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Posts tagged ‘Sober House’

Sober House: Episode 2

Hollywood & Vine are convinced that there are two fools at the head of VH1 programming just like us who sit in an office thinking “wonder what would happen if we put a bunch of junkie, has been performers in a house together to get sober”.  But even H&V think this shit is fucked up!  Talk about exploitation…BUT we still have to watch and tell our readers how we feel about it.

 

Now is it just us or was Dr. Drew rushing through his meeting with Steven Adler to get on to something more exciting and worth his time?  Dr. Drew didn’t seem to give two shits about that man showing up at the sober house high as the sky!!  How the fuck do you come to the sober house right after your ass finishes rehab high as shit?  Dayum!  That’s why we never fucked with drugs. 

 

Amber Smith been a junkie for how many years and the bitch is still bad!  She looks well rested and beautiful.  The rest of those broads look like shit, using props around the sober house to hide their guts and shit! 

 

It’s only episode 2 and H&V are already sick of Steven playing with that damn hair like he’s a broad!  He needs to cut that shit off and step into the 21st century.  Even Bret Michaels is somewhat new school…he has extensions in his hair!

 

Steven Adler has a lot of nerve calling the housemother a “fat bitch”.  He shouldn’t be talking shit about anyone with his heroin-addicted ass!  He said that he is still in the business.  No the fuck you’re not.  He ain’t been in Guns N Roses since H&V were kids!

 

Poor Rodney King looks like he doesn’t even want to be there with the others, doesn’t he?  He’s just trying to get his check after the show and move on with life and that light skinned fiancée of his.  Seth thinks he’s funny.  We know what he was really saying to Rodney…”nigga get up here and barbecue”! 

 

At first we thought that Steven’s wife, Carolina, needed a green card because she damn sure ain’t with him for his money.  This muthafucka ain’t got money the first!  She doesn’t have a fucking wedding ring (he probably pawned the shit for drug money) and this bitch walked into the sober house with a fucking Dooney & Bourke bag on her shoulder!  Then it hit us, H&V think that the little money he has left, Carolina took it and put that shit away for herself.  She is bleeding his ass dry and he’s too fucked up to know which way is Sunday.  Even when the house mother (we gonna learn her name one day) called Carolina to come get his ass, she said “I’ll call you back in 10 minutes”.  Carolina ain’t call back or come get this fool!  She was probably in bed with her good looking, sober, Latino lover!  Don’t act like nobody didn’t see her standing there laughing at him while he was running around at the barbecue making a damn fool out of himself!  It’s a joke to her because she’s getting paid.  Bet!

 

Did ya’ll see Debo’s ass roll up in a fucking Bentley?  His old ass ain’t got no business up at that woman’s house acting a fucking fool!  Even Rodney King wouldn’t fucking deal with his ass! 

 

Then the black out hit!  Aww shit, were them muthafuckas not going crazy?  Steven was tiptoeing up the stairs with that lantern to smoke him some shit!  Like tip toeing was going to keep everyone from hearing him with a fucking camera crew right behind his ass.  He looks like a thing that goes bump in the night!

 

Bob’s Big Boy ain’t slick walkin back into the bathroom to get another whiff of the heroin fumes.  Even after the commercial break he was still sniffin the homemade foil shit! 

 

Seriously though, the house mother is better than H&V because he woulda called us one bitch before we put his junkie ass in the street.  How are you gonna stand in someone else’s house and call them out their name?  We wish he would!  She was patient as fuck, calling the police, his damn wife and friends.  NOBODY wanted to take his ass.  Like she was asking them to come pick up a bag of dog shit and take it back to their house.

 

Note to Steven Adler, if you’re a grown ass man, high or not, and it takes you more than five fucking minutes to fasten your jeans, then your jeans are too damn tight!  Period.  Take them bitches off and let your nuts breath for a minute, shit!

 

H&V don’t understand the appeal of heroin and don’t wanna know.  This fool was noddin while walking to the fucking door.  That didn’t look anything close to a good high.  Shit just looked raggedy and tiresome.  We don’t wanna do no shit that fucks us up to the point where we don’t even know where our fucking room is in the damn house! 

 

This season is going to be entertaining, even though none of us should be watching this type of shit for entertainment!

 

Anyone else watch?  What did you think?

 

In a minute…

 

 

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