Finally, we are at the end of this slow death also known as The Bachelorette’s latest installment. Whomever decided to make Jillian the star of this season should be fired!
ABC and Jillian spent a good 10 minutes recapping the entire season, as if anyone would tune into this train wreck had they not been invested all summer like us! It was hard enough to watch the first time. They showed Ed and his erectile dysfunctional self lounging in picnic table haberdashery and Kiptyn switching like he’s in a drag show.
First up to meet the folks, Greg Brady. Whoa, did Granny just kiss him on the lips? Not a good start. He has grandma molesting him and a life-sized image of what Jillian will look like in 30 years! Ed better run back to that job and his alleged girlfriend at home!
Anyway, Ed told the family how and why he left the show weeks ago. Papa looked like he wanted to pluck Ed’s chest hair one by one for that stunt. Of course, they’re throwing plenty of questions at both of them individually. I don’t know if Ed’s “the one”, but I do know this. What they clearly have in common is that both of them love putting their dirty, nasty ass feet on furniture when they sit down! Definitely a great starting point for a long lasting relationship, along with falling in love on a reality TV show, natch!
Next up, Kiptyn. Here they go making out like 8th graders. Is it just me or does Jillian look like she just got out of jail when she’s kissing? She must get it from granny. Mama Canada pulled ole Kip aside for a chat. The producers think they’re slick…putting him on that love seat big as she is. It looked like The View couch when (big) Star Jones would interview guests. Just sayin…
Sidebar – what’s up with Jillian’s case of the Madonnas? In one breath she’ll sound like Celine Dee-yown and in the next she sounds like she’s from Orange County. Not feeling the Rosie Perez switch-a-roo.
Last night to get some wind under the sail between his legs for Ed. Does this man own stock in a company that sells ugly picnic table shirts for men? JUST realized why I could never be on this show. Um, Ed, you couldn’t even get your own damn volcano to erupt for Jillian. How the hell did you pull strings to get some other ISH to erupt? He would’ve pushed me out the helicopter because I would’ve asked him.
They need to quit putting all this pressure on that man and his genitalia. Ed should’ve slipped off those Boston Celtics poon-poon shorts while they were underwater and handled his business! All this running around like freeloaders, then trying to stomach watching Jillian be sexy at night with candles and carrying on is too damn much! Sitting through her trying to shimmy shake two weeks ago in the white beach cover-up made ME soft…..and I’m a woman!
Oh LAWD, here they go in the bed doing all this doggone talking. He must be from the Midwest because I’ve never met a man in my life who does that much chatting in the sack!
Now she’s on her last date with Kiptyn. Was anyone else grossed the hell out by her kissing all over him after she bumped uglies with Greg Brady the night before?
Seriously, what I’ve noticed about Jillian is that she’s way too concerned with who these fools are on paper. She doesn’t seem to be the chick who got the guy every broad wanted…that’s why she wanted Wes. That’s why she wants Kiptyn. Now is her chance to be that! Bitch should pick none of them and call Reid when the show is over if you ask me!
I’m so sick of these women saying that the men are “perfect” for them. NO HE AIN’T! If you still think that a man/woman is perfect, then your behind has zero business getting engaged, period!
Time for the men to pick out free engagement rings! Superman is first. I get that he wants to give Jillian a beautiful ring, but pick out something that at least looks like you bought. Fool, you know you ain’t doing it all like that. We definitely know Ed isn’t the way he ran home to beg for his job!
Question. Is there a reason that Jillian never closes her mouth? She just sits there with it hanging wide open like the foreign dudes in the NBA!
Everyone’s in limos, including Jillian with a lightweight wedding gown on. Lord help, she ain’t even gotten a proposal yet and she’s already thinking wedding!
Over in the backyard of the mansion, Jillian walked the plank to her spot at the judge’s circle. Not that ABC would ever air it if it happened, but I’d show nuff need oxygen if the dismissed guy pushed her behind into the pool, gown and all! Um, JUST realized why there hasn’t been a black Bachelor, but I digress.
Aight, I think Kiptyn will be the first to get out the limo and go home the loser…or winner depending how you look at it. Halfway right. He’s the first out, let’s see if she sends him back to San Diego with those loony tunes ass parents of his. Two for two! I guess another man was his Kiptynite…I mean Ed, of course.
Reid, Reid, Reid…what the hell is wrong with you? If you’re going to roll up on ole girl’s final rose ceremony, don’t do it dressed like a skater going to prom! You could’ve at least put some church shoes on, dayum
Hold up, not 5 minutes ago did Jillian say that letting Kiptyn go was the hardest things ever. Now that Reid’s cute self is back, she told him the same damn thing. She’s worse than Brad Womack! Aight, Reid put it all on the line. He loves her, blah blah blah. Then he dropped to one knee and busted out a ring. This had to be the best proposal in Bachelorette history. “You’re someone I could really be with”. Not “the one”, but someone?! Ladies, does it get better than that? This fool actually took the time to “think about it” even though she was ready to marry Ed ten seconds ago. If that’s all it takes to rethink a life with someone, AGAIN, your ass needs to remain single! I wouldn’t have thought twice about that weak ass proposal in them Keds! I’m sure he didn’t mind so much when he thought about her saying nonexistent words like undescribable!
Everyone is full of ‘em tonight. She just told Reid that while they have a great connection, she has to go with what she decided when she woke up that morning! I can’t make this stuff up!
In the end, it was a sunshine day for Greg Brady! He proposed to Oh Canada with an ugly, Neil Lane ring while she jumped from side to side like a desperate 40 year old woman who’s timer just buzzed on her biological clock! Tomorrow night is After the Final Rose. I hope it’s a bit more, um, exciting!
…Vine…in a minute
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