DWTS 12: Week 4 Recap
Before we get started with “Classical Week”, I need to know why they refuse to dress Brooke Burke in flattering clothes. It’s like they go all out for the dancers and hand Brooke a Macys gift card only good in the juniors department.
As the “stars” took the stage in the intro, Kirstie was visibly subdued. I don’t blame her, but as an actress she’s not hiding her nerves well.
Romeo and Chelsie are first out the gate. After last week, they really only have one way to go and that’s up. Lord, he’s flexing his little bird pecs while rehearsing the Paso in studio. He’s doing a good job. Mainly cuz the stiffness in this dance suits him. They judges will love it. Carrie Ann “Lift Police” Inaba better call them on that, but he’s black and took his shirt off at the end so she’ll probably let it go. Bruno’s fallin out over his six pack. Ooooh wow, I stand corrected. She did call him out, but loved his “swagga”. When can we retire that word? Please! 23 total! At the end of his interview with Brooke he asked people to add him on Twitter. I love that Hines Ward was sitting behind him stone faced with a “he’s beneath me” look.
Kendra and Louis are up with a Viennese Waltz. This should be a disaster considering one should be graceful to pull this off. Kendra’s about as graceful as a 4 month old tryna walk. She decided to dress like a “gangster” so it’s no longer the Viennese Waltz…it’s the “Mafia Waltz”. Would it kill her to show some class? Okay, here we go. Wow, there’s some opera singer on stage while they’re performing. Distracting much! She’s like a step behind the music. She had a slight stumble, nothing major, but noticeable nonetheless. You know, if she would point her damn toes, she would make half this shit look a LOT better. Bruno didn’t like it. Carrie Ann is trying to impress upon her that she needs to be elegant! Len didn’t love it, but didn’t hate it either. Is Mark in the corner texting LOL? Total 18.
Sugar Ray’s non dancin’ ass is up next with Anna. Poor Anna; she deserves a partner she can take to the finals. Ray asked her to incorporate boxing. Glad she said no. NOBODY wants to see you dance-box every damn week. It’s DANCING with the Stars, not Boxing w/the Stars. Geez. Viennese Waltz…let’s see it. It was far better than any of his previous performances, that’s for sure. I didn’t love watching him the way Carrie Ann did, but he was much better. “Balletic”…Brooke coming with the big words this week. Total 21.
Petra and Dmitry are up. I still say she wasn’t as fabulous last week as the judges thought, but okay. It’s a new week. Seeing her ribs exposed during rehearsals is uncomfortable. This is a very upbeat Paso. She’s not going to be able to handle it is my prediction. Dmitry’s doing all the work. She’s too stiff! He’s draggin’ her around the dance floor like a rag doll with its ribs sticking out! Basically, it sucked! She doesn’t fully extend her arms or legs. It was just a mess. Len was so so about it. Bruno is doing a basic striptease and rolling his Rs and carrying on like a dog in heat. You lie like a rug Carrie Ann Inaba. Her lines weren’t perfect the first and you know it. Total 23! LIES….ALL LIES!
Ralph and Karina are about to bring it with the Waltz. Book it! Ralph betta dance his ass off cuz once Karina shows the world her birth canal in Playboy next month, middle America is gonna be turned off. They’re dancing to some song from Romeo & Juliet. He’s killing this! OMG this is so delightful to watch. Give it up, judges! Give up some 9s damnit! That was AMAZING!! Karina might get her first trophy if he keeps dancing like that! Fabulous! WHAT!! 8s from Carrie Ann and Len. Thank you, Bruno, for that 9! Bullshit!
Hines is having a tough time with the Paso cuz the music has no lyrics and he dances to the lyrics, not the rhythm. Ummmm, not a good strategy, but okay. Oh gawd, Hines did a little patty cake move on his thighs and Carrie Ann is going ape shit. Girl stop! It was good though. Not as exciting as last week if you ask me, which you didn’t, but I’m sure the judges loved it. He was good. Not as good as Ralph, but good. Yep, their comments said love. Let’s see if their scores match. There goes Carrie Ann with her 9 paddle@@ 25 total.
“Still to come, the woman who hit the deck last week…” LMAO! Bergeron is a fool for that, but I digress.
Chelsea and Mark also have nowhere to go but up. I don’t give a damn what the judges said, last week she did not dance well. Watch it back, you’ll see how stiff she truly was. BTW glad the extensions are out. Ooops, spoke too soon. Okay, she’s dancing it well, but I’m not feeling the choreography. I think that it had an unnecessary darkness to it, which seems to be a theme for Mark this season. Let’s see what the judges say. Len didn’t like it either! He said pretty much what I said. Bruno thought she danced better than anyone else tonight. Carrie Ann loved the choreography. It WAS good, but it didn’t work in my opinion. Me thinks Mark needs to leave the weird black earrings and finger nail polish off camera and out of his choreography. Total 26. So far they’re at the top of the leader board.
Chris and Cheryl are taking on the Paso. I do believe he’ll dance this well. I couldn’t type while they danced cuz I was totally committed, as was Chris. It was very good, but I didn’t find it to be as exciting as I thought Cheryl would have made it. It wasn’t explosive. No climax, if you will. Okay, Len pretty much just said the same thing. I need to be a guest judge. Total 23. Deserving.
My pick, Kirstie, is last, but not least. Dancing the Waltz. Oh come ON, TWO singers on stage during her performance? She’s losing weight btw! HOLD UP, something happened to Kirstie’s shoe while she was on the floor and she got up late! Then she messed up again and Maks rolled his eyes/laughed sarcastically. WTF is going on with her? AHA, I rewatched and saw her shoe came off! Carrie Ann was right; she just never seemed connected to the number. Len didn’t like much about it, but Bruno loves it. Those singers didn’t help the situation. If one dancer had those distractions, they all shoulda had em. Total 22!
I think the bottom 3 should be Petra, Sugar Ray and Kendra with Ray going home, but I fear Kirstie might be in jeopardy after two weeks of mishaps. Who do you think is going home?
Update: The 3 couples in jeopardy were Petra, Sugar Ray and Chelsea. Sugar Ray Leonard went home. Told ya’ll LOL!
…Vine…in a minute
Hollywood and Vine 