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DWTS 12: Week 4 Recap

Before we get started with “Classical Week”, I need to know why they refuse to dress Brooke Burke in flattering clothes.  It’s like they go all out for the dancers and hand Brooke a Macys gift card only good in the juniors department.

As the “stars” took the stage in the intro, Kirstie was visibly subdued.  I don’t blame her, but as an actress she’s not hiding her nerves well.

Romeo and Chelsie are first out the gate.  After last week, they really only have one way to go and that’s up.  Lord, he’s flexing his little bird pecs while rehearsing the Paso in studio.  He’s doing a good job.  Mainly cuz the stiffness in this dance suits him.  They judges will love it.  Carrie Ann “Lift Police” Inaba better call them on that, but he’s black and took his shirt off at the end so she’ll probably let it go.  Bruno’s fallin out over his six pack.  Ooooh wow, I stand corrected.  She did call him out, but loved his “swagga”.  When can we retire that word?  Please!  23 total!  At the end of his interview with Brooke he asked people to add him on Twitter.  I love that Hines Ward was sitting behind him stone faced with a “he’s beneath me” look.

Kendra and Louis are up with a Viennese Waltz.  This should be a disaster considering one should be graceful to pull this off.  Kendra’s about as graceful as a 4 month old tryna walk.  She decided to dress like a “gangster” so it’s no longer the Viennese Waltz…it’s the “Mafia Waltz”.  Would it kill her to show some class?  Okay, here we go.  Wow, there’s some opera singer on stage while they’re performing.  Distracting much!  She’s like a step behind the music.  She had a slight stumble, nothing major, but noticeable nonetheless.  You know, if she would point her damn toes, she would make half this shit look a LOT better.  Bruno didn’t like it.  Carrie Ann is trying to impress upon her that she needs to be elegant!  Len didn’t love it, but didn’t hate it either.  Is Mark in the corner texting LOL?  Total 18.

Sugar Ray’s non dancin’ ass is up next with Anna.  Poor Anna; she deserves a partner she can take to the finals.  Ray asked her to incorporate boxing.  Glad she said no.  NOBODY wants to see you dance-box every damn week.  It’s DANCING with the Stars, not Boxing w/the Stars.  Geez.  Viennese Waltz…let’s see it.  It was far better than any of his previous performances, that’s for sure.  I didn’t love watching him the way Carrie Ann did, but he was much better.  “Balletic”…Brooke coming with the big words this week.  Total 21.

Petra and Dmitry are up.  I still say she wasn’t as fabulous last week as the judges thought, but okay.  It’s a new week.  Seeing her ribs exposed during rehearsals is uncomfortable.  This is a very upbeat Paso.  She’s not going to be able to handle it is my prediction.  Dmitry’s doing all the work.  She’s too stiff!  He’s draggin’ her around the dance floor like a rag doll  with its ribs sticking out!  Basically, it sucked!  She doesn’t fully extend her arms or legs.  It was just a mess.  Len was so so about it.  Bruno is doing a basic striptease and rolling his Rs and carrying on like a dog in heat.  You lie like a rug Carrie Ann Inaba.  Her lines weren’t perfect the first and you know it.  Total 23!  LIES….ALL LIES!

Ralph and Karina are about to bring it with the Waltz.  Book it!  Ralph betta dance his ass off cuz once Karina shows the world her birth canal in Playboy next month, middle America is gonna be turned off.  They’re dancing to some song from Romeo & Juliet.  He’s killing this!  OMG this is so delightful to watch.  Give it up, judges!  Give up some 9s damnit!  That was AMAZING!!  Karina might get her first trophy if he keeps dancing like that!  Fabulous!  WHAT!!  8s from Carrie Ann and Len.  Thank you, Bruno, for that 9!  Bullshit!

Hines is having a tough time with the Paso cuz the music has no lyrics and he dances to the lyrics, not the rhythm.  Ummmm, not a good strategy, but okay.  Oh gawd, Hines did a little patty cake move on his thighs and Carrie Ann is going ape shit.  Girl stop!  It was good though.  Not as exciting as last week if you ask me, which you didn’t, but I’m sure the judges loved it.  He was good.  Not as good as Ralph, but good.  Yep, their comments said love.  Let’s see if their scores match.  There goes Carrie Ann with her 9 paddle@@  25 total.

“Still to come, the woman who hit the deck last week…”  LMAO!  Bergeron is a fool for that, but I digress.

Chelsea and Mark also have nowhere to go but up.  I don’t give a damn what the judges said, last week she did not dance well.  Watch it back, you’ll see how stiff she truly was.  BTW glad the extensions are out.  Ooops, spoke too soon.  Okay, she’s dancing it well, but I’m not feeling the choreography.  I think that it had an unnecessary darkness to it, which seems to be a theme for Mark this season.  Let’s see what the judges say.  Len didn’t like it either!  He said pretty much what I said.  Bruno thought she danced better than anyone else tonight.  Carrie Ann loved the choreography.  It WAS good, but it didn’t work in my opinion.  Me thinks Mark needs to leave the weird black earrings and finger nail polish off camera and out of his choreography.  Total 26.  So far they’re at the top of the leader board.

Chris and Cheryl are taking on the Paso.  I do believe he’ll dance this well.  I couldn’t type while they danced cuz I was totally committed, as was Chris.  It was very good, but I didn’t find it to be as exciting as I thought Cheryl would have made it.  It wasn’t explosive.  No climax, if you will.  Okay, Len pretty much just said the same thing.  I need to be a guest judge.  Total 23.  Deserving.

My pick, Kirstie, is last, but not least.  Dancing the Waltz.  Oh come ON, TWO singers on stage during her performance?  She’s losing weight btw!  HOLD UP, something happened to Kirstie’s shoe while she was on the floor and she got up late!  Then she messed up again and Maks rolled his eyes/laughed sarcastically.  WTF is going on with her?  AHA, I rewatched and saw her shoe came off!  Carrie Ann was right; she just never seemed connected to the number.  Len didn’t like much about it, but Bruno loves it.  Those singers didn’t help the situation.  If one dancer had those distractions, they all shoulda had em.  Total 22!

I think the bottom 3 should be Petra, Sugar Ray and Kendra with Ray going home, but I fear Kirstie might be in jeopardy after two weeks of mishaps.  Who do you think is going home?

Update:  The 3 couples in jeopardy were Petra, Sugar Ray and Chelsea.  Sugar Ray Leonard went home.  Told ya’ll LOL!

…Vine…in a minute

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Pia Toscano Eliminated from American Idol

Everyone is all sad about Pia Toscano’s elimination on Idol tonight.  I don’t know why.  This is all by design people.  Here’s what I think.  Jimmy Iovine ain’t “mentoring” and working in the studio with these nobodys for his health.  Please believe he struck a deal with Nigel Lythgoe for them to boot whatever contestant he wanted to sign and develop on his own looong before the finale.  They did it at this point for shock value.  That way, when Pia’s debut album is released, all those fools who felt she was gone too soon from Idol will run out and buy it.

She was devastated tonight, but she’ll be aight once she signs her first record deal.  By the way, I think the judges were in on the fix, as well.  I wondered weeks ago why the hell they saved Casey seeing as though he can’t even sing.  Now I know!  They needed to get rid of “the save” in order to throw Pia under the bus!  Yes, I sound crazy, but if you think that the music industry isn’t this manipulative and orchestrated, then you’re the crazy one.

Of course, all of this is alleged and ONLY my opinion.

Do you agree or disagree?

…Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of NY: Season 4 Premiere (Recap)

The new season started off with Ramona, Alex and their husbands drinking Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio.  Yep, she’s hawkin wine now, in case you missed that development in the off-season.  Jill arrived stuffed into her dress like Wendy Williams’ feet stuffed into her dancing shoes.  She claimed to have grown and been humbled from last year.  Yeah right!  I love that Alex ain’t taking shit from Jill this year.  Alex invited all the girls to march in their wedding gowns for marriage equality.  Jill made a joke out of it with Ramona’s sidekick, Joni!  She seems just as rude as ever to me.

Jill said that a “real friend” sticks by their friend even through a tough time, which is why she’s still tight with Kelly’s crazy ass.  Bullshit.  Jill is still friends with her cuz she ain’t making the same mistake twice.  She won’t risk one of her RHONY co-stars becoming a megastar and she not be there to reap the benefits.  The two of them hung out trash talking Alex.  Of course she brought up Bethenny.  She said Bethenny threw her away, that she had no idea Bethenny was planning to have this major career and felt used.  She whined that once Bethenny got married, she had no more room for Jill.  Let’s forget about the fact that they had already fallen out looooong before Bethenny said I do!  But why let facts get in the way of Jill Zarin’s ego?  Ramona called it the way it ACTUALLY is.  “Bethenny didn’t dump Jill as a friend, she did it to herself.”  Of course she did, but Jill’s so damn self involved that she couldn’t see the error of her ways if you put them in a diamond.

Over to Simex, Simon left the hotel to start a social media company.  So he and Alex are both working at home, sharing an office.  Alex signed w/a modeling agency.  She’s only 36 years old.  I have to say, I am shocked as shit that she’s not over 40.  Her body is bangin’, but she looks much older than 36.  Kelly made a point of saying that being a model simply means that you are photogenic, not pretty.  She should know.  She ain’t neva been pretty EVA and she was a model!

Sassy Sonja and Ramona hit an art benefit.  Sonja looked good, besides that faulty eye makeup.  How do they have all this money and can’t get their face beat before filming?  Okay, so Cindy, the hostess, is the newest “housewife”.  She struck me as another Countess Lu, hanging out slamming shots Downtown, trying to regain her youth.  She seems to be a successful businesswoman who works with her brother.  She has a 10 month old baby, but no man.  She went through IVF and it looks like she has 2, but I couldn’t tell. WOW, this bitch Cindy just have her twins delivered to the art benefit like pizza!  Who does that?

Jill and Bobby Vegas arrived.  I still love him!  Lulu and Crazy Ass Kelly made an entrance.  Then Alex and Simon brought up the rear, no pun intended.  Cindy’s involvement in the organization that will benefit from the proceeds came from them (didn’t catch the name) helping her when her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer.  Lord have mercy!  God bless her heart for giving back to them!  Here goes Jill, all up in Cindy’s business.  She’s so damn nosey!

God bless Ramona’s assistant.  I’m sure she’s paid well, but ain’t enough money in the world to get me to deal with all that crazy on a daily basis.  She interviewed for a second assistant.  WHY did Bravo exploit that black girl with a bad, blond wig and bright ass red lipstick?  They knew good and well Ramona wasn’t going to hire her black ass, but back to the interviews.  It seemed hella rude that Ramona was critiquing all of the candidates, but in a twisted sort of way, I appreciate what she did.  Those young girls looked a hot ass mess and should be thankful Ramona took a minute to give them pointers.  Trust, others would have said BYE and they’d still be tryna figure out what went wrong.

Over to the cougars den, Lu and Sonja went on a double dinner date with their tadpoles at Orsay.  Brian is the name of Sonja’s piece.  These old, nasty, horny broads and their boy toys making sexual jokes about walking through bushes and gardens turned my stomach.  Honestly, I thought both women made fools out of themselves at that dinner table.  I don’t know if Sonja’s eyesight is leaving her, but that man is NOT hot and if every woman in New York wants him, I’m glad I live in Cali.

Out at Ramona’s Hamptons home, Simex were her and Mario’s guests.  They were all in town for a wedding so Ramona invited them to stay at their home.  Jill left a message for Alex that she wasn’t coming to the marriage equality march, but she’s on the committee LOL!  Alex put her on blast.  She stood there while Alex invited all the ladies to the march as if she’d never heard of the event LMAO!  Just when I thought she was as low as possible, she goes lower.

Now for the wedding.  Jill was all stressed because her spanx were visible.  Talk about dramatic.  I think Bobby tunes her out at this point.  She had no clue that Simex were invited.  She shit her pants, but put on a fake happy face.  Alex and Ramona missed the memo that only the bride is supposed to wear white to a wedding.  Again I ask, who does that?  Jill kept mentioning how much she’s changed…yep, for the worse!

After the wedding, Ramona was talking badly about Cindy’s brother, Howie, and he overheard LMAO!  Ooops.  I’m thinking those two ladies won’t be getting along any time soon.

Jill pulled a few sidekicks together in a corner of the reception to bitch about Alex and spin the story that she was only on the “Honorary” committee for the march.  There was a baby confrontation between Alex and Jill, but I forgot what it was about when Ramona’s tacky ass put her finger on the cake to taste the icing and knocked off a flower…made of icing.  These people have no fucking manners…says the woman with the potty mouth!

Judging by the previews for the season, there won’t be a dull moment.  What did you think of the premiere?  Worth the wait?

…Vine…in a minute

Nene & Al Reynolds, Girlfriends?

Word is that Nene Leakes [Real Housewives of Atlanta and Celebrity Apprentice] has sought out a friendship with Star Jones’ ex-husband, Al Reynolds.  She’s allegedly “spending time with Jones’ ex” in a ridiculous attempt to get back at Star.

Really Nene?  If this is true, you HAVE turned into the out of control monster we all started to see last season on RHOA.  If you dislike Star that much, the best way to get back at her is to pay her no mind.  Paying her no mind does not include running around tryna befriend her openly gay [allegedly] closeted ex-husband, GayAl Reynolds.  You’re making a fool out of yourself!  Click here to see a pic!

On another note, how the hell did Star not see what this man was all about from jump?

Revenge or true colors shining through?  What do you think?

…Vine…in a minute

Love and Hip-Hop Episode 2

Ok #1 is Emily B. seriously talking about “faking it”? Umm you are the one who has been in a relationship with a man for 8 years and no one has ever heard or seen you with this man! I can’t say that I blame Olivia for the  fake it till you make it move,  Darelle Revis signed a contract for $160 million for 10 years!  Somaya needs to ALWAYS wear make-up wait…did this bitch say she was SHOT????  She acts like she hasn’t done bikini photo shoots and she is talking about “Mira Mi Pum Pum” so why did she pretend to be offended for this photo shoot?  GTFOH!  Chrissy is my girl I relate to her.  Vine thinks that she abuses Jim Jones, but I just think she is a real down ass bitch.  He drives a Camaro, she drives a Bentley Flying Spur.  That’s how it should be!

Hollywood…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S3 Premiere (Live Blog)

Our bitches are BACK!  So excited and before it even starts, I’m laughing at the finale of last season when Sheree said She by Sheree is here to stay…but she’s already onto something else!  These ladies neva disappoint.  What happened with Nene and Gregg?  Kim’s a lesbian now!  Lisa has left the show!  Kandi’s dating Willis McGahee or some shit!  Two new housewives!  Bring it!

Thank gaaaawd, they stopped showing Kandi doin’ the prep in the intro!  We’re startin off with Sheree acting out  a scene with Father Time!  She was better off as a fashion designer!  You have no acting experience, Sheree?  Noooo shit!  Her newfound passion is acting so SBS is on hold for a second.  She’s dating an actor and now she’s ready to win an Oscar.  Lord have mercy!  Nene came over and is as shocked as us that Sheree is tryna act.  NeNe has gossip.  Kim announced in Life & Style that she’s a lesbian and they think it’s funny!

NeNe invited her over so they can discuss their “friendship”.  Oooh NeNe girrrl, that open back does not do you justice girl!  Well, whatever is going on w/her and Gregg must not have happened yet cuz they’re gettin along like normal.  Here comes Kim still talkin’ about NeNe strangled her!  She’s a damn LIE!  Nene’s hair cut is TOUGH!  Kim got a new wig!  The Leakes got a new house.  Gregg didn’t even wanna be there w/those two LOL!  He left.  What was different about Tracy?  She was single and famous, that’s what’s different!  NeNe you know damn well Kim would fuck a chicken as long as it’s famous enough LOL!  Aight here she goes.  NeNe said she doesn’t know where she and Gregg are going.  She’s now the bread-winner and his old ass is sittin’ at home!  Ahh shit, Kim said that Dwight told her that Gregg asked HIM for $10,000!  NeNe did not know.  Oooooo weeee!  That is ugly!  NeNe is mad as hell at Gregg, but madder at Dwight!  She’s right, he is supposed to be her girlfriend; he shouldn’t be tellin’ her business to anyone, ESPECIALLY KIM AND HER LOOSE LIPS! (commercial)

Kandi is over at Kim’s talkin’ about her new dude, the NFL player, Willis McGahee.  He flew down to the A to meet her.  I’m not tryna be funny, but why?  OH EM GEE!  Kandi is packin’ a mean punch and I don’t mean in her fist…WHAT has she been eatin’ since the last season ended?  Kandi is bothered that Kim is hanging with NeNe again.  Why doesn’t she get that Kim is the lunatic in that duo?  See, Kandi thought that Kim was going to keep her new love of women to herself, so why was it in Life & Style Weekly?  Kandi is just not that smart!  After all this time, she still ain’t seen Kizzie’s true media whoring colors?

Over at some rock climbin’ spot, Kandi and Willis are on a date!  They shoulda gone running, but anyway.  Did this ninja say “Celo-vet”?  Not celibate!  I need to watch that again.  That seemed like a brother and sister hanging out, not too people w/the hots for each other.  I have more chemistry with the bottle of water sitting next to me right now!

Kizzie’s oldest daughter is dating now!  Again, WHY?  Okay, parents are gonna stop lettin’ these hot in the ass little girls date when they can’t even drive a damn car!  Uh huh, she’s already kissing and she knows what a whore is!  She is THIRTEEN years old!  Why does she get to date?  If Kizzie’s daughter keeps eatin’ ice cream like that, she won’t have to worry about boys tryna kiss her!  Just sayin…(commercial)

Here goes a newbie, Phaedra and she’s either pregnant or has a beer belly!  She’s talkin’ all this shit about being such a southern lady…I bet she’ll be the first one to kick up some shit!  Her husband’s name is Apollo.  She made him sign a prenup.  BTW she thinks that means he doesn’t want her money ROFL!  I don’t like her already!  Too self-righteous.  She’s an attorney to the black, hood stars!  Of course, she’s friends with Dwight!  Let’s keep it real, a TRUE southern bell wouldn’t be caught dead in Dwight’s house!  She’s Dwight’s attorney, allegedly.  So he can’t afford to breathe through his nose, but he has an attorney on tap?  Wait, he said he spent $30,000 of his own money on the She by Sheree fashion show?!!  I’ll ask again…WHY?  Is Phaedra an attorney or fucking Emily Post?  This broad is pretentious as hell!

NeNe and Kim are attending an event & Ms. Eubanks is gonna be there.  NeNe is now confronting Gregg about allegedly asking to borrow money!  Gregg is LYING!  Believe me when I tell you, that man is lying through his crooked teeth.  Aight, he said that he and Dwight went in on a small $500 each investment.  The “deal” fell through!  Deal LOL!!  He called it a deal LMAO!  Let me tell ya’ll what really happened.  Gregg pulled Dwight into a pyramid scheme after it was hot!  Nobody came in under them and they lost their money.  Book it!

Lawrence is over at Sheree’s so they can go shoe shopping.  I’m gonna go head & say it, I am SICK of seeing men on TV wearing fucking high heels and hand bags!  Stop it!  Sheree said she’s confronting Dwight at the spot tonight.  She said he did help, but no WAY did he put 30k into her shit!

I’ll say this much, don’t nobody on any of the Housewives show party like when Kizzie and NeNe get together!  NOBODY!  NeNe’s sort of done with the negative roller coaster with her marriage.  Kizzie ain’t seen it in a long time.  NeNe doesn’t know that she’s still in love with Gregg.  She said she likes him a little bit!  That is NOT good!

Why is Phaedra’s skirt short enough to see where her baby’s bout to come from?  Gross.  Nobody wants to see a pregnant broad’s chucky!

Dwight is about to show his face!  What’s his deal?  Phaedra called NeNe ghetto and all kind of shit 5 minutes ago before commercial now she wants NeNe to hug her?  GTFOH!

Dwight ripped up NeNe’s $500 check.  She went OFF!  Dwight told her to get out of his face.  She told him to watch his hands!  All he can say is get her outta my face.  He all kinds of shit to say behind her back, but didn’t have shit to say in her face.  Phaedra said that a lady does not act like that!  Guess what?  A lady does not go out the house in a mini skirt while she’s pregnant!  Party OVA!  The show ended with NeNe thanking Kim (and Sheree in absentia) for havin her back and scenes from the season!

I thought that was WELL worth the wait.  What did ya’ll think?

Dancing w/the Stars: S11 E2 (Live Blog)

As I’m watching all of the “stars” dancing at the opening, I want Jennifer Grey to stick to choreographed moves.  Now that we’re without the sex bomb Hoff, I can cringe a bit less tonight.

We’re starting off with Rick Fox and a Jive.  I LOVE this dance.  I hope he can pull it off.  He has a tendon issue.  Let’s see how this works out.  He’s actually a good partner.  She’s not draggin his ass all over the floor like Chelsie is doing w/Michael Bolton.  Cheryl’s ass thinks she’s slick putting all that ass slappin’ in the routine!  I see you Cheryl.  That was a lot of fun.  He wasn’t perfect, but he was pretty good for a Week 2 jive!  See, the judges are sayin’ exactly what I’m saying.  Ya’ll think I’m crazy, but I speaketh the truth:)  Let’s see what all that means for scores…21!  Not bad.  (Commercial)

Up next, Florence Henderson.  I know she’s America’s mom, but she ain’t mine.  She bores me, but aight let’s see her Quick Step.  Hopefully it’s not more like a half time step!…….Ummmm.  Didn’t I just say the half time step?!  That’s what it was.  I’ve seen people mover faster running through a club when I fight breaks out!  That was terrible.  Okay, Bruno said she looked like Driving Miss Daisy LOL!  Carrie Ann liked it and thought it was elegant.  Oh stop it, Carrie Ann.  It’s okay to tell a 76-year-old that she sucked!  Len loved it, too!  They need to quit.  They know good and hell well the producers told them to keep her around!  Now for her scores…Wait a minute, why does Brooke Burke even have on a dress?  I think I actually saw her implants shift that damn dress is cut so low.  Flo got a 19!

Alright now Brandy!  Bring it bitch!  She and Maks are arguing in rehearsals.  WHY do these celebrities argue with their pro partners?  Listen to what they’re tryna teach you and MOVE ON, damn!  She better Jive her ass off after that.  Oh gawd, she did a little booty shaking mid dance.  Len is going to HATE that!  Oh geez, Sassy Sarah Palin is in the audience tonight.  I’m going to throw up!  Back to Brandy, she didn’t have much attack or sharpness tonight.  Carrie Ann didn’t like it!  Len thought she took steps backward from last week.  Yep, Len said that she didn’t dance with intent!  Bruno said she was only okay and she wasn’t sharp or precise enough!  Mmmm hmmm.  (Commercial)  21 for Brandy! (3406)

Michael Bolton better not come with another cringe worthy performance!  He’s doing a jive.  I am not expecting too much from him.  For real Chelsie?  You want him to crawl out of a dog house cuz you’re dancing to hound dog?  The pros KNOW that Len hates that shit.  Just get to the dancing already.  This is already fucking dumb!  I made it through like 3 people without cussing.  I tried.  Sorry folks, I can’t watch!  He O-fficially needs to be sent home tomorrow!  Do not vote for this man LOL!  I see why Nicolette Sheridan laid him off.  If he moves like that in bed, well never mind!  He better get lower than a 15 cuz that’s what he got last week and last week was better!  Len said that Michael’s jive needed a pooper scooper to finish it off LOL!  Hilarious.  Bruno told him that he shoulda kept the bone and gone back into the dog house LMFAO!  I’ll say this much, yes he’s a bad dancer, but Chelsie did him a disservice as his professional partner with that bullshit!  OH EMM GEE he got a TWELVE LMFAO!!  Bruno gave this mofo a THREE!  DAYUM!

Audrina and Tony are up next.  I think she’s gonna do a good Quick Step..an ACTUAL quick step, Flo!  Here go the tears.  She’s sad cuz she barely gets to see her latest loser boyfriend and it’s taking a toll on their “relationship”!  Spare me your sob story and dance!  Audrina did her thing tonight!  That was good.  I hope Carrie Ann gets on her about not pointing her toes like she did Brandy.  Aight, Bruno liked it although there were issues at time.  Carrie Ann I guess overlooked that b/c she only sang her praises.  Len said it was the best performance of the night…so far and he was right!    Wait, Tony said in rehearsal that if they don’t get three 8s he’s gonna wax his legs LOL!  Here’s one…two….and Bruno gave them a 7 LOL!

After seeing Jennifer Grey try to dance in the opening, I’m afraid about her jive.  Then again, Derek made it look like Brooke Burke could do any dance.  So she should be fine.  Oh wow, Jennifer found out she had cancer via a routine check up for the show.  She can move very to choreographed steps.  She’s getting it.  Losing a little gas midway through, but hanging on.  She did great, but Audrina was better!  With those extensions in her hair, she actually looks like the Jennifer Grey we all remember.  If I have to hear Brooke talk about how she remembers doing this dance and that dance one more time, I might turn this off!  Scores…24!  Hmmmmm.  I don’t know, but okay.

Oh gawd, Sarah Palin is sitting with Tom.  I know Bruno hates her ass.  For real, Bristol the Pistol?  I could vomit.  I wonder how all of the gay pros feel about her being there knowing that she thinks they are vile individuals!

Margaret Cho up next.  She said people were shunning her ass last week cuz they just knew she was going home.  So did I, but I was wrong.  Louis is tryna keep her from being funny on the dance floor.  Good!  This is a dance competition, not a comedy showcase.  If we wanna see that, we’ll buy tickets to see you live.  (commercial)  Okay.  Why does she look like someone just robbed her.  Uh oh, get it Marge.  Ooops, spoke too soon.  She’s a little wild and keeps forgetting the steps, BUT the steps she does remember she’s puttin her back into ’em lol.  Hey, at least she had fun out there.  I hope she enjoyed it cuz the judges are going to eat her up!  Len was kind.  He just said work on the kicks.  Bruno said that she was all over the place, too.  He also said that when she was relaxed she danced better.  Ya’ll are gonna start listening to Hollywood and me LOL!  Carrie Ann encouraged her fellow Asian American.  Score…18.  Louis doesn’t like the triple 6.  I’m with him, but I’ll leave that alone.

Kyle and Lacey are up next.  I really want Lacey to bring her dark hair back.  Why do white women always want to be blond?  Anyway, she put him on a fast food free diet while they’re on the show.  Yeah, cuz he’s really going to stick to that!  Quick Step, here we go…He looks like a shoe shine man.  Get it big boy.  He is doing IT.  Lacey came to play with this partner.  You can see it in how she’s even dancing!  Alright now.  Bring it judges!  Bring it!!  Bruno said that he needs more control.  BOOOOOOOOO!  Carrie Ann loved it!  Len said he was flat footed, his hold was bad, he had no style, BUT he liked it!  Len is such a grumpy ass old man.  We’ll have scores after the break.  Kurt Warner’s jive is coming up, too.  I don’t know how good that’s gonna be….22 for Kyle and Lacey!

Time for Kurt Warner and his good looking self to take the floor.  Uh oh, Anna is whipping him into shape in the studio.  I’m excited.  This might be good!!  Did he just moonwalk lol?  Oh shit, he’s getting into it now.  But she has to stop letting him add his own flare to their routines.  He was decent.  I enjoyed it, but let’s see what the judges say.  Len loved it.  Bruno too.  Straight to the scores…21!  Not bad  with his sexy self!

I already know that The Situation is not going to do well with the Quick Step.  This jackass fool talking about he wants to dance to hip hop or something that he likes!  Is he pigeon-toed?  Here we go.  Hmmm.  He’s trying really, REALLY hard, but it’s just not working.  Oh lordy, he’s messing up steps.  I think Flo actually moved a lot more quickly than he did.   HOWEVER, we cannot let him go home over something small like not being able to dance LOL!  If ya’ll can keep Kate Gosselin around for half the season, then The Situation can stick around for a bit, too!  18!!!!  I LOVE how Sitch acts like Karina is not even his partner.

Bristol I needed Mark to life my leg for me last week Palin is up next.  Oooh lucky Mark, she brought him to Alaska with her.  I’m sorry, I can’t even watch this shit.  I’ll just wait until they hit the stage.  Quick Step She’s doing the moves, but her face is not connecting with her body.  Her face says that she’s getting a pap smear and her body looks like it’s trying to do the quickstep.  WHY are people standing up for her?  She didn’t do shit.  SEE, Bruno said what I said!  I know that Kelly Osbourne is disgusted by Carrie Ann saying that Bristol reminds her of Kelly.  Negative!  OH COME ON LEN…8???  Get the fuck outta here!  She did not HARDLY dance an 8!

Until tomorrow…in a minute…Vine

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