Dubya’s Lover Visits The View…

Former Secretary of State and George W. Bush jump off Condoleezza Rice took a little time to enjoy a different view than Bush’s naked body Thursday morning!

Let Hollywood & Vine just say for the record that we knew her ass would say some double meaning shit about Bush while sittin on the couch with those cross talkin, menopausal broads.  She can’t help it!

Did ya’ll see it?  When Babs was introducing her and said they were honored to have her on the show for the first time, Whoopi looked like she smelled dog shit?  Like she wanted to put a finger up and let it be known that she ain’t honored, she just came to work today!  Condi’s ass came out looking worse than usual.  We didn’t think that shit was possible.  She came walkin out like she just took Bush’s dick out her ass.  How do you have as much money and access as this broad, yet walk around lookin matronly with that Fashion Fair makeup on?  As usual, she had the 80’s press and curl going on.  But on with the interview.

This bitch is stickin to her story about WMD!  Condi  is a high class ride or die bitch.  She has her man’s back.  She said she doesn’t regret that they liberated Iraq.  Ummmmm, when did that shit happen?  Did H&V miss something because we’re still trying to figure out A) why muthafuckas are still blowin up shit in a “liberated” country and B) why the fuck Bush and them felt like it was their job to liberate any fucking body!

She told the broads that she was no good in ballet classes.  No shit!  Sherri asked her about Katrina and why shit was so slow!  Why didn’t they ask her fucking ass why she was out buying Manolo’s and shit after Katrina hit?  That’s what the fuck we wanna know.  She said as the highest ranking black official at the time, it was hard for her to watch all that go down with so many blacks.  So, H&V guess she deals with tough shit buy shopping instead of doing her fucking job!  That’s like a minister ridin around in a Bentley while his/her poor ass members are barely able to put food on the table, but faithfully tithe!  Bullshit!

Whoopi made a joke about Condi talkin to Bush and calling him George.  Every muthafucka there got it BUT her ass.  She gone try to check Whoopi by saying “first of all we don’t call him George”!  In true Whoopi form, she crossed her arms and said “don’t sit here and try to tell me that you don’t call him George”.  We love that bitch.  Keep it real Whoop, keep it real!  Then in her best white girl voice she checked Condi back and said that she’s a comic, so she made it funny but her point was…..  We can’t stand uppity ass black bitches!  Condi needs to stop actin like she didn’t grow up in kuntry ass Alabama with two nigga parents!  Bitch, just cuz you’re hella intelligent doesn’t mean you have the right to turn up your nose, especially to another intelligent, beloved and groundbreaking black woman!

As sure as the sun will rise, Condi said she wanted to tell them “why she was initially attracted to President Bush”!  WE KNEW she’d slip up!  She always does.

They just open the door for us with this shit!  Elisabeth’s annoying ass asked Condi if she has ever woken up and not known where she was!  She said sometimes she wakes up in her own bed and doesn’t know where she is.  We think that she has woken up in Bush’s bed and felt the same way.  Just sayin…

Basically, the shit was boring, but it did give H&V more ammunition to our Condi-Bush affair theory.

In a minute…

Inauguration Tuesday Recap…Hollywood & Vine Style

Hollywood & Vine watched a lot of television today…from CNN to MSNBC to ABC!  In true H&V form, we have plenty of shit to say!  We’ll somewhat…somewhat apologize in advance to those who were looking for some heavy duty political blog and got us instead!  Check back later tonight and tomorrow because we’ll continue to update as we watch shit on tivo!

Did anyone else see Howard Fineman from Newsweek on MSNBC tonight?  This fool was talking about ‘it took 400 years, but we have finally climbed the mountain’.  That man was as white as the snow the fell on Green Bay today – he ain’t climbed a mountain since Boy Scouts!  He said the shit like he was black as freshly laid tar!  H&V were like huh!!

All the while, white men were waving to the camera from the trees and niggas were waving laminated Obama pictures in the air that they got from Essence Magazine!

The host wasn’t much better talking about Bush’s last “8 years have seemed ENDLESS”!  Even rich, white people hate that man!  Did ya’ll see Bush sitting at the swearing in of Obama not clapping, lookin like he just finished a 5th of Hennessy before he got there?

Evidently, Senator Ted Kennedy collapsed this afteroon from seizures associated with his brain cancer.  H&V understand that he is fine now and we’re happy to hear it. 

Then when it was all over, Michelle Obama gave Laura the Librarian a parting gifts as in “here you go, get the fuck outta here”! 

Now, who is the sole Republican asshole tryin to fuck with Hilary Clinton…now she ain’t confirmed yet.  He must not know bout Hilary.  That bitch is a cold muthafuckin piece of work.  She’s going to fuck with him for the rest of his career.  H&V doubt his career will last much longer!  Watch!  Hilary will probably call his ass out their first Senate meeting.  All the other white people will be lookin straight ahead like “she’s not talking to me, she’s talking to you BUDDY!”  Ya’ll know how white folks hang each other out to dry like that!

We love how Andy Cooper said he had “no opinion” on Michelle’s gown.  Um, sure you don’t Andy.  Because good looking, stylish, gay men never have an opinion about the First Lady’s Inaugural Ball Gown (wink)!!

Oh Lord, Jason Wu, the Taiwanese dude who designed that ugly ass dress for Michelle, just called in to CNN.  He better be glad he’s a so called designer because a scholar he is not.  Um this and um that.  We’ve heard rappers sound more educated than this man.  In all fairness, Hollywood loved the gown and thought she looked beautiful.  Vine hated it though.  Don’t worry, we’re going to designate and entire post to Michelle and that one shoulder curtain dress with attachments!

Ya’ll were glued to your TVs today.  Tell H&V what you thought of the festivities.

In a minute…

Bristol Palin: Once You Go Black?

LAWD HAVE MERCY!  Some young, dumb, black ass fool in Los Angeles has posted a Youtube video claiming that he’s the father of the child that Bristol Palin is allegedly carrying.  Yes, Hollywood and Vine said allegedly.  We don’t believe she’s pregnant, but that’s another story.

Anyway, this wannabe rapper (he even flashed his myspace url across the video enough times to play a drinking game) posted a damn foolish video making some serious claims.  He said he was banging Bristol over the summer when he was in Wasilla visiting a family member!  Granted, Hollywood and Vine would love for that child, if it exists, to pop out looking like Anthony Mason, but we think this shit if as fake as Jada Pinkett-Smith’s hair.  We will give him THIS much…he and the person filming the shit didn’t laugh or break character not once!

Yep, we got the video.  Take a look at this mess:

Now tell Hollywood and Vine we’re wrong?  This dumb ass fool is going to fuck around and end up dead fucking with McCain’s campaign if this nonsense gets out!

We wanna know what ya’ll think.  Leave your comments.

In a minute…

Daily Wrap-Up: 8.26.08

Hollywood and Vine have decided to do a daily wrap-up of all the shit that other media outlets have fucked up!

Starting with one blogger, who will remain nameless (btw have you stayed at the Hilton lately?)!!  R Kelly is not a fucking rapper!  He may be a lot of things, but a rapper he is not.  Why do people say shit about which they know nothing?  Unfortunately, to many, he is still an R&B sensation.  You have to give credit where credit is due and the man IS a musical genius, but he ain’t a damn rapper!  Moving on…

Another site that has Hollywood and Vine irritated today is, well, they damn sure don’t deserve any honorable mention.  Anyway, they had the nerve to mention Beyonce and Rihanna in the same sentence with Michelle Obama!  What the fuck is wrong with the mongooses over at that site?  Whether or not we like Michelle Obama is irrelevant.  She may potentially be the First Lady of the United States of America.  How in the world do you even compare her two singers who can barely speak English properly (for different reasons) to a Princeton AND Harvard educated woman of Michelle Obama’s caliber?  Morons…

Our last idiotic blogger, whose name rhymes with Hamma Toes, reported something that was totally wrong.  She stated that Dr. Dre’s son, who recently passed away (RIP), was conceived with his wife, Nicole Young.  That is false.  Hamma Toes, step yo game up!

In a minute…