Making the Band 4: Season Finale Pt. 2

Here we go ya’ll.  Sway and the audience are live for the finale and I’m tipsy.  Should be fun.

Day 26 is having a sit down with Diddy.  Que seems like he’s been a few days sober and Donnie is there with his 2 pack, too!  Diddy is talkin’ about how they need to learn about Danity Kane and how you gotta make sure you really want it.  Yeah, that and make sure that none of the members fuck the head of the label (allegedly).  That could help!

Back to Sway at the Hudson Theatre.  Day 26 is about to perform live.  I’m sorry, does Robert have capri pants on?  Wait, are they pleather?   Okay, just askin’…Lord help, here comes Diddy in a Gucci jacket!  Why didn’t I expect him to come out during this shit?  I love when Diddy dances and I love him!  He can’t really dance allll that well, but nobody really gives a shit cuz he’s Diddy!  Is this nigga really tryna sing LMAO?  You gotta love Diddy! He’s like fuck it, I’m almost a billionaire.  If I wanna sang with these real singers, I’m gone sang!  Loves it!

Back from commercial, Day 26 and Dr. Love aka Donnie Klang are sittin’ down talkin’ to Sway!  The played back all of Que’s bullshit during the season.  Yeah, he owned up to going through a lot, but didn’t say he was a dope fiend.  He said the cameras didn’t catch his drama.  Yep, camera wasn’t there when he was gettin’ high as the sky!  Oh Lawd, Dr. Love bout to take the stage.  I hope he don’t take off that damn shirt!  Donnie ain’t had a six pack since season 1.

Thankfully he’s singing a ballad and don’t have to dance or strip!  Uh oh, here he goes, takin’ off his jacket.  Do NOT take off a shirt!  Fool, you KNOW you ain’t fit like you used to be!  Did he just have the nerve to pull up his shirt LMAO?  Donnie’s stomach looks like Bruh Man from the Fifth Flo!  He betta stop!

Danity Kane is back on the stage, minus Drea.  Um, didn’t I tell ya’ll last week that D Woods would look as bootleg as ever!  She looks a fucking mess!  Shannon looks good, Dawn has a new short cut and Aubrey is fat!  Ya’ll see Aubrey waving at the fans…yeah, cuz she knows she ain’t never gonna be in front of fans screaming like that any damn more after tonight!  D Woods…there are no words.  Why is she so fucking bootsy? 

Sway asked her what happened to the group.  She gave a bullshit answer, but she was quick to not mention how her girl Aubrey single handedly fucked up the group!  Aubrey went on and on about how she’s all about forgiveness and shit.  She’s a damn liar.  Bitch is living in Newport Beach now with her “wife”.  Sooo, she went from fucking men, including Diddy (allegedly), to being a lesbian?  Um, aight Aubrey.  If you say so.

Again, back from commercial.  Diddy should be out soon!  Sway called these bitches out.  He said that nobody seems to be taking accountability and he’s right!  Aww shit, Diddy walked out while Aubrey was tryna front!  I KNOW he’s going to almost set this shit straight.  He hugged Shannon, but didn’t acknowledge D Woods and Aubrey’s tramp ass. 

You can tell behind the sunglasses that Diddy is sick of these bitches!  For real, he’s tired of it.  What I want to know is how Shannon has been living in someone’s garage and she came back looking better than ALL these hoes!  How did that shit happen?  I mean dayum! 

Sway asked if there’s a chance that Danity Kane can get back together.  Before Diddy can answer, Day 26 is going to plug their new album sing another song.  They sound a mess if you ask me. 

Aubrey said if everything could work itself out she’d like DK to get back together.  D Woods said the season of DK was wonderful, but right now it’s a new chapter!  D Woods wouldn’t shut the fuck up, so Diddy cut her ass off when Sway couldn’t!  Shannon said, no not yet!

WHOA, Diddy said he’s gonna let everyone outta their contracts so they can pursue other shit.  Ya’ll will have to forgive me, but I just don’t believe that shit.  Diddy ain’t let nobody outta their contract EVER unless he got paid and nobody with any real money is tryna pick up D Woods, Aubrey and nem! 

Donnie is up on stage with his loverboss, Diddy!  D Woods is working on a solo project.  Shannon is working with www.iamfrenzy.com. Aubrey is working on Broadway and has a new reality tv show in the fall.  Diddy said he wants to get in on that.  Trust, he will be gettin’ a piece of the pie. 

THIS is why Aubrey ain’t cool with him.  She talks to fucking much..all up in front of Diddy talkin’ about Twitter her.  Bitch, don’t nobody cut Diddy off like that which is why he played you last season!  She’s so chunky and bootleg!

Diddy is looking for a new girl group now.  When details are made available by MTV, we’ll let ya’ll singers/dancers know.

Until next season…Vine…in a minute

The Hills: 4/20/09 Recap

LC and Audrina are at some dive bar having drinks.  LC told her to get back out there on the man hunt.  Uh, I don’t think LC meant with Brody sweetie!  But that’s later in the show.

Over at People’s Revolution, Stephanie is workin’ Kelly’s last nerve leaving shit all over the place and preparing sloppy packages for clients.  Real gem you found there LC.  I give it two more episodes before Kelly makes LC fire her ass.

Spencer is outside of Boathouse tryna act out a scene win Heidi back! 

LC, Lo, Audrina and some girl with big teeth hit a club and ran into Brody!  Oh wait a minute, Justin Bobby is there, too!  There ain’t but one club in Hollywood?  Audrina didn’t peep him, but LC made sure she was prepared.  As she put her left hand on the side of her face, I guess to keep Justin from reading her lips, she told Audrina to read her lips and screamed “JUSTIN IS HERE!  JUSTIN IS HERE!”  I see LC never learned to use her indoor voice.

Anyway, Brody to the rescue tellin’ Audrina that she’s so beautiful and should be having fun…not sittin’ looking all sad behind that fool Justin Bobby!  Not shockingly, the trashy girl with the L.A. pout (with collagen assistance) who was making out with Brody asked who the fuck Audrina was.  Showing her insecurities, she leaned over another person to make out with Brody!  Class act!?  If Brody would just get back with LC, we wouldn’t have to watch these other trashy broads!

Over at Audrina’s place, Stephanie’s nosey ass is there to get the dirt! 

OH, sorry, the trashy girl is Brody’s girlfriend Jayde. 

Who the fuck is Sleazy T and why is he letting people call him that? 

Ewww, Justin looks homeless.  How did Audrina date this clown, let alone have sex with him?  He is disgusting!  For real, I’m finding it hard to even swallow my diet soda.  Why are they fighting in the club?  And can Brody stare at her any harder?  Well shit, if I were a dude with that Jayde piece of work, I’d be staring at Audrina, too!

Back at People’s Revolution, Stephanie’s now hangin’ up on muthafuckas only after letting the phone ring 4 or 5 times!  I can’t believe that she is THIS damn clueless.  LC didn’t know how dumb this girl was before she referred her for this internship?

Speidi hits the therapists office in Beverly Hills.  I wonder how much MTV paid this woman to sink this low.  As Heidi explained to this her what the fuck happened, she looked more and more disgusted.  Like ‘if MTV weren’t paying my ass, I wouldn’t be fucking with these two teeny boppers’.  Even the therapist asked Heidi what she’s doing with Spencer.

LC, Lo and Audrina are at lunch talking about Brody.  It became clear to LC real quick that Audrina has a hot crotch for.  She didn’t look thrilled.  Now how did I know these three would end up in Hawaii during the boys trip?  That’s next week.

Am I the only one who thinks the script is getting worse by the week?  They shoulda had Stephanie be a shining star at PR totally showing up LC.  Then Kelly could’ve turned on LC, sending her deeper into her passion for her own clothing line vs. working on for someone else…thus, giving her a reason to plug her line on the show, as well as in reality.  I mean, that woulda been a good start. 

…Vine…in a minute

Making the Band 4: 4/16/09 Season Finale Pt. 1

First of all, can we take a poll on how many people think Queis doing some very good drugs?  I mean, it sho seems like it to us!  Just sayin’…

Poor Aundrea.  She’s so cute, but she looks like she ate skinny Aubrey.  Anyone remember the time when Aubrey was hella skinny, had no boobs and could move her lips and face?

Aight, here we go.  Diddyjust fired Drea!  Dayum!  I mean, errbody knows that Dawn’scurrently in L.A. workin’ on her solo album.  So I ain’t shocked, but Drea had to know that once she quit on Diddy, he wouldn’t fuck wit her no more.  Come on now.  Dawn knew that shit!  When he told Dawn that she was stayin’ on the label, did ya’ll see that bitch exhale?!  She was relieved as shit, but had enough tact not to gloat!  Then MTV was fucked up enough to play one of their songs LOL! 

They can thank Aubrey for fucking up their money!  These bitches are dumb for letting Aubrey’s overly raunchy and promiscuous (Diddy’s words, not mine) ass ruin the group.  Now what are they doing?  Drea is probably still somewhere eatin’.  At this point she looks like she has food stored in her cheeks.  D Woods is probably somewhere with a bad weave performing with her other “group” that nobody knows the name of.  Aubrey’s somewhere unable to move her top lip.  She’s too fat to pose for anything anymore or dance and she could never sing!  Shannon and her husband are somewhere living in a friend’s garage and shit!  How is THIS better than Danity Kane?

Back at the penthouse, Day 26is talking about Diddy’s decision to put Que’s high as a kite ass on “time out”!  If they don’t stop saying “brother” every 5 words!  If they’re such tight “brothers”, then why don’t they encourage their “brother” Que to go to rehab?   

Dawn’s crying on Que’s shoulder, but let’s keep it real!  Dawn should be happy to get rid of the dead weight.  She was ridin’ with DK and Bad Boy from the start.  She never wavered.  Those other bitches did!  You really want four sometime-E bitches responsible for whether or not you get paid?  Doubt it!  Bitch should be cryin’ tears of joy!

Day 26 (minus Que) and Donnie are at sea on their way to the Bahamas.  Why do these niggas always act like they ain’t never seen nice shit before whenever they see a nice suite? 

Oh GAWD, an alarm just went off.  By the time these dumb ass fools got down to the deck, everyone had their life vests on, even Donnie, EXCEPT Day 26!  These fools strolled down like they were going for a walk in the park.  Did ya’ll see the white folks lookin’ like “why don’t those black gentlemen have their life vests on?”.  Donnie was lookin’ like “I’m glad I didn’t get picked for their group”. 

Um, what was with the drunk white girl LOL?  That shit was hilarious.  LIKE OH MY GAWD, I LOOOVE YOU GUYS!  But my favorite part was when Willie said he had a “girlfriend”, she said “where’s Diddy?”.  LOL!  Bitch ain’t waste no time.  She was like fuck it, I’m on vacation and I want one of these big black muthafuckas to rock my world!  But isn’t Willie married?  What the fuck was the girlfriend thing all about.

These niggas para-sailing!  Robert is mad as hell that he got his new Jordans wet!  WHY are you para sailing with sneakers on?  Black men would wear sneakers in the bed if a bitch would let they ass!  Take that shit OFF.

Is Brian officially the only dude in music still wearin’ corn rows? 

Seemed like the only one missing Que’s junky ass was Brian!  How sweet.  Brian called Que to check on him.  Ummm, did I just hear his message right.  He said that the other “brothers” were asleep AND they really wanted to holla at him!  Which one is it? 

I think next week for Part 2 of the finale I am going to keep a tally of how many times they say brother!

See what I told ya!  Dawn dried those damn tears and she’s lookin’ to take care of herself!  That’s right, you got to.  Those bitches didn’t think about you when they started fuckin’ up.  Now she and Que are on the way to her Vibe Magazine photo shoot!  Dawn, boo, you couldn’t take a quick razor to them underarms before you did a bikini shoot?  I’m just askin’…Other than that, bitch worked that shit out!  Dawn really is the shit! 

Here goes Que wallowing in his own purple haze self pity! 

Back at sea, Day 26 can’t figure out how to rearrange their formations without Que’s ass.  It ain’t that damn hard.  Get ya’lls shit together! 

Poor Donnie can’t even take his shirt off anymore.  We need to put out an APB on his 6 pack cuz that shit is missing! 

Day after the show, Big Mike and Robert agreed that the show was fine without Que.  They think Brian was distracted by Que’s absence, but to me, he was the only one on stage giving 100%! 

Next week:  Live Finale.  Day 26 and Donnie are going to perform.  Diddy said that maybe all of Danity Kane will be there.  Yeah right. 

What did ya’ll think of Part 1?  You think DK will be at the live finale?

…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)

G’s to Gents…

More like from coons to buffoons!  This has to be some of the fakest shit that Hollywood has seen on tv.  I would really like to find the resumes of all the actors participating in this show because it’s clear that none of them are thugs, goons, goblins, g’s or any of the other shit fools call themselves these days EXCEPT for Creepa! 

Did anyone at MTV really think that people would believe this shit?  For example, Cee claims to be a “guido” (his word, not ours)!  Really?  I’ve never seen a “guido” who looks like an Albino cockroach.  And why in the hell would you call yourself a guido?  Idiot!  These men do more fussing and fighting than the broads on Flavor of Love.  Is “G” short for Girls?  This is some bullshit. 

I can see where Jamie Foxx was going with the show as far as letting young men know it’s cool to be hard, as long as you still act like you have some damn sense.  It just ain’t working.  The best part of the show is the damn theme song.

In a minute…

Train Wreck: Part Deux

Here at Hollywood and Vine, we thought what better way to kick off our blog than to talk about Britney Spears performing at the MTV VMAs this September.  Why in the hell are they allowing her to perform again?  Didn’t we get enough gawk-action in the first go round?  And what song is she going to sing?  She doesn’t even have a new song worth mentioning, let alone making all the viewers hear during the telecast.  MTV is visually molesting this poor white girl and they don’t even care!  This is worse than any P. Diddy (Puff, Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean John, whatever name he’s going by today – who the fuck can keep up) exploitation show on MTV.

Nowadays she just looks like a hot ass mess.  We hope she gets an ACTUAL stylist to do her weave this time and not Jamie Lynn’s unborn child.  Horrible!  Why are white celebrities prone to getting tracks put in, yet refuse to have them cut and styled?  What sense does that make?  Britney, holla at a playa; we’ll hook you up. 

In a minute…