Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Archive for September, 2009

Khlomar’s Shotgun Wedding Day Has Arrived…

Courtesy of MissXpose

Courtesy of MissXpose

Let the sham begin!  Today is the day that Lamar Odom will say I do to giving away half of his small fortune to Khloe Kardashian in 7 months when they divorce…if the first season of their show has finished filming, that is.

Just a few bullet points to catch ya’ll up:

–  Joe “I hit women” Francis threw Lamar a bachelor party at STK, where he made his teammates wait over an hour for his late arrival.  Derek Fisher said fuck it and went home!  Luke “let’s go to Paris so I can talk some sense into you” Walton was not said to be in attendance.  He’s also not a groomsman.  (via TMZ)

– There is still no prenup.  Evidently, Khlomar’s attorney’s didn’t have adequate time to put together a document that will give Khloe enough money when they divorce that was suitable for both parties.  So they’re working on a postnup.  (via Perez)

–  Today’s wedding will not be a legal ceremony.  No marriage license will be signed until after the postnup is complete. (via Perez)

–  Lamar’s own children were not invited to the wedding!  Probably explains why his parents won’t be in attendance either.

–  The entire Lakers team was invited.  Kobe has not RSVPd yet!  (via Baller Alert)

–  Lamar’s baby mama said she did not have a meltdown.  She wants only happiness for him.  She also said that his family has shown her nothing but support.

–  Word is that Lamar is firing all of his “people”.  (via Baller Alert)

My thoughts (Hollywood’s too b/c we’ve talked about it)…since when does Lamar Odom hang around with trash like Joe Francis?  He’s already caught up in the machine and is too dumb to realize it.  Is getting your shine in 2009 that important?  This nigga one step away from selling his soul to the devil behind this bullshit.  Fire your people and let Kris manage your career…your ass will end up selling donuts on Canadian tv like Gary Coleman’s ass.

If it’s truly about love, then why won’t the bitch sign the prenup that was allegedly already presented to her?  Is Lamar color blind cuz we see all kinds of red flags being waved.

Speaking of true love, why the fuck aren’t your kids going to be there?  Wouldn’t you want them to see “daddy” marrying the love of his life?  Wouldn’t you want them to be there to celebrate and share the stinch love that will be in the air?

Kobe ain’t gonna be nowhere near the “intimate” celebration today!  He’s at home getting ready for practice to start…where yo ass need to be, nigga (in my Chris Tucker voice)!  I know Vanessa is mad about this shit.  She is the one who’s supposed to shine at games.  Ya’ll thought she was glittery and shit before.  We ain’t seen nothin yet!

Glad to hear that Lamar’s family is rollin’ with his baby moms!  They know scally wag tom foolery when they see it and won’t be a part of this mockery of marriage taking place today.  By the way, 250 fucking people should never be described as intimate!

UPDATE:  Kobe DID attend the wedding!  I expected more from him.

Donkey of the Year!!!


…H & V…in a minute

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 9

Before we get started, for those of you who don’t know, Don Vito’s lawsuit against Kizzie for “Tardy for the Party” never happened.  She paid him before he had to take it that far.  Thank you Kandi for clearing that up on Wendy Williams earlier this week.

Aight, Kizzie’s batting lead off with some fat girl who had the nerve to put a bikini on.  Kizzie ain’t right for allowing her “friend” to get on camera lookin’ like Sponge Bob Square Pants!  She said Papa treated her and the girls to a Bahamas trip so that she could relax after she got drunk and fell slipped and hurt herself at the alter ego party.  Then he flew in and surprised her.  That must be when they got that photo of the two of them together.  “I wouldn’t stay with him for the money, but…”  Who is she fooling and why is she allowing that man to spend time with her children?  Adults can do what the fuck they want, but to show your kids that bullshit?  Hell naw!  And that fat ass friend of hers telling her whatever she wants to hear is disgusting!  No that man is not the love of her life!  OMG, was that ice in her wine?  NEXT…

Sheree and her wanna be the 7th housewife (Dwight is the 6th) girlfriend are checking out the dump where her independence party is gonna be held.  This party is not hardly about women being free.  It’s about Sheree bringing attention to herself, like everything else she does in life!

Lisa and Kandi are at rehearsal for the Pocketbook Monologues…AKA the Vagina Monologues for sistas.  Lisa better not ever get into acting cuz she was horrible!  Kandi, on the other hand, was prepared and she was great!  Gotta give it to her.  But the Vagina Monologues is the coochie telling its story, not a woman telling about her kitty’s history!  Just sayin…  Leave it to Lisa to want what she can’t have.  Even if they gave you Kandi’s monologue, you woulda blown that one too sweetie.

Ms. NeNe met with the person who wrote co-authored her book.  Have any of you read it?  Is it worth the money?

Sheree is meeting with a man who’s gonna create a portrait of her that will be displayed in life size at her party, natch.  The woman is a textbook narcissist!  Bitch, if you didn’t want to wear the purple top, them why the fuck did you bring it with you?  This broad creates friction where there doesn’t have to be any!

Now that Kizzie and PAA-PAAAA are back together, she promptly headed to a jeweler to spend an obscene amount of his money on some bullshit jewelry that she said she’ll wear to the grocery store.  Wasn’t she just talking about needing to put her girls through college?  That $19,000 donkey rope is a year’s tuition boo!

Sheree brought her mother to the studio to get some free wine see what she’s working on for her party portrait.  She looked at it and said it’s “so real”.  Not surreal, but so real!  Yet she still thinks people are jealous of her…

Time for the kitty monologues.  Lisa and Kandi are both nervous as hell!  She slowed it down like the Director told her and she did well.  Up next, Kandi.  She was really wonderful!  She did it!!  I’ll give Kandi credit; she doesn’t put her name on shit unless she truly brings it!  Lord have mercy, Dwight talkin’ about he’s gonna do a “tool box” monologue!  If Dwight’s tool box could talk, I might plug my ears.

Did Kizzie just call her chunky daughter “piglet”?  Um….

It’s time for the Independence Party.  Lord, Lawrence didn’t even blend her tracks with her real hair. Oh my God in heaven, did ya’ll see what the hell Lawrence had on?  What the hell was that?  And why is Sheree driving herself to her own party?  Bitch couldn’t afford a driver for a few hours?  She is so bootleg.  No matter how hard she tries, she just ain’t fly!

Oh SHIT!  NeNe told Kim that she can’t sell the song without her.  Tell her NeNe!  I told ya’ll that shit was tacky.  She sang SIX WORDS and thought she didn’t need NeNe anymore..she now has Kandi.  NeNe was right for telling her ass off.  And Kandi’s simple simon ass is a fool.  NeNe is not pissed about the song.  It’s about how Kizzie went behind her back without saying shit to her!  That was foul and if Kandi’s perfect ass can’t see that, then she’s dumber than I thought when I found out she was marrying a nigga with 6 kids and 4 baby mamas!

Aight, the unveiling of Sheree’s portrait.  NeNe and Lisa wanted to laugh, but held it together. 

O M G, WHAT was that thang on stage naked dancing for Sheree?  And this is supposed to be a party for women.  Why is Lawrence is there?  He can dress like a woman all he wants, but yo ass still has a dick, PERIOD! 

NeNe let Kandi know!  I gotta give this one to NeNe!  Kandi is just not that smart.  How can she not see what NeNe was saying?  And Sheree, the party was not fabulous.  The best thing to happen to that boring ass party Kizzie, NeNe and Kandi fighting.  Hell, I was bored recapping this bullshit ass episode!

Next week Kizzie further sinks her claws into Kandi by throwing a joint birthday party with her!  When Kizzie burns that ass, Kandi betta not say shit to NeNe cuz she was forewarned.

…in a minute

It’s Almost Official…

Word on the street is that Lamar Odumb and Khloe Kardashian are tying the knot this Sunday!  Ain’t this a bitch?  He broke up with beautiful ass, Academy Award nominated actress Taraji P. Henson for this shit?

She’s allegedly signed a pre-nup, but that doesn’t mean shit!  This has to be one of biggest donkey moves of 2009!  I’ve had periods that last longer than they’ve been dating!

Hollywood is willing to bet money that the bitch is pregnant.  We both think that Kim will A) steal the show and B) do what she can to fuck up their relationship…she always does with her messy, jealous of her sisters ass!

Kris taught them well.

…in a minute

2009 Emmy Awards…H & V Style

Since ya’ll liked it for the BET Awards, I thought I’d post our tweets about the Primetime Emmys right here on the blog.  Here we go:

For real LL?  A kangol at the Emmys?  This is going to be a long show.

Tracy Morgan has nerve not laughing at NPH’s jokes w/his not funny ass!

LMAO @ Vanessa Williams.  I love it!

Are those glasses Justin Timberlake’s attempt to make himself be seen as a serious actor?

Sarah Silverman is hilarious!

Alright Alec! He can still get it with his crazy ass!

Karina is wearing Brooke Burke’s “salsa” pants, but she can actually dance! Nice change.

Tracy Morgan is drunk, high or both!

I hope Heidi Klum doesn’t win. I don’t wanna see her up there “showing” the soon to be addition to their tribe.

Kyra Sedgwick looks like Kevin Bacon’s great aunt!

Patricia Arquette looked a mess.  Alexis would’ve looked better!!

How does one win an Emmy for Best Writing, yet gets on stage and can’t say shit but “Uhhh…uhhhh…uhhhh”?

OMG Mr. Bentley died this past year? And Michael Crichton? Where were we?

Overall, the shit was not entertaining.  When Jimmy Fallon doing an “auto tune” skit is the highlight of the show, the Emmys are in trouble.  Bring back Ellen.

What did ya’ll think of the show?

…Vine…in a minute

Here Comes the Bride…

According to E! News, Lamar Odom‘s stupid black ass is likely to marry cocaine hiding in her purse but never sniffed it Khloe Kardashian!

All sense ain’t common!  They’ve been fucking for 2 weeks and now they’re in love and talking rings?  This has Kardashian publicity stunt written all over it.  How could a responsible parent even think about marrying a stranger when they have kids?  Shouldn’t that be your number one concern, not some reality tv pussy?

Bitch tryna say “I do” before the season starts, watch!  I can’t even believe this shit.  He better get focused and not fuck around with our road to another ring.  I know Kobe is like didn’t this nigga learn from me? Leave these hoes alone!

…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 8

Aight, we’re blogging tonight’s episode in real time.  Shereeis working out talking about she has the body of a “hot 25 year old”!  She’s so modest, with those broad shoulders!  For training with the celebrity training so and so, it sure looks like she’s at 24 Hour Fitness…SPORT.  Sheree said she knows her self worth.  It must be less than 7 figures!

NeNe and Lisain that tired ass Hummer on the way to pick up the alter ego photos!  Derek Blanks told them that his reveal event is a cocktail party AND black tie!  Which fucking one is it?  These people are so simple.

Oh gawd, Sheree and her bald headed ass friend are backstage with a bunch of meat heads!  HER TRAINER looks like a gay, Chippendales dancer named Rodeo!  Why can’t Sheree dress herself, yet she’s a designer?  Sheree ain’t hardly over “jocks”!  Only cuz they are over her gold digging ass!  And what was that damn show about?  Them niggas looked like they were auditioning to be Diddy’s next “assistant”.

What is Kizzie wearing?  She looks like she just pulled up to Amish country with a cup of spiked coffee in a Bentley!  She looks like Scarlet O’Whore-A!  Kandi is singing “Tardy to the Party” for Kim and the other producers.  Why?  Now we see why Kandi and Tiny used to not sing leadwrite for Xscape while the others sang!  

Poor Kandi is in the studio with Kim and she’s crying and shit cuz she KNOWS she can’t sing!  OMG is she about to actually sing?  Is she going to do it?  We are really on the edge of our seats right now!  This is gonna be a disaster.

She FINALLY sang, IF you wanna call it that!  Well shit, it was bad, but better than “it’s a tight rooope”!  And why was she “singing” with her lip turned up like she was Elvis?  That was a damn mess!

See, SEE how these broads do?  Kizzie done sang 6 words and already sees dolla signs!  Bitch tryna cut NeNe out the equation and they ain’t even done auto tuning the 6 words her ass JUST sang!

Tonight Derek is revealing the alter ego photos tonight!  Poor NeNe is gettin ready singing that damn song.  Little does she know Kim’s ass is movin’ own and up without her black ass!  

GOOD LORD IN THE MORNING!  Kim was FUCKED UP after that fall!  Oh my gawwd.  Did you see that shit?  Where were the damn cameras?  How did they miss something THAT good?  Kim looks like a battered woman!  Now they done moved the big reveal outside cuz Kizzie can’t walk.  As NeNe said “This is some tacky shit!!”  She ain’t never lied.  We really cannot stop laughing!  Kizzie’s picture was horrible!  She just had no personality shine through.  Not an ounce, but that was clear when Derek was shooting the shit!

Poor Ed looks like he has on a suit from Banana Republic!  Lisa and this fake ass good girl role!  STOP IT!  Her picture was clean as hell though. 

So was Kandi’s.  Did ya’ll see AJ behind her massaging her shoulders with those black and mild fingertips?  Just sayin…

OMG Sheree’s is the BEST one so far!  That shit was fly!  NeNe’s was cool, but Sheree stole the show with that photo! 

What did ya’ll think of the show?  Finally, some excitement out this bitch!

…Hollywood & Vine (yes, both of us on this recap)…in a minute

Atlanta Housewives in NYC…

I know that nobody is looking forward to watching the return of VH1 Divas tonight, mainly because…..there are no divas on the damn show!  Well, we now have a reason to watch! 

Turns out our girls from Atlanta are popping up all over the place.  NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak, aka Kizzie, are presenting at the show tonight, together honey!  That is gonna be a whole lotta silicone on one stage!  I can’t wait. 

Between them, Bethenny Frankel, a divas line-up with no divas, and Paula Abdul hosting this trainwreck, we’ll have lots to discuss tomorrow!

VH1 Divas airs tonight at 9/8 Central! 

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