Where Reality Meets Rhapsody

Archive for August, 2009

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S2 Episode 2

Just laughing at the opening.  Kim said “In Atlanta, money and class give you power”.  Then I guess she has zero power in the Atl.

Sheree is so pretentious, talkin about she and her friend Tania are both married or dating professional athletes.  Isn’t Sheree single though?  Now that Anthony dropped her ass, she ain’t having her Coming to America party.  She’s going for something small now.  Give it up!

Oh Lord, Ed is STILL talking about returning to the NFL.  As if it’s his decision.  Of course Lisa’s gonna be more supportive of him this season because there’s no chance that his ass will be back in the league.  But if someone picks him up and KEEPS HIM, I wish him luck.

NeNe, being the bigger woman that she is, called Kim and asked to meet so they could put the bullshit behind em.  We’ll see how this works out.

Kim knows she’s a damn liar talkin’ about she was never with Big Papa for his money.  We ALL saw that short, ugly man!  We know better.  Now I will give Kim props for wanting to return overpriced bullshit to stores now that her human atm isn’t in her life.  Maybe Sheree shoulda kept kickin’ it with her cuz she has a little bit of sense.  She might not can sing, but she knows that she don’t wanna spend till she goes broke!

Why is Kandi even reading fucking blogs?  She should know better than that!  We rarely have warm and fuzzy thoughts about celebrities.  Why does she care?

Sheree, here’s a tip.  If you feel like you might not be safe in your new home and/or remote area, don’t get on national tv and describe the isolated area you now live in dumbass!  What is wrong with her?  I could find her house based on her description alone.  So instead of using common sense, she’s at a gun range with her friend, Tania.  This bitch tryna point the gun upward.  Did ya’ll see how fast Tania took that shit from her like “bitch you ain’t killin my ass on national tv!”  And what the fuck was Sheree wearing?  How are you a designer, but can’t style yourself?

Over at the cantina with Kim and NeNe.  They kept it real with each other.  I gotta admit, I did enjoy watching the two of them and their friendship rekindling!  They are a lot of fun and even though they dislike each other again, I think that they really do like each other a lot deep down.  If they weren’t on this damn show, I’m sure they’d be fine.  NeNe looked drunk as a Ned the Wino by the end of the scene.  Loves it!

I’ll say it again…KANDI, LISTEN TO YO MAMA!!!!

Over at the fertility doctor, Lisa and Ed are talking about how tough it might be if her old ass has another kid.  Ed is a clown.  Of course nobody thinks they are going to have issues when having a kid over 35, but it’s a reality.  Be thankful for the blessing ya’ll have with the one you have and keep it moving. 

Kandi over at her mama’s house lookin’ like one of the Good Girls in that plaid skirt.  And what is an “unt”?  Just asking.  OMG, this nigga has FOUR baby mamas?  FOUR?  Kandi, come on now girl.  I’m being for real.   That is too much!  Too much!!  Her “unts” can talk about how if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but they don’t have Kandi’s money or Kandi’s daughter either!!  I just don’t get why people walk into situations like this…inviting potential drama into their lives.

Over at Lisa, her sucka for love ass husband is making a romantic dinner for her.  Did ya’ll hear this man say “Chili-N” sea bass?  Dead…Chili-N!!!  If you can’t pronounce it, then you shouldn’t be eating OR cooking it!  OMG, he’s killing me.  “Vinegarette”!  Make the laughter stop, please!  Vinegarette!

Wooo Jazze Pha is a big one! 

Time for Sheree, Kim and NeNe to get together.  What the hell does Sheree think when she’s getting dressed to walk out the house?  She always looks a mess.  Kim with that helmet in case they tried to hurt her was fucking funny!  Seriously, I think that Kim was telling the truth.  She even admitted that she said Sheree was bouncing checks at Neiman Marcus for buying shoes ROFL!  Why lie about some other stuff and not that.  I think Sheree is full of shit!  How she gone call Kim trailer trash when Kim had money long before Sheree came up on Bob?  We done already told ya’ll how Sheree was rollin’ before Bob started fucking with her.  Now she wants to act like she invented the word class.  Bitch please!

Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: Season 2 Premiere

NeNe and Dwight are battin’ lead off!  I just love her.  She’s in her new house somewhere near Lisa’s foreclosed one!  I am not feeling NeNe’s new weave.  It makes her look older than she is.  Dwight and his antics will never get old.  Crawlin’ across the floor in that expensive suit like he works at Magic City!

Our first peak at Kim was in her white Bentley.  No doubt she had to breast feed Papa to get that one.  Bitch done lost a ton of weight.  She looks a lot better than last season, I must say.  She’s still seeing that quacky ass psychic, Rose.

Now Kim wants to be a business owner?  She can’t even spell CAT, how she gone run a business?  Yeah, we didn’t forget that shit.  Rose is seeing a son in Kim’s future.  Kim said she’s gonna start taking birth control!  START??  You mean you haven’t been on the pill running around fucking this married man?

Over at Sheree’s new dungeon.  She and her son were moving her shit.  Guess she couldn’t afford movers.  Does Sheree expect us to believe that she had no idea that her mortgage wasn’t being paid?  Natch, she put it all on Bob.  Wasn’t she hollerin’ last season about how Bob was a great father, but they just didn’t get along?  So why would a great father not pay to keep a roof over his kids’ head?  Either she was lyin then or she’s lyin now.  Could be either.  If I was tryna get a 7 figure divorce settlement, I woulda called his ass a great father, too.  Well, I would…No child support in 19 months, yet she’s using her own money, supposedly, to finance a new clothing line AND is shopping all the fucking time?  That’s her bad!  Mothers do what they have to do when they have kids.  They sacrifice.  That means you come last sometimes!  Get it together honey.  And by the way, she’s starting to let this shit age her ass!  Sheree looks 5 years older than last season.

Over at the Hartwell’s recently foreclosed old house, Lisa and Ed are talking about having more kids.  Lisa does not seem to be feeling the idea at all!  This nigga is putting the pressure ON!  I don’t understand how someone has kids they don’t help raise, yet wanna have more. 

Sheree is planning her “Independence Party” and has gotten a free wedding planner because of the show hired an event planner to put the shit together…the infamous Anthony!  This fool wants to arrive in a helicopter.  You see what I’m talking about?  Where are her priorities?  If she’d just keep it real, people wouldn’t talk.  She wants us to think that she’s paying him, when in reality he did the shit for free.  Furthermore, it was part of another event that was going on and they agreed to work Sheree’s nonsense into the mix because she’s on the show!  Don’t play.

Over at Lisa’s, Kandi shows up talking about The Pocket Monologue which is a version of The Vagina Monologues.  SMH!  Will people please leave well enough alone?  She goes on to talk about her fiance, AJ.  The nigga has SIX KIDS!!  I’m sorry, that’s fucking ridiculous!  Any “man” who has 6 kids by more than 1 woman has a problem, PERIOD.  I don’t give a damn who he is or how big her ring is.  Speaking of her ring, people claim she bought it herself.  Kandi said on Twitter than she did not buy her ring, that AJ did.  At this point, I’ll take her word for it.

NeNe and Lisa are rollin to Niecy Nash’s birthday party.  Kim and Sheree are supposed to be there, too.  Should  be interesting.  Sheree said that she is no longer kissing Kim’s ass friends with Kim.  Lord have mercy, did you see Ed in that damn Armada?  Ya’ll know I hate the word swagger, but it’s fitting here.  Ed has lost his.  Last season, Lisa couldn’t get enough of him when he’d flirt with her.  Now she just seems uninterested.  NeNe’s in the car singin her “Tardy to the Party” remix!  She’s a fool for that.

How the hell is Sheree gonna show up to someone’s birthday party and not even know who the fucks birthday it is?  “Today is Niecy Nash birthday!”  “WHO’S birthday?”  Triflin!!

NeNe heard that Kim was saying that Gregg was broke…of course Sheree and Lisa’s messy asses claim to have heard Kim say it.  Hmmm.  Kickin up mo shit now that NeNe and Kim are ready to be friends again.  I think neither of them want NeNe finding out what the fuck they said about her when they weren’t cool!

Kandi is a fabulous songwriter, clearly, but I’m not so in love with her voice.  Sometimes it’s cool to play the background.  It’s gotten her this far, why not stick with it?  Just askin…

NeNe met Sheree to talk about their issues.  Oooh NeNe, that green open in the front top you had on was not right girl!  Basically, they hugged and made up…for the time being.  I think Sheree needs NeNe more than she needs Sheree.  But NeNe thinks she’s funny askin’ Sheree if she got her 7 figure settlement when she knew good and hell well bitch lost her house LMAO!

Here goes Kim talking about cancer again.  Doesn’t she know that A) there are tons of ways to lose your hair and B) people don’t lose their hair because they have cancer; they lose it because of chemo.  She can’t be that fucking stupid, can she?  Never mind…

Kandi’s daughter is so cute and so smart.  She obviously did a good job raising her thus far.  Have to give her props.  But ummm, when your child can’t remember the name of all your fiance’s kids, that might be a sign that he ain’t the one.  Listen to yo mama girl!

Sheree called Anthony to bug him the shit out of him ask a few questions about her party and he hung up on her ass!  Yes, Anthony, yes!!  Am I the only one who loved how Sheree’s professional hair stylist, Lawrence, said Anthony’s behavior was “bullshit”, yet called Anthony unprofessional?

4 days from her party and Sheree wants to meet with Anthony.  People like Sheree get on my fucking nerves!  Anthony was damn right.  She had no respect for his time AND SHE’S GETTING THE SHIT FOR FREE!  Don’t act like you were paying this man honey!  She thinks she can take 100% of his time just because she’s a client.  “WHO GONE CHECK ME BOO?”  And she calls NeNe ghetto…Hmph!  Sheree let allll her true colors show, hollerin and actin a fuckin fool in that man’s office!  Don’t let the Chanel earrings and all that other shit that she can’t afford fool you.  Her ass is ghetto as sin!!

What did ya’ll think of the premiere?

Vine…in a minute

‘Skanks in NYC’ Blogger, You’ve Been Served…

Courtesy of internetdefamationblog.com

Courtesy of internetdefamationblog.com

Yesterday a Manhattan judge ordered Google to give up the name of an anonymous blogger who created Skanks in NYC, a blog devoted to trashing model Liskula Cohen, whoever she is.

Evidently, the blogger often called the “model” skank, ho and whore.  Now Cohen feels like it has hurt her name and career.  Natch, she wants to file a lawsuit. 

First of all, how is a no-name blogger hurting the career of a no-name model?  Secondly, if someone is stating their opinion, whether it be on a blog or in everyday conversation at a bar, how is that worthy of a fucking lawsuit?  To me, it’s not, but I’m clearly not a judge. 

As our favorite blogger, Blackrazzi, pointed out to us, if that’s the case, then ‘Skanks in NYC’ readers who leave comments shouldn’t be allowed anonymity either! 

Hollywood and I get called worse than that shit on the daily.  I think nigger tops skank, ho and whore, but you don’t see us running to a judge tryna file suit.  Bitch should just shake it off and keep it pushin!  Now every damn body in America is gonna be clogging our already overcrowded courts with bullshit.  All she’s doing is shining more light on Skanks in NYC.  Yep, I’m gonna keep repeating it to ensure a few extra hits to the blog!

The coup d’etat will be when the blogger’s attorney brings Cohen’s former lovers into the court room to testify that she is, in fact, a skank, ho and whore!  Doesn’t the photo say it all?  Just askin…

What do ya’ll think of this foolishness?  Let us know.

…Vine…in a minute

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Kim Zolciak – “Tardy To The Party” Single

Before you listen to this auto tune infused, Lady Gaga soundin’, dance track, do yourselves a favor and swallow anything that is currently in your mouth and/or remove all liquids from near your computer!  When you’re done, think back to the days when it was difficult to make a record for the masses to hear!

Tardy to the Party

…H & V…in a minute

Dancing w/the Stars Fall 2009 Line-up…H & V Style

This morning on Good Morning America, the new Dancing w/the Stars line-up was announced!  I know half of you don’t know who half of them are.  So let’s break it down:

Aaron Carter – Pimple faced, geeky little brother of Backstreet Boy Nick Carter and the one who was laying the pipe to dating Hilary Duff & Lynsay Lohan at the same time.

Ashley Hamilton– son of over processed, sun addicted 100 years old actor George Hamilton.  He was also married for 86 days to Angie Everhart and 195 days to Shannon Doherty…real serious monogamist!

Chuck Liddell– UFC beefcake.  Snooze…

Debi Mazar – Actress and former make-up Artist for Madonna.  If she moves on the floor as little as her apparently over Botoxed face, she’ll be gone sooner than later!

Donny Osmond – Needs no introduction!  I love him.

Joanna Krupa – “model” and the broad Terrell Owens texted to call her a bitch.

Kathy Ireland – Former model, horrible actress (Melrose Place) and fierce business woman who made it okay to shop at Kmart.

Kelly Osbourne – Ozzie’s foul mouthed, wannabe singing ass daughter. They might need a 30 second delay for her ass!

Louie Vito– Hella short professional snowboarder.  Snooze..

Mark Dacascos – “The Chairman” on Iron Chef America, martial artist and actor.  ???

Mya– Lawd have mercy! Bad singer, fabulous, trained dancer, Grammy Award winning “Lady Marmalade” participant with Christina Aguilera, Pink, Lil Kim and Missy Elliott.  Now she spends her time tryna find a baller to save her since her career is on the road to nowhere!

Macy Gray – WHO THE FUCK are they gonna get to partner with this big bitch?

Melissa Joan HartSabrina the Teenage Witch star.  I like her.

Michael Irvin– Needs no introduction.  Former NFL great who battled a drug addiction and conquered it.  Ya’ll know DWTS needs at least one black athlete per season…he’s filling the quota!

Natalie Coughlin – Another quota filler.  Gold medal winning Olympian swimmer that people find attractive. 

Tom DeLay – Crooked, US House of Reps Republican who violated laws about misusing campaign funds!  Shocker.

What do ya’ll think of this season’s cast? 

…in a minute….Vine

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“Real Chance” To Turn Down Hollywood…

Courtesy of VH1

Courtesy of VH1

How you doin? 

Thanks to Reality TV Buzzz (@realitytvbuzzz on Twitter), I found out that Real (right) was offered a role in an upcoming Ben Stiller flick, but he turned it down!  Why?  Because he was asked to play a gay man.  Yes, take a moment…I know I had to!

What I wanna know is how you gonna turn down a paid role in a potential blockbuster movie when in your everyday life, you play that same role for free (allegedly, of course)?  That’s like me turning down a role playing a black woman who blogs at Hollywood & Vine and goes by “Vine”!!  Hell, I’d play a white bitch in a Ben Stiller movie if he asked me to!

The fact that he felt funny about the shit shows me that there’s something to my belief that he’s conflicted about busting out the closet!  Come own out boo…we already see you!  Just look at the picture!

…in a minute…Vine

Actin A Complete Donkey in the Club…

This is why white folks love segregated clubs!  These assholes (no pun intended) up in the club actin’ a complete donkey!  What kind of nasty bitch let’s someone go down on them in fucking public?  You have to be a low self esteem havin’ ass broad to do some shit like this.  Black people, black people, we have to do better than this!

Not only is this shit shameful, but it’s disgusting!  What’s worse is that not a single nigga in their crew looks appalled by this tom foolery!  They’re too busy pushing her ass up to make sure he can get all up IN the coochie!  SMH!!

If you have any friends that find this photo cute, then you need to drop them as soon as you leave this blog.  Clearly, we’re gonna have to shun niggas into change since even a black President had no impact!

By the way, if you know any of the people in this photo, please let us know how to contact their ignorant, nasty ass!

…in a minute…Vine

Michael Vick, Back in the Game???

Unless you live under a rock or in Fresno, you surely know that Michael Vick has signed a 2-year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles.  I can actually speak for Hollywood on this one, too!  GET OVER IT!

I am so sick of people talking about this man and those fucking dogs.  Listen, I was just as mad as the next person when he got caught up in the whole dog fighting scandal.  However, the man temporarily lost his job, probably some family, friends and fans, his large contract, the respect of countless people in his life, AND HE SERVED HIS FUCKING TIME!  What more do some of you want from him?  I am serious.  You complaining ass people who are mad that the NFL gave him a job, for peanuts by the way, tell us what else you think Michael Vick should go through.

What gets me are people saying shit about how inhumane it was to fight dogs and that they deserved better than that.  Well, doesn’t a fellow human being deserve forgiveness, especially after they served their time for a crime?  What happened to that?  Fake ass Christians and do-gooders make me sick!

If you Eagles fans don’t want him there, don’t go to the games or watch.  It’s that simple!  Instead of going to the games and booing everybody and their mother, just stay your ass at home.  Trust, there are plenty of people who will take your place and enjoy the season. 

White people do crazy, illegal shit all the time that puts themselves and other PEOPLE in harm’s way, do ZERO jail time and nobody says shit but “welcome” when they make a comeback.  Michael Vick’s black ass goes to jail and loses damn near everything and you people are still pissed.  Tired of hearing about it!

…in a minute…Vine

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Will LaToya Jackson Be Dancing With the Stars?

Word on the street is that LaToya Jackson will be one of the celebrities flocking to the next season of Dancing With the Stars.  I know a lot of people think it’s hella inappropriate, but I say go head then LaToya!

Her publicist wouldn’t confirm or deny, but would only say that she’s a huge fan of the show! 

None of us grieves in the same way, period!  Who are we to say that she is not “properly” grieving the loss of her brother by appearing on a reality show, technically?  We don’t know!  Maybe LaToya needs something to distract her from thinking about Michael day and night.  I say more power to her. 

HOWEVA, if she does the show, bitch betta come out dancing like Mel B!  And please give her someone with flava like Louis Van Amstel or that sexy muthafucka who danced with Marlee Matlin, since Maks said he’s out this season!

Expect live blogs from me if LaToya is on the show.  We will know on Monday morning!

…in a minute…Vine

Kardashian Sister Continues to Lower the Bar…

Courtesy of Getty Images

Courtesy of Getty Images

First I had to talk about Jennifer Hudson earlier today.  NowKourtney Kardashian is allegedly knocked up@@  What the hell is wrong with everyone in Hollyweird?

I thought it was annoying as shit when dogs in overpriced Louis Vuitton carrying cases were the accessory of choice for celebrities.  Now it’s children!  As in, they are responsible for raising another human being!  Kourtney isn’t even honest enough to tell the world that she didn’t really cut her hair, just took out her tracks!  How the fuck is she gonna raise a child?

Not to mention her mom is the closest thing to a female version of Joe Jackson walking the planet, pimping out her own kids for a dolla.  This entire pregnancy reeks of publicity for her new show!  She hasn’t even said who her baby daddy is.  So you know that will come out if/when ratings need a boost.

Like I said before, I am sick of this!  What happened to the sanctity of marriage?  I know, this is very Fox News of me, but shit.  Who is gonna put a stop to this bullshit and say ENOUGH???  People are on blogs, Twitter and Facebook congratulating this broad like she did something to be proud of!

I see Hollywood and I are gonna have to get back on calling a spade a spade!  Enough is enough already!  Children are precious, as much as they bug me.  Choosing to have one and raising them should not be taken lightly.  Please people, stop giving props to people doing this bullshit!  It’s time to look to real muthafuckas to raise the bar, not lower it like these people!

…in a minute…Vine

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