G’s to Gents…

More like from coons to buffoons!  This has to be some of the fakest shit that Hollywood has seen on tv.  I would really like to find the resumes of all the actors participating in this show because it’s clear that none of them are thugs, goons, goblins, g’s or any of the other shit fools call themselves these days EXCEPT for Creepa! 

Did anyone at MTV really think that people would believe this shit?  For example, Cee claims to be a “guido” (his word, not ours)!  Really?  I’ve never seen a “guido” who looks like an Albino cockroach.  And why in the hell would you call yourself a guido?  Idiot!  These men do more fussing and fighting than the broads on Flavor of Love.  Is “G” short for Girls?  This is some bullshit. 

I can see where Jamie Foxx was going with the show as far as letting young men know it’s cool to be hard, as long as you still act like you have some damn sense.  It just ain’t working.  The best part of the show is the damn theme song.

In a minute…

Real ‘Housewives’ of Atlanta: Preview Wrap-Up

Please, please, PLEASE tell us that you all watched the Real Housewives of Atlanta preview on Bravo!!!!  Where in the sam hell does Hollywood and Vine start? 

Let’s start with Sheree Whitfield.  This is how Bravo’s website describes her:

“Single socialite Whitfield, a resident of the exclusive Sandy Springs area of Atlanta, juggles her busy home life with a packed social calendar. She is a busy working mother to three children — Tierra, Kairo and Kaleigh. Whitfield prides herself on her fashion sense, and owned her own upscale clothing boutique — Bella Azul — for years before closing up shop to focus on her next business venture, a clothing line called “She by Sheree.”

Now, let Hollywood and Vine give you the real!  First of all, Sandy Springs is hardly exclusive.  It’s not the ghetto, don’t get us wrong, but it’s not like Bel-Air or Blackhawk like Bravo is trying to make it sound.  Shit, it’s not even Malibu.  Yes, she operated Bella Azul, an upscale boutique.  However, she did not own that.  Her soon to be ex, Bob, was the one footing the bill for the failed business venture.  Why did the boutique fail, you ask?  Not because she wanted to focus on her newest business venture, but because her shit flat out failed.  This woman is no businessperson.  She used to be a damn accounting clerk before she hooked up with Bob.  Translation, an admin.  Now all of a sudden she is entitled to an estate manager and a 7 figure settlement?  What the fuck is wrong with this chick?  She should be happy that he upgraded her damn Hyundai or Corolla or whatever she drove when he fucked with her the first time and moved her broke ass up on the social ladder.  I bet he wishes he had stuck with the down to earth girlfriend he had, prior to Sheree, who went to Spelman College!

On to Kim Zolciak.  We respect that Kim is trying to launch a country music career, but why in the world is she working with Dallas Austin?  Not only has Dallas Austin not been hot in almost a decade, but he’s not a relevant producer within the country music scene.  That’s like going to Oil Changers to get new tires put on your car, fool! 

As for the other ‘housewives’, we don’t have anything to say one way or the other.  Props to them for taking their blessings and running with them…turning themselves into ACTUAL career women and not simply living off their rich husbands.

In a minute…

Glam god?

Who is watching Glam God on VH1?  What the fuck is wrong with Vivica Fox’s face?  She looks like a Chinese Madam.  Why did she even mess with her face like that?  She hasn’t been right since Two Can Play That Game, but we digress.  Back to Glam God.

Hollywood has actually paid attention to the first two episodes and is not impressed.  How are you a stylist, yet have no sense of style?  I was pulling for Tiger Lily, but she fucked up tonight, too.  This broad was supposed to style an up and coming actress for the red carpet; sort of like her coming out appearance.  Why did she put her in a basic black dress with red pumps and a red handbag like it was 2006 and Yung Joc was still relevant?  It’s not that damn hard to style a nobody for the red carpet, but she couldn’t even do THAT right@@

Hollywood and Vine’s sources say that Glam God producers weren’t exactly interested in finding the most talented, undiscovered stylists in the game.  As per the usual in reality tv, they were more interested in finding a bunch of over the top, dramatic, clowns with a few actual stylists sprinkled in for good measure.  One man was basically in charge of casting the stylists, but had no damn style himself.

Vivica really shouldn’t be so hard up for money and attention now that she’s dating that rich, old unattractive ass David Caruso.  It’s not a good look!

In a minute…

Michael Strahan: Will he or won’t he?

It seems that the New York Giants are trying to bring Michael Strahan out of retirement.  Ever since Osi Umenyiora was helped off the field due to a season ending injury, the old geezers in the back office have been scrambling to come up with an enticing enough deal for Strahan.  Hollywood is surprised that they are only offering him $8 million for one season.

  

Why has this potential transaction brought out so many damn haters?  That’s what Hollywood and Vine want to know.  Newsday.com wrote an article entitled “Will Strahan return to fill the GAP?”  That is so ridiculous and his teeth have shit to do with his talent@@

 

Other than trying to be funny by mentioning the man’s gap, we are peeved by those comparing him to Michael Jordan’s comeback to the NBA.  Sorry sweet thang, but it’s not the same.  Strahan hasn’t even been out of the game for a season.  All he has missed is training camp.  Michael Jordan was out of the league for years before making that half assed return.  By the time Jordan returned to the game, not only had it changed, but he was not as respected by ACTUAL players as he was with the general public.  We all remember A.I. punishing Jordan and making a poster child of him for SportsCenter to show for about 3 weeks to come, right?  People were OUT to make Jordan look like the sucka that he is.  The same is not true of Strahan in the opinion of Hollywood and Vine.  Not only that, but Strahan has his manhood to keep in check for his beautiful ass girlfriend, Nicole Murphy.  Nothing like the pieces of trash that Michael Jordan is known for taking care of and “dating”!  

 

 

Even though Vine thinks that he should stay retired and Hollywood is all for the ‘comeback’, we both support Michael Strahan’s decision no matter what.  Whatever you do, you best to bring it!

 

In a minute…

Daily Wrap-Up: 8.26.08

Hollywood and Vine have decided to do a daily wrap-up of all the shit that other media outlets have fucked up!

Starting with one blogger, who will remain nameless (btw have you stayed at the Hilton lately?)!!  R Kelly is not a fucking rapper!  He may be a lot of things, but a rapper he is not.  Why do people say shit about which they know nothing?  Unfortunately, to many, he is still an R&B sensation.  You have to give credit where credit is due and the man IS a musical genius, but he ain’t a damn rapper!  Moving on…

Another site that has Hollywood and Vine irritated today is, well, they damn sure don’t deserve any honorable mention.  Anyway, they had the nerve to mention Beyonce and Rihanna in the same sentence with Michelle Obama!  What the fuck is wrong with the mongooses over at that site?  Whether or not we like Michelle Obama is irrelevant.  She may potentially be the First Lady of the United States of America.  How in the world do you even compare her two singers who can barely speak English properly (for different reasons) to a Princeton AND Harvard educated woman of Michelle Obama’s caliber?  Morons…

Our last idiotic blogger, whose name rhymes with Hamma Toes, reported something that was totally wrong.  She stated that Dr. Dre’s son, who recently passed away (RIP), was conceived with his wife, Nicole Young.  That is false.  Hamma Toes, step yo game up!

In a minute…

K-Ci and JoJo: Losing Their Religion?

Okay, Hollywood and Vine will come right out and say it.  WHO the fuck do K-Ci and JoJo think they’re high as the sky asses are fooling?  Surely, they don’t think that anyone believes that poppycock bullshit that K-Ci told to Hot 97 on Monday. 

In case ya’ll haven’t seen the YouTube video of JoJo’s crackhead ass passing out on stage during a live concert in Australia, here you go…

K-Ci claims that JoJo did not pass out from a drug induced moment while in the middle of a live show, but that he is actually epileptic ROFLMAO!!!!  Now please understand, Hollywood and Vine are not laughing that JoJo is epileptic – well, at least not Hollywood.  We are laughing because if the man is, in fact, epileptic and was suffering from an epileptic seizure, WHY was he not moving?  We have seen people having a seizure and they have NEVER looked like they were taking a cat nap in the middle of the afternoon!  We’re just saying…

Anyway, did you guys see the bodyguard look at JoJo like “This nigga done fell out AGAIN!”  Junky muthafuckas!

Looney Tunes ass K-Ci goes on to say that he and his brother do not even know how to spell the word cocaine nor do they even drink Coke because it sounds too much like cocaine?!@@  He even added a rant about how he is upset with Bill Gates for ‘inventing the computer’.  Um, ya’ll tell us, if that doesn’t sound like some crackhead logic, then what does? 

In a minute…

LisaRaye/Gary Payton Update

Bad news travels fast!  Who knew that all this time Gary Payton was carrying on an affair with LisaRaye?  Hollywood and Vine are ACTUALLY surprised.  The only affair we knew about was the one with the blonde haired, light skinned woman who lives in Oakland.  We won’t name names, but we will say that the poor baby did not even know GP was getting married until the day of his wedding!  Bless her heart.

In a minute…

LisaRaye – Turks & caicHOs

A real life war of the roses was going on in the Presidential Palace.  Why the fuck did she stay on that island is our question?  Hollywood and Vine’s sources on TCI say that LisaRaye is all but an enemy to the island.  It is reported that a physical confrontation ensued Wednesday after LisaRaye confronted her gay ass husband at the mansion about his alleged affair with BET’s Rocsi.   LisaRaye, girlfriend, WHY are you even concerned?  You have allegedly done your dirt AND you know good and hell well your husband is gay!  Let go, let flow!

Yeah, we’ll give it to Lisa.  She is bad as shit for a 41 year old woman, but DAYUM GINA!  You know you need to stop playing these games.  Just leave the Turks before you let the Chicago in you come ALLLLL the way out.  They ain’t ready!  You don’t have anything to prove sweetie.  You are married to the gay ass “Premier” of the Turks and Caicos.  Leave that faggot, young woman banging, crooked teeth BET personality lovin’ ass “diplomat” and get it crackin’ with GP (Gary Payton).  If you and GP are going to do your thang, then do it!  It’s not worth it.  You are far too pretty to have MoFos beating on you!

In a minute…

Michael Phelps Heeeee’s GREAT!

Hollywood and Vine know that all of you have been reading about the bullshit that Wheaties has been talking about 8-time Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps’ decision to sign with Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes and Corn Flakes instead of Wheaties.  It appears that parental activists are bitching and moaning that Frosted Flakes and Corn Flakes have more fat or some bullshit in them than Wheaties and that Phelps should not be endorsing such products, as it’s detrimental to the health of children. 

We’re sorry, but tricks are for kids!  If parents don’t want their kids to be fucking fat, then don’t buy damn Frosted Flakes at damn Safeway, Kroger, Publix, or your local Piggly Wiggly!  It’s that simple.  It’s not that man’s fault.  If Wheaties were so good for people, then they would have the money to match Kellogg’s endorsement offer to Phelps.  In the words of the immortal Snoop Dogg, you betta step yo game up!   

If it’s all about the children and not the Benjamins, then why not be pissed that Phelps is not signing with Special K?  Parents, get a grip and raise your kids yourself and stop relying on athletes, entertainers and advertisements to lead them in the right direction.  Yes, Hollywood and Vine are all about the children.

In a minute…

Train Wreck: Part Deux

Here at Hollywood and Vine, we thought what better way to kick off our blog than to talk about Britney Spears performing at the MTV VMAs this September.  Why in the hell are they allowing her to perform again?  Didn’t we get enough gawk-action in the first go round?  And what song is she going to sing?  She doesn’t even have a new song worth mentioning, let alone making all the viewers hear during the telecast.  MTV is visually molesting this poor white girl and they don’t even care!  This is worse than any P. Diddy (Puff, Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean John, whatever name he’s going by today – who the fuck can keep up) exploitation show on MTV.

Nowadays she just looks like a hot ass mess.  We hope she gets an ACTUAL stylist to do her weave this time and not Jamie Lynn’s unborn child.  Horrible!  Why are white celebrities prone to getting tracks put in, yet refuse to have them cut and styled?  What sense does that make?  Britney, holla at a playa; we’ll hook you up. 

In a minute…