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Posts tagged ‘Spencer Pratt’

The Hills: 5/26/09 Recap

It’s so hard to watch this bullshit after seeing Speidi on I’m A Celebrity actin like assholes, but I’ll do my best!

Heidi and her hair told Steph about the engagement.  She asked Steph to ask LC to come!  First of all, don’t you usually invite people with invitations?  Secondly, this bitch is about to allegedly say I do, but doesn’t have the balls to invite who she wants?  Is she in high school?  If you can’t handle that conversation, then you damn sure can’t handle a sham of a marriage!

DAYUM!  I didn’t know Audrina had a big ass prison tattoo on the back of her neck! 

Over to lunch with LC and Stephanie, LC gets the news.  LC ain’t feelin’ the invitation, but we know in the end she went@@ 

Charlie, Spencer’s friend, has on jeans so fucking tight that I am CERTAIN he won’t be able to produce usable sperm for his wife one day!  Men, it is not cute in any way, shape or form to have on jeans tighter than bitches wear.  Charlie encouraged Spencer to make up with LC, but that went over like a lead balloon!

Heidi, Steph and some strange faced girl went to try on gowns at Monique Lhullier.  She knows that LC isn’t planning to come to the wedding so she’s sad.  How does one stand in a $20,000 gown that she surely got for free and not have a smile on their face?  That’s why I don’t like her and Spencer.  They are obnoxious and ungrateful!

All the girls are together, minus Heidi, sippin champagne and talkin about Heidi’s wedding.  I’m sorry, but I don’t get it.  I have fallen out with friends over the years.  Hollywood has fallen out with friends over the years…I’ve never heard of broads being this upset that a particular friend isn’t in their life anymore.  This is borderline obsessive! 

Awkward moment between Jayde, Brody and Audrina.  Now Jayde is just showing herself to be a drama queen.  If you’re so pissed at Audrina, why would you walk into a spot and sit down at her table?  Bullshit! 

Heidi’s now begging Spencer’s evil ass to apologize to LC, but he gave her a firm NO!  She gave him an ultimatum. 

Over at Audrina’s rented Hollywood house, she and Steph are dissecting the Brody/Jayde situation!  They think Brody should tell Jayde to get over it.  Here’s what they don’t understand.  Jayde is his woman, period.  He really doesn’t give a fuck about Audrina being uncomfortable.  He hit it and quit it…she should move on, too!  That’s what happens when you fuck other people’s boyfriends!

Over at People’s Revolution, Heidi stopped by to handle deliver a wedding invitation to LC.  I love how LC is so honest.  Ummm, I don’t really get why you want me there LOL!  I love it.  Ewwww look at Heidi’s FACE!  Age is not being good to her.  I think there was some truth to this “scene”.  Heidi has changed who she is to be with Spencer cuz she and Spencer are a money making machine together.  Bitch basically sold her soul for the almighty DOLLA!  I think those were real tears she was trying not to shed.  At the core of her is a person who knows good and fuck well they lost their soul!

Now to add salt on the wound, Spencer just called LC to apologize.  I think she really doesn’t want to attend this bogus ass wedding, but hey, she signed a contract!

Speaking of busted relationships, Lo said the other day on her Twitter that she’s now single!  Who the hell was she dating?  How can they film a show and we never see Lo with a boyfriend?  Further proof that this shit is fake!

…Vine…in a minute

The Hills: 5/18/09 Recap

Due to all the reports about Speidi bitchin’ up in the jungle (filming “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”), I couldn’t resist tryna polish off The Hills episodes.  In case you’re not following @imacelebritynbc on Twitter, click here to see a photo of the alleged Mrs. Pratt in Costa Rica!  I hope the link works cuz girlfriend looks a hot AND humid mess! 

Now, back to The Hills…Heidi’s real dad is coming to town.  Based on how she described him to Spencer, he’s a gun totin’ hillbilly!  Now the transformation makes sense; she wants to erase that kuntry side of her!

Audrina is at work and has the hots for someone in the cheesy ass band shooting a video!  Not only is she loose between the legs, but she’s professional, too! 

Speidi is over at Shutter’s on the Beach in Santa Monica!  I LOVE the hotel and the cafe on the beach where they’re eating!  OMG Heidi’s dad has on a cowboy hat INSIDE while they’re about to eat!  Aha, I see where she gets her class.  Just watchin’ all four of them (his poor new wife was w/him) at the table left a bad taste in my mouth! 

Brody and LC are at dinner.  I know I’m a broken record, but look at those two!  Will they please get together?  He told her ass not to try and help Stephanie out, but she didn’t listen. 

Steph and Audrina are out with two ugly dudes from “the band”.  This asshole had the nerve to flirt and take Steph out, but has a live-in girlfriend at home?  He betta be glad anyone talked to his ugly, Edward Scissorhands lookin ass…this piece of shit had the nerve to make a play for another broad.  I’d whoop his ass!  Steph let that fool know and she and Audrina bounced!

Spencer and Mr. Montag are walkin’ around the beach.  Her dad looks a complete fool out there in Santa Monica with yellow jeans on and that damn cowboy hat!  The whole scene looked like an episode of Bonanza, straight up!

LC dropped an f-bomb on Stephanie…as in “you’re FIRED”!  Why is Stephanie’s ass cryin?  Bitch didn’t lift a pinky to even pretend like she was doing work while she lived there, but now she wants to shed tears!  What did I tell ya’ll about that passive aggressive shit? 

Just saw a commercial for LC’s last episodes (I’m behind) and they showed Heidi from before she started fucking up her body and face!  She wore her natural hair, less make-up, and only had the boobs and lips done at that point.  Even THAT looked better than she does now.  Dayum!  I just can’t stand to see people fuck with themselves like that…all that damn plastic surgery is fucking unnecessary for someone who looked like Heidi did.  Now if she looked like that girl starring in Dance Flick, that would be different!  I kid, I kid!

Spencer and Heidi are on a ferris wheel enjoying a “romantic” evening together.  Speidi is about as romantic as a date with your sibling!  He pulled out a canary yellow diamond ring in the middle of her “honey do” list.  You woulda thought he put his dick in her mouth the way she got all quiet.  She said yes, of course, because the script told her to do so at that moment!

As hard as this is to watch, it’s not as bad as the New Jersey Housewives…

…Vine…in a minute

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The Hills: 5/11/09 Recap

WHY does Audrina have that Debbie Gibson hat on again?  Lauren and Lo are wrong for not tellin’ her that she looks like a fucking fool.  Evidently, Justin Bobby heard about Hawaii.  I wonder who told him? producers

Lauren’s tryna talk to Stephanie about work and Steph’s talkin’ about a dude.

Heidi and her pump wearin’ co-worker are talkin’ about “Stacie the Bartender” again.  Co-worker said that Stacie needs to “step off already” LOL!  I ain’t heard step off since Big Daddy Kane and New Jack City!  Go white girl.

Stephanie looked like she had boxers on at work!  Her ass was almost hangin’ out.  This bitch is bout to get fired in this episode ya’ll, ain’t she?  She’s talkin’ on that phone like she’s in her living room.  LC told her not to forget to do some shit and Steph said “I’ll try”, then went BACK to the dude on the phone and said “no, it’s not a bad time” LOL!  At least she’s funny.

Audrina is at a work function with some terrible band called “Script” performing.  Does anyone else notice the irony in that? 

Over at Smashbox Studios Lo and LC realize that Steph did not pack up all the right clothes for some shoot!  Duh, LC shoulda checked that shit before she left the office in the first damn place.  Yeah, Steph fucked up, but LC shoulda double checked.  She knows her friend ain’t about shit.  To top it off, this bitch was like call someone else because I’m on lunch!  Her whole day at work is a lunch break. 

Heidi went down to the bar to talk to Stacie the Bartender.  Does Heidi realize how fucking lame she looked sittin’ at a bar ranting about her own fucked up alleged husband boyfriend.

Audrina and her implants went to meet Justin Bobby to tell him that it’s totally over this time!  If it’s over, then why even meet up with this fool?  These muthafuckas love the drama!  HOLD UP…does Justin Bobby have on some Milli Vanilli boots, striped clown socks and capri pants?  Okay, that alone shoulda been why she left his ass!

Does Audrina own a comb?  I mean for real, this flower child “natural” look is a bit over the top.  Comb your damn hair!

Over at Speidi’s, they’re STILL arguing about Stacie the bartender.  Heidi is ranting about how she felt like she was in “satan’s dungeon” while at the bar…then bitch, why did you go down there?  Just because the broad asked you to didn’t mean you had to!  Fucking idiots!

Back at LC and Steph’s job, Kelly just walked in and I KNOW she’s bout to wreck shop!  Yep, just called LC into her office.  Steph’s ass is about to be out of a fake job!  LMAO @ Kelly talkin’ about she hasn’t had a lunch break in 5 years!  I told ya’ll that lunch break shit was bull!  Now she got-ta go by the end of the week!  THIS is why you don’t refer friends to jobs AND let your boss know that you know they ass!

Boring episode if you ask me.

…Vine…in a minute

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The Hills: 5/4/09 Recap

I am so catching up on my DVR today!  Not one word about the lateness of my recap.

Before I get started, I wanna know how Speidi is on a show about celebrities when they ain’t even celebrities?  Just wonderin…

Aight, so now I’m seeing the Audrina-Brody fucking in Hawaii fallout.  What world is this bitch living in talking about “aren’t I allowed to date?”  Um, NO, not when you’re “dating” someone else’s boyfriend.  And when did one night stands become dating? 

Why does Heidi’s co-worker have on those 1980’s Lily Tomlin in 9-5 black pumps!  Horrible.

Heidi and Co. are at HWood tryna spy on Spencer and Stacie the bartender.  How are you gonna spy on someone with a camera crew next to you?  Stacie and her friends had the nerve to come over and sit with them.  What the fuck?  This is how I know this shit is fake.  White girl, black girl, whatever, shit wouldn’t have gone down like that in real life.

Same with Jayde and Audrina.  Team LC is hangin at someone’s house.  Audrina just came through and Jayde is there with Brody.  She’s pretty calm.  Huh?  What man do ya’ll know who encourages his girlfriend and his one night stand to have a private conversation?  Wait a minute, did Brody’s ass just tell Audrina that he’s sorry she had to deal with this?  I woulda slapped the shit outta Brody for that…then I woulda left his ass!  I wish this dumb ass broad would do the same…make room for LC!

Back in Spencer’s hell on earth, also known as couple’s therapy!  I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but Spencer is right.  Heidi ain’t have no business lookin’ in his damn phone.  For real, that is his shit.  Women are gonna learn to stop lookin’ for shit where their men are concerned.  Yo ass gonna find it…Look at what happened to Khloe Kardashian.  That’s my girl, but she shouldn’t been checkin that niggas voice mail…but I digress.

By the time Heidi gets back from I’m a D-List Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, she’s sure to need a chiropractor!  How is that tiny ass neck of hers holding up all that weave?

Stephanie loves to be in the middle of some shit, don’t she?  She and Audrina just rolled up in the club and invited themselves to join Brody’s group at a table.  These bitches don’t even have dignity anymore!  The only one I like is Jayde’s homegirl who keeps getting in Audrina’s face!  Since Jayde clearly can’t speak up for herself, she needs her girl to do it.  Oh wait, now she has plenty of shit to say…now that Audrina just walked away.  Typical. 

Audrina is complaining that Brody shoulda stepped in while they ganged up on her!  WHY?  That’s his bitch!  He did the right thing.  These broads kill me with all this self-entitlement bullshit!  Like you can just fuck someone’s man and then still kick it with him actin’ like ya’ll been buddies for a decade so it’s cool.  It ain’t cool and Jayde shoulda pulled out one of her tracks on GP!

Audrina played herself, plain and simple! 

Sidebar: This episode is so old that I just saw a commercial for the season finale of Taking the Stage.  So, Cocktail from For the Love of Ray J was chillin at a club in Ohio with Tyler from TTS!  I told her she musta been bored!  She didn’t respond LOL!

Remember that Debbie Gibson video from back in the day when she had on the ill-fitting black hat?  Well Audrina just showed up for lunch with Lauren and Lo wearing it!  Lauren is giving Audrina bad advice.  HOW does she figure Brody owes Audrina an apology?  Audrina knew the game and she fucked with him anyway.  That’s on her…not him!

Spencer is back at therapy because he’s contractually bound to do so!  Blah blah blah…

Lauren and her future husband, Brody, got together to shoot their scene talk about what’s going on.  God I love them together.  I see why she’s gettin the hell off this sinking ship!  It’s a total train wreck and adding Kristin Cavalleri ain’t hardly gonna make it better.  I cannot stand her ass!  Lookin’ forward to tearing her up on a weekly basis!

If ya’ll can remember back this far, what did you think of the show? 

…Vine…in a minute

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The Hills Season 5: 4/27/09 Recap

Why do ya’ll request more of the shows that I watch?  Bombard Hollywood with requests.  Oh speaking of, she’ll be glued to Gotti’s Way and New York Goes to Work for anyone looking forward to that shit.

I know I’m late with the Hills, but it’s so hard to watch this bullshit.  Aight, here we go.

LC, Lo, Audrina and Steph went on vacation to Hawaii to crash the boys’ trip.  Wow, they seem SO fucking shocked.  Come on now.  Stephanie ain’t been there 20 seconds and bitch already has a drank in hand.  If you saw it, you know I ain’t lying.  20 seconds MAX LOL!

Natasha Bettingfield or whatever, is still getting paid for this old ass song.  I ain’t mad at her.

Back to Hawaii, Audrina is drooling over Brody, but obsessing about Justin Bobby!  How could anyone think of someone so ugly while sitting in a beautiful place like Hawaii?

Back in L.A., the newly married (in “real” life) Speidi are at Barnes & Noble talkin’ about how Heidi’s ex Colby is coming to town.  Didn’t see that one coming. 

Colby and his girl are at XIV to meet Speidi for dinner.  This shit is lame.  Colby’s girl, I think Ashley, looks like a down home school marm.  She played the shit outta Heidi though tellin’ her how she’s seen pictures and she looks like a totally different person now.  One for the virgin!  She might not be gettin’ laid, but she could tell the new hair, lips and boobs a mile away! 

Over in Hawaii, Stephanie is pretty much pimpin’ Audrina out to Brody and he bit.  Audrina wears way too much make-up.  She doesn’t need all that shit.  Ease up boo!  Stephanie done encouraged her to whore herself out to Brody to make Justin Bobby jealous.  Uhhh, why not just hook up with Brody cuz he’s fine as hell?  What does that homeless lookin’ dude have to do with anything?

Spencer being the creep that he is, took poor, backed up Colby to box figuring he had plenty of aggression to get out since he can’t let it out on Ashley or the maternity dress she had on at dinner.  Dude couldn’t even jab right.  So let me get this straight.  He doesn’t drink, smoke, cuss or fuck AND to top it off he can’t protect my ass if somethin’ goes down?  I’d rather fuck with Spencer!

Speidi has the Virgins over for Bible study.  They ought to be shamed playin’ with the Lord like this.  Anyway, Ashley said that in the Bible, sex before marriage is called “fornification”!  FORNIFICATION?!  Really!?  Between her and Colby they ain’t the smartest couple.  They are lackin’ in all kinds of areas!  Spencer is looking at them like they’re from Bedrock and they drove to his apartment in a car that was powered by their feet!  This fool started texting during Bible study.  He’s a cold piece of work.

Back on the big island, Brody’s friends are tellin’ him how Audrina dangled her cherry in his face and he ain’t pop it.  I mean, no that’s not what they said exactly, but it’s what they meant.  Fine ass Brody makes it clear that he is only attracted to his girlfriend – remember the trashy broad from last week?  Her.  Oh wait, he amended that.  If it’s late night and nobody is around, THEN he would hit that.  Audrina just smiled and agreed like a damn hooker.

LC and Lo’s nosey asses wanna know what the fuck went down with Audrina and Brody last night; she spent the night with him.  Now Steph wants to play coy like she wasn’t pimpin’ Audrina out the night before. 

Brody admits to the boys that he fucked Audrina.  Audrina basically admits to the girls the same.  Steph told her that Brody’s girlfriend would be starting WWIII wit her when she finds out.  Audrina was like I don’t care, start a war.  Whatever.  I love white girls.  She fucked that woman’s boyfriend, but then had a chip on her shoulder about the girlfriend getting mad…like she didn’t do shit wrong!  Only in America.

Thoughts?

Vine…in a minute

The Hills: 4/20/09 Recap

LC and Audrina are at some dive bar having drinks.  LC told her to get back out there on the man hunt.  Uh, I don’t think LC meant with Brody sweetie!  But that’s later in the show.

Over at People’s Revolution, Stephanie is workin’ Kelly’s last nerve leaving shit all over the place and preparing sloppy packages for clients.  Real gem you found there LC.  I give it two more episodes before Kelly makes LC fire her ass.

Spencer is outside of Boathouse tryna act out a scene win Heidi back! 

LC, Lo, Audrina and some girl with big teeth hit a club and ran into Brody!  Oh wait a minute, Justin Bobby is there, too!  There ain’t but one club in Hollywood?  Audrina didn’t peep him, but LC made sure she was prepared.  As she put her left hand on the side of her face, I guess to keep Justin from reading her lips, she told Audrina to read her lips and screamed “JUSTIN IS HERE!  JUSTIN IS HERE!”  I see LC never learned to use her indoor voice.

Anyway, Brody to the rescue tellin’ Audrina that she’s so beautiful and should be having fun…not sittin’ looking all sad behind that fool Justin Bobby!  Not shockingly, the trashy girl with the L.A. pout (with collagen assistance) who was making out with Brody asked who the fuck Audrina was.  Showing her insecurities, she leaned over another person to make out with Brody!  Class act!?  If Brody would just get back with LC, we wouldn’t have to watch these other trashy broads!

Over at Audrina’s place, Stephanie’s nosey ass is there to get the dirt! 

OH, sorry, the trashy girl is Brody’s girlfriend Jayde. 

Who the fuck is Sleazy T and why is he letting people call him that? 

Ewww, Justin looks homeless.  How did Audrina date this clown, let alone have sex with him?  He is disgusting!  For real, I’m finding it hard to even swallow my diet soda.  Why are they fighting in the club?  And can Brody stare at her any harder?  Well shit, if I were a dude with that Jayde piece of work, I’d be staring at Audrina, too!

Back at People’s Revolution, Stephanie’s now hangin’ up on muthafuckas only after letting the phone ring 4 or 5 times!  I can’t believe that she is THIS damn clueless.  LC didn’t know how dumb this girl was before she referred her for this internship?

Speidi hits the therapists office in Beverly Hills.  I wonder how much MTV paid this woman to sink this low.  As Heidi explained to this her what the fuck happened, she looked more and more disgusted.  Like ‘if MTV weren’t paying my ass, I wouldn’t be fucking with these two teeny boppers’.  Even the therapist asked Heidi what she’s doing with Spencer.

LC, Lo and Audrina are at lunch talking about Brody.  It became clear to LC real quick that Audrina has a hot crotch for.  She didn’t look thrilled.  Now how did I know these three would end up in Hawaii during the boys trip?  That’s next week.

Am I the only one who thinks the script is getting worse by the week?  They shoulda had Stephanie be a shining star at PR totally showing up LC.  Then Kelly could’ve turned on LC, sending her deeper into her passion for her own clothing line vs. working on for someone else…thus, giving her a reason to plug her line on the show, as well as in reality.  I mean, that woulda been a good start. 

Vine…in a minute

The Hills Recap 4/13/09

I hope this whole damn season isn’t gonna be Speidi bullshit!  I can only take so much.

Over at People’s Revolution, LC’s boss needs a new intern to take Whit’s place.  By the way, don’t ya’ll miss Whitney?  I do. 

LC and Stephanie went out to eat and she was all over the new internship.  Here’s what I don’t get.  How the fuck can LC be friends with Spencer’s sister, but not with Heidi?  Isn’t her supposed beef wit Heidi cuz of her relationship with Spencer?  They need to proof these scripts better.

Heidi’s back from Colorado and she and her worst half are right back to fighting.  He’s such an asshole.  I wish Spencer would talk to me that way.  I’d Chris Brown his ass!

Nice of Stephanie to run a comb through her head for her interview with Kelly at PR.  Did she really bring her resume all folded up and shit?  Kelly is funny as hell.  I think she should take Whitney’s place.  Even her time on The City was dramatic…callin’ that anorexic girl anorexic!

Spencer and his hype man Charlie hit the town in a leased sports car. 

Heidi and Steph are out for sushi.  The two of them are as dull as plastic knives.  They’re gonna stalk Spencer over at H Wood. 

Caught in the act.  Poor Heidi’s top lip doesn’t even move at this point!  She needs to leave her face alone.  She’s droppin’ F bombs and shit.  Uhhh, WWJD?  He wouldn’t cuss someone out Ms. Heidi!  And Heidi, PLEASE get a good weave brush and brush that fucking wig down in the back!  Shit! 

Kelly told LC that Stephanie basically is a waste of fresh air, but she’s gonna bring her on board cuz MTV is paying her to she might be a genius.

Speidi met for lunch.  This bitch has a $9,000 handbag, but has a bad rug on her damn head!  What’s wrong wit this picture?  She doesn’t need therapy WITH Spencer.  She needs it solo if she thinks A) this crazy ass fool is  the one for her and B) this farce is the way to be famous!

Thoughts on tonight’s show?

…Vine…in a minute

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