DWTS 12: Week 4 Recap

Before we get started with “Classical Week”, I need to know why they refuse to dress Brooke Burke in flattering clothes.  It’s like they go all out for the dancers and hand Brooke a Macys gift card only good in the juniors department.

As the “stars” took the stage in the intro, Kirstie was visibly subdued.  I don’t blame her, but as an actress she’s not hiding her nerves well.

Romeo and Chelsie are first out the gate.  After last week, they really only have one way to go and that’s up.  Lord, he’s flexing his little bird pecs while rehearsing the Paso in studio.  He’s doing a good job.  Mainly cuz the stiffness in this dance suits him.  They judges will love it.  Carrie Ann “Lift Police” Inaba better call them on that, but he’s black and took his shirt off at the end so she’ll probably let it go.  Bruno’s fallin out over his six pack.  Ooooh wow, I stand corrected.  She did call him out, but loved his “swagga”.  When can we retire that word?  Please!  23 total!  At the end of his interview with Brooke he asked people to add him on Twitter.  I love that Hines Ward was sitting behind him stone faced with a “he’s beneath me” look.

Kendra and Louis are up with a Viennese Waltz.  This should be a disaster considering one should be graceful to pull this off.  Kendra’s about as graceful as a 4 month old tryna walk.  She decided to dress like a “gangster” so it’s no longer the Viennese Waltz…it’s the “Mafia Waltz”.  Would it kill her to show some class?  Okay, here we go.  Wow, there’s some opera singer on stage while they’re performing.  Distracting much!  She’s like a step behind the music.  She had a slight stumble, nothing major, but noticeable nonetheless.  You know, if she would point her damn toes, she would make half this shit look a LOT better.  Bruno didn’t like it.  Carrie Ann is trying to impress upon her that she needs to be elegant!  Len didn’t love it, but didn’t hate it either.  Is Mark in the corner texting LOL?  Total 18.

Sugar Ray’s non dancin’ ass is up next with Anna.  Poor Anna; she deserves a partner she can take to the finals.  Ray asked her to incorporate boxing.  Glad she said no.  NOBODY wants to see you dance-box every damn week.  It’s DANCING with the Stars, not Boxing w/the Stars.  Geez.  Viennese Waltz…let’s see it.  It was far better than any of his previous performances, that’s for sure.  I didn’t love watching him the way Carrie Ann did, but he was much better.  “Balletic”…Brooke coming with the big words this week.  Total 21.

Petra and Dmitry are up.  I still say she wasn’t as fabulous last week as the judges thought, but okay.  It’s a new week.  Seeing her ribs exposed during rehearsals is uncomfortable.  This is a very upbeat Paso.  She’s not going to be able to handle it is my prediction.  Dmitry’s doing all the work.  She’s too stiff!  He’s draggin’ her around the dance floor like a rag doll  with its ribs sticking out!  Basically, it sucked!  She doesn’t fully extend her arms or legs.  It was just a mess.  Len was so so about it.  Bruno is doing a basic striptease and rolling his Rs and carrying on like a dog in heat.  You lie like a rug Carrie Ann Inaba.  Her lines weren’t perfect the first and you know it.  Total 23!  LIES….ALL LIES!

Ralph and Karina are about to bring it with the Waltz.  Book it!  Ralph betta dance his ass off cuz once Karina shows the world her birth canal in Playboy next month, middle America is gonna be turned off.  They’re dancing to some song from Romeo & Juliet.  He’s killing this!  OMG this is so delightful to watch.  Give it up, judges!  Give up some 9s damnit!  That was AMAZING!!  Karina might get her first trophy if he keeps dancing like that!  Fabulous!  WHAT!!  8s from Carrie Ann and Len.  Thank you, Bruno, for that 9!  Bullshit!

Hines is having a tough time with the Paso cuz the music has no lyrics and he dances to the lyrics, not the rhythm.  Ummmm, not a good strategy, but okay.  Oh gawd, Hines did a little patty cake move on his thighs and Carrie Ann is going ape shit.  Girl stop!  It was good though.  Not as exciting as last week if you ask me, which you didn’t, but I’m sure the judges loved it.  He was good.  Not as good as Ralph, but good.  Yep, their comments said love.  Let’s see if their scores match.  There goes Carrie Ann with her 9 paddle@@  25 total.

“Still to come, the woman who hit the deck last week…”  LMAO!  Bergeron is a fool for that, but I digress.

Chelsea and Mark also have nowhere to go but up.  I don’t give a damn what the judges said, last week she did not dance well.  Watch it back, you’ll see how stiff she truly was.  BTW glad the extensions are out.  Ooops, spoke too soon.  Okay, she’s dancing it well, but I’m not feeling the choreography.  I think that it had an unnecessary darkness to it, which seems to be a theme for Mark this season.  Let’s see what the judges say.  Len didn’t like it either!  He said pretty much what I said.  Bruno thought she danced better than anyone else tonight.  Carrie Ann loved the choreography.  It WAS good, but it didn’t work in my opinion.  Me thinks Mark needs to leave the weird black earrings and finger nail polish off camera and out of his choreography.  Total 26.  So far they’re at the top of the leader board.

Chris and Cheryl are taking on the Paso.  I do believe he’ll dance this well.  I couldn’t type while they danced cuz I was totally committed, as was Chris.  It was very good, but I didn’t find it to be as exciting as I thought Cheryl would have made it.  It wasn’t explosive.  No climax, if you will.  Okay, Len pretty much just said the same thing.  I need to be a guest judge.  Total 23.  Deserving.

My pick, Kirstie, is last, but not least.  Dancing the Waltz.  Oh come ON, TWO singers on stage during her performance?  She’s losing weight btw!  HOLD UP, something happened to Kirstie’s shoe while she was on the floor and she got up late!  Then she messed up again and Maks rolled his eyes/laughed sarcastically.  WTF is going on with her?  AHA, I rewatched and saw her shoe came off!  Carrie Ann was right; she just never seemed connected to the number.  Len didn’t like much about it, but Bruno loves it.  Those singers didn’t help the situation.  If one dancer had those distractions, they all shoulda had em.  Total 22!

I think the bottom 3 should be Petra, Sugar Ray and Kendra with Ray going home, but I fear Kirstie might be in jeopardy after two weeks of mishaps.  Who do you think is going home?

Update:  The 3 couples in jeopardy were Petra, Sugar Ray and Chelsea.  Sugar Ray Leonard went home.  Told ya’ll LOL!

…Vine…in a minute

Pia Toscano Eliminated from American Idol

Everyone is all sad about Pia Toscano’s elimination on Idol tonight.  I don’t know why.  This is all by design people.  Here’s what I think.  Jimmy Iovine ain’t “mentoring” and working in the studio with these nobodys for his health.  Please believe he struck a deal with Nigel Lythgoe for them to boot whatever contestant he wanted to sign and develop on his own looong before the finale.  They did it at this point for shock value.  That way, when Pia’s debut album is released, all those fools who felt she was gone too soon from Idol will run out and buy it.

She was devastated tonight, but she’ll be aight once she signs her first record deal.  By the way, I think the judges were in on the fix, as well.  I wondered weeks ago why the hell they saved Casey seeing as though he can’t even sing.  Now I know!  They needed to get rid of “the save” in order to throw Pia under the bus!  Yes, I sound crazy, but if you think that the music industry isn’t this manipulative and orchestrated, then you’re the crazy one.

Of course, all of this is alleged and ONLY my opinion.

Do you agree or disagree?

…Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of NY: Season 4 Premiere (Recap)

The new season started off with Ramona, Alex and their husbands drinking Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio.  Yep, she’s hawkin wine now, in case you missed that development in the off-season.  Jill arrived stuffed into her dress like Wendy Williams’ feet stuffed into her dancing shoes.  She claimed to have grown and been humbled from last year.  Yeah right!  I love that Alex ain’t taking shit from Jill this year.  Alex invited all the girls to march in their wedding gowns for marriage equality.  Jill made a joke out of it with Ramona’s sidekick, Joni!  She seems just as rude as ever to me.

Jill said that a “real friend” sticks by their friend even through a tough time, which is why she’s still tight with Kelly’s crazy ass.  Bullshit.  Jill is still friends with her cuz she ain’t making the same mistake twice.  She won’t risk one of her RHONY co-stars becoming a megastar and she not be there to reap the benefits.  The two of them hung out trash talking Alex.  Of course she brought up Bethenny.  She said Bethenny threw her away, that she had no idea Bethenny was planning to have this major career and felt used.  She whined that once Bethenny got married, she had no more room for Jill.  Let’s forget about the fact that they had already fallen out looooong before Bethenny said I do!  But why let facts get in the way of Jill Zarin’s ego?  Ramona called it the way it ACTUALLY is.  “Bethenny didn’t dump Jill as a friend, she did it to herself.”  Of course she did, but Jill’s so damn self involved that she couldn’t see the error of her ways if you put them in a diamond.

Over to Simex, Simon left the hotel to start a social media company.  So he and Alex are both working at home, sharing an office.  Alex signed w/a modeling agency.  She’s only 36 years old.  I have to say, I am shocked as shit that she’s not over 40.  Her body is bangin’, but she looks much older than 36.  Kelly made a point of saying that being a model simply means that you are photogenic, not pretty.  She should know.  She ain’t neva been pretty EVA and she was a model!

Sassy Sonja and Ramona hit an art benefit.  Sonja looked good, besides that faulty eye makeup.  How do they have all this money and can’t get their face beat before filming?  Okay, so Cindy, the hostess, is the newest “housewife”.  She struck me as another Countess Lu, hanging out slamming shots Downtown, trying to regain her youth.  She seems to be a successful businesswoman who works with her brother.  She has a 10 month old baby, but no man.  She went through IVF and it looks like she has 2, but I couldn’t tell. WOW, this bitch Cindy just have her twins delivered to the art benefit like pizza!  Who does that?

Jill and Bobby Vegas arrived.  I still love him!  Lulu and Crazy Ass Kelly made an entrance.  Then Alex and Simon brought up the rear, no pun intended.  Cindy’s involvement in the organization that will benefit from the proceeds came from them (didn’t catch the name) helping her when her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer.  Lord have mercy!  God bless her heart for giving back to them!  Here goes Jill, all up in Cindy’s business.  She’s so damn nosey!

God bless Ramona’s assistant.  I’m sure she’s paid well, but ain’t enough money in the world to get me to deal with all that crazy on a daily basis.  She interviewed for a second assistant.  WHY did Bravo exploit that black girl with a bad, blond wig and bright ass red lipstick?  They knew good and well Ramona wasn’t going to hire her black ass, but back to the interviews.  It seemed hella rude that Ramona was critiquing all of the candidates, but in a twisted sort of way, I appreciate what she did.  Those young girls looked a hot ass mess and should be thankful Ramona took a minute to give them pointers.  Trust, others would have said BYE and they’d still be tryna figure out what went wrong.

Over to the cougars den, Lu and Sonja went on a double dinner date with their tadpoles at Orsay.  Brian is the name of Sonja’s piece.  These old, nasty, horny broads and their boy toys making sexual jokes about walking through bushes and gardens turned my stomach.  Honestly, I thought both women made fools out of themselves at that dinner table.  I don’t know if Sonja’s eyesight is leaving her, but that man is NOT hot and if every woman in New York wants him, I’m glad I live in Cali.

Out at Ramona’s Hamptons home, Simex were her and Mario’s guests.  They were all in town for a wedding so Ramona invited them to stay at their home.  Jill left a message for Alex that she wasn’t coming to the marriage equality march, but she’s on the committee LOL!  Alex put her on blast.  She stood there while Alex invited all the ladies to the march as if she’d never heard of the event LMAO!  Just when I thought she was as low as possible, she goes lower.

Now for the wedding.  Jill was all stressed because her spanx were visible.  Talk about dramatic.  I think Bobby tunes her out at this point.  She had no clue that Simex were invited.  She shit her pants, but put on a fake happy face.  Alex and Ramona missed the memo that only the bride is supposed to wear white to a wedding.  Again I ask, who does that?  Jill kept mentioning how much she’s changed…yep, for the worse!

After the wedding, Ramona was talking badly about Cindy’s brother, Howie, and he overheard LMAO!  Ooops.  I’m thinking those two ladies won’t be getting along any time soon.

Jill pulled a few sidekicks together in a corner of the reception to bitch about Alex and spin the story that she was only on the “Honorary” committee for the march.  There was a baby confrontation between Alex and Jill, but I forgot what it was about when Ramona’s tacky ass put her finger on the cake to taste the icing and knocked off a flower…made of icing.  These people have no fucking manners…says the woman with the potty mouth!

Judging by the previews for the season, there won’t be a dull moment.  What did you think of the premiere?  Worth the wait?

…Vine…in a minute

Nene & Al Reynolds, Girlfriends?

Word is that Nene Leakes [Real Housewives of Atlanta and Celebrity Apprentice] has sought out a friendship with Star Jones’ ex-husband, Al Reynolds.  She’s allegedly “spending time with Jones’ ex” in a ridiculous attempt to get back at Star.

Really Nene?  If this is true, you HAVE turned into the out of control monster we all started to see last season on RHOA.  If you dislike Star that much, the best way to get back at her is to pay her no mind.  Paying her no mind does not include running around tryna befriend her openly gay [allegedly] closeted ex-husband, GayAl Reynolds.  You’re making a fool out of yourself!  Click here to see a pic!

On another note, how the hell did Star not see what this man was all about from jump?

Revenge or true colors shining through?  What do you think?

…Vine…in a minute

Love and Hip-Hop Episode 2

Ok #1 is Emily B. seriously talking about “faking it”? Umm you are the one who has been in a relationship with a man for 8 years and no one has ever heard or seen you with this man! I can’t say that I blame Olivia for the  fake it till you make it move,  Darelle Revis signed a contract for $160 million for 10 years!  Somaya needs to ALWAYS wear make-up wait…did this bitch say she was SHOT????  She acts like she hasn’t done bikini photo shoots and she is talking about “Mira Mi Pum Pum” so why did she pretend to be offended for this photo shoot?  GTFOH!  Chrissy is my girl I relate to her.  Vine thinks that she abuses Jim Jones, but I just think she is a real down ass bitch.  He drives a Camaro, she drives a Bentley Flying Spur.  That’s how it should be!

Hollywood…in a minute

Real Housewives of Atlanta: S3 Premiere (Live Blog)

Our bitches are BACK!  So excited and before it even starts, I’m laughing at the finale of last season when Sheree said She by Sheree is here to stay…but she’s already onto something else!  These ladies neva disappoint.  What happened with Nene and Gregg?  Kim’s a lesbian now!  Lisa has left the show!  Kandi’s dating Willis McGahee or some shit!  Two new housewives!  Bring it!

Thank gaaaawd, they stopped showing Kandi doin’ the prep in the intro!  We’re startin off with Sheree acting out  a scene with Father Time!  She was better off as a fashion designer!  You have no acting experience, Sheree?  Noooo shit!  Her newfound passion is acting so SBS is on hold for a second.  She’s dating an actor and now she’s ready to win an Oscar.  Lord have mercy!  Nene came over and is as shocked as us that Sheree is tryna act.  NeNe has gossip.  Kim announced in Life & Style that she’s a lesbian and they think it’s funny!

NeNe invited her over so they can discuss their “friendship”.  Oooh NeNe girrrl, that open back does not do you justice girl!  Well, whatever is going on w/her and Gregg must not have happened yet cuz they’re gettin along like normal.  Here comes Kim still talkin’ about NeNe strangled her!  She’s a damn LIE!  Nene’s hair cut is TOUGH!  Kim got a new wig!  The Leakes got a new house.  Gregg didn’t even wanna be there w/those two LOL!  He left.  What was different about Tracy?  She was single and famous, that’s what’s different!  NeNe you know damn well Kim would fuck a chicken as long as it’s famous enough LOL!  Aight here she goes.  NeNe said she doesn’t know where she and Gregg are going.  She’s now the bread-winner and his old ass is sittin’ at home!  Ahh shit, Kim said that Dwight told her that Gregg asked HIM for $10,000!  NeNe did not know.  Oooooo weeee!  That is ugly!  NeNe is mad as hell at Gregg, but madder at Dwight!  She’s right, he is supposed to be her girlfriend; he shouldn’t be tellin’ her business to anyone, ESPECIALLY KIM AND HER LOOSE LIPS! (commercial)

Kandi is over at Kim’s talkin’ about her new dude, the NFL player, Willis McGahee.  He flew down to the A to meet her.  I’m not tryna be funny, but why?  OH EM GEE!  Kandi is packin’ a mean punch and I don’t mean in her fist…WHAT has she been eatin’ since the last season ended?  Kandi is bothered that Kim is hanging with NeNe again.  Why doesn’t she get that Kim is the lunatic in that duo?  See, Kandi thought that Kim was going to keep her new love of women to herself, so why was it in Life & Style Weekly?  Kandi is just not that smart!  After all this time, she still ain’t seen Kizzie’s true media whoring colors?

Over at some rock climbin’ spot, Kandi and Willis are on a date!  They shoulda gone running, but anyway.  Did this ninja say “Celo-vet”?  Not celibate!  I need to watch that again.  That seemed like a brother and sister hanging out, not too people w/the hots for each other.  I have more chemistry with the bottle of water sitting next to me right now!

Kizzie’s oldest daughter is dating now!  Again, WHY?  Okay, parents are gonna stop lettin’ these hot in the ass little girls date when they can’t even drive a damn car!  Uh huh, she’s already kissing and she knows what a whore is!  She is THIRTEEN years old!  Why does she get to date?  If Kizzie’s daughter keeps eatin’ ice cream like that, she won’t have to worry about boys tryna kiss her!  Just sayin…(commercial)

Here goes a newbie, Phaedra and she’s either pregnant or has a beer belly!  She’s talkin’ all this shit about being such a southern lady…I bet she’ll be the first one to kick up some shit!  Her husband’s name is Apollo.  She made him sign a prenup.  BTW she thinks that means he doesn’t want her money ROFL!  I don’t like her already!  Too self-righteous.  She’s an attorney to the black, hood stars!  Of course, she’s friends with Dwight!  Let’s keep it real, a TRUE southern bell wouldn’t be caught dead in Dwight’s house!  She’s Dwight’s attorney, allegedly.  So he can’t afford to breathe through his nose, but he has an attorney on tap?  Wait, he said he spent $30,000 of his own money on the She by Sheree fashion show?!!  I’ll ask again…WHY?  Is Phaedra an attorney or fucking Emily Post?  This broad is pretentious as hell!

NeNe and Kim are attending an event & Ms. Eubanks is gonna be there.  NeNe is now confronting Gregg about allegedly asking to borrow money!  Gregg is LYING!  Believe me when I tell you, that man is lying through his crooked teeth.  Aight, he said that he and Dwight went in on a small $500 each investment.  The “deal” fell through!  Deal LOL!!  He called it a deal LMAO!  Let me tell ya’ll what really happened.  Gregg pulled Dwight into a pyramid scheme after it was hot!  Nobody came in under them and they lost their money.  Book it!

Lawrence is over at Sheree’s so they can go shoe shopping.  I’m gonna go head & say it, I am SICK of seeing men on TV wearing fucking high heels and hand bags!  Stop it!  Sheree said she’s confronting Dwight at the spot tonight.  She said he did help, but no WAY did he put 30k into her shit!

I’ll say this much, don’t nobody on any of the Housewives show party like when Kizzie and NeNe get together!  NOBODY!  NeNe’s sort of done with the negative roller coaster with her marriage.  Kizzie ain’t seen it in a long time.  NeNe doesn’t know that she’s still in love with Gregg.  She said she likes him a little bit!  That is NOT good!

Why is Phaedra’s skirt short enough to see where her baby’s bout to come from?  Gross.  Nobody wants to see a pregnant broad’s chucky!

Dwight is about to show his face!  What’s his deal?  Phaedra called NeNe ghetto and all kind of shit 5 minutes ago before commercial now she wants NeNe to hug her?  GTFOH!

Dwight ripped up NeNe’s $500 check.  She went OFF!  Dwight told her to get out of his face.  She told him to watch his hands!  All he can say is get her outta my face.  He all kinds of shit to say behind her back, but didn’t have shit to say in her face.  Phaedra said that a lady does not act like that!  Guess what?  A lady does not go out the house in a mini skirt while she’s pregnant!  Party OVA!  The show ended with NeNe thanking Kim (and Sheree in absentia) for havin her back and scenes from the season!

I thought that was WELL worth the wait.  What did ya’ll think?

Dancing w/the Stars: S11 E2 (Live Blog)

As I’m watching all of the “stars” dancing at the opening, I want Jennifer Grey to stick to choreographed moves.  Now that we’re without the sex bomb Hoff, I can cringe a bit less tonight.

We’re starting off with Rick Fox and a Jive.  I LOVE this dance.  I hope he can pull it off.  He has a tendon issue.  Let’s see how this works out.  He’s actually a good partner.  She’s not draggin his ass all over the floor like Chelsie is doing w/Michael Bolton.  Cheryl’s ass thinks she’s slick putting all that ass slappin’ in the routine!  I see you Cheryl.  That was a lot of fun.  He wasn’t perfect, but he was pretty good for a Week 2 jive!  See, the judges are sayin’ exactly what I’m saying.  Ya’ll think I’m crazy, but I speaketh the truth:)  Let’s see what all that means for scores…21!  Not bad.  (Commercial)

Up next, Florence Henderson.  I know she’s America’s mom, but she ain’t mine.  She bores me, but aight let’s see her Quick Step.  Hopefully it’s not more like a half time step!…….Ummmm.  Didn’t I just say the half time step?!  That’s what it was.  I’ve seen people mover faster running through a club when I fight breaks out!  That was terrible.  Okay, Bruno said she looked like Driving Miss Daisy LOL!  Carrie Ann liked it and thought it was elegant.  Oh stop it, Carrie Ann.  It’s okay to tell a 76-year-old that she sucked!  Len loved it, too!  They need to quit.  They know good and hell well the producers told them to keep her around!  Now for her scores…Wait a minute, why does Brooke Burke even have on a dress?  I think I actually saw her implants shift that damn dress is cut so low.  Flo got a 19!

Alright now Brandy!  Bring it bitch!  She and Maks are arguing in rehearsals.  WHY do these celebrities argue with their pro partners?  Listen to what they’re tryna teach you and MOVE ON, damn!  She better Jive her ass off after that.  Oh gawd, she did a little booty shaking mid dance.  Len is going to HATE that!  Oh geez, Sassy Sarah Palin is in the audience tonight.  I’m going to throw up!  Back to Brandy, she didn’t have much attack or sharpness tonight.  Carrie Ann didn’t like it!  Len thought she took steps backward from last week.  Yep, Len said that she didn’t dance with intent!  Bruno said she was only okay and she wasn’t sharp or precise enough!  Mmmm hmmm.  (Commercial)  21 for Brandy! (3406)

Michael Bolton better not come with another cringe worthy performance!  He’s doing a jive.  I am not expecting too much from him.  For real Chelsie?  You want him to crawl out of a dog house cuz you’re dancing to hound dog?  The pros KNOW that Len hates that shit.  Just get to the dancing already.  This is already fucking dumb!  I made it through like 3 people without cussing.  I tried.  Sorry folks, I can’t watch!  He O-fficially needs to be sent home tomorrow!  Do not vote for this man LOL!  I see why Nicolette Sheridan laid him off.  If he moves like that in bed, well never mind!  He better get lower than a 15 cuz that’s what he got last week and last week was better!  Len said that Michael’s jive needed a pooper scooper to finish it off LOL!  Hilarious.  Bruno told him that he shoulda kept the bone and gone back into the dog house LMFAO!  I’ll say this much, yes he’s a bad dancer, but Chelsie did him a disservice as his professional partner with that bullshit!  OH EMM GEE he got a TWELVE LMFAO!!  Bruno gave this mofo a THREE!  DAYUM!

Audrina and Tony are up next.  I think she’s gonna do a good Quick Step..an ACTUAL quick step, Flo!  Here go the tears.  She’s sad cuz she barely gets to see her latest loser boyfriend and it’s taking a toll on their “relationship”!  Spare me your sob story and dance!  Audrina did her thing tonight!  That was good.  I hope Carrie Ann gets on her about not pointing her toes like she did Brandy.  Aight, Bruno liked it although there were issues at time.  Carrie Ann I guess overlooked that b/c she only sang her praises.  Len said it was the best performance of the night…so far and he was right!    Wait, Tony said in rehearsal that if they don’t get three 8s he’s gonna wax his legs LOL!  Here’s one…two….and Bruno gave them a 7 LOL!

After seeing Jennifer Grey try to dance in the opening, I’m afraid about her jive.  Then again, Derek made it look like Brooke Burke could do any dance.  So she should be fine.  Oh wow, Jennifer found out she had cancer via a routine check up for the show.  She can move very to choreographed steps.  She’s getting it.  Losing a little gas midway through, but hanging on.  She did great, but Audrina was better!  With those extensions in her hair, she actually looks like the Jennifer Grey we all remember.  If I have to hear Brooke talk about how she remembers doing this dance and that dance one more time, I might turn this off!  Scores…24!  Hmmmmm.  I don’t know, but okay.

Oh gawd, Sarah Palin is sitting with Tom.  I know Bruno hates her ass.  For real, Bristol the Pistol?  I could vomit.  I wonder how all of the gay pros feel about her being there knowing that she thinks they are vile individuals!

Margaret Cho up next.  She said people were shunning her ass last week cuz they just knew she was going home.  So did I, but I was wrong.  Louis is tryna keep her from being funny on the dance floor.  Good!  This is a dance competition, not a comedy showcase.  If we wanna see that, we’ll buy tickets to see you live.  (commercial)  Okay.  Why does she look like someone just robbed her.  Uh oh, get it Marge.  Ooops, spoke too soon.  She’s a little wild and keeps forgetting the steps, BUT the steps she does remember she’s puttin her back into ’em lol.  Hey, at least she had fun out there.  I hope she enjoyed it cuz the judges are going to eat her up!  Len was kind.  He just said work on the kicks.  Bruno said that she was all over the place, too.  He also said that when she was relaxed she danced better.  Ya’ll are gonna start listening to Hollywood and me LOL!  Carrie Ann encouraged her fellow Asian American.  Score…18.  Louis doesn’t like the triple 6.  I’m with him, but I’ll leave that alone.

Kyle and Lacey are up next.  I really want Lacey to bring her dark hair back.  Why do white women always want to be blond?  Anyway, she put him on a fast food free diet while they’re on the show.  Yeah, cuz he’s really going to stick to that!  Quick Step, here we go…He looks like a shoe shine man.  Get it big boy.  He is doing IT.  Lacey came to play with this partner.  You can see it in how she’s even dancing!  Alright now.  Bring it judges!  Bring it!!  Bruno said that he needs more control.  BOOOOOOOOO!  Carrie Ann loved it!  Len said he was flat footed, his hold was bad, he had no style, BUT he liked it!  Len is such a grumpy ass old man.  We’ll have scores after the break.  Kurt Warner’s jive is coming up, too.  I don’t know how good that’s gonna be….22 for Kyle and Lacey!

Time for Kurt Warner and his good looking self to take the floor.  Uh oh, Anna is whipping him into shape in the studio.  I’m excited.  This might be good!!  Did he just moonwalk lol?  Oh shit, he’s getting into it now.  But she has to stop letting him add his own flare to their routines.  He was decent.  I enjoyed it, but let’s see what the judges say.  Len loved it.  Bruno too.  Straight to the scores…21!  Not bad  with his sexy self!

I already know that The Situation is not going to do well with the Quick Step.  This jackass fool talking about he wants to dance to hip hop or something that he likes!  Is he pigeon-toed?  Here we go.  Hmmm.  He’s trying really, REALLY hard, but it’s just not working.  Oh lordy, he’s messing up steps.  I think Flo actually moved a lot more quickly than he did.   HOWEVER, we cannot let him go home over something small like not being able to dance LOL!  If ya’ll can keep Kate Gosselin around for half the season, then The Situation can stick around for a bit, too!  18!!!!  I LOVE how Sitch acts like Karina is not even his partner.

Bristol I needed Mark to life my leg for me last week Palin is up next.  Oooh lucky Mark, she brought him to Alaska with her.  I’m sorry, I can’t even watch this shit.  I’ll just wait until they hit the stage.  Quick Step She’s doing the moves, but her face is not connecting with her body.  Her face says that she’s getting a pap smear and her body looks like it’s trying to do the quickstep.  WHY are people standing up for her?  She didn’t do shit.  SEE, Bruno said what I said!  I know that Kelly Osbourne is disgusted by Carrie Ann saying that Bristol reminds her of Kelly.  Negative!  OH COME ON LEN…8???  Get the fuck outta here!  She did not HARDLY dance an 8!

Until tomorrow…in a minute…Vine

Real Housewives of DC: 9/23 Live Blog

For the 15 of us still watching this group, here we go…starting off with Cat and Charles.  She’s finished her book and they’re boring me talking about it.  Evidently it was difficult for him to read the book cuz it discussed her past life, but he got over it.  I guess he did…by divorcing her ass!

Okay, so now Michaele is pretending that she used to be a Redskins cheerleader?  Um, sure she was.  She ain’t hit one move on time yet.  Who is she fooling?  She might have cheered from the sidelines…in the stands or from her living room, but actually on the field, I ain’t buyin’ it!  But at least we know she can count to 8 LOL!  I love the sistas in line with her who didn’t want their faces shown.

Over to my girl Stacie.  That woman is a saint for still tryna get to know Cat’s dumb ass.  I really want Cat and Stacie’s bff to have it OUT!  Oh, Lynda just showed up.  In private, Stacie said that she doesn’t know how she feels about gay marriage.  I know this is coming up again.  Mary said that Michaele is lyin about being a Redskins cheerleader!  Told ya.  It’s safe to bet that anything that allegedly anorexic woman says is a straight up lie!

Back at Stacie’s ice cream social, Mary is talking about how all her kids are back home.  Lolly quit her job.  Of course she did!  She doesn’t have a financial care in the world.  Oh shit, Erica just called out Cat about being mean and negative!  Okay, here we go!  I would slap Cat with that “bless your heart darlin'” bullshit.  Condescending ass bitch!  Lynda tried to check Erica, but she ain’t havin’ it.  Listen, I don’t agree with Lynda.  Erica was not off on her high horse, she was putting the shit out there to her FACE vs. behind her back like the rest of them do.  If Cat thinks that she has been nothing but kind is a crock of shit.  Cat feels like she’s being annihilated.  Is she crazy?  I’m sorry white women, but why do some of ya’ll play that passive aggressive bull?  Cat is so vicious with her words to every damn body, but when someone says something to her, she’s the victim??  Bitch please!  Her life ain’t that hard.  She was married with a husband who was a White House photographer for crying out loud.  She wrote a fucking book because she could and because she was bored!  Her life ain’t all that damn hard!  She gets to stay at home with her kids because she doesn’t have to work!  How many people would love to be able to do that?  Please!  She needs to quit playing the damn victim!!

Wait a minute, Lolly quit her job as an Executive Assistant?  Didn’t she have a job at the beginning of the show waiting tables?  So she done quit two jobs LOL?  Rich is the voice of reason here cuz Lolly’s ass needs to feel the burn!

So Erica, Paul Wharton, Lynda, Stacie, Mary and Stacie’s hubby are all in David Catania’s office for a meeting.  Oh wait, Cat’s ass is there too.  Oh joy!  She walked in and spoke to everyone BUT Erica.  She’s such a bitch.  Anyway, back to gay rights.  Oh shit, Mary just said that she wasn’t really trippin’ the issue doesn’t affect her LOL.  Paul Wharton and his bad hair did not appreciate that.  Ooooh shit, Jason just said that he thinks marriage should be between one man and one woman!!  Oh LAWD.  They done said it.  They done said it.  Paul Wharton’s hair is getting nappier by the second cuz of this conversation LOL!  Aight Paul said that he gets called a fucking fag (his words, not mine) if he walks down the wrong street in DC.  He said that marriage equality would take away the power those types of people would feel.  Let me break it down to you, Paul.  I’m black and have every right under the sun, just like everyone else, but I STILL get called a nigger!  I’m not saying he shouldn’t be able to get married, just that he shouldn’t be naive enough to think that gay marriage equality will stop that type of talk.

Erica, Mary and Stacie are all at dinner discussing the David Catania meeting.  Lynda said that God isn’t judging and that humans judge.  Well, I don’t know, but I hope to find out when I get to heaven.  Yes, I have the nerve to think I’m going to heaven.  Paul and Lynda are at cocktail hour together.  I know he’s gonna bash Stacie and Jason!  Mary was pissed with Erica cuz the children were there.  Lynda is saying that Cat is just off and has been since Aunt Francis’ house.  (They’re doing a back and forth so bear with me.)  Lynda is having sympathy toward her and Paul is blaming Charles for Cat’s behavior.  Are they for real?  It’s Charles’ fault?  She knew good and hell well what the fuck Charles’ life was like before she moved to DC from England.  Don’t cry about it now!

Over to the Swindlin’ Salahis, they’re tryna plot about keeping their “winery” and not having to file bankruptcy again.  Uh yeah, aight.  Next…

At Mary’s, she’s filling Lolly in about the David Catania meeting while making dinner.  She said she learned a lot and that she wants to take back her comment about the issue of gay marriage not affecting her.  Lolly is giving us an educational lesson on how wonderful gays are and what they do for a living@@

Cat is having drinks with Ted Gibson’s business partner, Jason.  She said he’s one of her rare friends in DC.  Yeah, cuz nobody else wants to deal with your mean old ass!  She’s making fun of all the women in her neighborhood who walk their dogs and clean up the dog shit!  What is wrong with her?  That’s what MoFos do when they have a dog.  THIS is why Erica said she’s always negative….BECAUSE SHE IS!

The Swindlers are meeting with Matt Carson to talk about the tell all book about the Salahi family dysfunction!  They are so low!  I mean, sooo low!  OMG Tareq is already talking about finding a publisher who will give them an advance LMAO!  They are broke as a joke!  When exactly was the last time that Michaele washed or combed her extensions?  Just askin…

Next week if the White House State Dinner episode…watch what happens.

…in a minute

Dancing w/the Stars S11: Week 1

Sorry that I’m late for the live west coast blog, but I’m here now.

Kyle Massey and Lacey are up 3rd with a cha cha.  Alright now, get it little chubb rock!  He’s doing his thing!  He moves well for a tela tubby.  Lacey might be in it to win it.  Of course he won’t win, but if he keeps dancing like that, he’ll go far!  My goodness he was good!  The judges loved him!

Okay, while we’re on commercial, Audrina Patridge was first to hit the floor.  She can be good and Tony is the right pro to get her there, but she’s gonna need to shake that monkey!  No wonder Justin Bobby never wanted to commit to her!  Just sayin…Kurt Warner was after her.  Anna is his partner.  I thought he looked promising.  Len hated him, natch, but the other two thought he was good.

Alright, we’re back for Kyle’s score.  23!  Up next, Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke!  Oh gawd, she’s like the Kim Kardashian of the damn ballroom.  She never lets a black athlete get by her hot ass!  “Wow, you’re tall!”  No shit Cheryl.  Damnit he is fine as hell!  He is gliding across the dance floor like he’s done this a million times!  You go boy.  This is so good!  Then they ruined it by showing his girlfriend in the audience at the end.  Oh well.  Anyway, Len is ready to have sex with him.  Bruno will be tryna hump him after he does a samba.  Carrie Ann is ready to propose!  So his scores should be great.  22 for them.  Not bad.

Margaret Cho’s ass almost fell walking down the stairs in the beginning, so this is gonna be a train wreck I’m sure.  All of those tats on her look a fucking mess!  Ewww.  Why is she looking like she’s doing a tango?  She looks hella mad.  DWTS couldn’t buy her a girdle?  Okay, I’m gonna stop.  Her dancing was horrible and throwing some alleged comedy into the routine did not help!  Len is gonna eat her ass up.  Wait a minute, Bruno said WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?  LOL!  5s across the board.  15!  Yikes.

Brandy!  HERE WE GO…She might be okay if she’d stop thinking about how gorgeous he is.  Let’s see what she got.  YES, YOU GO BRANDY!  That’s what I’m talking about!  Top THAT!  Top THAT!  She’s so genuinely excited…like a child.  I thought her reaction to the judges praise was refreshing!  The judges gave her 23!  She’s got my vote.

Up next, and it pains me to even type her name, Bristol Palin.  Poor Mark!  She’s in the studio acting like she don’t know how to pop it.  Bitch you have a kid.  Stop frontin!  She has a size does matter t-shirt on for the love of Pete!  OMG LMFAO!  At the end Mark had to actually lift her leg for her LOL!  I mean, she was bad, but she was decent for someone who has never danced or performed in their life.  I’ll give her that!  I missed her score because she bores me.

Florence Henderson is up next!  If she’s anything like Cloris Leachman, I hope they send her ass home sooner than later.  She’s dancing with Corky Ballas.  I don’t get why throw the humor into the routines.  Just get out there and show you can or can’t dance!  That’s an 18 for the 76-year-old Mrs. Brady.

Michael Bolton’s sexy ass is up with his PYT Chelsie Hightower.  She better learn to speak Cat Daddy lol.  Again, let me stop.  Uh oh, this ain’t lookin too promising.  Well, umm err uh…it was his first night.  Damn 16!  Well, he did deserve it, but damn!

The Situation and his abs only had 5 days to train with Karina.  I hope this shit doesn’t make me laugh so hard that my neighbors get mad at me!  GTL in the ballroom!  He is such a clown, I love it LOL!  I don’t even know what to say after that!  I am going to vote for him as much as possible JUST to be sure he sticks around long enough!  That shit was hella funny.  I tried to watch my language, but I couldn’t help it.  Hilarious.  Aight, his score is 15!  A senior citizen did better than him!

Up next, Jennifer Grey aka Baby!  She’s dancing with Derek.  Shocker…NOT!  Poor baby.  She was taken back to being with Patrick Swayze and broke down:(  Very sad.  I hope she does this one for him.  WHAT!!  You betta dance girl!  She has it still.  Ain’t missed a step!  I am really enjoying her!  Awesome!!!  That was so good!  I’m predicting Brandy and Jennifer in the final two!  I love her even more for not giving Brooke Burke much in the interview lol.  She’s as annoying as Samantha.  24 for Baby!

Last up, The Hoff.  I know this is going to be some mess, but maybe Kym can pull this off.  He’s just too cheesetastic for words!  Lord help, he can’t even remember the steps let alone do them.  He needs a drink…or maybe he had some before rehearsal.  Here we go with a cha cha cha.  If ya’ll could see the look on my face right now as this man thrusts his hips dancing to “Sex bomb sex bomb, baby you can turn me on” with fire going off in the background…I don’t even know what the judges are going to say about this.  This was such a hot ass mess!  PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR THIS MAN!  He ain’t been sexy in 25 years.  WHY does he think that he’s still sexy?  WHY?  They gave him a 15.  If you ask me, that was generous!

Time for voting.  Who got your votes tonight?  I won’t be blogging live tomorrow for the first results show, but I will post before the night’s over.  Make sure to subscribe to the blog to get the live blogs for the entire season.

…in a minute

Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion: Part 2 (live blog)

A little late to the party due to Labor Day celebrating…here we go!

I turn on the tv to hear Teresa screaming like a banshee, mocking Danielle.  Jaque is hollerin’, Mama Line is the only one being quiet.  Do these women ever quit?  My question is if they know she’s such a liar and a phony, then WHY do they allow her lies to get them so fucking riled up?  That makes them look like they’re getting a lil sumthin out of all this drama!  Straight up.

Aight, Dirty D has walked off the stage!  They’re back from commercial and Andy is trying his best to sound authoritative! #FAIL  Teresa keeps talking that shit about Danielle not being “worth it” to hit her, but she can’t keep her ass on the couch!  Which one is it?

They’re reliving  the event at the Brownstone where Danielle and her cronies showed up looking like the 3 stooges!  And onto Dina and Danielle’s meeting!  They have Caroline on an inset and she looks like she’s prepared to put a hit out on Dirty D for how she talked to Dina.  Just sayin’.

Danielle said that nobody, including Dina, is innocent in her leaving the show.  She said that she also does not feel responsible for Dina not being on the show.  Mama ‘Line is sorry that Dina left the show, but she understands why she left…it’s no longer fun, blah blah blah!

Over to Jacque and her non-parenting ass, she said that she can’t do anything to discipline Ashley cuz she’s 19 years old.  Um, how about you start with not buying the spoiled brat new cars and shit!  You take stuff away from kids who act a fool, not add to their material shit!  No wonder she’s obnoxious.  I know I don’t usually talk about their kids, but I’m so sick of this!  If you have a child living under your roof, then hell yeah you can discipline their ass!  They don’t like it, get the fuck out and leave the keys to your brand new SUV on the kitchen table!!!  Ashley is the type of brat that ends up trying to put hands on her mother later on in life!  Jacque said that Ash has been like this since she was 2 years old!  THAT’S THE PROBLEM RIGHT THERE!  Okay, Jaque said that they took her car away and gave it to a family member’s wife.  Well that’s a good start.

Dirty D denied having a “text” or “facebook war” with Ashley.  Jaque said that she saw the text messages, but D denied it.  You know good and hell well that Danielle was being messy with that little girl LOL!  Jaqueline trying to prove that Dirty D sent a tweet is ridiculous!  It’s Twitter.  She could have said absolutely anything to that man.  I’m with D on this one.  I don’t understand why people who hate her so much invest so much ENERGY into yelling and screaming at her!

Back to the Borgata…time to recap Kim D’s fashion show debacle!  I’d rather them talk about how the clothes she sells make a mockery out of the fashion industry, but that’s just me.  Isn’t it clear to see that Teresa was on the war path??  She intentionally came after Dirty D!  If you don’t want everyone to know that your shit is in foreclosure, then avoid Danielle and keep it pushin!  This is hilarious!  Danielle clearly took acting lessons from Danny!!  REALLY?  REALLY TERESA?  YOU DIDN’T START THAT FIGHT?  What planet is this woman living on???  She’s as crazy as people think Danielle is, please believe it!  How does some idiot in the midwest know that Danielle didn’t lose a lot of extensions that night?  Shut the hell up!  The way that white girls put their tracks in definitely takes out their hair when it’s taken out normally.  When someone ripping the shit out, I’m sure her shit was painful!  Then Jackie pulling Teresa’s hair as a demonstration and Teresa saying OW shows that the shit probably did hurt!  Jackasses!!  I’m sorry, but why should Dirty D dropped the charges against Ashley?  She was, in fact, assaulted!  They wouldn’t have dropped charges against her ass!

Teresa said that if someone paid her a hundred grand she’d get in a ring and box Danielle!  Of course she would…she needs the money LMAO!

And we’re back with Kim G!  That woman wants to be a regular on that show so bad!!  I’m sorry, I can’t even look at Jackie’s face during these clips!  Why did she do that to her lips?  She looks bad.  She looked perfectly fine before!  What is with these grown ass women acting like children…you can’t be friends with her if I’m not friends with her!  It’s ridiculous!  And here she is in her old prom dress!  Dirty D called her OUT!  Yep, Kim G DID use her so that she could be on tv.  Let’s call a spade a spade!  Kim G is one to talk about square tits w/those saggy ass lumps hanging from her chest!  Shit, she NEEDS to get some fake tits of her own.  Listen, Danielle is a hustla to her core!  She’s lookin at Kim G with disgust cuz she knows this broad is lying! 

Kim G, if you know that it wasn’t the Manzos fault that you got a shitty table at the fundraiser, then why bring it up??  CRAZY!  Aha!!  And now we see why Kim G. is bashing Teresa on Twitter LOL!  Teresa has some nerve asking Kim G her age and insinuating that she was too old for the pole dancing class w/her ass being a MOTHER and a WIFE acting like a fucking caged animal on national tv.  Puhlease honey!@  Kim G’s face is as tight as a virgin’s chucky!  That broad has had so much plastic surgery that her face isn’t moving!  If she hadn’t pointed her finger at Teresa, I wouldn’t have known that she was pissed LOL!

Poor Andy trying to find one thing to unite all of the women…their dislike of Kim G., but even Jackie fucked that up!  “I don’t miiiind her!” in that whiny ass voice.  Doesn’t she see what being friend to all the animals did to her season 1?  Will that woman ever learn?

Back to the show.  Time to discuss the Caroline vs. Danielle confrontation!  Look at Mama Line in those Louboutins!  I digress.  I’m sorry, Danielle is a liar, but Caroline saying that Dirty D continues to attack their kids, yet their kids don’t bother her!  Um for real!!??  Ashley isn’t one of your family members?  Ashley’s not a kid?  Okay, Caroline!!  Whatever you say!!  WHY does she ask Danielle a question, but won’t let her answer?  DAYUM!  Caroline is actually starting to bug me.  Danielle was actually making a good point, although I still think it was dumb as hell for her to bring armed guards to their meeting!

Now wait a minute, Andy just asked Jackie a direct question and she did not answer it!  Had the shoe been on the other foot, they would have attacked D for not directly answering the question!  Teresa, Jackie wouldn’t have pressed charges against Danielle’s daughter because her daughter would not have behaved that damn way!  Say what you want about Danielle, but her kids are well-behaved, polite little girls!  PERIOD DOT!

Ya’ll are gonna think I’m crazy, but I think that Jackie would still be friends with Dirty D if she weren’t part of the Manzo/Laurita crew!  You can hear it right now in her voice as she’s apologizing to Danielle.  It’s somewhat quivering!  I think that they truly miss being each others friend, as dysfunctional as it was!  Anyone else peep this?

Well, we all know that this speech by Jackie is a crock a shit based on the shit she’s twittering!  Danielle is apologizing about everything related to Ashley.  Jackie is buying it, but Caroline ain’t!  It’s written all over her face and body!

In closing, Danielle only wanted to address Jackie.  Dirty D also said that she will contact her attorneys and make peace for everyone.  I don’t believe her, but okay.  Caroline is sitting there wondering what the fuck is going on!!  Danielle got up to hug Jackie.  Jackie is trying to act annoyed cuz mama “line and Teresa are there, but I think she REALLY wanted to hug Danielle and REALLY make peace with her.  Like make up with her!  All the while Caroline and Teresa are laughing and rolling their eyes.

Ooops, not over!  Caroline called it the biggest crock of shit she’s ever seen in her life.  She said that Danielle’s outreach is phony!  YEP!  Danielle is right.  She told Caroline that the minute Jackie began to show emotion she was subliminally telling her not to be weak and not fall for it and that jackie needed to be able to think and speak for herself!  C’mon on now.  You know that ain’t gonna happen as long as she’s part of their “family”!

Until next season…