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Archive for the ‘VH1’ Category

Charm School Season 3 – Episode 1

This has to be one of the dumbest shows that 51 Minds has come up with.  But I will give LaLa her props for jumping on the bandwagon and getting her Executive Producer credit!

Thank you Chris Abrego for putting the Real Chance of Lovegirls with the dirty,  trashy, alcoholic, drug addicted chicks from Rock of Love Tour Bus!  They make US look like Angels and that’s saying a lot.  All of them self proclaimed whores do is get drunk, fight, obviously get tattoos and piercings in their damn FACE!  What the fuck! 

This will probably be the last time I report on this bullshit because it’s just too stupid and boring!  I’d rather watch New York artificially inseminate a pig or Irv Gotti try to be a good Dad but a piece of shit husband!  Go Figure!

Hollywood…in a minute

For the Love of Ray J Reunion

We’re “live” with Lala hosting, of course!  As she puts it, we’re here to see if Ray and Cocktail still have the magic from when they finished the show…you know, the magic that can only be found in Vegas drunk and off ‘E’…allegedly!

First up, Stilts.  Ray said he don’t date married women.  So, maybe he wasn’t fucking Whitney Houston?!  Stilts is in the hot seat.  She looks decent.  She clowned the shit outta Ray talkin’ bout he can stand on a table to be her height.  Love it.  I mean, yeah she was faulty for goin’ on a dating show while being married, BUT Ray ain’t much better cuz his shit is dirty, too!  Notice he laughed when Stilts called his ass out!  He didn’t say one more word to her ass!  Someone get him a booster seat please!

Caviar is up!  She looks like she got a little thick in the middle since she got kicked off the show.  WHO dressed LaLa in that ill-fitting yellow dress!  Please show us Chicago Larry!  I’ve been waitin’ to see this ugly nigga ALL DAY!  OH MY GOD!  OH MY GAWD!  This is one of the oldest, ugliest niggas I done EVA seen!  Aight, Ray is crazy!  HE was the one on the show talkin’ about how fabulous and well-known Chicago Larry was and shit.  Now all of a sudden he’s sayin’ Chicago Larry’s popularity was boosted by him being on the show.  Well which fucking one is it? 

Chardonnay is back!  She got a new weave and she looks great!  Let’s see how Ray is gonna clean this up when she gets in the hot seat!  Chardonnay looks better than LaLa and she ain’t had baby the first by a multi-millionaire!  LaLa got her crying and shit over this munchkin!  Poor baby.  Ray looked like he KNEW he picked the wrong one.  THAT is how you come back when you got dumped!

Danger’s crazy/deranged ass is next!  Do ya’ll hear the music in the background?  Danger looks a hot ass mess!  WHO put that wig on Unique’s head.  OH MY GAWD.  Unique just busted her out that she’s a ho!  A straight up prostitute!  She tried to put her craziness off on being from the Bay.  Bullshit!  Bitch is a lunatic.  That has shit to do with being from the Bay Area. 

Uniqua is up next!  She didn’t wanna box earlier in the season cuz she didn’t wanna look a fool.  Well what the fuck is she doing now on the show?  Who combed her hair?  Obviously nobody!  Ray lookin’ like he’s GLAD he didn’t pick her ass!  She looks a mess.  I hope Cashmere calls her fuckin’ ass out.  Ya’ll KNOW that shit pissed me off!  Other than those ugly blue shoes, Cashmere looks good, too!  OHHHH, she just called Uniqua bi-sexual!  We all saw that broad sitting and enjoying lap dances from Feisty and Chardonnay!  Own it bisexual girl, own it! 

LaLa is talkin’ about taking a look back at Ray and Cocktail’s journey…like they fell in love or somethin’!  WHY THE HELL DOES SHE LOOK LIKE THAT?  The sistas in the audience laughin’ at this broad.  She looks like she got that dress from Mervyns!  Just cheap and bootleg.  Chardonnay is a stripper and looked better than her ass!  How you gone look WORSE than the broads you beat out!

Wait, Caviar had to lean over and ask someone what the fuck LaLa asked!  This shit is hilarious.

Cocktail done professed her love to Ray.  He just sat there looking at the camera.  Ray said he wants to get to know more about her..Yeah, does she like Doggy Style or Missionary?  Role play or S&M!

He’s going to use her ass up, literally, then throw her back to West Sacramento to that dining room-LESS house!  He’ll be done in time for Season 2 to start filming.  They already cast for the shit.

What did ya’ll think of the reunion?

…in a minute

For the Love of Ray J: 4/6/09 Live Blog

Awww, what better way to start off my Monday afternoon than a new episode of For the Love of Ray J.  In honor of Danger being exposed as a tramp today, I’ve poured myself a nice Vodka Cranberry in order to truly enjoy the festivities!

Here’s what I wanna know.  Does Uniqua not see her tits sagging when she looks in the mirror? 

Cocktail went into Ray’s room and was about to get a good forward cowgirl rhythm going on Ray’s lap when Danger interrupted!  She is so mentally unstable that I can’t even explain what just happened.  Only thing I caught was that she told Ray that she “degradated” herself earlier in the day!  DEGRADATED!!

Ray just told the Trashy Three that they’re meeting granny today!  This should be a disaster!  His Godsister, Tracy and cousin are there, too.  Tracy is acting like Ray is as famous as George Clooney sayin’ how if they win, they’ll have to deal with groupies on a bigger level than the show.  What groupies?  Flavor Flav had better lookin’ bitches on his show than Ray!  Just sayin…

They asked Danger what inspired the tat on her face.  She didn’t answer the question, but she did get up out her seat in order to give granny a close up of the tiger.  Granny clowned her ass talkin’ about she didn’t see a tattoo.  Translation…all I see is that your ass was dumb enough to get permanent ink on your face!

On to some billiards place with all of Ray’s friends and the Triflin’ Three.  Every time we see Unique in that pink Earth, Wind & Fire’s guitarist blazer, take a drink of something!  Trust, it’ll make this shit more interesting.  She clearly spent all her money on that Louis Vuitton luggage set and can’t afford another blazer!? 

Unique has obvious become delusional cuz she’s putting Ray’s friends to sleep talkin’ about her nonexistent career as a “correspondent”, but she thought their chemistry was off the hook! 

In walks Tom Green!  He asked Cocktail out for sushi or Korean BBQ if she doesn’t win.  She accepted AND shook on it.  Unique was smart enough to turn him down!  How the fuck dumb can you be?

Danger is gettin’ hemmed up by the homies!  She admitted to meeting Ray’s “producer”, but it was nothing to her. 

Ray gets rid of the girls and talks to his friends for input.  They all seem to like Cocktail.  Nobody said shit about Unique.  They were probably like you chunky, titty saggin’ light skinned girl, you’re too fucking square for Ray’s freaky, big dick ass!  Sorry, the vodka made me say it.

They were gettin’ on Danger for having fucked Ray’s “producer”, but his personal assistant stuck up for her!  She had a good point.  How did Danger know that the nigga was Ray’s “producer” when she fucked him hella long before the show was even a thought?!  But the cold shit was when Tom Green started a chant and the rest of the group joined in.  It went a lil somethin like this:

DANGER, SHE SMASHED THE HOMIE!  DANGER, SHE SMASHED THE HOMIE!  DANGER, SHE SMASHED THE HOMIE!  That was probably the funniest thing Tom Green has ever said or done!  Ray covered his head in shame!

Ray is now talkin’ to Lil B about who she thinks is right for him.  She thinks Danger is the one who is most there for him!  All these muthafuckas have a skewed vision cuz none of these broads are good for Ray.

These hoes just came in from gettin’ grilled by the homies, now they have to meet Mama (and Papa) Norwood in 2 hours.  This won’t be pretty.  Anybody wit a pulse knows that Mama Norwood is a bitch!  Look at Ray’s slick wit it father with his bluetooth in his ear.  Old people figure out how to use one device and don’t let it go!  Is that a wave noveau on Mama Norwood?

They’re each tellin’ his folks why they like Ray.  All three are layin’ it on thick!  Oh wait a minute, Ray is like leanin’ on his mama’s shoulder like a 5 year old.  This nigga is a mama’s boy!  Oh Lord, he’s short AND a mama’s boy!  These bitches need to run in the other direction, for real!

Mama Norwood requested a 1 on 1 with each of the Tacky Three.  Unique is up first!  WAIT A MINUTE…Unique just told her that she does not drink!  Please tell me I am not the only one who saw Uniqua tossin’ back wine that night tryna get Fiesty drunk?  This is a cold bitch baby!  Of course, she just threw Danger under the bus!

Cocktail is up next.  She sounds like a sprung school girl!  She just ain’t smart and it’s showing!  Oh, she just found the words to articulate her thoughts…when it came time to trash Danger.  Dayum, Danger can’t win!

Last and least is Danger’s ass!  She walked up to Mama Norwood cryin’.  She is a fuckin’ emotional wreck.  She plays such the victim.  Look, I’m not sayin’ she didn’t have a tough upbringing.  All of us did, some more extreme than others!  But bitch you are grown.  Suck that shit up and deal with life!  Shit, get some professional help.  Save that tattoo money and pay for a shrink!

Papa Norwood’s top 3 went like 1. Danger 2. Unique 3. Cocktail.  WHAT?  DANGER FIRST?  Mama Norwood’s top 3…NO, NO AND NO LMAO!  No #1 – Danger cuz she don’t think he’d be safe with her LOL!  No #2 – Unique cuz she wouldn’t be true!  No #3 Cocktail!  She doesn’t like any of these bitches.  Uh oh, wait a minute…now Papa Norwood says no to all three of they asses, too LOL!  This shit is hilarious!  His mama said that he likes Danger cuz he’s livin’ in the moment, but 6 months from now he’ll be behind bars due to this bitch LMAO!  I can’t stop LOL.  Make it stop!  Make it stop!

WHAT do Danger and Unique have on at elimination?  Danger looks like the Muslim version of Robert Palmer’s Simply Irresistible broads!  Unique looks like a secular nun!  Ray is torn (yeah right) and can hardly spit out his decision!  So, he decides not to send any of them home.  He wants to head to their hometowns and meet their families!

Danger immediately looks worried!  Really, so does Cocktail.  The only one who looks secure is Uniqua, of course.  Aww shit, Danger starts having a panic attack and asked to be driven to the hospital!  WHY doesn’t he send this crazy bitch home?  This ain’t enough for him?

Next on the finale, Danger thinks that she and Ray love each other LMAO!  I need another drink!  She said she’s not crazy, she’s just intelligent and different!  Yeah, okay!

He’ll send one broad home before the end of the show and fly the other two to Vegas.  I think either Unique or Danger is going home first.  I think Cocktail will be safe to make it through to the finals!

Should be interesting.  Thoughts?

…Vine…in a minute

For the Love of Ray J Recap: 3/30/09

Haven’t we all been waiting for Brandy to appear on this shit?  I hope that she redeems the Norwood fam with this episode, but I ain’t holdin’ my breath.

Down to the Funky Four!  Danger is still bitchin’ about Uniqua being a whore.  How the fuck would she know?  The bitch has a tat on her face AND claimed tonight that she’s in love with Ray.  You ain’t even known this nigga for 3 months.  How are you in love?  She’s crazy, just like Unique’s fat ass said.

Ray came in and asked the Funky Four to write down yes/no questions that can be posed to the others.  Obviously gettin’ ready for the lie detector test.  He’s so slick.  NOT.   

Aight, whoever answers the largest number of questions honestly gets a date with Lil Man. 

Brandy’s asking the questions.  Uniqua is up first!  She fucked up, period!  The other three did her dirty with the questions.  She deserved nothing less if you ask me.

Cocktail is up.  She ain’t do much better.  What threw Ray off the most was when she fessed up to needing a man to “complete her”.  I hate that fucking sayin’.  Bitches get on my nerves with that shit.  He didn’t like it, either.  Oh, she lied when she said she ain’t a gold digger!

Chardonnay and her Jodi Watley hoops are next.  Bitch was honest!  She didn’t seem to lie about a damn thang!  I ain’t mad at her.

Danger and the few screws she has left are on.  She admits to being in love with at least one of her exes AND that she dated someone for money!  THIS BITCH IS CRAZY AS FUCK!  She broke down cuz all her damn crazy shit came out during her session!  Here are some of the highlights:

– she’s thought about killing the other girls in the house

– she’s had a restraining order filed against her by an ex-boyfriend

– she’s stalked an ex-boyfriend

– she’s been called crazy before

Brandy looked like she was wondering why the hell her brother even kept the bitch around that long!  If he keeps her after this week, I don’t feel sorry for shit that this crazy, tattoo on the face ass broad might do to him before this season is over.  For real!  MURDER?  I’m hella cool!

Chardonnay ultimately won the solo date with Lil Man.  She’s so extra the way she talks and shit.  Ghetto shit.  Anyway, at dinner Ray said she has the “homie vibe” and her dick got soft.  I think he’s tryna clean it up, but I can’t tell.  So he decided to take her to a strip club.  How original!  One dolla says she gets own da pole!

Yep, the DJ asked Ray to get her own da pole!  Sooo Chardonnay said she’d do one trick for her man.  If I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I wouldn’t believe the shit.  This bitch climbed up to the TOP of the pole like she was in boot camp and dropped down into the splits!  Ray J looked like he came in his pants and if you watched the shit, you know I ain’t lyin’. 

Once he got back to the house, Danger made sure to soften his dick by crying and talkin’ about her feelings.  This nigga just came from watchin’ Chardonnay drop from the damn ceiling into the splits to this shit?  Get the fuck outta here crazy!

Ray gathers his herd cuz he claims to not need another day to make his choice.  He’s gonna make the cut tonight!  They all sweatin’ like whores in church.  Even Uniqua and her necks were lookin’ like Jello.

Oh Lawd, they all look a mess!  Well, Go-Go Dancin’ Gold Digger looked better than the rest.  Unique looked like an usher dressed up for Pastor’s Appreciation Day, Chardonnay said fuck it and threw on the same shit from her pole dancin’ date and Danger looks like a wild animal!

Cocktail..stayin’.  Uniqua…stayin’…It’s down to Chardonnay and Danger – the home girl or the crazy girl.  Which one does he wanna fuck more?  Not Chardonnay/Christa!  He sent her back to the A!  She’ll definitely be the most popular stripper at Magic City now!

Why is Danger wearin’ a dress with hr back fat showin?  Ray thinks that the competition is getting to her…that she’s a good person and NOT crazy!  Aight, then he’s officially crazy, too! 

Next week it’s down to the Triflin’ Three!  Danger gets caught up while meeting Ray’s friend.  Looks like she’s fucked a few of ’em!  This shit is too funny!

…Vine..in a minute


For the Love of Ray J: 3/16/09

It’s down to the sexy six!  Well, more like half sexy, half slutty!

What exactly was Cocktail doing?  That wasn’t dancing was it?  She needs to stick to stripping go-go dancing and leave the other shit to people with rhythm.

Cashmere just realized that Cocktail was on the Bad Girls Club.  For now she’s keepin’ it from Ray till she can confirm.  I woulda known that already if Hollywood was watchin’ with me; she watches that bullshit.  I don’t. 

She takes the info to Unique and what was even more interesting is that we find out Unique is a fake bitch!  Wow!  I’ve had her back since day 1 (yeah I know she don’t know) and she basically admits to using Cashmere and not really being her friend!  Booooo!  At this point I’d rather see Chardonnay’s ignorant ass win before her!

So Lil Man Norwood is giving the broads 30 minutes each to show him what they’re all about as people.  Evidently, Go-Go Garter belt didn’t hear the directions cuz she took Ray out to play a game of HORSE?!

Oh Lawd…Feisty said the only thing she’s passionate about is pouring a drink. 

My girl Cashmere is up!  Her passion is modeling and she let Ray play the photographer.  This cocky negro told her that usually the photographer gets to sleep with the models.  She said not with her and he had the fucking nerve to get an attitude!  What?  If she woulda said hell yeah they do, he woulda labeled her ass a whore.  She goes the other route and he thinks she doesn’t like him.  Newsflash our shortness, a bitch doesn’t have to fuck you to prove she likes you.  Not only does he look like he’s in 7th grade, he obviously acts like it, too!

Danger’s up.  She and Ray are helping each other paint blind folded.  Ray J said he paints musical pictures.  If that’s the case, then I wonder what he’d call it when he actually has a hit!

Over to Chardonnay in the kitchen lookin’ like a slutty, black June Cleaver!  She and Ray made some plain ole spaghetti.  He wasn’t impressed, but he was starvin’.  So it worked.

Of course Unique had them singing together.  She tried to harmonize with him but couldn’t.  But at least she ain’t forget the lyrics today. 

Before he decides on the solo date he takes the sexy/slutty six on a group date.  Cashmere busts out with the Bad Girls Club dirt and Ray almost busted a nut with excitement!  Cocktail looked like she was about to cry.  Now the show is gettin’ good!  She starts whining about how that shit was in her past and she doesn’t care to tell anyone her business.  Oh for real???  But was it her business to tell everybody elses shit to Ray back in episode 2 or some shit?  Doesn’t feel good when the go-go boot is on the other foot, does it?  Karma bitch!

Ray said he’s now not sure whether fast tail Cocktail was there for him or to further her career.  What career?  Professional reality tv contestant?  A-list go-go dancer?  Just askin’…

The solo date is more like a threesome…Ray, Fake ass Unique and FeistyUnique done thrown poor lil Feisty’s ass under a bus.  She ain’t right.  She’s actin’ like she’s better than Feisty, yet she’s in that pool throwin’ herself at the midget worse than a lot of them have.

Cashmere is out to lunch with the rest of these triflin’ ass broads.  They’re hella puttin’ 2 on a 10 in front of Lil B cuz that’s NOT how it went down.  This is bullshit!  Cashmere, stick up for yourself. 

Back at the house, Cashmere isn’t sure if she can take the heat.  She’s gonna let him know at elimination.

He tried to do shit different tonight!  He sent the sexy/slutty six out and talked to the girls one by one.  Unique and Danger were the first two and they’re safe.  Chardonnay is next and she tells Ray that she’s the total package.  She’s the friend, the homie and the lover…even though it’s homie lover friend, but aight.  I’ll roll with it.

Feisty got her drink and I KNOW that shit made her night!  Cocky Cocktail is up next.  She’s stayin’ cuz Ray feels like everybody deserves a second chance.  Translation….he ain’t fucked her yet and can’t send her home.

I think Cashmere is gettin’ her walkin’ papers tonight.  Okay, hold up!  He has a glass of champagne for her IF she wants it.  She decided to go home.  Truthfully, I think that she did like Ray J, but not enough to put her in a situation where she might get into some embarrassing shit on national tv.  I think Leah (Cashmere) removed herself while she still had some dignity.  I don’t blame her ass.  As soon as she hit the door, her supposed homegirl Unique was laughin’.  Bitch!

Ray claims that he wasn’t sad to see her go, but I think he’s a damn liar.  The two he liked and wanted to know more about are gone…Stacks and Cashmere!  That and being offered money for a 2nd season is why they’re casting now for new bitches!

…Vine…in a minute…

Real, Chance & Ray J Casting Info

Looks like the ATL is on fire for women looking for fame, we mean love, on reality television!

VH1 is casting in the ATL for Season 2 of your boy Ray J’s show!  H&V guess he’s really lookin for love…..until VH1 stops payin his ass.  Predictable.

They’re also casting in the ATL for Real Chance of Love.  Them too!  We know they in it for the money cuz they ain’t hardly lookin for love from women!

Don’t forget to follow H&V on Twitter (hollywoodNvine).

In a minute…

For the Love of Ray J: Episode 5

Today’s episode started with Ray asleep with Cashmere and Unique aka “don’t forget the lyrics” on the living room floor.  Fully clothed and innocent.  But Danger started hatin already.  We ain’t even 2 minutes into the damn show yet.  They love to keep up some shit.

Poor Stacks is on the phone with her dad.  He has cancer and is going through chemo.  I feel bad for Stacks and her family, but why in the hell is she fucking around with a reality tv show while her father is this damn ill?  That’s just crazy!

Moving on…Ray has the broads about to fight each other!  All the pretty bitches were lookin nervous as shit!  The uglier people like Lil Hood weren’t trippin. 

Wait a minute, did Danger just have the nerve to call Unique FAT?  Maybe that tattoo on her face is fuckin up her eye sight cuz Danger’s ass needs to lay off the biscuits her damn self. 

First up, Lil Hood and FeistyFeisty was gettin her cat fight on till Lil Hood pushed her to the ground.  Not much boxing going on, but Feisty ultimately did her thing better!

Unique, Stacks and Cashmere decided not to fight!  Brilliant move Unique.  She played the shit off like they wanna maintain being ladies, but really she didn’t want that crazy bitch Danger fuckin her up!

Thankfully Stacks had enough sense to go home and be with her family.  All the girls were hella cool and compassionate…all but Danger!  This bitch is crazy.  She said Stacks is “an evil bitch”.  Please!  Stacks couldn’t hurt a fly. 

Ray took the broads who won (and whinin ass Feisty) out to dinner at Les DeuxLil Hood is always bitchin about Ray spendin time with the other chicks.  Why doesn’t she know that she ain’t a contender?  Whoa, she just threw the pussy at him!  Like, an underhanded toss from 3 feet away to make sure he could catch it!  Nasty ass groupie bitch!

Lord, please let Ray send Lil Hood home today!  I can’t take this fake bitch no more. 

Ray is mad at Unique because she wouldn’t get in the ring and let VH1 exploit her black ass??  He’s a fucking clown.  If anything, he should respect that she ain’t the one to do whatever just to impress a man!  When did that shit become a bad quality? 

These are the tattoo haven-est bitches ain’t they?  Dayum!

I think Lil Hood is fucking bi-polar.  For real, she ain’t right mentally.  She packed her shit, with help from Go-Go Dancer, and got ready to leave the house…but not before she cussed out Ray J.  She told him basically that she was there for him.  He said “well I ain’t here for you”.  That shit was funny!  But it set her crazy ass off though.  She started in with the name callin and shit.  You know why Lil Hood is really pissed?  She’s pissed because she feels like shit, I’m the only white woman here and I got this shit on lock!  When he didn’t pay her ass any attention, she flipped the fuck out.  On top of that, the bitch is referring to herself in the 3rd person….like most crazy people do!

Ray J, the word you were lookin for was respectfully, not respectably!  This is why Hollywood won’t watch this bullshit!

All this means that nobody is gettin eliminated today! 

Next week Stacks calls the house to dish about one of the other broads who was on a reality tv show before…who will it be?

In a minute…

For the Love of Ray J: Episode 3

Vine here in week three of this crazy shit and Hollywood still refuses to watch! 

I really try to like at least one of these broads, but they say the stupidest shit when they talk.  1 minute into the show, someone asked how many were left.  Another one answers “It’s 5 and 5…that’s 10”.  Uh, is it really?  Where do they find these bitches?  Amish Country??

Ray J (aka the Producers of the show) comes up with the idea for the ladies (used as lightly as possible) to play a game called the Foxy Feud.  These muthafuckas are real original!  He split them into two teams – The Divas and The Darlings.  Ya’ll have watched for 3 weeks so you know who’s on what team.  He shoulda just gone for Trash vs. Class!  Just sayin…

Tommy Davidsoncomes out to host the show!  Another short nigga to watch, how exciting!  Ray J even has D listed friends!  This shit gets worse by the week!

First question – “What’s Ray J’s favorite part of the body?”  Tits is #3, ass is #4 and lips are #2???  Um, what the fuck kind of nigga is he that the booty is so far down on the list?  I’m typing this shit in real time.  If #1 is the pussy, I am going to be unable to continue recappin this shit due to loss of oxygen!  We in the clear…the “eyes” have it! 

Next question – “What is Ray J’s favorite way to relax?”  Danger puts the Darlings on the board with writing music.  Uniquegoes with reading a book!  Who the fuck knew that Ray J liked to read books?  I was shocked as shit!  Okay, wait.  The nigga does not like to relax by havin a drink???  ALL HE DOES is drink on this damn show.  Now all of a sudden he don’t relax wit a drank?  Get the fuck outta here Ray J!

Next question – “Where’s Ray J’s favorite place to have sex?”  Caviar said the bedroom!  THE BEDROOM!  That shit was hilarious.  The bedroom though!!  The Darlings are moppin the floor with the Diva’s asses!  This shit was ridiculous.  These bitches been throwin themselves at Ray from the gate, but ain’t learned ONE thing about him!  Pathetic.

Oh Lord have mercy!  The go-go dancer is so sad that her Divas team lost.  This bitch said that she now knows how NFL players feel when they lose in the Superbowl OR how people feel who lose at the Olympics!  This ho can’t even spell Olympics, let alone know how an Olympian feels! 

Ray J took Stilts out in a rented Ferrari.  Are his legs long enough to reach the peddles?  Just askin…Anyway, he took her to the studio with him.  Whoa, what a fuckin fabulous date…NOT!  As they start talkin and shit, he realized that Stilts had a wedding ring on!  Turns out she’s still legally married!  What the fuck?  I mean, she did keep it real wit him, but damn Stilts.  Can you take the fucking ring off BEFORE you go on a date with another man?  Is there one bitch on this show who can use her damn brain?

Sooo, Caviarcalls her “friend” Larry.  Basically, he told her that they’re tryna do some thangs after the show so she needs to stay as many days as possible.  Then Larry asked her if she was really tryna win and marry Ray J.  She laughed and said “you know I’m not”. 

Back at the house, Chardonnay and go-go dancerhook up Ray’s room with candles, rose petals and a note that they have some shit to tell his ass when he gets home.  These bitches can’t hold water in a bucket.  For real, if they are as much the shit as they think, they shouldn’t have to fuckin tattle on the other bitches to hold onto their spot.

Aight, at the champagne ceremony, I will give Chardonnay props.  She straightened that nappy ass curly shit and actually looked nice.  Unique looked good, too.  She’s beautiful.  The Darlings pretty much all looked good, but those two were striking this week!

Ray J puts go-goon the spot and asks her to repeat the shit she told him.  Of course she did, just like a snitchin ass…never mind.  Then Ray put Stilts on blast about being married!  That was fucked up!  He coulda kept that to himself, for real.  That was real bitch like Ray J.  I wouldn’t expect anything more from his little ass.

In the end, it came down to Caviar and Stilts.  He sent Stilts home because she’s married.  I could feel what he was sayin, but he woulda been better off keepin Stilts dumb ass!

A few random, parting thoughts:

–  Why was So Hood wearing barely any clothes with a faux fur coat on?  Is it hot or is it cold?

–  Stilts, if you’re gonna wear the wig, please come it down in the back.

–  Rumors are flying that one of the “women” is a man and another is a porn star.  My man vote is on Caviar’s deep voice, man lookin ass.  My porn vote is on Stilts!  I’ll give ya’ll whatever I find out.   

In a minute…

For the Love of Ray J: Episode 2

It’s been on 2 minutes and I already want to start drinking heavily!  Why are they surprised that Caviar has a boyfriend (maybe even a husband)?  Oh Lord, please stop this broad from talkin.  Ray J send that bitch home!

So this nigga gave the women the task of doing a 10 web cam sex video.  Now, I am exaggerating, but that’s pretty much what this nasty muthafucka wants…for his dick to rise!

Danger starts having a fucking panic attack!  I know I shouldn’t laugh, but was this not the funniest, most ironic shit on Celebreality?  The bitch had the balls to get a tat on her fucking face and neck, but got nervous about doing a damn video chat?  Then Chardonnay had the nerve to talk shit about Danger getting emotional.  Um, wasn’t this broad crying like a baby when she thought Ray was sending her nasty ass home?  These bitches are losers!

Since I don’t have Hollywood to discuss this shit with, will someone tell me when go-go dancing, speaking in Russian, poundin beer from an over-sized funnel, sounding like you’re in round one of American Idol auditions and doing a toe touch with the assistance of a 3 ft. tall  bed became talents?  What the fuck was that?  The only bitch with a talent was the fucking ballerina!  Bravo has some funny muthafuckas workin there because they put the subtitles up on the Russian broad but the shit looked Arabic!  Love it.

Genuine confessed that she is partially there for exposure with her acting career.  The only thing getting exposure is her gut while she was belly dancing!  Not only that, but the nigga is one of the Executive Producers.  Does she think he won’t see the confessional shit before he makes a fucking decision?  These bitches are so dumb that they don’t deserve the opportunity to advance their careers! 

Wait a minute, it just came back from commercial and Stilts went from a Rihanna cut to a bob.  Did she get a quick weave or put a wig on during the commercial?  That shit looked like a wig.  Why change up somethin that ain’t broke?

In the end, it came down to Atomic Bomb and the fat belly dancer.  Ray J ended up sending both they asses home!  Wow, that shocked the shit out of me!  I didn’t see that coming at all!  Well hell, at least he didn’t lead them on.  I have a little, just a little, respect for him now!

Before I go, I have one request.  Danger, PLEASE wax your fucking lip!  Damn!

In a minute…

For the Love of Ray J: Episode 1

Hollywood & Vine are well aware that this shit premiered last week.  But it’s taken us this fucking long to decide whether or not we even want to bothered recapping this bullshit on a weekly basis.  Hollywood is out!  Won’t watch or discuss the shit!  Me, Vine, was so disgusted that I had to vent somewhere since my other half won’t fucking listen.  So, be prepared for me to go the hell off every week behind this shit.  It’s a fucking train wreck – I can’t turn away!

The show starts out with a bunch of hoodrats in a bullshit club screamin like a bunch of fucking wild boars!  Ray J just looks like a tiny tot to me.  He’s short and just ain’t sexy.  Why do bitches love this nigga?  Oh yeah, the dick!

This one broad named Jerri said she had a crush on Ray J when she was a little girl.  Um, that old bitch ain’t been a little girl in 20 years!  Then the chick Christa said she’s perfect for him because she can put her legs behind her head.  So, she’s a stripper.  Another broad said that she’s a black Barbie.  Didn’t Barbie’s have a relaxer? 

He must be an embarrassment to his family!  Did anybody else notice Ray J  talkin to his God sister “Lil B” like she was his maid?  What the fuck was that all about?

Lord this is going to be painful to watch.  This stripper acts like she’s never seen a nice car or damn rims before.  Brokey!  What I wanna know is why do the bitches on these shows act like these mansions actually belong to these men?  They act like they’ve never been out the fucking projects before.

So far Danielle (Unique) is one of the only ones I might like.  She might need to come her damn hair, but at least she’s funny.  Leah (Cashmere) is pretty and seems to have some damn sense. 

Did anyone see the fat bitch walkin round with a bikini top on and a tattoo on her damn face?  What really cracked me up was the bitch with the tattoo on her face calling someone else a whore or desperate.  How the fuck desperate for attention does she look with a damn tattoo on her face?  They find the most ignorant muthafuckas for this shit, I swear!

Tell the truth, ya’ll were surprised that they could count to 12, let alone 14 weren’t you?  I was too.

So, it comes down to the last 3 ladies – well, women.  This bitch Chardonnay starts crying like a baby.  Ray J let Hot Cocoa go.  I was disappointed.  The fact that he kept Chardonnay makes me never wanna pour myself a glass ever again!

Just a few random thoughts:

When did doing the splits become the way to show a man you’re interested? 

This Black Russian is givin me  damn headache with all that accent talkin. 

Chardonnay is annoying!  She needs to step her weave game up!  

I’ll have my drinks ready for every time Ray J’s ass says fuckin “classy”!  Ya’ll know how much H&V hate that word!

Did ya’ll watch this shit?  Thoughts?

In a minute…

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