6 Figure Sex…

Almost nothing shocks me, but damnit if this didn’t make me speechless!  According to Perez Hilton, Jaimee Grubbs, Tiger’s other mistress, was paid $150,000 to spill her guts to US Weekly (the issue is currently on newsstands)!  WHAT?  A hunned and fiddy thousand dollas!  Ain’t that a bitch?

Women, I want you to take a minute and think about all the no good muthauckas you’ve ever slept with.  Now think about the ones you slept with who barely took you to dinner…drinks…a movie…a walk in the park!  My point exactly!  I’m not saying what Jaimee Grubbs did was right, but I understand.  How many of ya’ll have had 6-figure sex??

…Vine…in a minute

Elin to Tiger…’Run Me My Money’

We told ya’ll that Elin Nordegren knew what she was doing!  Looks like Tiger’s loving wife who’s supposedly going to stick by her man, is making sure that they at least stay attached financially!

Elin’s initial prenuptial agreement will give her $20 million should she and Tiger divorce after 10 years of marriage.  Obviously, he went to Jaimee Grubbs and Rachel Uchitel to cure his 7 year itch.  Now the nanny Elin and her attorneys are revising the hell out of that prenup. 

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Tiger has transferred a large 7 figure sum of money into Elin’s personal account just to keep her with him!  Elin has also, allegedly, demanded a complete rewrite of the prenup! 

Tiger’s image has already taken a big hit with this scandal.  The “when was the last time you’ve been fucked” text messages and threesome dreams made sure of that!  He needs to go on ahead and leave Elin’s ass now and just take one big hit one good time!  Otherwise, he’s going to end up paying his live-in babysitter Elin more money than he’d care to!

Trust, Elin was not a nanny for a pro golfer by mistake!  She knew what she was doing.  She’s striking while the iron is hot, just like the mistresses!  She ain’t slick. 

Updates:  Allegedly Elin was given $5 million to stay with Woods.  Elin has renegotiated to receive a supposed $55 million settlement for staying married to Tiger less than the original 10 years if they split.  Should she leave after 7 years, she stands to earn upwards of $80 million!  DING!!!!

…Vine…in a minute

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Golf Club…

Where do we start?  He is so stupid!  What kinda self-respecting playa would leave a voice message talking about “HEY THIS IS TIGER”!  GNR!  He might as well have said “Hey, this is Tiger Woods of the PGA, Earl Woods’ son”.  He all but asked for these sidechicks to save his messages for a rainy day!

If you follow us on Twitter, we told ya’ll the other day when this whole accident bullshit came out that it was a farce!  Elin whooped Tiger’s ass with a nine iron and busted up the niggas Escalade!  What I (Vine) think is funny about the situation is that Tiger Woods thought he would bypass all this scally wag tom foolery by marrying a white woman AND recruiting white chicks as jumpoffs!  He thought had he married LaQuita Jackson he would have to deal with ghetto shit.  Well guess what Cablonasian, you still have to deal with it with your Norwegian babysitter!  If that ain’t irony, I don’t know what is.

Now this chick, Rachel Uchitel, has teamed up with Gloria Allred (Vine loves her, Hollywood hates her)!  So you can’t tell me she won’t have a book deal by Friday morning when they ring the bell at the stock market!

Here’s the thing, we are not hardly mad at Rachel or his other jumpoff, Jaimee Grubbs, for spilling the beans!  These broads did not fuck themselves!  Tiger is the one who took vows and while they shouldn’t have fooled with him, he walked straight into this mess, period!  He had no problem using these broads.  Now he’s getting what he deserves!  It’s not their fault that Tiger couldn’t keep it in his pants!  If men would learn to just NOT get married so they can get off with every Rachel, Jamie and Sally that they meet, they wouldn’t have to worry about public scrutiny and muthaluvas being in their business!

I hope Gloria Alred gets fly girl as much as possible.  I’ll buy the book.  If there are more Tiger texts talking about “when is the last time you’ve been fucked”, I’m game!  That’s as much soul as he’s EVA displayed!

…H & V…in a minute

Dick Slangin’ Dwight Howard…

Dwight Howard is yet another weak ass nigga fleeing to the other side!  Mary Carey?  For real Dwight Howard?

According to an interview that the former porn star and alcohol addicted, pill popper Mary Carey did on KHTK in Sacramento, Dwight Howard is a dick in the bathroom slanger!

“Dwight’s a cool guy. For a month, we like talked on the phone, and he was always trying to give me prayers to get me out of porn and give me Bible verses to read. So then, I was going to go visit him when I was in Orlando, but I went over to this other guy’s house instead, Chris Kirkpatrick from N’Sync.  And then Dwight started calling, and calling, and calling me, because he knew I was with Chris Kirkpatrick, so eventually at 3 in the morning, Chris was like don’t answer Dwight’s calls. I get a text from Dwight at 3 in the morning – I’m outside Chris’s house. I’m like oh my god, what do I do? I was like, I got Dwight here and I got Chris in the other room and I’m talking to them back and forth. So finally I had to just pull Dwight in the bathroom and tell him he needs to go home. I was like I’m really sorry, I really like you, but this isn’t the time or place. When I pull him in the bathroom, he pulls his pants down, I was like, whooa. Yeah, and so I ran and started screaming…Well if it wasn’t for the Chris thing at the time, I really liked Dwight and maybe I would have furthered this. But I was at the guy’s house I was dating so it was inappropriate. So he totally thought he totally offended me. So I saved – he and I used to talk on instant messenger, on AOL – so he was apologizing; sorry, that was out of character for me, blah blah blah. I saved all the instant messages and I’ve been putting them all in a book. So I’ve got a lot of evidence. I’ve got an evidence file.”

For real?  You couldn’t find a non drug addicted, non alcoholic, non porn star bitch to act a donkey over?  Get the fuck outta here!  His stocked has completely dropped! 

And WHY are ACTUAL celebrities dating or trying to date this broad?  I know Chris Kirkpatrick was the ugly less attractive member of N*Sync, but surely he had more option than that WHORE!

…Vine…in a minute

The Govan Gold Diggers…

Well it looks like Shaq has fallen into the trap of yet another notorious “where dem dollas at” bay area broad!  Shaq has been playing house with none other than Oakland native and Gilbert Arenas’ baby mama (who’s sister is also Matt Barnes’ fiancée) Laura Govan! 

Yes, Laura has 2 children and one on the way with Wizards Star Arenas.  Her little sister, Gloria, has twin boys with her fiancée and Phoenix Suns star, Matt Barnes.  It looks like since 2002, Laura has been creeping with Shaq!  And she and Shaunie used to be friends!  Whew!  I’m exhausted just writing this mess!! 

Let me make this absolutely clear…Yes, the Govan sisters are obviously true to the game gold diggers, but I’m not mad at them ONE BIT!  Get yo money!  If these dumb ass fools want to keep having babies and creeping with these broads they get what they deserve! 

And please do not feel sorry for Shaunie O’neal.  Reports are saying that she may be receiving close to $450 million in this impending divorce settlement.  These ladies are just doing what Northern Cali females do best….GETTIN THAT DOUGH!  

Tameka Raymond – Oakland

Dee Dee Abdur-Rahim – Oakland

 Shikiri Hightower-Johnson – Berkeley

Joumana Kidd – Oakland

Shaunie O’Neal – Sacramento

 …just to name  few!  I’m sure we will all be waiting to see who the baby Laura is having will look!

…Hollywood…in a minute

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BREAKING NEWS: Chargers Linebacker Arrested

ABC 7 has reported that San Diego Chargers Linebacker Shawne Merriman has been arrested on suspicion of choking and restraining reality tv fame whore star Tila Tequila. 

Details are few, but sources say that they were allegedly involved in a “domestic violence dispute” and that Tila was on the phone with her attorney while being checked out by paramedics!

First of all, I don’t believe her ass.  This is the same bitch who said she was assaulted at a random gas station in Los Angeles, but never called the police.  Furthermore, she will do absolutely anything to extend her damn 15 minutes!  Enough!

Shawne, ya’ll niggas ain’t gonna learn, are you?  Stop fucking with these crazy, mixed up broads!  You didn’t learn from Steve McNair, Kobe, Magic…and the beat goes on.  A lot of these athletes think that the grass is greener on the other side, but I haven’t heard about a black woman doing shit but tryna get a new car or a new handbag…not put your black ass in jail!

Get your shit together and focus on your damn job before they send you packing like they do all other loud mouth, trouble makers in San Diego!  Ask Marcellus Wiley!

UPDATE:  Tila Tequila was heavily intoxicated when the incident took place.  She was allegedly under the influence of cocaine, as well.  Evidently, Shawne tried to keep her from driving under the influence.  SEE, ya’ll will catch a case like Kobe messing with these chicks!  Click here for more information.

UPDATE #2: Tila posted on her official Twitter page that she is “allergic to alcohol” and that she’s “HUNGOVER”.  Her words, not ours.  You do the math.  She was letting people know that she was down to kick it tonight.  How many women do ya’ll know who were truly assaulted and kicked it the following night?  Lies…lies I tell ya!

UPDATE #3: Shawne Merriman released a statement via email to the San Diego Union-Tribune late Sunday night:

The following statement was received via e-mail late Sunday night:

On September 6, 2009 the San Diego Sheriffs Department responded to a citizens complaint that was initiated by Tila Nguyen (aka Tila Tequila). I was taken into custody based upon that complaint. At the time, I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided. We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety. I in no way caused any harm to Ms Nguyen, however, paramedics were called and she was examined but no injuries were reported. She was released and has since returned to Los Angeles, California. There have been no charges filed against me. I want to thank the San Diego Sheriffs Department for their professionalism. I will continue to cooperate fully with the Department and I look forward to clearing my name regarding these false allegations. I want to put this behind me so I can continue to focus on a successful season for the San Diego Chargers.

…in a minute

Michael Vick, Back in the Game???

Unless you live under a rock or in Fresno, you surely know that Michael Vick has signed a 2-year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles.  I can actually speak for Hollywood on this one, too!  GET OVER IT!

I am so sick of people talking about this man and those fucking dogs.  Listen, I was just as mad as the next person when he got caught up in the whole dog fighting scandal.  However, the man temporarily lost his job, probably some family, friends and fans, his large contract, the respect of countless people in his life, AND HE SERVED HIS FUCKING TIME!  What more do some of you want from him?  I am serious.  You complaining ass people who are mad that the NFL gave him a job, for peanuts by the way, tell us what else you think Michael Vick should go through.

What gets me are people saying shit about how inhumane it was to fight dogs and that they deserved better than that.  Well, doesn’t a fellow human being deserve forgiveness, especially after they served their time for a crime?  What happened to that?  Fake ass Christians and do-gooders make me sick!

If you Eagles fans don’t want him there, don’t go to the games or watch.  It’s that simple!  Instead of going to the games and booing everybody and their mother, just stay your ass at home.  Trust, there are plenty of people who will take your place and enjoy the season. 

White people do crazy, illegal shit all the time that puts themselves and other PEOPLE in harm’s way, do ZERO jail time and nobody says shit but “welcome” when they make a comeback.  Michael Vick’s black ass goes to jail and loses damn near everything and you people are still pissed.  Tired of hearing about it!

…in a minute…Vine

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Out & About…

Houston Rockets stars Aaron Brooks and Ron Artest were kickin’ it at Tear Drop in Portland last night/this morning.  Artest was seen giving his number to an unknown white woman. 

THIS is how these niggas don’t progress in the playoffs.  Out chillin’ hollerin’ at broads instead of resting and focusing on the damn series!  They’ll never learn!

Oh my, Clyde ‘the Glide’ Drexler and Jerome Kersey were there, too!  They know good and hell well they are too old to be in the club and shit LOL!

…in a minute

NY “Housewife” Bethenny Goes Slummin’…

Seems my girl, Bethenny Frankel, has been slummin’ with that man whore Alex Rodriguez. 

Sources say they recently returned from a trip to Miami and have been spotted all over Manhattan!

I know most women think he’s fine as shit.  So I hope Ms. Skinny Girls Cocktail is just punch drunk and temporarily gettin’ her rocks of with his ass. 

Bethenny, you’d be better off with that no personality havin’, dry ass dude you dated last season than A-Rod.  At least he wasn’t a slut.  Run, don’t walk, to the next baller baby girl!  You can do bad all by yourself!!

…in a minute

Football Players Rescue Suspended

Unfortunately, Hollywood & Vine have learned that the Coast Guard has suspended its rescue efforts for the 3 remaining young men lost at sea off the coast of Florida. 

The doctor treating Nick Schuyler said that he wouldn’t expect anyone to survive in such conditions 10 hours more than Nick did. 

According to the Huffington Post,

Schuyler told investigators that about two to four hours after their boat flipped in rough seas, one of the two National Football League players on board gave up hope and let himself be swept away, according to relatives briefed by the Coast Guard.

A few hours later, the second one did the same.

“We were told that Nick said the two NFL players took their life jackets off and drifted out to sea,” said Bob Bleakley, whose son Will, 25, a former University of South Florida football player, is also still missing.

With former Tampa Bay Buccaneers Marquis Cooper, 26, and Corey Smith, 29, gone, only Schuyler and Will Bleakley remained clinging to the boat.

Then, sometime early Monday, Will Bleakley thought he saw a light in the distance. He decided to take off his life jacket and swim to it, hoping to get help, Bob Bleakley said Schuyler told the investigators.

H&V talk lots of shit, but we damn sure believe in miracles.  Nobody expected Nick to survive for almost 2 days in that water, but he did.  Until we know otherwise, we’re going to continue to pray for the other 3 young men, their families and a safe recovery!

We suggest our readers do the same.

In a minute…