Here we go bitches! I’m so excited to watch this episode. I just want you East Coasters to know that it’s 4am in Cali and I’m watching/blogging at this hour to make sure you cranky bitches can read this when you get to work!
First up, Jill Zarin…of course. I take that back. Simex is at a Zarin store looking for window treatments or as my grandmama used to say…DRAPES! Those two bad ass little van Kempen children grate on my last fucking nerve. Playing hide and seek in the fabric and shit! I woulda whooped his ass! These two bad muthafuckas make a good argument for spanking. That’s all I’m sayin…
Over to Bethenny…my girl. She’s gettin’ her hair done by Francky L’Official. Translation – Frank Official. Now, Bethenny has a weave. Why don’t other white girls get their shit done, cut and styled like? I’m tired of seeing the Britney Spears – Paris Hilton weaves! I love sista girl who stood there the ENTIRE time Bethenny was gettin’ her hair done. I honestly think she does that every time B is in the salon and not just cuz the cameras were there. Wouldn’t you wanna sit and listen to her one liners while on the clock? Born again slut lol! Hilarious. Anyway, Frank’s gonna hook B up with his “best friend” who’s a model. Let’s see this train wreck unfold.
Over at the van Kempen construction site, they’re still under the impression that their home will be done in a few more days. So they’re planning a housewarming party lol. What world do these two live in? For real. One thing at a time people. Does anyone else get the impression that Alex would be fine all by herself?
I’m sorry, it’s still hard for me to watch Ramona’s little sequence. She looks like a black girl who just got her hair done and can’t swim standing up on a tug boat in the middle of the ocean while the “captain” is makin’ the shit rock from side to side. Why does she gyrate like that when all she’s doing is standing up?
But back to the show…she goes to see her doctor friend to discuss this sweat like a whore in church problem she has. If she’d stop all that moving around when she’s standing and walking, she wouldn’t sweat so damn much! Problem solved. What I loved was while Ramona was explaining her problem to the doctor, Doc said “how emBARRassing”! Gotta love her! Ramona can act like she’s walked outta the house without make-up on if she wants to, but I know better. No way would her face be red like that with a white neck unless she didn’t apply her foundation and powder to both!
Bethenny is tellin’ Jill Zarin about the model blind date. Jill Zarin tells her from the gate she ain’t feelin’ the model. But Bethenny explained to her that she’s over the nerds cuz they are some insecure assholes with money. She said they’re called “trick guys”! Just tricks baby girl, tricks!
ex-Countess Lu and Kelly had drinks “downtown” with Lu’s nieces. Lu always makes such a big deal outta being “downtown”, as if she’s having cocktails in the ghettos of Harlem!
Why can’t this woman dress herself? Ya’ll know I’m talkin’ about Kelly. Did bitch just say that she doesn’t eat salads on dates cuz she’s “already skinny enough”? Bitch please! You ain’t fat, but you ain’t as thin as you think! So, they’re sittin’ there having a girls’ night out and who shows up? Uh huh…Max Max’s suspect ass! How the fuck are you gonna invite your dude to girls’ night out? Ramona left Jill Zarin’s party last season over this same shit! Bullshit. This is when you need Ramona around cuz she woulda cussed Kelly out! Rude! ex-Countess Lu said that she loves living vicariously through the single girls…Ya’ll know me well enough – you complete that thought!
Back at the construction site, they have 5 days until the party and this shit doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen.
Over to B’s blind date with Felipe! I woulda said no when I found out his name, but that’s just me. Bethenny looked good, for sure. I didn’t think Phillip was all that cute, especially when he opened his mouth to show those European teeth! Oh my gawd, Bethenny’s sense of humor is totally wasted on this man! Totally wasted. All her good material is going right over his 90’s haircut!
For some reason, Jill Zarin, Bobby Vegas, Brad and Bethenny are riding around NY like a bunch of NFL rookies in a white Escalade limo. I don’t like these mini segments Bravo has been doing lately.
It looks like Simex pulled the shit off and can I say Thank God! Their place was ridiculous before. It’s party time! Simon is stressed cuz everything isn’t perfect. Sooo let me get this straight. You will have a birthday party for your kids with other adults there with your hallway and downstairs looking like an abandoned building, BUT you have to straighten a photo on the wall for a housewarming party? Okay, just checking.
Ms. Kelly was the first one to arrive talkin’ about “do I have to take off my shoes”. I can’t even comment. Simon looks like he’s going to see Cher in concert with that shiny ass jacket. Kelly is such a fake ass bitch askin’ Simex to explain which Manhattan neighborhood is comparable to their Brooklyn neighborhood. Who the fuck is she? She’s so low budget! WAIT, did ya’ll see Alex’s spanx under her dress? Work those spanx bitch!
Charity meeting number 3 for Jill’s charity. B was the bigger person to ask Kelly for a moment to clear the air. That went over like a lead balloon. I’m convinced that Kelly is either a heavy drinker or she’s on drugs cuz she for real acted like she did not know what the fuck Bethenny was talking about. Like it was the first time she heard this shit. The way she tells Bethenny to “stooop” made me wanna jump up and slap her through the fucking TV. This bitch is out of her damn mind! Bethenny needs one of her homegirls from the race track to whoop this bitch’s ass! One of “Black Joe’s” cousins or nieces!
Next week is the finale and it’s lookin’ like the Bethenny/Jill love affair is about to end. Damnit!
…Vine…in a minute