Real Housewives of NY: Season 4 Premiere (Recap)

The new season started off with Ramona, Alex and their husbands drinking Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio.  Yep, she’s hawkin wine now, in case you missed that development in the off-season.  Jill arrived stuffed into her dress like Wendy Williams’ feet stuffed into her dancing shoes.  She claimed to have grown and been humbled from last year.  Yeah right!  I love that Alex ain’t taking shit from Jill this year.  Alex invited all the girls to march in their wedding gowns for marriage equality.  Jill made a joke out of it with Ramona’s sidekick, Joni!  She seems just as rude as ever to me.

Jill said that a “real friend” sticks by their friend even through a tough time, which is why she’s still tight with Kelly’s crazy ass.  Bullshit.  Jill is still friends with her cuz she ain’t making the same mistake twice.  She won’t risk one of her RHONY co-stars becoming a megastar and she not be there to reap the benefits.  The two of them hung out trash talking Alex.  Of course she brought up Bethenny.  She said Bethenny threw her away, that she had no idea Bethenny was planning to have this major career and felt used.  She whined that once Bethenny got married, she had no more room for Jill.  Let’s forget about the fact that they had already fallen out looooong before Bethenny said I do!  But why let facts get in the way of Jill Zarin’s ego?  Ramona called it the way it ACTUALLY is.  “Bethenny didn’t dump Jill as a friend, she did it to herself.”  Of course she did, but Jill’s so damn self involved that she couldn’t see the error of her ways if you put them in a diamond.

Over to Simex, Simon left the hotel to start a social media company.  So he and Alex are both working at home, sharing an office.  Alex signed w/a modeling agency.  She’s only 36 years old.  I have to say, I am shocked as shit that she’s not over 40.  Her body is bangin’, but she looks much older than 36.  Kelly made a point of saying that being a model simply means that you are photogenic, not pretty.  She should know.  She ain’t neva been pretty EVA and she was a model!

Sassy Sonja and Ramona hit an art benefit.  Sonja looked good, besides that faulty eye makeup.  How do they have all this money and can’t get their face beat before filming?  Okay, so Cindy, the hostess, is the newest “housewife”.  She struck me as another Countess Lu, hanging out slamming shots Downtown, trying to regain her youth.  She seems to be a successful businesswoman who works with her brother.  She has a 10 month old baby, but no man.  She went through IVF and it looks like she has 2, but I couldn’t tell. WOW, this bitch Cindy just have her twins delivered to the art benefit like pizza!  Who does that?

Jill and Bobby Vegas arrived.  I still love him!  Lulu and Crazy Ass Kelly made an entrance.  Then Alex and Simon brought up the rear, no pun intended.  Cindy’s involvement in the organization that will benefit from the proceeds came from them (didn’t catch the name) helping her when her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer.  Lord have mercy!  God bless her heart for giving back to them!  Here goes Jill, all up in Cindy’s business.  She’s so damn nosey!

God bless Ramona’s assistant.  I’m sure she’s paid well, but ain’t enough money in the world to get me to deal with all that crazy on a daily basis.  She interviewed for a second assistant.  WHY did Bravo exploit that black girl with a bad, blond wig and bright ass red lipstick?  They knew good and well Ramona wasn’t going to hire her black ass, but back to the interviews.  It seemed hella rude that Ramona was critiquing all of the candidates, but in a twisted sort of way, I appreciate what she did.  Those young girls looked a hot ass mess and should be thankful Ramona took a minute to give them pointers.  Trust, others would have said BYE and they’d still be tryna figure out what went wrong.

Over to the cougars den, Lu and Sonja went on a double dinner date with their tadpoles at Orsay.  Brian is the name of Sonja’s piece.  These old, nasty, horny broads and their boy toys making sexual jokes about walking through bushes and gardens turned my stomach.  Honestly, I thought both women made fools out of themselves at that dinner table.  I don’t know if Sonja’s eyesight is leaving her, but that man is NOT hot and if every woman in New York wants him, I’m glad I live in Cali.

Out at Ramona’s Hamptons home, Simex were her and Mario’s guests.  They were all in town for a wedding so Ramona invited them to stay at their home.  Jill left a message for Alex that she wasn’t coming to the marriage equality march, but she’s on the committee LOL!  Alex put her on blast.  She stood there while Alex invited all the ladies to the march as if she’d never heard of the event LMAO!  Just when I thought she was as low as possible, she goes lower.

Now for the wedding.  Jill was all stressed because her spanx were visible.  Talk about dramatic.  I think Bobby tunes her out at this point.  She had no clue that Simex were invited.  She shit her pants, but put on a fake happy face.  Alex and Ramona missed the memo that only the bride is supposed to wear white to a wedding.  Again I ask, who does that?  Jill kept mentioning how much she’s changed…yep, for the worse!

After the wedding, Ramona was talking badly about Cindy’s brother, Howie, and he overheard LMAO!  Ooops.  I’m thinking those two ladies won’t be getting along any time soon.

Jill pulled a few sidekicks together in a corner of the reception to bitch about Alex and spin the story that she was only on the “Honorary” committee for the march.  There was a baby confrontation between Alex and Jill, but I forgot what it was about when Ramona’s tacky ass put her finger on the cake to taste the icing and knocked off a flower…made of icing.  These people have no fucking manners…says the woman with the potty mouth!

Judging by the previews for the season, there won’t be a dull moment.  What did you think of the premiere?  Worth the wait?

…Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of New York: Season 3 Finale

This is a first!  Hollywood and I are watching at the same time under the same roof!  I’ll apologize in advance for not having a regular recap.  There’s too much going on with the two of us here that I can’t think to really give you a blow by blow through my eyes…welcome to our chaos!

Oh gawd, Ramona is batting lead off.  WHO is that big haired, Georgia peach lookin’ woman?  I think someone needs to buy Ramona a pair of spanx for a wedding gift!  She’s checking out the Pierre, where she’s going to have her “renewal” ceremony, blah blah blah!

Over to Jill Zarin and Roller Girl!  Lunch at Cirque.  I am so upset that the two of them have gotten to this point, BUT I absolutely think that Jill is doing this for personal gain.  Hollywood loves all she does, but not me.  C’mon Jill, all ya’ll gossip about each other!  Keep it real.  Ya’ll see Jill’s attitude slightly changing while Bethenny is letting her have it?  EVERYONE is a villain but Jill!  She’s the victim all the damn time.  Please honey!  I hope that Bethenny leaves this friendship in the past.  It’s run its course, leave it in the past!

LOOK AT BOBBY VEGAS!  I don’t give a damn.  That is one sexy ass man!  Do you see this gay producer with all those women tryna prove that he’s masculine?  Poor Kelly can’t dress to save her life. Sonja got on stockings GNR!  Who is Jacque?  Another one of Countess Lu’s boyfriends that she picked up while she was still married?  Just askin.  Um, we know what that something is that makes them click…he’s penis!  Hollywood said she’s shocked Ramona didn’t show up…her off beat ass never misses a chance to dance.  Countess, he’s your favorite producer b/c he’s your ONLY producer!  White people, I’m sorry, but nobody there could find the beat if you put it in a Louis Vuitton bag!  Lu didn’t even have the mic near her mouth while she was lip syncing!  Good Lord!

I love that Sonja keeps it real.  She gets so damn drunk she can’t help it!  Yes, Jill showed up unannounced! 

Over to Bethenny’s, she and Jason are packing up her shit.  Snooze, but I am looking forward to new show:)

Back to Ramona, she and Avery are over at Oscar Blondi.  Avery canNOT stand that woman.  Look at her.  She barely wants them to give her a trim!  When she gets old enough to go to college, she might go to another country just to get away from her crazy ass mama!  Ooooh Avery has some Chelsea Clinton hair!

We see exactly why Ramona has that gut!  Every single time this woman is on screen, she has a fucking glass of Pinot Grigio in her damn hand!  How are you gonna be an old ass woman gettin’ drunk before you renew your wedding vows?  She’s drunk as a skunk!  Jill Zarin just surprised her in her suite.  Ramona gave her that drunk person’s side to side sway hug!  And Jill looks like one of the B-52s! 

Now for guests’ arrivals.  Sonja might be loose and bothered by that pesky Memorial Day Weekend DUI, but that bitch is FIERCE!  You betta work!  Simon is lookin’ like one of the Village People (shockingly), Bethenny looks like she’s going to nurse African children like Salma Hayek, and Kelly with those toes hanging over her stripper shoes is a mess!  She is so UGH!  Countess Lu looks boring and I actually think that Alex looks better than EVER!  I gotta give it up to her even though Hollywood think she looks like the Wicked Witch of the East.  Back in the suite, Ramona is stressing over her “notes”, but Mario isn’t trippin.  As long as he can lay pipe in that suite 2 hours after the ceremony, he don’t care!!  OMG, Jennifer said “would you ever pay that person to plan your event”?  I TOLD YOU!!  She is as old and dusty as the event planning profession.

Do ya’ll see Coco in that blue dress matching Avery?  THAT is why animals attack humans.

Look at the jive turkey playing the clarinet!  He looks like one of the Five Heartbeats! 

Awww, Ramona’s vows were actually very sweet and kind!  Mario’s too!  That was very endearing!  Truly. 

I’d like to know what 16 year old Kelly knows with a gut like Ramona’s!

Well, a fairly uneventful finale.  Hopefully LuAnn won’t make any more music and Bethenny’s show will be a good time.  We’ll be watching.

…H & V…in a minute

Real Housewives of NY: 05/27/10

So producers sent Kelly home to seek medical treatment for her mental issues Kelly decided to go home in the middle of the night!  Thank God for small favors.  I don’t know if she’s mentally ill or on drugs, but last week’s breakdown was not a good look and frankly boring!  How long have we known this broad is nuts?!

I actually like Bethenny, Sonja, Ramona and Alex as a girlfriends unit!  Everyone is chillin’ out, relaxing and in walks Jill Zarin (with that sexy ass Bobby Vegas)…bull dozing through the house like politicians bull dozing over N.W.A. albums in the 80s.  How many times did she have to yell SURPRISE?  They heard you the first time and tried to ignore you!  What gets me is Jill’s inability to let shit happen without her being part of it.  Ya’ll know how much I loved Jill, but I’m not liking this season’s Jill.  How the hell do you tell someone you ain’t comin’ to their “renewal” and act like the whole trip is beneath you, then show up raving about how your private jet brought you after all?  Had she come in there will a bit more humility and said hey, I know I wasn’t supposed to come and I know things are strained with me and Alex and Bethenny, but I’ve come with an open heart to try and mend fences so that we can celebrate Ramona’s renewal, I think they woulda had a different attitude toward her.  But true to Jill Zarin form, she made it about her and SHE somehow became the victim?  No honey, that act don’t work no more!  And every damn time someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean they aren’t your friend!  Give that shit up already. 

Now I don’t know why the hell Alex was shaking like a leaf, but I got her point.  Nobody leaves their husband and kids to deal with bullshit!  Kelly was enough drama; the bitch wanted one fucking day of peace!  The irony is that when Bethenny came to Jill Zarin with a humble attitude and an open heart, she shunned Bethenny…but that was okay cuz she wasn’t on the receiving end.  Hypocrite!  Roller Girl was right, Jill Zarin maneuvered all season to be “on top” and now that everyone gets the message that she ain’t their friend, she mad@@  And in the midst of it all, Ramona’s ass manages to choke GNR!!!

Alex is full of shit talkin’ about it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean!  Only people fucking dudes with small dicks say bullshit like that! 

How has Ramona been married 17 years and supposedly has this fabulous sex life with Mario who probably visualizes Jill Zarin while tappin’ that, but has never been handcuffed?  She better get with it.

I am shocked as shit that Countess Lu told Jill that she understood why they asked her to leave!  Okay, here comes Kelly’s crazy ass!  She’s so fucking dramatic.  Really?  Were you shell shocked?  Give me a break!  How does she hate gossiping, but was sitting there GOSSIPING?  Kelly couldn’t talk to someone like a human being if she tried!  What conversation is she remembering?  I saw the episode and nobody was even being serious about the one night stand thing.  They were playin’ with her ass.  Get a fucking sense of humor crazy person.  So now that Kelly doesn’t have any friends who’ve hired Bethenny to “cook” for them, she’s a make believe chef?  Don’t they see how fucking crazy this woman is?  Jelly Bean Bensimon needs medication.

Over to Sonja’s party, all this double cheek kissing is nauseating!  Wait a minute, Countess Lu was the one who said “Poison Island” but she just put it on Kelly LOL!  These are some cold blooded broads.  Basically, they told it like it was.  If Lu doesn’t believe it, that’s her dumb ass fault.  Don’t you love how she put her beef with Bethenny and Alex aside to gossip!

Jill’s holiday party is finally here.  She’s missing Bethenny, as she should!  They had a very special, real friendship and I think that Jill single-handedly brought the situation to the point of no return.  Now that’s the attitude and tone she shoulda had when she went to St. John, but whateva.  I’m glad Roller Girl took the high road and said yes, BUT I don’t think their friendship will ever be restored.  OMG, OMG Jill just ate it!  OMG!  I’m glad she was able to laugh at herself. 

WHY does Kelly insist on having a conversation about some bullshit when they’re supposed to be supporting Jill and her event?  Then she had the NERVE to ask the event planner to watch her kids…likes she’s a fucking babysitter@@  If she needed to talk to Ramona so damn badly, why didn’t she contact her prior to now?  Cuz she’s a nut job.  She’s like a dog with a bone.  She wasn’t think one thing about Ramona until she was thrown in front of her.

Uh huh, see, Jill Zarin is starting to see the error of her ways.  She sees that she’s about to be the odd woman out and she’s trying to fix it.  I’ll give her props for that.  It takes a lot to say you’re wrong.  Oh gawd, now that Jill has made up with Ramona, Lu can hug her, too!  She’s as phony as that overproduced bad song she recorded!

Next week is the finale then we’re onto Bethenny’s show! 

…in a minute

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Atlanta Housewives in NYC…

I know that nobody is looking forward to watching the return of VH1 Divas tonight, mainly because…..there are no divas on the damn show!  Well, we now have a reason to watch! 

Turns out our girls from Atlanta are popping up all over the place.  NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak, aka Kizzie, are presenting at the show tonight, together honey!  That is gonna be a whole lotta silicone on one stage!  I can’t wait. 

Between them, Bethenny Frankel, a divas line-up with no divas, and Paula Abdul hosting this trainwreck, we’ll have lots to discuss tomorrow!

VH1 Divas airs tonight at 9/8 Central! 

Real Housewives of NY: Season 2 Reunion Part I

I am so fucking excited to press play on this shit you guys!  Probably a bit nervous, too.  I hope my girls Bethenny and Jill Zarin are back on Hamptons terms at this point. We’ll see in a minute.  Let me refill my wine glass one-mo-gen before I start.

SHIT!  The snippets are enough to make me grab the whole damn bottle.  How did my bitches all fall out like this?  Aight, let me just watch what happens.

So it seems like they put the nice looking women on the right and the ducks on the left.  Yes, ducks!  Andy’s boring ass is starting with the off camera drama.  Jill Zarin evidently took herself from a 32G to a something DD.  She had the girls reduced and lifted.  Good for her.  If you can spend 16 racks on a handbag, then you should make sure your tits look good for a sexy muthafucka like Bobby Vegas, period dot! 

People are talking about Bethenny’s boobs.  Andy talked over her so much it sounded like Elisabeth on the fucking View.  The gist is that she has had a breast lift before.  WHO took the time to notice Bethenny’s boobs in a bikini when the rest of her body was so fucking off the hook.  Clearly, a black person didn’t ask that question.  Just keepin’ it real.  So, Ms. B’s book Naturally Thin is a NY Times Best Seller and did you see the look on Kelly’s face?  That, my dear readers, was the unmistakable look of jealousy and envy!  Bitch was PISSED that B has a best seller and all she got was bad press and a gay love interest out of this season!  That’s what she gets for being such an asshole!  B did NOT deny dating A-Rod; she only said that she has been playing the field

Here we go on ex-Countess Lu.  She confirmed that she got an email from the Count.  She was shocked apparently.  I still think part of the shock was that he left for an African, but what do I know?  I’m gonna show my sensitive side for a hot second, so don’t get used to it…that is fucked up that this muthafucka sent her an email calling off their marriage after 16 years.  I don’t give a damn if he were married to me for 16 minutes, he woulda owed me more than that!  I hope she takes his ass to the cleaners.  Maybe she’ll own a piece of the Suez Canal after the divorce is final.  I want ex-Countess Lu to change her hair just a bit.  Awww shit, she gets to keep her title.  Now I guess I can’t call her ex-Countess.  Lu spoke of the rumors about Alex and the Ethiopian Princess.  She said she’s not sure whether or not she’s a Princess, but thinks his people leaked that tidbit in order to make it seem like he wasn’t just fucking an African bitch (my interpretation).  Here’s my question.  Who the fuck wants to be a Princess in Ethiopia?

On to girl Alex.  She talked of being laid off, but never mentioned her career.  However, she’s working as a consultant now and couldn’t resist name dropping and bragging about herself, natch!

Kelly “Kellamity” Bensimon and her legal issues are up next.  Let’s see how the bitch spins this.  She starts this long winded song and dance about how horrible this younger guy was that she dated.  Bethenny interrupted asking why he wasn’t on the show ROFLMAO!  I love her.  Kelly claims that the guy lied about her abusing him…that he walked to the police precinct and called the Post and flat out lied.  Now she’s shedding those fake white girl tears about how she has worked so hard since she was a kid to build her name and now he’s tarnished it!  Bethenny is CLEARLY not buying it and I ain’t either.  Oh sorry, neither is Ramona.  I don’t believe this fucking shit!  Something ain’t right about this broad, I’m sorry.  After how she behaved on the show, it’s difficult to believe her now!  Andy ain’t holdin’ back.  He asked Kell about the allegations that she stole designs for her “jewelry line”.  She said the accuser worked for Elle Magazine while she was there, but obviously the new “recession vocation” is to use or harm someone who’s doing well.  Cry me a river bitch!  Bethenny and Jill Zarin said they didn’t get the memo.  Those two are like Lucy and Ethel!  I’m telling you, they don’t need the dead weight.  Ditch these back up singers like Beyonce did and get your own show!  I LOVE that Kelly acts like she’s so above everyone else…braggin’ about how she’s the daughter of a “lawyer”, yet she said “according to who”.  It’s according to WHOM you dumb ass fool!  I love when idiots show their true ignorance.  Hollywood and I might cuss like sailors and act out on our blog, but we ain’t dummies.  Yes, ain’t!  Ramona is so disgusted with Kelly’s bragadocious ways that she rolled her eyes.  I don’t halfway like her shit startin’ ass either, but that was hilarious!

Does Ramona realize how little rhythm she has watching back all those clips?  I am SO GLAD another viewer thinks her ass has not rhythm.  Uh oh, hold up, Jill Zarin called her on this “I’ve been working on my skin care line for a year and a half”!  Jill flat out said she thinks she’s lying.  Ramona back peddled sayin’ she MIGHT have gotten the dates wrong.  Uh huh, sure!

Aight, Ramona goes on about how she grew up in an abusive household where her mother was abused by her father.  She said she learned to let shit roll off her back but every now and then will throw out a comment when she’s fed up.  Basically, she blamed her tackiness on her childhood.  I can feel what she’s saying, but shit Ramona, you’re a grown ass woman now.  Own up to your fucked up ways and keep it movin.  What’s so hard about that?

Some dumb ass viewer wrote in tellin’ Lu that a 15 year age difference IS quite a bit.  Honey, grow up!  15 years ain’t shit.  Where are these people….Utah?

Ramona and Lu are at each other’s throats over Ramona calling the Count an “old man”.  Well shit, if the shoe fits.  But I do see Lu’s side (God I’m gettin’ soft) about feeling the shit was out of line with Victoria in the room.  That’s true any way you slice it.

I’m with the personwho wrote in nominating LuLu for the who gives a shit about your title award.  Lu is a damn lie sayin’ that she uses the title for charity work, etc.  Sooooo was it charity work when she called Ms. B on the carpet for introducing her stuck up ass as LuAnn to the driver?  Keep it real LuAnn…Keep it real.  A lot of people would have a lot more respect for you if you did!  She actually had the nerve to come out her mouth and said she doesn’t take herself too seriously!  LuAnn really makes it tough to like her.

Bravo thinks they’re funny showing this clip of Simex and their soft core porn this season.  By the way, I do realize that everyone on Earth besides me calls them “Silex”, but I like Simex better.  It reminds me of Timex, which is bootleg, sort of like them.  Alex clarifies that their parenting book is about their experience as parents.  Okay, I can live with that better than them tryna teach other people how to parent cuz Yogi and Frank are two bad ass heathens!

Hold up, did Ramona just have the fucking balls to ask Alex if Simon abuses her emotionally or physically?  What the fuck is wrong with this broad?  I think that she left some pieces outta that story about her childhood.  I think that she used to catch some of that abuse, too, cuz her ass is cray-zee!  Leave it to Bethenny to lighten the mood.  God love her!

They showed clips of B’s finest moments this season.  Natch, Kell looks like she wants to spit on her!  Alex starts going off on Bethenny cuz she feels like B is a coward and talks behind her back!  Alex, shut UP please!

Ramona made some bullshit remark about Bethenny in her blog.  The shit hurt B’s feeling.  I am glad to see that Jill Zarin is there for our girl Bethenny!  That confirms for me that the bullshit at the charity event is way in the past!  You know, Ramona is such a cold piece of work that I can’t even say more about her.  I know ya’ll will have plenty to say.  I’m not lettin her ass wear me out before I watch the Jersey bitches tonight! 

Until Thursday….Vine

Real Housewives of NY: Season 2 Finale Recap

All good things must come to an end!  This season is no different.  Enjoy the episode and recap now, cuz in an hour (for me) there will be no more Jill Zarin, Bobby Vegas, Bethenny, Roller Girl OR Kelly and her non hip havin’ ass to talk about each week till next season!

Just watchin’ the recap of how Kell talked to Bethenny riled me up for tonight.  She better be on her best behavior or else! 

Over to Jill Zarin’s Upper East Side condo, the girls are meeting to discuss final preparations for Jill’s fundraiser.  Guess whose ass is late?  Ramona and her bad hair cut.  Aww shit, she and Jill are having it out over whether or not Jill should put her company’s name on the SuppleLeftTitty…you know, the signage behind people as they walk the red carpet!  I saw TruRamona’s point, but I gotta disagree.  Besides, ex-Countess Lu didn’t object and we all know that etiquette starts and stops with her ass!

Over at NASDAQ, the Count and ex-Countess are taking a tour since they helped to raise money for somebody in Brooklyn.  She just talks so damn much that it all bleeds together.  I’m shocked that she introduced lil Yawny to her husband as Alex and not the Count.  She’s just into herself enough to have told a 5 year old call him that.

Oh shit, just saw a preview for the reunion.  ex-Countess Lu MIGHT…MIGHT win me over if she goes off on Kelly.  Can’t wait…back to the show.

Jill Zarin is about to have either the sex tawwlk or the drug tawwlk with Ally.  How humiliating to get “the talk” on national tv.  I’m sure they cut the good shit out, but it was nice to see her be there for her kid.

Over at Lu’s broken home, Bethenny is giving Rosie a cooking lesson cuz Lu is too cheap and lazy to send her to cooking school.  Rosie be gettin’ her rocks off by the sound of things. 

Jill Zarin took a trip to some crazy jeweler’s spot (Jeri Cohen) to pick up an auction item for the fundraiser.  Her sitting in the back of her own damn SUV being driven around by some black dude was a bit Miss Daisy-like, but only Jill could pull that shit off.  She took Kelly with her for some dumbass reason.  WHAT does she have on?  She has on like a mini dress with tights and some UGG-ish boots.  Is…it…hot…or…is…it…cold…bitch?  Make up your fucking mind!

Miss Bethenny was asked to model in a Moroccan fashion show.  So who else but Lu would give her runway advice?  How funny to see Bethenny not doing something well.  Was I the only one in this moment who had a flashback to Carrie Bradshaw in the fashion show with real people & models?  As long as B doesn’t end up laying on the runway as fashion roadkill like Carrie, she’ll be fine.

Sooo, right before show time, Bethenny is told that she’s also the MC for the evening.  Being the good sport that she is, she’s prepping her one liners in hair and make-up.  All of the girls are coming…and when I say the girls I mean Jill, Lu, Ramona, Alex and, of course, Simon!  Kelly’s ass was too tacky to RSVP either way.  B’s publicist is funny, too, calling Kell “charming”.  Jill Zarin walked the red carpet with her gay husband by her side and her real husband bringing up the rear…no pun intended!

Bethenny came out on stage looking like a million fucking bucks…and bitch was funny on top of that.  How dare ex-Countess Lu say that she was “trying to be funny”?  Sayin’ she wants a Moroccan Prince but must be the only wife in a room full of Moroccan muthafuckas IS funny! 

Can someone tell Ramona that she should A) comb her hair when attending a fashion show and B) not dance when music is playing.  The music is for the models, boo, not for your ass to wiggle in your seat!

Now the big day of Jill Zarin’s fundraiser.  Shit, let the fight begin.  Ramona started all the shit.  She noticed that there was a lot of signage behind the bar while her ass was lookin’ to score a glass of wine…fucking alkie.  Anyway, Bethenny had her Skinny Girls Cocktail logo up there, as well as some other alcohol companies.  I’ll assume they gave free booze for the event.  Ramona makes a big stink about how B never mentioned her logo and the others would be up behind the bar.  Then Jill Zarin gets all riled up sayin’ how that was valuable ad space and B shoulda said somethin’ beforehand.  She left her a message and was hollerin’ around the venue about how Bethenny is supposed to be her friend. 

Aight, I know this shit is gonna divide some of us, but at this point, although I see Jill’s point, I’m sidin’ with Miss B.  Part of her duty as a committee member was to get free drank for the event.  Is it really THAT big of a deal that the companies/brands (that gave $20,000 worth of alcohol for free) put their names up at the bar?  In the grand scheme or life, to me, it’s not!

Everyone’s showing up for the event.  Simon looks like a gay dominatrix.  There is no tellin’ what kinda kinky shit he and Alex do behind closed doors.  Yuck!  Kelly showed up lookin’ like she got her dress from the Macys Junior’s department.  Just an FYI Kell, being able to see someone’s spinal chord ain’t a good look!  She talked about how Jill Zarin is such a doer and not just a talker like many people in New York – you know….like her ass!

Oh gawd, Ramona is still talkin’ about the SuppleLeftTitty signage.  Get over it already.  She loves to stir the fucking pot.  That’s why she and Kelly get along so well.

Bethenny was with Alex the first time she saw her new logo and loved it.  Bethenny wanted to clear the air with Jill, but Jill wasn’t havin’ it.  B wouldn’t let it go.  I can’t say I blame her.  As shitty as Ramona has been to Jill for two seasons of this show and probably longer, she’s gonna talk shit to her about Bethenny.  They went back and forth and finally Jill told her to leave!  Blew my mind!  Was it that serious Jill that you wanted her to leave after getting a free bar for your fucking event?  Come on now, let’s be rational.

Afterward, Bethenny made a B-line to Ramona’s shit disturbing ass.  Ramona tried to play the high falutin’ manners having bitch role.  Give us a fucking break Ramona.  You ain’t had manners or acted like a lady SINCE this fucking show first aired!  I am so sick of her and that damn GUT talkin’ about how much she works.

Bethenny always being the bigger bitch that she is, went up to Jill Zarin to squash the beef before it got any more outta control.  I WISH I had a friend who’s as good to me as Bethenny!  That’s no bullshit.  She’s such a mature person.  Hard to find bitches, hard to find!

On to the auction, nobody was bidding at first.  Mario was in the audience giving this sick stare to Jill Zarin.  Like he was somewhat glad the auction wasn’t going well, but he woulda been aroused to see her make it work somehow.  I’m tellin’ ya’ll, he has some serious fantasies about himself and Jill Zarin.  Of course, she pulled it off in the end and raised $140,000 for her charity.

No big surprises with the end of the season recaps except that Bethenny has a new man.  WHO?  Simex is writing a book on parenting.  I repeat, Simex is writing a book on parenting.  The same two muthafuckas with the bad ass kids tearin’ up Zarin fabrics, playing the drums with their utensils at a dinner party and spreadin’ food all over their faces!  They can’t even handle their own damn kids, let alone tell someone else how to deal with theirs.  Bullshit.  Ramona launched her product line..you know, the one she can never remember the name of!  Ramario also celebrated their 18th anniversary.  Wonder what he was thinkin’ about that day.  When I say “what”, I really mean “who”.  Lastly, Victoria wasn’t sure if she was gonna return to boarding school.  I have a feeling with all the family drama, she’ll find boarding school peaceful and neutral.

I canNOT wait until the 2 day finale starting next Tuesday.  It’s gonna be some shit ya’ll…AND we have the Jersey bitches next.  When will I eva get sleep!

What did everyone think of the finale?

…Vine…in a minute

Real Housewives of NYC: Episode 11 Recap

Here we go bitches!  I’m so excited to watch this episode.  I just want you East Coasters to know that it’s 4am in Cali and I’m watching/blogging at this hour to make sure you cranky bitches can read this when you get to work!

First up, Jill Zarin…of course.  I take that back.  Simex is at a Zarin store looking for window treatments or as my grandmama used to say…DRAPES!  Those two bad ass little van Kempen children grate on my last fucking nerve.  Playing hide and seek in the fabric and shit!  I woulda whooped his ass!  These two bad muthafuckas make a good argument for spanking.  That’s all I’m sayin…

Over to Bethenny…my girl.  She’s gettin’ her hair done by Francky L’Official.  Translation – Frank Official.  Now, Bethenny has a weave.  Why don’t other white girls get their shit done, cut and styled like?  I’m tired of seeing the Britney Spears – Paris Hilton weaves!  I love sista girl who stood there the ENTIRE time Bethenny was gettin’ her hair done.  I honestly think she does that every time B is in the salon and not just cuz the cameras were there.  Wouldn’t you wanna sit and listen to her one liners while on the clock?  Born again slut lol!  Hilarious.  Anyway, Frank’s gonna hook B up with his “best friend” who’s a model.  Let’s see this train wreck unfold.

Over at the van Kempen construction site, they’re still under the impression that their home will be done in a few more days.  So they’re planning a housewarming party lol.  What world do these two live in?  For real.  One thing at a time people.  Does anyone else get the impression that Alex would be fine all by herself? 

I’m sorry, it’s still hard for me to watch Ramona’s little sequence.  She looks like a black girl who just got her hair done and can’t swim standing up on a tug boat in the middle of the ocean while the “captain” is makin’ the shit rock from side to side.  Why does she gyrate like that when all she’s doing is standing up? 

But back to the show…she goes to see her doctor friend to discuss this sweat like a whore in church problem she has.  If she’d stop all that moving around when she’s standing and walking, she wouldn’t sweat so damn much!  Problem solved.  What I loved was while Ramona was explaining her problem to the doctor, Doc said “how emBARRassing”!  Gotta love her!  Ramona can act like she’s walked outta the house without make-up on if she wants to, but I know better.  No way would her face be red like that with a white neck unless she didn’t apply her foundation and powder to both! 

Bethenny is tellin’ Jill Zarin about the model blind date.  Jill Zarin tells her from the gate she ain’t feelin’ the model.  But Bethenny explained to her that she’s over the nerds cuz they are some insecure assholes with money.  She said they’re called “trick guys”!  Just tricks baby girl, tricks! 

ex-Countess Lu and Kelly had drinks “downtown” with Lu’s nieces.  Lu always makes such a big deal outta being “downtown”, as if she’s having cocktails in the ghettos of Harlem! 

Why can’t this woman dress herself?  Ya’ll know I’m talkin’ about Kelly.  Did bitch just say that she doesn’t eat salads on dates cuz she’s “already skinny enough”?  Bitch please!  You ain’t fat, but you ain’t as thin as you think!  So, they’re sittin’ there having a girls’ night out and who shows up?  Uh huh…Max Max’s suspect ass!  How the fuck are you gonna invite your dude to girls’ night out?  Ramona left Jill Zarin’s party last season over this same shit!  Bullshit.  This is when you need Ramona around cuz she woulda cussed Kelly out!  Rude!  ex-Countess Lu said that she loves living vicariously through the single girls…Ya’ll know me well enough – you complete that thought!

Back at the construction site, they have 5 days until the party and this shit doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen. 

Over to B’s blind date with Felipe!  I woulda said no when I found out his name, but that’s just me.  Bethenny looked good, for sure.  I didn’t think Phillip was all that cute, especially when he opened his mouth to show those European teeth!  Oh my gawd, Bethenny’s sense of humor is totally wasted on this man!  Totally wasted.  All her good material is going right over his 90’s haircut! 

For some reason, Jill Zarin, Bobby Vegas, Brad and Bethenny are riding around NY like a bunch of NFL rookies in a white Escalade limo.  I don’t like these mini segments Bravo has been doing lately. 

It looks like Simex pulled the shit off and can I say Thank God!  Their place was ridiculous before.  It’s party time!  Simon is stressed cuz everything isn’t perfect.  Sooo let me get this straight.  You will have a birthday party for your kids with other adults there with your hallway and downstairs looking like an abandoned building, BUT you have to straighten a photo on the wall for a housewarming party?  Okay, just checking.

Ms. Kelly was the first one to arrive talkin’ about “do I have to take off my shoes”.  I can’t even comment.  Simon looks like he’s going to see Cher in concert with that shiny ass jacket.  Kelly is such a fake ass bitch askin’ Simex to explain which Manhattan neighborhood is comparable to their Brooklyn neighborhood.  Who the fuck is she?  She’s so low budget!  WAIT, did ya’ll see Alex’s spanx under her dress?  Work those spanx bitch!

Charity meeting number 3 for Jill’s charity.  B was the bigger person to ask Kelly for a moment to clear the air.  That went over like a lead balloon.  I’m convinced that Kelly is either a heavy drinker or she’s on drugs cuz she for real acted like she did not know what the fuck Bethenny was talking about.  Like it was the first time she heard this shit.  The way she tells Bethenny to “stooop” made me wanna jump up and slap her through the fucking TV.  This bitch is out of her damn mind!  Bethenny needs one of her homegirls from the race track to whoop this bitch’s ass!  One of “Black Joe’s” cousins or nieces!

Next week is the finale and it’s lookin’ like the Bethenny/Jill love affair is about to end.  Damnit!

Thoughts?

…Vine…in a minute 

Real Housewives of NYC: Episode 10 Recap

Oh Lordy, we’re startin’ off with ex-Countess Lu.  Victoria is home for a visit after being gone 2 months.  Damn, they couldn’t even go pick the child up and bring her home!  OH MY GAWD!  How does Victoria not know what the fuck Goodwill is?  I mean, I know she’s the daughter of a Count and all, but who doesn’t teach their kids about Goodwill?  This is ridiculous!  Was it just me or was Victoria over her mom’s superficial ways?  She seemed to be a lot more grounded!

Over at Jill Zarin’s apartment, the BBC came through to do an interview. He talked about a little bit of everything.  I thought it was a good interview 100%  because of Jill Zarin!  She did a fabulous job and really carried that boring ass British dude! 

Kell is taking her new head shot, but then she asked the photographer to take some “from behind because they’re spicy”!??  Huh…come again!?  Is it a head shot or an ass shot?  Oh yeah, Mr. Photographer, will you throw in a few bikini shots for me so I can be the “A” in hAlloween for a Halloween party invitation I’m sending out soon!  Is this not the most random bitch out!!

Victoria and Mommy Dearest are out shopping or as ex-Countess calls it “spending quality time”.  And JUST LIKE THAT, ex-Countess let the clothes take over her thoughts and poor Victoria was sittin’ bored as shit waiting on her!  She said price doesn’t matter.  Hmmph, I bet it matters a bit more now that her ass is gonna be on a monthly budget!  I like to call it….alimony!

Jill Zarin is getting her Halloween costume made for herself and her damn dog.  They’re gonna be Elle Woods and Brewster from Legally Blond.  Aight, Jill Zarin is tryna dress up her dog in pink froo froo clothes.  THIS is why animals attack their owners.  It’s a dog…stop dressing them like people.

Jill Zarin and Aunt Cookie are on the air with Jill’s sister!  What is with the 20 second time outs that Bravo does after barely showing one segment?  That’s the shit they did last week with Kelly running in the middle of the damn street.

I thought I’d get through the whole episode without Simex, but I’m not that damn lucky!  She’s picking out some brown paper bag lookin’ top that I think uses the proceeds to feed kids?  I don’t know.  Some sorta gimmick.  Luckily, Alex can wear a brown paper bag and make it look good.  She and Simon work my nerves, but I gotta give credit where credit is due.  Simon is right…the bitch can wear anything well!

Over at Ramona’s condo, unfortunately.  Ramona’s talking about how judgmental Avery is.  Um, I wonder where she gets that shit from!  Oh here she goes…why does Ramona gyrate when she’s really tryna make a point?  If she doesn’t want the child’s judgment, then send her ass out of the damn room!  Simple.  She and Mario make everything so damn hard! 

It’s pumpkin carving time at Casa de Simex!  Simon is such a freak asking his kids if they remember 1967! 

Jill Zarin aka Elle Woods and Brewster made her arrival at Kell’s Halloween Party.  She looked a mess.  It was all in good fun.  Ramona came as Robin Hood.  Bethenny was Roller Girl and her dog was Roller Bitch!  I LOVE HER!  She knows how to have a good time and laugh, especially at herself!  Jill Zarin and Bobby Vegas are wrong, making Brad think that he was eating dog food!  That was hilarious, but what I really want to know is “did Ramona take a bite of the food that her dog had been licking on”?

Jill Zarin and Bethenny are at Hudson Terrace where her charity event will be held.  Is there anything funnier than Bethenny imitating Jill?  I don’t believe there is…not on this show! 

Alex and Bethenny met for brunch to discuss the progress of her Skinny Girls Cocktail logo!  Miss B loves it.

Tonight’s Kelly’s Halloween party.  Bethenny said fuck it, it’s a recession…I’m gonna be roller girl twice.  Bitch is funny!  Okay, hold up, this bitch Kelly has a CASH BAR at her party?  What the fuck?  That is the tackiest shit, period!  You don’t ask your guests to buy their fucking drinks at your party.  I’m with Bethenny – how the hell is she gonna put her name on this bullshit ass party, but not on Jill Zarin’s charity event? 

Jill Zarin aka Marie Antoinette and Bobby Vegas showed up!  She looked great, natch.  However, her smile turned upside down when she found out that A) Kell wasn’t there and B) she had to pay for a soda. 

Lu talks so much about being a former model, but the damn photographers had to tell her how to pose on the “red carpet”.  She’s so full of it.

Simex went to the party as Sarah Palin and “Moose”!  Guess they’re not Republican! 

Bethenny is a one woman show!  Her rant before she shook the spot was priceless.  Roller Girl doesn’t care LOL!  Not only did she skate off, but bitch turned around and was skatin’ backwards down the streets of Manhattan!  I might be laughing about this all morning!

Ooooooh, Ms. Playboy Bunny decides to show up after all!  She’s a bitch!  A low budget, raggedy, fake bitch!  Wait, did this broad just have the NERVE to say that she’s a mom so she didn’t want to be over the top even though she has on a black, satin leotard, fishnets and pink pumps?  Um, whatever Kelly!  WHAT?  She did not say that she was upset that the girls weren’t there when she got there?  Bitch get a clue!

I have five words to describe next week:  BETHENNY VS. KELLY PART TWO!

…Vine…in a minute

Bravo’s 2009 A-List Awards

Okay, Kathy and the Gays were hilarious in the opening number, but let’s cut the shit.  Did ya’ll see Greedy Gretchen and Slade in the audience together?  Hmmm.  Maybe there’s something to the rumors. 

Then during Neil Patrick Harris‘ win for A-List Actor, did you not LOVE that Bethenny had a better seat than Kelly AND NeNe had a better seat than Sheree??  YES!  I LOVE THIS SHIT!

Aight now back to the actual show.  Kathy looks fucking fantastic!  She FINALLY got the hair right.  Her body is ridiculous these days and even her gown was a hit! 

Miss Millionaire Matchmaker was there.  She looked like she got her bangs freshly trimmed for the show.  That boyfriend of hers must blow her shit out because he is not attractive…and damn sure ain’t worth dating for four years, at least on the outside and isn’t that what matters?  Come on, we’ve seen Patty’s open casting!  She sends people home for having thin hair!

I love Kelly Rowland, but I didn’t like that curly weave.  She let her souuuuul glow with that one!  Way too Eric LaSalle in Coming to America for her pretty face and my taste.

Um, who invited Sanjaya and his receding hairline?  They were tryna be funny!  And what about Padma and that Lil Wayne look alike with her?  I hope she’s not tryna out a Heidi Klum fetish.  Yuck, not a good look…or a good looking man for that matter.

Tim Gunn just presented an award for A-List designer to Marchesa, but they didn’t give a fuck enough to show up!  So Rachel Zoe accepted on their behalf.

I gotta say that Shanna Moakler’s intro to Greedy Gretchen for the Reality Award was funny as hell!  And I love that Greedy Gretchen openly agreed with Shanna’s shit talking about Tacky Tamra and Vicki’s old ass!  I’m sorry, but Slade has a thing for her.  He was staring at her like he use to stare at Jo.  Gretchen ain’t thinkin’ about his ass, even if they are together!

The A-List Reality Guilty Pleasure Award went to NeNe.  She has been eating WELL since the show wrapped!  DAYUM GIRL!  Is she pregnant?  Talk about pink elephant in the room.  Aight, that’s my girl so let me move on.  She and Sheree are clearly friends again.  Can’t say as much about her and Kim.  Bitch ain’t bust one smile when everyone was screamin’ for NeNe.  Jealousy is an even worse look for her than that bag wig!

A-List Male Style nominees are Daniel Craig, Justin Timberlake, David Beckham (THANK YOU JESUS) and Anderson Cooper!  The award goes to Justin Timberlake.  Well I know his ass ain’t show up at this shit!

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney came out to introduce Raphael Saddiq and even though Kourtney said his name wrong, they did aight.  While they’re doing their thing, two quick tidbits about Raphael.  We think he’s fucking his backup singer…the female in the white jacket.  However, has has fucked a man.  The guy lives in either Oakland or Emeryville.  Ummm, who are the three off beat broads that he pulled on stage?  Especially the one in the pink dress.  BOOOOO!

Paris and Tyson Beckford are up to present for Sexiest TV Moment.  The L Word elevator scene got the award, even though Paris pronounced it the “L WORLD”. 

Did anyone she the toothless dude in the audience?  Oh GAWD that was hard to watch.

Back to the lesbians.  Kathy decided to call up Aubrey O’Day, the former singer turned high class stripper who’s apparently to fat to even do that now, so they could make out in honor of Kathy coming out tonight!  I know a lot of people are wondering what Aubrey has been doing since Diddy kicked her ass out of Danity Kane and now we know……she’s been eating!

Padma Sashimi came out walkin’ like she was drunk to intro the people reading from celebrity autobiographies.  Tori Spelling won!  Her speech was funny, but she talked too damn long!

A-List Humanitarian went to Natasha Richardson.  Too sad to watch.

Here we go…Real Housewives Fashion Show is up next.  This is bout to be a hot ghetto mess!!  Oh Lord, Paris is the celebrity fashion critic for the night.  Who is she to judge when she has a wig on that looks like a wig?

So far all bad, especially Tacky Tamra.  Shit, to me Jeana in that red dress looked better than the skinny bitches.  LISA WU, YOU BETTA WORK BITCH!!  Lynne looked like she was going to the beach.  BOO!!!  Kelly supposedly was a model, but why did she look like an amateur on the catwalk?  NeNe might be big, but bitch ain’t lost a step.  She worked the shit outta that runway!  Gretchen looked cute.  But Bethenny looked GREAT!  This bitch had on BOOTY SHORTS!  I love her!

Sorry, got sidetracked/bored.  Had to take a Twitter break.

A-List Funny went to Chelsea Handler.  We love her! 

Whole lotta shit happened tonight.  I’m only one bitch…and this bitch is tired!  Oops, the repeat just came on.  Rachel Zoe has on a wedding ring, so she must still be married to that gay dude.

Aight, let me stop.  I haven’t even gotten to Kathy’s She’ll Cut A Bitch yet.  I’ll leave you with these 3 words…EASY CHRIS BROWN!!!

…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)

Real Housewives of NY: Episode 9 Recap

Kelly better not start any shit tonight.  I’m still mad about that Miley Cyrus/Jamie Foxx shit!

Jill Zarin and Bobby Vegas started off with a cocktail party at the store.  She invited all the housewives, including Mario and Simon.  Let me eat my words.  Jill Zarin has no attraction to that man, BUT  he damn sure wants a piece of Jill Zarin.  He’s now sunk to the level of insulting Simon’s tennis match attire to get camera time.  He’s an asshole.  Next!

If Bethenny could sit for an hour and deliver one liners, especially about Ramona, I’d be so damn happy!

Oh GAWD…that troll Kelly just walked in with her gay boyfriend in a Forever 21 dress lookin’ like an extra on The Grind…Alaska!  What does this bitch have on?  She has on a dress short enough to show her birth canal with boots AND a coat made of poodle hair!  Is it hot or is it cold?

Aight, two things I noticed.  One, when Brad started going all ape shit over Max Max and talked to Alex about it, did ya’ll peep how quick Simon turned around at a mention of a tall, hot ma?  Well…he did.  Two, Brad would not be going on and on like that about a good looking straight man.  Gay men don’t have time for shit like that.  Max Max is as gay as I’m tellin’ ya’ll…in my opinion, of course.  Even Jill Zarin said “I THINK he’s straight”.  THINK??

Did those two tacky ass fools just have a pillow fight in Jill Zarin’s store?  What the fuck is wront with them?  Did Kelly and Max not remember that Bobby Vegas has to sell the shit in the future?  Triflin’! 

Over to Ramona and the skin care line that she pulled outta her ass!  She’s checkin’ out labels for her products.  She coulda hired me and Hollywood to do THAT.  All they did was put a little color behind some Times New Roman letters.  She’s so bootleg.  And will she PLEASE suck in that fucking gut.  Bitch talking about how good her skin looks (in her mind) but won’t do crunch the first to get rid of that damn stomach. 

 

 

Meanwhile, Bethenny is in hell Connecticut doing an in-store appearance.  Bitch couldn’t give away  one of them sugar free cupcakes.  Poor baby.  

 

 

 

 

 

Lord help, ex-Countess Lu is discussing the book with her co-writer.  She’s so full of shit talking about she kisses on both cheeks cuz that’s what she’s use to.  I know Native Americans and they don’t kiss on both cheeks as a matter of habit.  She be makin’ shit up as she goes along.  What I wanna know is if she’ll put tips on how to properly handle your husband dumping you via email…or how to make out with a youngster in a hotel elevator with class!  Ya’ll think that will be a chapter?

 

Kelly’s in L.A. talking about her “jewelry line” with an ACTUAL jeweler.  Someone please stick a needle in her head and deflate her damn ego.  She acted like she created something.  The shit was already fucking done when she walked through the door. 

 

Um, Jill Zarin, babe, can you not be chasin’ your unruly ass dog through the store while customers are waiting.  They loved her, but fuck. 

 

Hold the phone, was Kelly just running in the middle of Manhattan traffic for no fucking reason?  Please tell me it was a commercial of some sort.

 

Jill Zarin is going to pick out a new custom made bag for her birthday (courtesy of Bobby Vegas, natch) and she invited Kelly the Troll to help her.  Traitor!  She brought her two daughters.  One of her kids is named Sea!  Really?  Sea?  Jill Zarin dropped 16 grand on a handbag.  Of course the Troll is gonna be nice to you.  The bitch is a climber.  She’ll do whatever she can to whoever she can if she thinks it will advance her social status.  You gotta see through that shit Jill!!

 

Ex-Countess Lu was choosing the cover for her book “Class with the Countess” and mentioned that her relationship with the Count has been like a dream.  So now, is it like a dream that she woke up from when she read the email about him and the African hottie?  Again, just askin’…

 

Jill Zarin’s apartment is being photographed for a magazine.  WHY does she look like June Cleaver?  What was up with the Stepford Wife look?  Hated it!!

 

So Jill asked the people from the magazine if they had a PP…a private plane.  I wonder if she asked Bethenny if A-Rod has a big PP or a little PP.  I bet he has a decent sized PP that he can’t work too well.  He’s a baller and bitches think he’s fine…he doesn’t have to know how to work it!  Sorry, I’m no longer talkin’ about a damn jet!

 

Over to Ramona’s scatter brained ass and Bethenny.  B is tryna help Ramona understand that the name of her skin care line has to match all the labels and shit.  Ramona is such a fucking idiot.  How do they have any money in the first place?  This is elementary shit.  Bethenny offering her good advice, but she’s too stubborn to listen.

 

Aight, Ramona just dropped the obligatory dig at Jill.  Glad Bethenny checked her ass.  But then Ramona insulted Bethenny saying how Jill only likes her cuz she’s the underdog and she’s struggling!  Huh?  That ain’t true, but let’s say it is.  WHY would you announce some shit like that in a room full of muthafuckas that don’t know Bethenny?  Damn this bitcdh is rude as fuck!

 

Later, Bethenny hit a photo shoot for the cover of her book “Naturally Thin”.  She looked great.  Can’t wait to see the real thing.

 

Bobby Vegas surprised Jill Zarin with a Mercedes SUV for her birthday!  He’s so good to her.  Jill is pissed that her iPhone won’t work in the car.  So Bobby Vegas said he’ll get her a new car!  Please excuse me while I pour myself a glass of wine.

 

Alex is on her way to meet Simon for her birthday surprise.  Jill Zarin just got a new Benz and he’s meeting Alex on a street corner with some ugly roses wrapped in plastic!  

 

They went into a jewelry designer’s suite to pick out some custom earrings.  They left and Simon started acting like a crack baby screaming about the surprise being ruined when the driver took a wrong exit.  Calm the fuck down.  Nobody’s gonna die because a birthday surprise was ruined!!  After Simon simmered down, they made it home to have a mini party with their bad ass kids.

 

Next week: Kelly’s hosting a Halloween Party and doesn’t even

show up.  Bitch!

 

Did ya’ll watch?  Thoughts?

 

…Vine…in a minute (www.twitter.com/hollywoodNvine)