin’ ya’ll, he has some serious fantasies about himself and Jill Zarin.  Of course, she pulled it off in the end and raised $140,000 for her charity.

No big surprises with the end of the season recaps except that Bethenny has a new man.  WHO?  Simex is writing a book on parenting.  I repeat, Simex is writing a book on parenting.  The same two muthafuckas with the bad ass kids tearin’ up Zarin fabrics, playing the drums with their utensils at a dinner party and spreadin’ food all over their faces!  They can’t even handle their own damn kids, let alone tell someone else how to deal with theirs.  Bullshit.  Ramona launched her product line..you know, the one she can never remember the name of!  Ramario also celebrated their 18th anniversary.  Wonder what he was thinkin’ about that day.  When I say “what”, I really mean “who”.  Lastly, Victoria wasn’t sure if she was gonna return to boarding school.  I have a feeling with all the family drama, she’ll find boarding school peaceful and neutral.

I canNOT wait until the 2 day finale starting next Tuesday.  It’s gonna be some shit ya’ll…AND we have the Jersey bitches next.  When will I eva get sleep!

What did everyone think of the finale?

Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of NY: Episode 9 Recap

Kelly better not start any shit tonight.  I’m still mad about that Miley Cyrus/Jamie Foxx shit!

Jill Zarin and Bobby Vegas started off with a cocktail party at the store.  She invited all the housewives, including Mario and Simon.  Let me eat my words.  Jill Zarin has no attraction to that man, BUT  he damn sure wants a piece of Jill Zarin.  He’s now sunk to the level of insulting Simon’s tennis match attire to get camera time.  He’s an asshole.  Next!

If Bethenny could sit for an hour and deliver one liners, especially about Ramona, I’d be so damn happy!

Oh GAWD…that troll Kelly just walked in with her gay boyfriend in a Forever 21 dress lookin’ like an extra on The Grind…Alaska!  What does this bitch have on?  She has on a dress short enough to show her birth canal with boots AND a coat made of poodle hair!  Is it hot or is it cold?

Aight, two things I noticed.  One, when Brad started going all ape shit over Max Max and talked to Alex about it, did ya’ll peep how quick Simon turned around at a mention of a tall, hot ma?  Well…he did.  Two, Brad would not be going on and on like that about a good looking straight man.  Gay men don’t have time for shit like that.  Max Max is as gay as I’m tellin’ ya’ll…in my opinion, of course.  Even Jill Zarin said “I THINK he’s straight”.  THINK??

Did those two tacky ass fools just have a pillow fight in Jill Zarin’s store?  What the fuck is wront with them?  Did Kelly and Max not remember that Bobby Vegas has to sell the shit in the future?  Triflin’! 

Over to Ramona and the skin care line that she pulled outta her ass!  She’s checkin’ out labels for her products.  She coulda hired me and Hollywood to do THAT.  All they did was put a little color behind some Times New Roman letters.  She’s so bootleg.  And will she PLEASE suck in that fucking gut.  Bitch talking about how good her skin looks (in her mind) but won’t do crunch the first to get rid of that damn stomach. 

 

 

Meanwhile, Bethenny is in hell Connecticut doing an in-store appearance.  Bitch couldn’t give away  one of them sugar free cupcakes.  Poor baby.  

 

 

 

 

 

Lord help, ex-Countess Lu is discussing the book with her co-writer.  She’s so full of shit talking about she kisses on both cheeks cuz that’s what she’s use to.  I know Native Americans and they don’t kiss on both cheeks as a matter of habit.  She be makin’ shit up as she goes along.  What I wanna know is if she’ll put tips on how to properly handle your husband dumping you via email…or how to make out with a youngster in a hotel elevator with class!  Ya’ll think that will be a chapter?

 

Kelly’s in L.A. talking about her “jewelry line” with an ACTUAL jeweler.  Someone please stick a needle in her head and deflate her damn ego.  She acted like she created something.  The shit was already fucking done when she walked through the door. 

 

Um, Jill Zarin, babe, can you not be chasin’ your unruly ass dog through the store while customers are waiting.  They loved her, but fuck. 

 

Hold the phone, was Kelly just running in the middle of Manhattan traffic for no fucking reason?  Please tell me it was a commercial of some sort.

 

Jill Zarin is going to pick out a new custom made bag for her birthday (courtesy of Bobby Vegas, natch) and she invited Kelly the Troll to help her.  Traitor!  She brought her two daughters.  One of her kids is named Sea!  Really?  Sea?  Jill Zarin dropped 16 grand on a handbag.  Of course the Troll is gonna be nice to you.  The bitch is a climber.  She’ll do whatever she can to whoever she can if she thinks it will advance her social status.  You gotta see through that shit Jill!!

 

Ex-Countess Lu was choosing the cover for her book “Class with the Countess” and mentioned that her relationship with the Count has been like a dream.  So now, is it like a dream that she woke up from when she read the email about him and the African hottie?  Again, just askin’…

 

Jill Zarin’s apartment is being photographed for a magazine.  WHY does she look like June Cleaver?  What was up with the Stepford Wife look?  Hated it!!

 

So Jill asked the people from the magazine if they had a PP…a private plane.  I wonder if she asked Bethenny if A-Rod has a big PP or a little PP.  I bet he has a decent sized PP that he can’t work too well.  He’s a baller and bitches think he’s fine…he doesn’t have to know how to work it!  Sorry, I’m no longer talkin’ about a damn jet!

 

Over to Ramona’s scatter brained ass and Bethenny.  B is tryna help Ramona understand that the name of her skin care line has to match all the labels and shit.  Ramona is such a fucking idiot.  How do they have any money in the first place?  This is elementary shit.  Bethenny offering her good advice, but she’s too stubborn to listen.

 

Aight, Ramona just dropped the obligatory dig at Jill.  Glad Bethenny checked her ass.  But then Ramona insulted Bethenny saying how Jill only likes her cuz she’s the underdog and she’s struggling!  Huh?  That ain’t true, but let’s say it is.  WHY would you announce some shit like that in a room full of muthafuckas that don’t know Bethenny?  Damn this bitcdh is rude as fuck!

 

Later, Bethenny hit a photo shoot for the cover of her book “Naturally Thin”.  She looked great.  Can’t wait to see the real thing.

 

Bobby Vegas surprised Jill Zarin with a Mercedes SUV for her birthday!  He’s so good to her.  Jill is pissed that her iPhone won’t work in the car.  So Bobby Vegas said he’ll get her a new car!  Please excuse me while I pour myself a glass of wine.

 

Alex is on her way to meet Simon for her birthday surprise.  Jill Zarin just got a new Benz and he’s meeting Alex on a street corner with some ugly roses wrapped in plastic!  

 

They went into a jewelry designer’s suite to pick out some custom earrings.  They left and Simon started acting like a crack baby screaming about the surprise being ruined when the driver took a wrong exit.  Calm the fuck down.  Nobody’s gonna die because a birthday surprise was ruined!!  After Simon simmered down, they made it home to have a mini party with their bad ass kids.

 

Next week: Kelly’s hosting a Halloween Party and doesn’t even

show up.  Bitch!

 

Did ya’ll watch?  Thoughts?

 

…Vine…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)

Real Housewives of New York Recap: 4/7/09

Starting off with Jill Zarin is always good.  She’s finalizing plans for her charity event.  Kelly’s ass is there.  Bitch felt like a fool after actin’ like the Queen of England at the last meeting.  So she donated a shit load of high end gifts.  Good for fucking her.  Hurricane Ramona burst through the door talkin’ about how fabulous she is.  She is so obnoxious!  Of course, she brought up the tennis match. 

Bethenny asked Alex to meet for drinks to discuss revamping her Skinny Girls Cocktail logo.  Very nice of her to lend a hand to my girl!

You know, for a Countess, she sure does wear out those damn brown Gucci boots don’t she?  The Count didn’t buy you any other boots before he broke out?  Ex-Countess Lu went to the boys and girls club and talked about herself and how her husband became a count.  I wonder if she’ll go back now and tell them that she’s ex-Countess Lu?!  OH MY GOD!  Did she just call that poor 10 year old little girl FAT?  What the fuck is wrong with this woman?  You do not tell a 10 year old who wants to be a model that she’ll grow in time and losing weight is easy!  For someone who’s writing a book on manners, this bitch is void of them her damn self!  That was some rude shit I’d expect from Ramona.  She acts like taking time out of her day to so something is like Oprah or the fucking President taking time out of their day to drop in and visit some unsuspecting children.  I know I shouldn’t say this, but I hope her divorce deflates her ego!  She’d be cool if she weren’t so full of herself. 

I love that Brad looks like he’s now sleeping at Jill Zarin’s apartment while remodeling.  It’s fabulous and Jill Zarin loves it! 

Bethenny made her way over to the remodeled Casa de Zarin and she is about to have a stroke!  She said it’s Liberace Versace Le Cucarace!  Funny!  It does look like a total Queen decorated it, but I still liked it. 

Uh oh!  Jill Zarin’s tennis pro just called to cancel their tennis match against Super Mario and Ramona.  Fuck, she better find a ringer cuz I’d hate for Mario to whoop her ass.  Bethenny has an idea.  Of course she does.  She suggested Simon!  Oh Lord, this shit is gonna be hilarious.  Ramario is going to shit when Simon walks onto the court, probably in yellow shorts and matching bandana! 

Can they please stop showing the hipless heffa, Kelly?  Does this bitch have on house shoes for her date?  I’m all for being fashion forward, but the bitch had on house shoes!  I wonder if Max Max is the boyfriend she beat up a few weeks ago cuz he looks like he’d let a bitch punch him.  Uh, I hate to break it to you boo, but Max Max is no catch.  So stop braggin’ about how he wants you so badly.

Simon and Jill Zarin are gettin in some practice before the Ramario beat down.  He’s not good and he looks hella awkward, but I still think between Ramona actually giving birth to a cow on the tennis court when she sees Simon and Mario tryna tuck his hard dick once he sees Jill Zarin, she and Simon might win this thing.

Aight.  Here we go.  This is more exciting than Wimbledon!  Kelly showed up wearing a mini dress with a white flower on the front and I think some fishnets and knee boots!  WHERE ARE YOU GOING?  A bunch of others are there for the match, too.  I wonder if Ramona’s gut will deflate once she shits bricks upon seeing Simon on the court with Jill Zarin.  Speaking of, Bobby Vegas just walked in.  Of course he’s there.  He’s the best husband ever!  He even shook Mario “the snake’s” hand!

This is such a great build up!  Ramona is doing squats in the foyer so Simon can’t get from the elevator to the court to shock Ramario.  One of her friends told her it was Simon and she didn’t believe her ROFLMAO! 

Finally Simon walks out and Ramona looked appalled!  Bethenny, don’t be fooled honey…Ramona is freaking OUT on the inside, trust! 

Uh, did ya’ll see Brad looking like a gay pimp! 

Back to the match, this had to be the worst tennis match in history!  Simon is just a horrible tennis player!  Oh shit!  The tide might be turning!  Jill Zarin done turned up the heat on they ass.  Uh nope, false alarm! 

Next week Ramona insults Bethenny!  She better watch herself!

Did ya’ll think Jill Zarin was “disrespectful” by asking Simon to be her partner?

…Vine…in a minute

www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine

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