Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Archive for September, 2009

Khlomar’s Shotgun Wedding Day Has Arrived…

Courtesy of MissXpose

Courtesy of MissXpose

Let the sham begin!  Today is the day that Lamar Odom will say I do to giving away half of his small fortune to Khloe Kardashian in 7 months when they divorce…if the first season of their show has finished filming, that is.

Just a few bullet points to catch ya’ll up:

–  Joe “I hit women” Francis threw Lamar a bachelor party at STK, where he made his teammates wait over an hour for his late arrival.  Derek Fisher said fuck it and went home!  Luke “let’s go to Paris so I can talk some sense into you” Walton was not said to be in attendance.  He’s also not a groomsman.  (via TMZ)

– There is still no prenup.  Evidently, Khlomar’s attorney’s didn’t have adequate time to put together a document that will give Khloe enough money when they divorce that was suitable for both parties.  So they’re working on a postnup.  (via Perez)

–  Today’s wedding will not be a legal ceremony.  No marriage license will be signed until after the postnup is complete. (via Perez)

–  Lamar’s own children were not invited to the wedding!  Probably explains why his parents won’t be in attendance either.

–  The entire Lakers team was invited.  Kobe has not RSVPd yet!  (via Baller Alert)

–  Lamar’s baby mama said she did not have a meltdown.  She wants only happiness for him.  She also said that his family has shown her nothing but support.

–  Word is that Lamar is firing all of his “people”.  (via Baller Alert)

My thoughts (Hollywood’s too b/c we’ve talked about it)…since when does Lamar Odom hang around with trash like Joe Francis?  He’s already caught up in the machine and is too dumb to realize it.  Is getting your shine in 2009 that important?  This nigga one step away from selling his soul to the devil behind this bullshit.  Fire your people and let Kris manage your career…your ass will end up selling donuts on Canadian tv like Gary Coleman’s ass.

If it’s truly about love, then why won’t the bitch sign the prenup that was allegedly already presented to her?  Is Lamar color blind cuz we see all kinds of red flags being waved.

Speaking of true love, why the fuck aren’t your kids going to be there?  Wouldn’t you want them to see “daddy” marrying the love of his life?  Wouldn’t you want them to be there to celebrate and share the stinch love that will be in the air?

Kobe ain’t gonna be nowhere near the “intimate” celebration today!  He’s at home getting ready for practice to start…where yo ass need to be, nigga (in my Chris Tucker voice)!  I know Vanessa is mad about this shit.  She is the one who’s supposed to shine at games.  Ya’ll thought she was glittery and shit before.  We ain’t seen nothin yet!

Glad to hear that Lamar’s family is rollin’ with his baby moms!  They know scally wag tom foolery when they see it and won’t be a part of this mockery of marriage taking place today.  By the way, 250 fucking people should never be described as intimate!

UPDATE:  Kobe DID attend the wedding!  I expected more from him.

Donkey of the Year!!!


…H & V…in a minute

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 9

Before we get started, for those of you who don’t know, Don Vito’s lawsuit against Kizzie for “Tardy for the Party” never happened.  She paid him before he had to take it that far.  Thank you Kandi for clearing that up on Wendy Williams earlier this week.

Aight, Kizzie’s batting lead off with some fat girl who had the nerve to put a bikini on.  Kizzie ain’t right for allowing her “friend” to get on camera lookin’ like Sponge Bob Square Pants!  She said Papa treated her and the girls to a Bahamas trip so that she could relax after she got drunk and fell slipped and hurt herself at the alter ego party.  Then he flew in and surprised her.  That must be when they got that photo of the two of them together.  “I wouldn’t stay with him for the money, but…”  Who is she fooling and why is she allowing that man to spend time with her children?  Adults can do what the fuck they want, but to show your kids that bullshit?  Hell naw!  And that fat ass friend of hers telling her whatever she wants to hear is disgusting!  No that man is not the love of her life!  OMG, was that ice in her wine?  NEXT…

Sheree and her wanna be the 7th housewife (Dwight is the 6th) girlfriend are checking out the dump where her independence party is gonna be held.  This party is not hardly about women being free.  It’s about Sheree bringing attention to herself, like everything else she does in life!

Lisa and Kandi are at rehearsal for the Pocketbook Monologues…AKA the Vagina Monologues for sistas.  Lisa better not ever get into acting cuz she was horrible!  Kandi, on the other hand, was prepared and she was great!  Gotta give it to her.  But the Vagina Monologues is the coochie telling its story, not a woman telling about her kitty’s history!  Just sayin…  Leave it to Lisa to want what she can’t have.  Even if they gave you Kandi’s monologue, you woulda blown that one too sweetie.

Ms. NeNe met with the person who wrote co-authored her book.  Have any of you read it?  Is it worth the money?

Sheree is meeting with a man who’s gonna create a portrait of her that will be displayed in life size at her party, natch.  The woman is a textbook narcissist!  Bitch, if you didn’t want to wear the purple top, them why the fuck did you bring it with you?  This broad creates friction where there doesn’t have to be any!

Now that Kizzie and PAA-PAAAA are back together, she promptly headed to a jeweler to spend an obscene amount of his money on some bullshit jewelry that she said she’ll wear to the grocery store.  Wasn’t she just talking about needing to put her girls through college?  That $19,000 donkey rope is a year’s tuition boo!

Sheree brought her mother to the studio to get some free wine see what she’s working on for her party portrait.  She looked at it and said it’s “so real”.  Not surreal, but so real!  Yet she still thinks people are jealous of her…

Time for the kitty monologues.  Lisa and Kandi are both nervous as hell!  She slowed it down like the Director told her and she did well.  Up next, Kandi.  She was really wonderful!  She did it!!  I’ll give Kandi credit; she doesn’t put her name on shit unless she truly brings it!  Lord have mercy, Dwight talkin’ about he’s gonna do a “tool box” monologue!  If Dwight’s tool box could talk, I might plug my ears.

Did Kizzie just call her chunky daughter “piglet”?  Um….

It’s time for the Independence Party.  Lord, Lawrence didn’t even blend her tracks with her real hair. Oh my God in heaven, did ya’ll see what the hell Lawrence had on?  What the hell was that?  And why is Sheree driving herself to her own party?  Bitch couldn’t afford a driver for a few hours?  She is so bootleg.  No matter how hard she tries, she just ain’t fly!

Oh SHIT!  NeNe told Kim that she can’t sell the song without her.  Tell her NeNe!  I told ya’ll that shit was tacky.  She sang SIX WORDS and thought she didn’t need NeNe anymore..she now has Kandi.  NeNe was right for telling her ass off.  And Kandi’s simple simon ass is a fool.  NeNe is not pissed about the song.  It’s about how Kizzie went behind her back without saying shit to her!  That was foul and if Kandi’s perfect ass can’t see that, then she’s dumber than I thought when I found out she was marrying a nigga with 6 kids and 4 baby mamas!

Aight, the unveiling of Sheree’s portrait.  NeNe and Lisa wanted to laugh, but held it together. 

O M G, WHAT was that thang on stage naked dancing for Sheree?  And this is supposed to be a party for women.  Why is Lawrence is there?  He can dress like a woman all he wants, but yo ass still has a dick, PERIOD! 

NeNe let Kandi know!  I gotta give this one to NeNe!  Kandi is just not that smart.  How can she not see what NeNe was saying?  And Sheree, the party was not fabulous.  The best thing to happen to that boring ass party Kizzie, NeNe and Kandi fighting.  Hell, I was bored recapping this bullshit ass episode!

Next week Kizzie further sinks her claws into Kandi by throwing a joint birthday party with her!  When Kizzie burns that ass, Kandi betta not say shit to NeNe cuz she was forewarned.

…in a minute

It’s Almost Official…

Word on the street is that Lamar Odumb and Khloe Kardashian are tying the knot this Sunday!  Ain’t this a bitch?  He broke up with beautiful ass, Academy Award nominated actress Taraji P. Henson for this shit?

She’s allegedly signed a pre-nup, but that doesn’t mean shit!  This has to be one of biggest donkey moves of 2009!  I’ve had periods that last longer than they’ve been dating!

Hollywood is willing to bet money that the bitch is pregnant.  We both think that Kim will A) steal the show and B) do what she can to fuck up their relationship…she always does with her messy, jealous of her sisters ass!

Kris taught them well.

…in a minute

2009 Emmy Awards…H & V Style

Since ya’ll liked it for the BET Awards, I thought I’d post our tweets about the Primetime Emmys right here on the blog.  Here we go:

For real LL?  A kangol at the Emmys?  This is going to be a long show.

Tracy Morgan has nerve not laughing at NPH’s jokes w/his not funny ass!

LMAO @ Vanessa Williams.  I love it!

Are those glasses Justin Timberlake’s attempt to make himself be seen as a serious actor?

Sarah Silverman is hilarious!

Alright Alec! He can still get it with his crazy ass!

Karina is wearing Brooke Burke’s “salsa” pants, but she can actually dance! Nice change.

Tracy Morgan is drunk, high or both!

I hope Heidi Klum doesn’t win. I don’t wanna see her up there “showing” the soon to be addition to their tribe.

Kyra Sedgwick looks like Kevin Bacon’s great aunt!

Patricia Arquette looked a mess.  Alexis would’ve looked better!!

How does one win an Emmy for Best Writing, yet gets on stage and can’t say shit but “Uhhh…uhhhh…uhhhh”?

OMG Mr. Bentley died this past year? And Michael Crichton? Where were we?

Overall, the shit was not entertaining.  When Jimmy Fallon doing an “auto tune” skit is the highlight of the show, the Emmys are in trouble.  Bring back Ellen.

What did ya’ll think of the show?

…Vine…in a minute

Here Comes the Bride…

According to E! News, Lamar Odom‘s stupid black ass is likely to marry cocaine hiding in her purse but never sniffed it Khloe Kardashian!

All sense ain’t common!  They’ve been fucking for 2 weeks and now they’re in love and talking rings?  This has Kardashian publicity stunt written all over it.  How could a responsible parent even think about marrying a stranger when they have kids?  Shouldn’t that be your number one concern, not some reality tv pussy?

Bitch tryna say “I do” before the season starts, watch!  I can’t even believe this shit.  He better get focused and not fuck around with our road to another ring.  I know Kobe is like didn’t this nigga learn from me? Leave these hoes alone!

…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 8

Aight, we’re blogging tonight’s episode in real time.  Shereeis working out talking about she has the body of a “hot 25 year old”!  She’s so modest, with those broad shoulders!  For training with the celebrity training so and so, it sure looks like she’s at 24 Hour Fitness…SPORT.  Sheree said she knows her self worth.  It must be less than 7 figures!

NeNe and Lisain that tired ass Hummer on the way to pick up the alter ego photos!  Derek Blanks told them that his reveal event is a cocktail party AND black tie!  Which fucking one is it?  These people are so simple.

Oh gawd, Sheree and her bald headed ass friend are backstage with a bunch of meat heads!  HER TRAINER looks like a gay, Chippendales dancer named Rodeo!  Why can’t Sheree dress herself, yet she’s a designer?  Sheree ain’t hardly over “jocks”!  Only cuz they are over her gold digging ass!  And what was that damn show about?  Them niggas looked like they were auditioning to be Diddy’s next “assistant”.

What is Kizzie wearing?  She looks like she just pulled up to Amish country with a cup of spiked coffee in a Bentley!  She looks like Scarlet O’Whore-A!  Kandi is singing “Tardy to the Party” for Kim and the other producers.  Why?  Now we see why Kandi and Tiny used to not sing leadwrite for Xscape while the others sang!  

Poor Kandi is in the studio with Kim and she’s crying and shit cuz she KNOWS she can’t sing!  OMG is she about to actually sing?  Is she going to do it?  We are really on the edge of our seats right now!  This is gonna be a disaster.

She FINALLY sang, IF you wanna call it that!  Well shit, it was bad, but better than “it’s a tight rooope”!  And why was she “singing” with her lip turned up like she was Elvis?  That was a damn mess!

See, SEE how these broads do?  Kizzie done sang 6 words and already sees dolla signs!  Bitch tryna cut NeNe out the equation and they ain’t even done auto tuning the 6 words her ass JUST sang!

Tonight Derek is revealing the alter ego photos tonight!  Poor NeNe is gettin ready singing that damn song.  Little does she know Kim’s ass is movin’ own and up without her black ass!  

GOOD LORD IN THE MORNING!  Kim was FUCKED UP after that fall!  Oh my gawwd.  Did you see that shit?  Where were the damn cameras?  How did they miss something THAT good?  Kim looks like a battered woman!  Now they done moved the big reveal outside cuz Kizzie can’t walk.  As NeNe said “This is some tacky shit!!”  She ain’t never lied.  We really cannot stop laughing!  Kizzie’s picture was horrible!  She just had no personality shine through.  Not an ounce, but that was clear when Derek was shooting the shit!

Poor Ed looks like he has on a suit from Banana Republic!  Lisa and this fake ass good girl role!  STOP IT!  Her picture was clean as hell though. 

So was Kandi’s.  Did ya’ll see AJ behind her massaging her shoulders with those black and mild fingertips?  Just sayin…

OMG Sheree’s is the BEST one so far!  That shit was fly!  NeNe’s was cool, but Sheree stole the show with that photo! 

What did ya’ll think of the show?  Finally, some excitement out this bitch!

…Hollywood & Vine (yes, both of us on this recap)…in a minute

Atlanta Housewives in NYC…

I know that nobody is looking forward to watching the return of VH1 Divas tonight, mainly because…..there are no divas on the damn show!  Well, we now have a reason to watch! 

Turns out our girls from Atlanta are popping up all over the place.  NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak, aka Kizzie, are presenting at the show tonight, together honey!  That is gonna be a whole lotta silicone on one stage!  I can’t wait. 

Between them, Bethenny Frankel, a divas line-up with no divas, and Paula Abdul hosting this trainwreck, we’ll have lots to discuss tomorrow!

VH1 Divas airs tonight at 9/8 Central! 

Disturbed Ass Megan Fox….

Courtesy of Withoutmake.com

Courtesy of Withoutmake.com

I knew this mouthy ass broad wasn’t wrapped too tight!  The terrible actress opened up to Rolling Stone about her past. 

When asked about rumors of an eating disorder, Fox said that she didn’t want to discuss it because she’d be

“taking on a role-model status, and I’d have to choose my words carefully, and I’d have to make sure I reveal it in a specific way, and I don’t want to do it”.

When did “yes” not become a good enough answer in Hollywood?

She went on to talking about her teenage years as a cutter:

“Yeah, but I don’t want to elaborate.  I would never call myself a cutter.  Girls go through different phases when they’re growing up, when they’re miserable and do different things, whether it’s an eating disorder or they dabble in cutting”.

Ummm, dabble in cutting?  How the fuck do you dabble in cutting?  Bitch said that like it’s a hobby she picked up while she was at home with the flu one day…like knitting.  Last time I checked, when you cut yourself, that means you’re a cutter.  This is precisely why I don’t like her.

…Vine…in a minute

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Thoughts on Whitney Houston’s Oprah Interview: Part I

The world had to be watching part I of Oprah’s season premiere interview with Whitney Houston.  I know I was and I have plenty to say!

First let me say that Miss Whitney looked great!  Make up was flawless, wig was on straight and she even picked up a little weight.  It suits her much better.  Very nice.  I love that Oprah told her that she thought her public image was contrived and how Whitney acted off stage was the real her!  Basically, Mama Oprah thought Whitney was ghetto as hell like the rest of us and Clive Davis earned his keep by contriving her public persona!

Regarding first falling in love with Bobby Brown, pre-drugs, she said they used to look at each other and start sweatin’.  I don’t know what kinda crazy love that is, but I don’t want no parts of that!  I prefer to smile or wink at my man, not perspire.

With Being Bobby Brown, Whitney said that she had no idea what she signed up for!  She said that she did it for her husband.  How could he have a show about his life and his wife not be by his side?  However, she did tell O “I knew what I was getting into when I had him sign that prenuptial”.  That’s funny, but to me it says that Whitney knew full well what the hell she was doing!  She’s an adult and made decisions all by herseslf.

Whitney said that the drug use started “light” with “cocaine and weed”.  However, when O asked her about smoking crack, she acted somewhat offended.  Noooo, it never went there.  Well, it’s just another form of cocaine boo.  If you “started” with coke being laced in your blunts, then what did it escalate to?  Me thinks Ms. Houston was holding back….A LOT!  She wanted to be clear that she and Bobby were “spending money” on their drugs, not fucking around with crack and small time, cheap shit!  She said they had ounces and kilos in the home at all times.

During her bad times, Whitney said she used to lock herself in her room for weeks at a time watching TV, talking on the phone, listening to gospel and reading her Bible!  Can ya’ll imagine?  A cocaine laced blunt in one hand and a Bible in the other?  I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for her.

She said Bobby spit in her face one night after getting hope from a birthday bash she threw him in Atlanta!  Bobbi Kristina saw it, but she still stayed.  She said he was her drug moreso than the actual drugs!  She didn’t do a thing without Bobby.  But the more bullshit she heard about him and other women and him “dragging dirt into my home” she prayed to God to give her just one day of strength so she could leave!  Finally, she did. 

Oprah asked her about her voice…what was she thinking during that time about her voice.  She said “I had so much money, I wasn’t thinking about that”!  It was another life to her that she’d put behind her.

I love Whitney Houston, always have.  I’m glad that she’s taken control of her life again.  BUT I wasn’t blown away by her supposed opening up today!  What I heard was a lot of denial and finger pointing.  Everything she said came back to Bobby!  Everythang!  She dummed herself down to lift Bobby up.  She did drugs with him.  She was abused by him, physically and emotionally, although she said he never physically abused her in one breath and in the next said he slapped her and pushed her!  He was jealous of her.  He couldn’t deal with a woman as successful and rich as she because he didn’t have his own.  Him, him, him…he, he, he!  The only me or I she used was to say how his actions forced her to go somewhere that was far away from her upbringing!

I hope this is just part of the healing process for Whitney!  I think she still has a thing for Bobby because she seemed like she was sort of protecting him in a strange way.  She needs to take accountability for her bad decisions, make peace with them and move on before we lose her again!

And who takes their kid to rehab?  Just askin…


…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 7

Yes, I do know that I skipped 2 episodes!  I’ll get back to them later.  I heard last night’s episode was a must see so here we go!

Is Lisa developing a plus size clothing line and she forgot to mention it cuz those fat ass girls fresh face models were not, um…svelte!  Where did she have this “audition”…..West End Mall

How did NeNe allow a child to decide he was dropping out of college?  Ungrateful muthafucka!  NeNe needs to put the smack down on his ass and force him to go back to school AND get good grades like everybody else’s mama!  I’m hella disappointed in her.  She better put Bryson’s ass OUT!

Kizzie, my name for Kim, is gonna have 2 financially irresponsible girls on her hands if she doesn’t stop teaching them that money grows on trees!  I won’t say anything else about her daughter Arianna….until she’s old enough to drive!

SMH at Kandi’s producer friend “Don Vito”.  Niggas get on my nerves with this mafia shit!  You ain’t nobody’s Don and you ain’t Italian!  Wait a minute, NeNe was gonna do the record with Kim?  Glad that didn’t happen.  They’d start fighting on stage about who gets the spotlight. 

Oh gawd, Lisa is over at Sheree’s discussing fashion!  Talk about the blind leading the blind.  Give me a break Sheree.  She has no room to talk.  She copies plenty of people.  She’s copied the actions of gold diggers, of people who don’t pay their mortgage, of  a businesswoman and a clothing designer…urrr uh, scratch the last one.  She couldn’t copy them right.

All Lisa and Sheree’s exchange showed me is that Sheree is a jealous ass heffa!  I am so sick of the word, but bitch is a hater…straight up!  Lisa knew what time it was, with her shady ass, but she played it cool.

NeNe and Gregg sat that nappy headed, college dropout Bryson down and told him to comb his hair.  ROTFLMAO…”and when are you gone do something with your hair?…..you can’t go around looking like some lost person”  Tell it ALL NeNe, tell it!  The fact that Bryson is splitting proceeds of the “door” at a club with 1,000 other dummies proves my point.  Stay yo ass in school, fool!  What kind of dumbass fool splits any amount of money with 1,000 people?  Is that not the stupidest shit ya’ll done heard?

If you could see my face right now looking at Derek J, it would tell a story!  There is not one word I can say about a man with breasts, 3 necks…in the back, wearing high heels, women’s clothes and accessories and not piss someone off.  Not ONE!

Uh, Kizzie, “volumptuous” is not a word boo.

NeNe talking about she don’t feel like going down to a size 8 because she’s fucking hungry.  NeNe’s rant cracked me up!  Why did Kizzie think she was gonna talk shit about NeNe’s chunky ass always having a plate and NeNe wasn’t going to clown?  Come own now Kiz, you know her better than that. 

Lawd, Dwight just walked into NeNe’s house lookin’ like Ice T in New Jack City when he was meeting Nino to make the deal!  Yeah, I said it.  He is so over the top.  A mink coat and hat in the ATL…smh.  They corn rowed that nappy shit and WHAT the fuck is Gregg wearing?  Looking like one of the Village People.

Sheree did not have the nerve to hire a publicist.  Looks like Sheree has another epic fail on her hands.  Natch, she blamed it on the event planners!  Girlfriend, maybe it’s yo ass, not theirs.  Stop tryna fucking do the most.  Is the shit about your clothing line or is it about you wearing free Tiffany and arriving in a Maybach?  Focus on the right shit and just maybe your “party” will happen in season 3.

It’s time for Lisa’s Closet Freak fashion show and Dwight had to give his 2 cents.  She didn’t like it either.  And why is Lisa still walking around entertaining people and shit?  Take your ass backstage!

Sheree is a no-show!  That is one jealous ass broad.  She was wrong for that.  BUT, she ain’t miss nothing.  That “clothing line” was garbage.  Poor Ed getting dragged up on stage like a prop!  Dwight gave Lisa his honest opinion and he was constructive about it.  Lisa thinks she knows errrr damn thang so she tuned him out.

Outside, Sheree is cussing out Lisa’s stylist cuz he asked why she didn’t show up!  If you show up so late to a fashion show that it’s ova, why not just leave?  She wanted to make a point to let Lisa know that everything else she had to do that night was more important than viewing her line!  Sheree is mad cuz Lisa ain’t have a “fashion show without fashions”!

I’m glad Lisa played her to the left when she finally arrived.  And she has some fucking nerve talking about how tacky people looked when her ass showed up with jeans and a hoodie on!  Are you kidding?  She’s a bonafide donkey!

Next week Kim is gonna pass out after having too much wine for some unknown reason?

What did ya’ll think of the show?

…Vine…in a minute

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